Energy Jokes - 95 Hilarious Energy Jokes

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

Due to the current energy crisis

The light on the end of the tunnel has been turned off

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

The Energy Crisis is so real…

… People want a lump of coal in their stocking.

I hear the new PM has a bold plan to solve Britain's energy woes

Gaslighting.

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

When I am on my Unicycle I have lots of energy..

But on my bike I am two tired.

My local Chinese takeaway is really struggling with cost of energy bills

They don't want to turn all the lights off, but they do dim sum

What do wind turbines think of renewable energy?

They're big fans

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze.

My buddy recently said he has "big duck energy"

I told him he needed to lay off the quack...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

Did you know nuclear energy is vegan?

100% plant produced.

I propose, to save time and energy that each joke should be given a number..

So that we don't waste time rereading reposts. We can just post #2134 and get the karma.

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I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

I keep thinking I'm an energy producing organelle found in animals.

I'm a mitochondriac.

My energy supplier proudly boasts that they use 100% renewables. They sent my renewal quote.

Can anybody tell me what day it was, when wind doubled in price?

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Two older guys were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, *"Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."*

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the cashier asked if he needed any help. He said, *"Do you have any Rye...

Did you hear about the people who stole 357 energy drinks?

I don't know how these people sleep at night.

Scientists are working on new solar energy panels.

They want a material that absorbs and releases the most radiating heat. The consensus is car seats.

What do you call a scientist that steals energy?

A joule thief.

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

What is James Hetfield's favourite energy drink ?

No idea, but it's probably Some Kind of Monster.

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A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

If mass and energy are the same thing,

how come the fatter you get, the lazier you become?

yes I believe in the power of rocks, some rocks can emit energy and even influence the human body !!

uranium for example

We were learning about energy in 3rd grade...

I raised my hand curiously and the teacher called on me and I asked “What energy do lights use?” She looked at me hesitantly, as if I asked about a forbidden knowledge, questioning what she should respond with and said “I would tell you but the answer is very shocking.” Frustrated with the answer, ...

A knight Became quite lacking in energy after they shut down the Jousting Arena...

In fact he was quite listless.

You expend a lot of energy running with cars

If you are in front of the car you are tired,if you are behind it you get exhausted

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it…

I probably should’ve told her about the new electric fence…

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After studying sexual energy, I decided to try semen retention.

After just one week, my wife had to empty the fridge.

What did the wind turbine say when asked what they thought about sustainable energy?

I'M A HUGE FAN!

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking ...

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During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

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What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

What's an angler's favorite source of energy?

Fishin'

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

a man walks into a bar very sad and out of energy

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender out of curiosity.

"I just found out my wife has been cheating on me. I can't take this anymore. I just want to end it all." says the man.

The bartender understands his pain and gives him advice. "You know something? If I found out my wife...

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How much energy does Hitler run on?

6 million jews

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

Why don’t they use big fans to blow air on windmills for energy?

Engineers can’t agree on a wind-wind situation.

A guy phoned and asked if I was interested in switching to an alternative energy supply...

I said “ No, I think I’ll stick with food thanks!”

Meth: All the energy of cocaine...

... with none of the teeth!

How much energy does it take to make a bathroom smell good?

About 3 Juuls

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always says we should have sex with the lights off.

If she's so keen about saving energy, why does she moan about me "just lying there"?

What's your stand on renewable energy?

I don't know about you, but I'm a Big Fan.

"Son," I said, "would you fetch me an energy drink from the shops, please?"

"Monster?" he asked.

I said, "No, your mother doesn't want one."

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

After a large drive towards renewable energy... America has declared they will now invade the Netherlands...

To steal their wind!

Go green and cut your energy bills in half!

install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

I've been trying to save energy recently.

So I threw out the treadmill and moved the beer fridge closer to my room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

I asked Santa for a new energy policy...

...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(

We need to start investing more in solar energy

But it's not just going to happen overnight

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

What's Paul Walker's favorite energy drink???

N.O.S.

too bad he can't handle the crash...

My wife was at an energy drinks shop.

She phoned me and said, "Would you like a Monster?"

I said, "No, thanks. I've already married one."

What type of energy supplement do terrorist take?

What's a good source of Vietnamese renewable energy?

A Nguyen mill.

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

I watched a documentary on perpetual energy last night

It went on forever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most important body part..

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who is in charge.

Brain said "I should be incharge because I run all the body's systems. So without me, nothing would happen"

Blood said "I should be incharge because I circulate oxygen all over the body. Without me y...

No matter what they say, you matter.

Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.

My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.

Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....

You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...

I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

Did you know that Germany has one of the highest renewable energy use ratings in the world?

They most certainly use less gas now.

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