I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend?

an ionic bonding moment

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

What do edgy teenagers and energy companies have in common?

They both want more Jules.

What's the difference between the law of conservation of matter and the law of conservation of energy?

The law of conservation of energy matters less.

What is the gorillaz favorite source of renewable energy?

Windmills, windmills for the land

What kind of plant generates the most energy?

A power plant.

What do you call a TV show discussing renewable energy?

The solar panel

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy?

So if you had 5000 men in a room masturbating, it would be extremely gay.

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

What happens when you drink 2 5-Hour Energies? Do you get double the energy for 5 hours or 10 hours of energy?

You get a heart attack

What do you call someone who steals energy?

A Joule thief.

​

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don’t need to poop because my body absorbs all the energy from food.

But some people tell me I’m full of shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

Go green and cut your energy bills in half!

install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What are the best memes for giving you energy?

Amphetamemes.

...

Fuck you only God can judge me.

How much energy does it take to hit a vape?

1 juul

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

There once was a boy named Energy.

His parents were physicists and were probably high on something while naming him but they decided to name him Energy. When he was a young child, they noticed something a bit peculiar about him, he refused to climb on-top of something that was above the ground. When they tried to pick him up off the ...

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.

(Sorry!)

Did you know that Germany has one of the highest renewable energy use ratings in the world?

They most certainly use less gas now.

What does an iPhone drink for energy?

Apple juice.

You Matter.

Unless you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

What's a cow's main source of energy?

Cowleries

Conservation of Female Mass and Energy:

Conservation of Female Mass and Energy: for every male action, there is a greater and definite female overreaction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife stood before me with some items in front of her. Without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, then asked me if the jar was full. I agreed that it was.

She then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full. I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then poured a bag of sand into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How much energy did Hitler use during his reign?

6 million killajews

How is potential energy like a potential future?

When you fall down a cliff you're getting rid of both.

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write...

I watched a documentary on perpetual energy last night

It went on forever.

I've been trying to save energy recently.

So I threw out the treadmill and moved the beer fridge closer to my room.

My wife was at an energy drinks shop.

She phoned me and said, "Would you like a Monster?"

I said, "No, thanks. I've already married one."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(I heard this joke in my language and found it somewhat funny, so decided to translate and post it to see if it sounds funny in English too. Sorry for poor translation). A man goes to a doctor and complains about "not being very good in bed".

So doctor gives him a medicine saying that he will see the difference if he uses it regularly.And it really works. But later, he overuses the medicine so he wants having more sex. Now, sleeping with 10, 15, even 20 girls in a day is not enough for him. He starts to fuck everyone he comes across in ...

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

What does an energy drink and tropical bird have in common?

It takes more than toucans to wake me up.

I asked Santa for a new energy policy...

...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....

You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...

I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

Meth: All the energy of cocaine...

... with none of the teeth!

What type of energy supplement do terrorist take?

C4

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

Two Ford Fusions collided head-on on the highway.

The good news is that the reaction released enough energy to light up New York City for 3 hours.

This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.

Did you know you can raise your energy levels by holding sodium in one hand and a AA in the other?

Worst thing that will happen is you'll be charged with, A salt and battery.

An explorer in the African jungle heard about a plan to capture the legendary King Kong.

And sure enough when he came to a clearing there before him, imprisoned in a cage, sat the imposing figure of King Kong.


It occurred to the explorer that he could be the first person ever to touch the great ape and so tentatively he inched towards the cage. Since King Kong appeared quite ...

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

How much energy does it take to create a rap star?

1.21 Jigga whats.

What is David Bowie's favourite energy drink?

Redbull Redbull

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lawyer just bought a new Porsche...

He decides to park it in front of his offices to show it off. As he is exiting the vehicle a truck comes along and sheers of the drivers side door.

The lawyer begins screaming at the truck driver. "You stupid shit! You've ruined my brand new car! Where did you get your license? How did yo...

We need to start investing more in solar energy

But it's not just going to happen overnight

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman in the park saw a man crying on the bench.

The woman came up to him and the convo went like this.

"What's wrong? Why're you crying?" The woman asked,

"It's my 22-year-old wife, every day when I wake up she makes love to me in bed, then she gives me breakfast. And after this, I go to work. She takes care of the kids and does eve...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

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