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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

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An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.

"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew.
"But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew.
"That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the...

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America?

If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

A soldier looks at the sky and suddenly yells: "we gotta act fast, it's about to neutralize our base!". His commanding officer says: "What the hell are you talking about, we ain't even at war!?"

The soldier replies: "Acid rain".

Me: Doc, I am suddenly afraid of random letters

Doc: You Are?

Me: *screams*

Doc: Oh I See...

Me: *screaming intesifies*

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Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating

A couple was walking down their street in Christmas Eve, enjoying the lights, when suddenly...

...they feel a little precipitation. The man says, "I think it's raining, we should go back home."

The woman says, "No, I think it's snowing."

The couple argues about this for a few minutes. The woman looks around and sees a communist officer wandering around that street. "Let's ask th...

A squirrel was sitting on the branch of a tree when suddenly it began shaking violently.

Looking down he saw an elephant climbing up the tree.

"What the hell are you doing," cried the squirrel.

"I want to eat some cherries."

"But this is an oak tree. There aren't any cherries here."

"It's okay," said the elephant. "I brought my own."

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I was having sex with my girlfriend while watching tv, she suddenly says "wrong hole!!" I tell her, no im pretty sure its a winning hole

we were watching golf

An Airbus is flying 30,000 feet in the air at 200,000 mph. Suddenly a eurofighter jet pulls up and slows down beside it and radioes it.

“Boring flight, huh, Airbus? Watch this!” The fighter proceeds to flip upside down and speed up, breaking the sound barrier before corkscrewing to skim the ocean, and coming up back beside the Airbus. “What’d you think?”

The Airbus pilot replies, “Not bad, but look at this.” The Airbus proce...

So I was getting head from my wife while I was playing Assassin's Creed, when she suddenly stopped... Me: Why'd you stop??

Her: Ubisoft.

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day.

He loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss but has a heavy German accent asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick......

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A man is driving through the desert when suddenly his car breaks down

He has no idea how to fix it and is in the middle of nowhere. Under the scorching heat of the sun, hours pass by and his hopes start fading away.

All of a sudden, a grey horse appears from nowhere.

\- What's up, pal? says the horse. Can I help you?

The man is baffled. Where is ...

The yoga teacher stretches her legs to the ceiling and suddenly farts

A student asks: "what position is that supposed to be?"
The teacher answers: "scented candle"

What do you do when you suddenly walk into a tiger and a jaguar?

You get in the jaguar and drive off.

After a decades long career, the parking guy suddenly disappears. A worried customer goes to inquire.

"What happened to the guy at the entrance who collected all the parking fees and even told us where free spots are? Did he retire?"
The employee is somewhat confused.
"Sir, parking has been free ever since we opened."

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Whenever you’re sitting on the toilet all alone in silence, do you ever think something is crawling up the pipes into the toilet bowl and then is going to suddenly slither up into your butthole?

Well, you will now. You’re welcome!

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

Grandma, why does so many people in our family die suddenly?

Grandma, grandma?!!

I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"

I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!"

Everyone laughed...

Well, everyone except this one guy.

A man was walking home one night, when he suddenly heard a loud banging noise.

It was extremely scary, as it was night and almost everyone was asleep. As he turned around, he saw an upright casket, making its way towards, with a loud bash with every jump.
Alarmed, the man began to run, faster and faster, but so did the casket as it bounced its way towards him.
The man f...

Three blondes are walking around. They suddenly stumble apron some tracks. The first blonde says "those are deer tracks" the send blonde says "those are wolf tracks!" The third blonde says" no, those are bear tracks!"

And then the train hit them

A band's drummer suddenly dies

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.


It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked: "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"

Husband: "No sweetie."

Wife:"I'm sure you would."

Husband: "Okay, I would"

Wife: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

Husband: "Ya, I guess so."

Wife: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

Husband: "No, she's left handed."

A bass player is playing Jazz in the street for fun when suddenly one of his strings breaks.

The Bassist is a little saddened by this, since he can't really play Jazz with only 3 strings. He contemplates whether he should go buy a replacement string, but after some time he decides it could wait and starts playing Rock instead.

He plays Rock for another hour when suddenly another stri...

I was out for a drive when the car suddenly started shuddering and the front wheel fell off.

I stopped and got out trying to figure out what the heck happened.
As I cross the front of the car I can see the tire is in the ditch by a fence that says, St Clements institute for the insane. I can plainly see that the lug nuts have all come off allowing the tire to falloff the car.
I quickl...

Why was the Jewish kid who transferred to the catholic school suddenly so good at math?

He saw the guy stapled to the plus sign and knew they meant business

The big bad wolf had converted to Buddhism. There was peace in the forest. Suddenly. SCREAMS.

A bystander asked the running animals, "What's happened now?"

"The big bad wolf," a goat said, "is meditating."

