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Pesticide Jokes

My friend once asked, “if killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide what is it called when you kill your spouse?”

I responded, “pesticide”

Another pesticide got banned

Apparently it was making the corn go deaf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in the pharmacy slowly read each box of condoms. the pharmacist asked Sir may I help you find something ? The man said yes I'm looking for condoms with pesticide. The pharmacist said don't you mean spermicide? The man said no sir with pesticide ! the pharmacist asked Why ? The man replied

My wife has a bug up her ass. And tonight I'm going in after it!

I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies.

Stupid idiot shat in my hand.

Left a review for my pest control company:

Con's: The pesticide they used made me go blind

Pro's: Haven't seen a bug all year

What do you call it when you kill a bug?

A pesticide

Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

Why do bees like to get drunk?

So they can get their buzz on? Pesticides have decimated their family and there is nothing left but alcoholism

A man goes to a French market

He wanders around the market, looking for ingredients to make a fish stew. He buys some carrots, onions, and even a few exotic spices. But he still needs to find some fresh fish. He heads over to the deli where he sees an amazing arrangement of meats, cheeses, and of course, seafood. He asks the man...

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