In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

A guy phoned and asked if I was interested in switching to an alternative energy supply...

I said “ No, I think I’ll stick with food thanks!”

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

What type of energy Hell runs on?

‘Sin’ergy

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

We were learning about energy in 3rd grade...

I raised my hand curiously and the teacher called on me and I asked “What energy do lights use?” She looked at me hesitantly, as if I asked about a forbidden knowledge, questioning what she should respond with and said “I would tell you but the answer is very shocking.” Frustrated with the answer, ...

Why isn’t energy made up of atoms?

It doesn’t matter.

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

All those people who believe in telekinetic energy...

Please raise my hand.

What does California need in order to have 100% renewable energy by 2045?

40 million generators

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”



The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the...

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Bec...

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Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.

Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

If mass and energy are the same thing,

how come the fatter you get, the lazier you become?

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Today my classmate told me: "I have a problem with degenerate homos". I was outraged by his bigoted words..

..until I realised he was talking about our physics homework!

(Glossary: Degenerate - Having the same energy level. HOMO - Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital)

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a phone call from a gorgeous ex

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in m...

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

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[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

## Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

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I don’t masturbate

It’s a waste of *fucking* energy

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A boss calls one of his male employees into the office

Boss: I want you to go into the bathroom and masturbate.
Employee: ...excuse me sir?
Boss: Do as I say. Now go.
5 minutes later, guy comes back a bit sweaty and relaxed.
Employee: Ok done sir.
Boss: very well. Now go and do it again.
Employee: what? Really?
Boss: Just go ...

I met a cricket who does meditation classes to realign chakra energy.

The studio is called Flowcust.

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Ryebread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him 'how do you have so much energy?'

The 87-year-...

"Son," I said, "would you fetch me an energy drink from the shops, please?"

"Monster?" he asked.



I said, "No, your mother doesn't want one."

CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!

I love the stuff, I filled my entire yard with it. My only complaint is the weird smell. Has a real e-lawn musk to it.

a man walks into a bar very sad and out of energy

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender out of curiosity.


"I just found out my wife has been cheating on me. I can't take this anymore. I just want to end it all." says the man.


The bartender understands his pain and gives him advice. "You know something? If I found out my wife...

What's the difference between solar energy and nuclear energy?

What's the difference between solar energy and nuclear energy?

The distance

You expend a lot of energy running with cars

If you are in front of the car you are tired,if you are behind it you get exhausted

Back in time

Stop me if you heard this joke:

Jimmy magically traveled back in time hundreds and hundreds of years.

He walked around the village feeling very superior to these uneducated and backward people. Saw them practicing with bows and arrows, riding horses, etc.

He walked up to the me...

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[NSFW] Joke I found in a vintage porno from the 1930's.

So this is a simple time where men are men and women are women.

Tommy is on a date with Stacy and takes a long detour 10 miles outside of town. He propositions her for sex, and if she doesn't put out she can walk home.

Stacy walks home.

A second date happens as Tommy proceeds to...

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

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Plane in a storm.

A plane gets caught up in a violent storm. Lightning bolts hit the plane several times, strong winds buffet it in all directions. All of the passengers are sure they are going to die. Some are screaming, many are throwing up, a few are praying.

Finally, an attractive, smartly-dressed business...

Karen calls the police due to a blackout in her neighborhood

Karen: Excuse me, there's a black out in my neighborhood!

Police: Call Centerpoint Energy.

Karen: You don't understand, he's still here!

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

They lifted there blades, in one last final assault...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

A weasel goes to the bar

One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”

The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”

“Pop!” goes the weasel.

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

A man is lost in the desert, after walking for two days he finally sees some structure on the horizon.

He realizes this might be his last hope and channels his last remaining energy to get there.

Two hours later he finally gets to what seems to be some kind of well. Barely able to stand up he walks around it to find a bucket or something, but there doesn't seem to be anything of the sort and t...

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?

Because it's in its ground state.

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Drinking coffee at 2am in night shift

Me: I was hoping to get some energy and alertness from you......

Coffee: Best I can do is poop.

What did Richter Belmont say when he saw that a diet energy drink was accidentally left inside a watering hole?

Diet Monster! You don't belong in this well!

A man meets a foreign girl, they flirt with each other, and end up sleeping with each other.

After the man came, he asked her 'you finish'?

She shook her head.

Dutifully the men got back to work, and after another round of lovemaking he asked her 'you finish?'

The girl shook her head again.

The man barely had any energy left, but continued the lovemaking none...

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

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A man walks into an eco-friendly sandwich shop.

He takes a few steps in and realizes that the place smells like shit. The man asks a lady sitting down what the smell is all about.

"This place uses cow manure to power the place. It smells bad, but it does help the ecosystem."

The man is confused, but since the place has good food r...

What do you call a scientist that steals energy?

A joule thief.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

I tried to make a belt of Joules...

It was a waste of energy.

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

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I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

From my Twitter feed today

I have a joke about a gym trainer, but I have to warm up before I tell it.

I have a joke about the IT department, but you have to put in a ticket before i can tell you.

I have a joke on aerospace engineering, but I don't think it will fly.

I have a joke on LinkedIn, but I'm not ...

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

A lady came into work today.

And she purchased an energy drink and a pie.

I said “so just the drink and the mince and cheese pie?”

She said “no, actually it’s a steak and cheese pie.”

And to that I said “oh sorry, my misSteak and cheese”

My mis STEAK... and cheese.

I’m telling everyone

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I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

A man woke up lost in the desert.

He didn’t know how he got there but he knew if he didn’t find water asap he will die, he was thirsty tired and close to a heat stroke as he walked the vast deserted land looking for water.

Miles and miles into his journey he spotted a person in the middle of the desert, thinking it might be ...

TV crew decides to visit a hundred years old man living alone in a cabin in the woods

When they go there they see he is chopping wood and carrying it all by himself. He is active and healthy and has a body of a forty year old man.

They ask him "What is your secret?" and the old man tells them a story:

"Seventy years ago, there was a huge blizzard that came out of nowher...

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

BLACK LIVES MATTER

Unless their mass times speed of light square


Then their energy

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

Credit to u/Draiu

John got a job at the local prison. On his first day, he saw a large, muscular man cranking a shaft inside of his cell. He turned to one of his fellow guards and asked, “Who’s that guy?”, referring to the man cranking the shaft.

“That’s Khan Drea. He’s in here for life, but the warden decided...

A dangerous pun...

Two Mexicans got lost in the desert.

Juan says to Miguel.

'look, Miguel, it is a bacon tree!'

'Don't be silly Juan it is a mirage, do not waste your energy!'

'miguel, I am so thirsty and hungry I must go and investigate,'

As Juan approaches two men jump out and sho...

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Finished!

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. ...

What's a cow's main source of energy?

Cowleries

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What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

I got my job at the secret government facility today.

The workplace is separated to three parts, part "C, X and V".


We were told the V section stored the most dangerous weapons on the planet, so we are not allowed to go near it.


I work at Section X, which is the robot studying section, a whole day of programming is hard, so I chat...

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A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

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How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TWO GLASSES OF WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, reme mber the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a...

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