I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

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Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy?

So if you had 5000 men in a room masturbating, it would be extremely gay.

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

What kind of plant generates the most energy?

A power plant.

What do you call someone who steals energy?

A Joule thief.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.

(Sorry!)

What happens when you drink 2 5-Hour Energies? Do you get double the energy for 5 hours or 10 hours of energy?

You get a heart attack

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

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I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

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I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

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There once was a boy named Energy.

His parents were physicists and were probably high on something while naming him but they decided to name him Energy. When he was a young child, they noticed something a bit peculiar about him, he refused to climb on-top of something that was above the ground. When they tried to pick him up off the ...

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

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What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

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A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

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[LONG]So, a pianist walks into his local jazz bar...

As he's been down on his luck and is looking for work. He asks one of the waitresses there to speak to the manager, who he approaches and asks,

"Are you the dumb fucker that runs this shit hole of a bar?"

The manager, taken very much aback, responds, "Excuse me? I am the manager, yes...

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

Go green and cut your energy bills in half!

install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it

Did you know that Germany has one of the highest renewable energy use ratings in the world?

They most certainly use less gas now.

Inspired by a church sign that read “Tell someone that they matter”

I pulled my daughter aside and said to her in my most sincere voice: “Unlike energy, you occupy space and possess rest mass.”

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How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write...

I've been trying to save energy recently.

So I threw out the treadmill and moved the beer fridge closer to my room.

You Matter.

Unless you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

What's a cow's main source of energy?

Cowleries

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

In the ancient village of Gennemill, there lived the Trids...

The Trids were a happy folk, mostly due to their vast riches. They weren't known for being warriors, or for being artists, or for their architecture, but simply because they had the most gold, an entire mountain of it infact. But one day the powerful dragon, Sorial, swooped down on Gennemill and ove...

My wife was at an energy drinks shop.

She phoned me and said, "Would you like a Monster?"

I said, "No, thanks. I've already married one."

What does an energy drink and tropical bird have in common?

It takes more than toucans to wake me up.

I asked Santa for a new energy policy...

...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(

Meth: All the energy of cocaine...

... with none of the teeth!

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

I watched a documentary on perpetual energy last night

It went on forever.

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....

You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...

I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.

Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

What type of energy supplement do terrorist take?

C4

This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.

Did you know you can raise your energy levels by holding sodium in one hand and a AA in the other?

Worst thing that will happen is you'll be charged with, A salt and battery.

How much energy does it take to create a rap star?

1.21 Jigga whats.

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

We need to start investing more in solar energy

But it's not just going to happen overnight

What is David Bowie's favourite energy drink?

Redbull Redbull

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During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

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