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Bump Into Jokes

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.

They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walk...

Two atoms bump into each other.

2 atoms bump into each other. One says, "I think I lost an electron" The other asks,"Are you sure?"
To which the first replies, "I am positive"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two snakes bump into each other after a long time

After intial pleasantries one snake confesses that he is struggling with his failing eyesight.

The other snake suggests an eye doctor who he is sure can help the other snake improve his eye sight. They exchange addresses and part ways.

After few weeks they bump into one another again.<...

3 men bump into each other after 30 years apart....

They begin catching up on what each one has been up to over the past 30 years.

First guy - I got married and moved to LA where I ran my own restaurant. One morning, I showed up for work only to find my restaurant engulfed in flames. The whole thing burned to the ground. Insurance paid me a f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two strangers bump into each other

The one guy says to the other guy: "Oh sorry dude, I'm in a hurry since I lost my girlfriend in this huge supermarket."

"That's no problem man," says the other guy. "But I can't find my girlfriend neither!"

"Oh really? How does she look like?" asks the one guy.

The other guy say...

Two psychics bump into each other walking down the street...

One says to the other “You’re doing alright, how am I?”

Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton bump into each other at a party.

A dollar falls out of Monica's pocket. Hillary picks it up and says, "that's the second Bill we've shared."

A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other. The sole says, "A flounder!"

The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.

If you ever bump into a fridge there is no need to be sorry

The fridge is cool with it

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

Two vegans bump into eachother at a BBQ

"We must stop meating like this."

A tectonic plate bump into another one and said....

My fault.

You know that horrible feeling that you're about to bump into your ex?

I hate digging in the garden

An old man and a young man bump into each other at the grocery store

They each say excuse me and the young man says "I'm sorry I bumped into you, it's just that I'm looking for my wife. I lost her somewhere in another asile."

The old man says I am also looking for my wife. Let's help each other. Tell me what does your wife look like?

The young man repli...

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"

"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."

The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

Two older businessmen bump into each other in Florida

Two older businessmen bump into each other in florida. "Marvin what are you doing here? I thought you were running that clothing store in queens." One says to the other. "Well, I did have that store for almost 25 years, but then one day a fire burnt the store completely. I thought to myself: do I re...

Two crossed eyed guys bump into each other in the street...

One says, "why don't you look where you're goin" and the other says "why don't you go where you're lookin!"

Trump and his son DT Jr. bump into each other in the hallway.

"Pardon me dad"

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