In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

What is James Hetfield's favourite energy drink ?

No idea, but it's probably Some Kind of Monster.

A knight Became quite lacking in energy after they shut down the Jousting Arena...

In fact he was quite listless.

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking ...

The benefits of F***ing

1.F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try F***ing in bed 'cause it can save you valuable energy....

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

What type of energy Hell runs on?

‘Sin’ergy

You Matter

. . . until you multiply yourself by c^(2). Then you energy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough st...

What did the wind turbine say when asked what they thought about sustainable energy?

I'M A HUGE FAN!

The Last Fight

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. They saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

With their dwindling energy, they let out another strained cry for battle, and l...

A guy phoned and asked if I was interested in switching to an alternative energy supply...

I said “ No, I think I’ll stick with food thanks!”

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

Jesus is sitting in heaven looking glum, when St Paul says

"You've been down lately, come join me for yoga this afternoon, it'll improve your energy levels and perk you right up, Lord"



Jesus looks up, his expression remaining grim



"I'll pass, I've had bad experiences with Pilates"

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

What's an angler's favorite source of energy?

Fishin'

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

Why don’t they use big fans to blow air on windmills for energy?

Engineers can’t agree on a wind-wind situation.

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

When people question you on your financial status

Hey look.. I don't check my bank balance coz I don't need that negative energy in my life

We were learning about energy in 3rd grade...

I raised my hand curiously and the teacher called on me and I asked “What energy do lights use?” She looked at me hesitantly, as if I asked about a forbidden knowledge, questioning what she should respond with and said “I would tell you but the answer is very shocking.” Frustrated with the answer, ...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

After a large drive towards renewable energy... America has declared they will now invade the Netherlands...

To steal their wind!

If mass and energy are the same thing,

how come the fatter you get, the lazier you become?

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

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Hosi pappa and sex

When Hosi pappa was 97, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah: "Mr. Hosi, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age, I think that's remarkable."

Hosi pappa: "I just take good care of myself and enjoy whatever I do, plus as a Parsi we live ve...

What do you get when you pour Red Bull onto a clock?

A waste of time and energy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After studying sexual energy, I decided to try semen retention.

After just one week, my wife had to empty the fridge.

I have a joke on Bitcoin

But it requires so much energy to get it.

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

All those people who believe in telekinetic energy...

Please raise my hand.

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

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3 men in a desert...

3 men had been crawling through the dry hot desert for 14 days and nights.
They were buggered, had enough.
One of them spotted a tree in the distance. Upon getting closer there was a house.
They jumped up and ran over.
It was the first civilisation they had seen for weeks.
And wh...

CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!

I love the stuff, I filled my entire yard with it. My only complaint is the weird smell. Has a real e-lawn musk to it.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.

The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.

Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the h...

"Son," I said, "would you fetch me an energy drink from the shops, please?"

"Monster?" he asked.



I said, "No, your mother doesn't want one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When God created man, all of the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The Brain said that since he controlled the body that he should be boss.

The Eyes said that without them man would be helpless, they should be boss.

The Legs said that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The Stomach said that since it digested the ...

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

a man walks into a bar very sad and out of energy

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender out of curiosity.


"I just found out my wife has been cheating on me. I can't take this anymore. I just want to end it all." says the man.


The bartender understands his pain and gives him advice. "You know something? If I found out my wife...

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 race horses are having a drink at their local pub

They each talk about their recent races and victories,

The first horse says - "Guys, I had something weird happen at my last race. I was in the final straight running 5th and losing ground, I didn't think there was any chance I could get up and win. Then all of the sudden *PING* this burst of...

My Friend asked me about my EpiPen

"Why is there an EpiPen mounted on your wall?" My friend asked while visiting

"This is a memory to my best friend. We were eating dinner at a restaurant when after taking a few bites he suddenly grabbed his throat. He kept gasping for air and when he started turning blue I knew these were his...

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

How can you tell when the pirate captain walks in the bar?

He has that big ship energy

My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.

Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

You expend a lot of energy running with cars

If you are in front of the car you are tired,if you are behind it you get exhausted

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

What do you call a scientist that steals energy?

A joule thief.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”



The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the...

Two old acquaintances run into each other and strike up a conversation.

One says, "You look great! I swear you're younger now than when we first met. What's your secret?"

The other says, "Well, thanks. I know it sounds crazy, but I've been eating a lot of Italian bread lately."

"Italian bread?"

"I know. But it just gives me lots of energy, and I'm a...

What did Richter Belmont say when he saw that a diet energy drink was accidentally left inside a watering hole?

Diet Monster! You don't belong in this well!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Tower

John, Mac and Randy decided to join a sex competition.

"All you have to do", Said the Commentator sitting at the top of a 10 story building, "is have sex with all the girls in each floor whoever gets to the biggest number, wins the prize . "

John, the skinniest of all, decides to go...

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

A weasel goes to the bar

One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”

The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”

“Pop!” goes the weasel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boss calls one of his male employees into the office

Boss: I want you to go into the bathroom and masturbate.
Employee: ...excuse me sir?
Boss: Do as I say. Now go.
5 minutes later, guy comes back a bit sweaty and relaxed.
Employee: Ok done sir.
Boss: very well. Now go and do it again.
Employee: what? Really?
Boss: Just go ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ryebread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him 'how do you have so much energy?'

The 87-year-...

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

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This man’s body parts having a meeting to decide how to survive the pandemic.

Brain has the chair.

He starts: Ok Everyone. Things looking bleak: a deadly virus is going around, the master is sitting home all day and not getting enough sun or exercise, he lost his job and started drinking – so The hard times are ahead. We need to get together and think how we can survi...

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A retired Marine walks into a bar...

with a noticeable limp from combat injuries. He hobbles up to the bar and asks for a whiskey. He sees a familiar face at the end of the bar and asks the bartender, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Marine buys Jesus a whiskey.

A frail, hunchback woman comes in the bar,...

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Today my classmate told me: "I have a problem with degenerate homos". I was outraged by his bigoted words..

..until I realised he was talking about our physics homework!

(Glossary: Degenerate - Having the same energy level. HOMO - Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital)

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

Go green and cut your energy bills in half!

install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t masturbate

It’s a waste of *fucking* energy

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How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

A man is lost in the desert, after walking for two days he finally sees some structure on the horizon.

He realizes this might be his last hope and channels his last remaining energy to get there.

Two hours later he finally gets to what seems to be some kind of well. Barely able to stand up he walks around it to find a bucket or something, but there doesn't seem to be anything of the sort and t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Joke I found in a vintage porno from the 1930's.

So this is a simple time where men are men and women are women.

Tommy is on a date with Stacy and takes a long detour 10 miles outside of town. He propositions her for sex, and if she doesn't put out she can walk home.

Stacy walks home.

A second date happens as Tommy proceeds to...

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

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