"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

## Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

If mass and energy are the same thing,

how come the fatter you get, the lazier you become?

I met a cricket who does meditation classes to realign chakra energy.

The studio is called Flowcust.

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

"Son," I said, "would you fetch me an energy drink from the shops, please?"

"Monster?" he asked.



I said, "No, your mother doesn't want one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 life lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!

I love the stuff, I filled my entire yard with it. My only complaint is the weird smell. Has a real e-lawn musk to it.

What's the difference between solar energy and nuclear energy?

What's the difference between solar energy and nuclear energy?

The distance

What did the energy say?

Watt the heck!

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

A weasel goes to the bar

One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”

The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”

“Pop!” goes the weasel.

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

You expend a lot of energy running with cars

If you are in front of the car you are tired,if you are behind it you get exhausted

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

A lady came into work today.

And she purchased an energy drink and a pie.

I said “so just the drink and the mince and cheese pie?”

She said “no, actually it’s a steak and cheese pie.”

And to that I said “oh sorry, my misSteak and cheese”

My mis STEAK... and cheese.

I’m telling everyone

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

I got my job at the secret government facility today.

The workplace is separated to three parts, part "C, X and V".


We were told the V section stored the most dangerous weapons on the planet, so we are not allowed to go near it.


I work at Section X, which is the robot studying section, a whole day of programming is hard, so I chat...

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

A man woke up lost in the desert.

He didn’t know how he got there but he knew if he didn’t find water asap he will die, he was thirsty tired and close to a heat stroke as he walked the vast deserted land looking for water.

Miles and miles into his journey he spotted a person in the middle of the desert, thinking it might be ...

Credit to u/Draiu

John got a job at the local prison. On his first day, he saw a large, muscular man cranking a shaft inside of his cell. He turned to one of his fellow guards and asked, “Who’s that guy?”, referring to the man cranking the shaft.

“That’s Khan Drea. He’s in here for life, but the warden decided...

a man walks into a bar very sad and out of energy

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender out of curiosity.


"I just found out my wife has been cheating on me. I can't take this anymore. I just want to end it all." says the man.


The bartender understands his pain and gives him advice. "You know something? If I found out my wife...

Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?

Because it's in its ground state.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."





"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."





"I should be in charge,...

A dangerous pun...

Two Mexicans got lost in the desert.

Juan says to Miguel.

'look, Miguel, it is a bacon tree!'

'Don't be silly Juan it is a mirage, do not waste your energy!'

'miguel, I am so thirsty and hungry I must go and investigate,'

As Juan approaches two men jump out and sho...

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Old Guys

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench
one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short
of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked
him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 y...

Finished!

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. ...

TV crew decides to visit a hundred years old man living alone in a cabin in the woods

When they go there they see he is chopping wood and carrying it all by himself. He is active and healthy and has a body of a forty year old man.

They ask him "What is your secret?" and the old man tells them a story:

"Seventy years ago, there was a huge blizzard that came out of nowher...

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TWO GLASSES OF WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, reme mber the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a...

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

I'm like an iPhone

I lose energy without doing nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

I thought I'd make a science joke at the physicist's funeral.

But I came in with the wrong energy.

What do you call a scientist that steals energy?

A joule thief.

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace the retiring country doctor.

The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house, a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why no...

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

A redhead, brunette and blonde woman are walking aimlessly through an endless desert

The redhead said to the others, "I'm glad we all were smart and brought one item that will help us stay safe if we get lost in the desert. I brought a big canteen of water as mine. If I get thirsty, I'll have that to drink."

The brunette then chimes in and says, "great idea! For my one item, ...

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

You Matter.

Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared.

Then you Energy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

Three stages of tiredness

Drunk squirrel: when your so tired you slur words and just ramble on and can't walk straight

Squirrel on Cocain and Caffeine: when your brain knows you wanna stay up to it just gives you a burt of energy and power making the very ground you shake walk

Dead squirrel: when you cant take ...

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write...

You matter.

If Einstein is to be believed, then it also means you energy.

The two friends and Hooters

Two men, Kyle and Irish, grew up together, but after college Kyle moved to Maryland and Irish to Texas. They agreed to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they met, finished their round of golf and headed for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inspired by a church sign that read “Tell someone that they matter”

I pulled my daughter aside and said to her in my most sincere voice: “Unlike energy, you occupy space and possess rest mass.”

What's a cow's main source of energy?

Cowleries

Meth: All the energy of cocaine...

... with none of the teeth!

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

I've been trying to save energy recently.

So I threw out the treadmill and moved the beer fridge closer to my room.

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

Did you know that Germany has one of the highest renewable energy use ratings in the world?

They most certainly use less gas now.

What does an energy drink and tropical bird have in common?

It takes more than toucans to wake me up.

I watched a documentary on perpetual energy last night

It went on forever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

My wife was at an energy drinks shop.

She phoned me and said, "Would you like a Monster?"

I said, "No, thanks. I've already married one."

What's your stand on renewable energy?

I don't know about you, but I'm a Big Fan.

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