The 99+ Best Energy Jokes

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

I hear the new PM has a bold plan to solve Britain's energy woes

Gaslighting.

Due to the current energy crisis

The light on the end of the tunnel has been turned off

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

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Two older guys were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, *"Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."*

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the cashier asked if he needed any help. He said, *"Do you have any Rye...

Did you know nuclear energy is vegan?

100% plant produced.

I keep thinking I'm an energy producing organelle found in animals.

I'm a mitochondriac.

I'm releasing an invisible energy drink parody of Logan Paul's Prime. It's called Mime.

And just like Logan Paul's Prime, you have to pretend that you're drinking it and that it tastes good.

My local Chinese takeaway is really struggling with cost of energy bills

They don't want to turn all the lights off, but they do dim sum

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze.

The Energy Crisis is so real…

… People want a lump of coal in their stocking.

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

Why does a hamburger have more energy than a steak?

Because it’s in a ground state.

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Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a land called Tridonia, full of healthy, happy, prosperous Trids. Their wise king ruled for decades until a dark shadow fell across their valley, for a giant had entered their land and stood in front of the Sun. Weeks passed and the giant wouldn't move. The crops began to...

A Engineering Student commited su*cide by jumping off a building. He had a lot of potential...

But sadly that turned into Kinetic Energy.

What can you convert Christmas to?

Christenergy

My energy supplier proudly boasts that they use 100% renewables. They sent my renewal quote.

Can anybody tell me what day it was, when wind doubled in price?

What do wind turbines think of renewable energy?

They're big fans

My buddy recently said he has "big duck energy"

I told him he needed to lay off the quack...

A man crashes his car next to a monastery...

The monks help him to fix his car but it'll take at least a day, so he's offered to stay for the night in a good warm bed and with good warm food.

During the night, he can hear strange noises coming from the caves, loud enough to wake him up. He asks the nearby monks what those noises are, bu...

There was once a man who loved to play golf.

He played every day, rain or shine, and was obsessed with getting better. One day, he heard about a mystical golf course deep in the forest that was said to be enchanted. Legend had it that if you played a round there, you would magically improve your golf game by ten strokes.

The man was ske...

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

Why are Catholics so upbeat after religious services?

Because they convert Mass into energy.

A knight Became quite lacking in energy after they shut down the Jousting Arena...

In fact he was quite listless.

You matter.

Until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared.

Then you energy.

Did you hear about the people who stole 357 energy drinks?

I don't know how these people sleep at night.

Scientists are working on new solar energy panels.

They want a material that absorbs and releases the most radiating heat. The consensus is car seats.

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...

What is James Hetfield's favourite energy drink ?

No idea, but it's probably Some Kind of Monster.

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking ...

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

Every time I went to a Linkin Park concert, they always had a lot of energy.

But in the end, it doesn’t even **matter.**

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it…

I probably should’ve told her about the new electric fence…

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Six Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

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A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

What did the wind turbine say when asked what they thought about sustainable energy?

I'M A HUGE FAN!

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Your body parts are arguing about who should be in charge.

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

If mass and energy are the same thing,

how come the fatter you get, the lazier you become?

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

What do you call a scientist that steals energy?

A joule thief.

A guy phoned and asked if I was interested in switching to an alternative energy supply...

I said “ No, I think I’ll stick with food thanks!”

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

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Kids Banging on Bins

Everyday this old gentleman would be waken by some local kids banging on some trash bins in the alley outside his house and yelling.

One day the old gentleman went out and said "I really love your youthful energy and joy you bring here - I am so entertained by you all! here, let me pay you e...

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

Jokes Bus

A man boards a bus, to his surprise it is full of r/jokes users. He finds an empty space and settles in.

He quickly finds out a pattern to the ongoing conversations. One person stands up and shouts a number - Two hundred and sixty one!! Everyone starts laughing. Another person stands up as th...

We were learning about energy in 3rd grade...

I raised my hand curiously and the teacher called on me and I asked “What energy do lights use?” She looked at me hesitantly, as if I asked about a forbidden knowledge, questioning what she should respond with and said “I would tell you but the answer is very shocking.” Frustrated with the answer, ...

What's an angler's favorite source of energy?

Fishin'

a man walks into a bar very sad and out of energy

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender out of curiosity.

"I just found out my wife has been cheating on me. I can't take this anymore. I just want to end it all." says the man.

The bartender understands his pain and gives him advice. "You know something? If I found out my wife...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Why don’t they use big fans to blow air on windmills for energy?

Engineers can’t agree on a wind-wind situation.

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

My friend is a smoker and decided to read about the health risks of smoking.

He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks.

A few days later I meet up with him and find him overjoyed and full of energy, so I asked him what did he do to become so healthy.

He tells me while lighting a cigar: "I quit reading."

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

You expend a lot of energy running with cars

If you are in front of the car you are tired,if you are behind it you get exhausted

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

All those people who believe in telekinetic energy...

Please raise my hand.

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

Religious

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him...

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After studying sexual energy, I decided to try semen retention.

After just one week, my wife had to empty the fridge.

"Son," I said, "would you fetch me an energy drink from the shops, please?"

"Monster?" he asked.

I said, "No, your mother doesn't want one."

I met a cricket who does meditation classes to realign chakra energy.

The studio is called Flowcust.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

LED Zepplin

I had one of those lightbulb moments today and I just realized that LED Zeppelin was really ahead of their time. Way more energy efficient than those filament or halogen zeppelins.

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

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Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

What did Richter Belmont say when he saw that a diet energy drink was accidentally left inside a watering hole?

Diet Monster! You don't belong in this well!

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

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How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

A man is travelling through the desert...

when he runs out of water. He is worried since the next town is not for 10 miles, so he is beginning to worry. Just then, however, he sees a man on a camel in the distance. When he gets nearer to the man, he sees that he is carrying bags full of neckties.
r>"Please, sir, can you spare any wate...

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

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During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

Go green and cut your energy bills in half!

install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

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I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

Why was the fallen branch so confident?

Big Stick Energy

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach recalling old times. Jesus said, "Moses, do you remember the time you spoke to the burning bush?" Moses replied, "Of course! That was when God spoke to me and it turned my life around. That's where I learned my life's mission to free God's people from Pha...

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I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

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