"So?" said the bystander, "Isn't that a good thing...?"

"Noooo!" the goat bleated.

"It's become aware wolf!"

I was criticizing my friend for eating poison when he started to object and then suddenly vomited...

...I said I'm glad you brought that up.

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A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes Benz to 100 mph. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sees a cop behind him, signaling to pull over. He floored it to 140 , then 150, then 155, and 160…Suddenly he thought, "Shit man, I'm too old for this nonsense!"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. And guess what, today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family to the beach. If you can give me a ...

My local Botox clinic closed suddenly today

None of their customers looked surprised.

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

I was peacefully making an unboxing video when suddenly everybody around started thrashing me.

Guess nobody knows the trend around here at the funeral.

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend...

“My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

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A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire

A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire.

He stops and starts changing the tire when a huge storm starts.

With all the rain the screws got washed away trough the sewers.

He's pissed and soaked lost in the middle of nowhere at nig...

I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!

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Three school teachers go to the nude beach: the math teacher, the history teacher, and the logics teacher. Suddenly, the female principal goes by them. So the math and history teacher put their newspapers on their private parts, while the logics teacher puts it on his face.

After the principal leaves, the first two ask the logics teacher: Why did you put your newspaper on your face? She clearly saw your junk!

That's the thing! I'm mostly recognised by my face!

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I was walking home from school when 2 thugs came and started beating the shit out of me. Suddenly, my brother shows up to help out.

Now I can't fight all three of them.

A plane's engine suddenly catches on fire

As the plane starts to descend rapidly, a woman gets out of her seat, rips off her clothes and yells

"I want to feel like a woman for one last time!"

A man gets up, takes off his shirt and shouts

"Wash mine, too!"

A man walks into the house tired from a long day of work, and is suddenly confronted by his wife, who is complaining about the blisters left on her hands from the broom.

The man looks at her and says "couldn't you have just taken the car?"

I was using a ladder to bring down the christmas lights from my roof when suddenly I fell and got knocked unconscious. I awoke to paramedics surrounding me asking “Sir, did you fall from the roof or the ladder ?”

I said, “Probably the latter”.

A new bakery is just opened when suddenly a man runs in,

screaming from the top of his lungs:

"I f\*cked your mom!"

The man runs out as fast as he came in leaving a visibly annoyed baker. The rest of the day works out fine but come the next day, right about the same time as the day before, the same man runs in. Again, from the top of his lun...

A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

I was out on the boat with my dad the other day when I suddenly wondered something.

I said, "so, when a man falls in the water, you yell 'man overboard!' but what if they are a woman?"

My dad goes, "in that case you yell 'full speed ahead!'"

A blonde is in bed with her lover when suddenly the phone rings.

She answers and has a short conversation with the caller. When the call ends, she turns to her lover and says: “That was Frank. He told me not to worry and not to stay up and wait for him tonight cause he’s playing cards with you.”

An Elf Ranger was touring the remote mountain village in which he lived, when suddenly a man ran out of the house and came up to him.

"Ranger!" the man demanded. "My wife recently gave birth to an Elf! And you are the only Elf anywhere around here, everyone else is human! Explain yourself!"

"Now, don't judge too harshly," The Ranger answered and pointed towards the boars in the man's front yard. "You see, boars are normally...

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

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During sex I suddenly stopped moving? My wife said what are you doing....

I said. “Hush bitch, I saw this on pornhub. It’s called buffering”

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

I was taking a dump and suddenly got stuck in the toilet and couldn't get out.

That was the worst experience I ever had at a Home Depot.

A bunch of soldiers were suddenly under fire by ISIS troops

Officer: Men! FIRE AT WILL!

Will: What did I do?

At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears

and tells the head of the philosophy department, “I will grant you
whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty, or
10 million dollars.”

Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.

There is a flash of lightning, and the professor appears
transformed, but he just sits...

A man is visiting a prison. Suddenly, on his right, a man yells "20!" And everyone dies of laughter.

After the laughter dies down, a different man yells "5!", getting the same reaction.

When the visitor asks an inmate, "What's going on?", the visitor replies "Well, we've all been here so long, we numbered our jokes. So when we say a specific number, everyone remembers the same joke."

...

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An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication

with a small twin engine aircraft.A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cell phone.

He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his...

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A guy is walking when he suddenly falls and injures his hand.

On his way to the hospital, he sees this huge ad on a new machine, the ad claimed that the machine is able to diagnose any disease and write treatment plans for it only by taking urine sample.

The man walks to the machine puts a penny in it and then gives the sample.

After a few beeps,...

Two men are walking when one suddenly stumbles.

Man 2: That was a nasty fall, are you alright?

Man 1: Oh no, I'm just looking for something I lost.

Man 2: What did you lose?

Man 1: My balance.

I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he suddenly shouted, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us...

“What did you just call it?” I asked.

“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

A man walking in a desert was about to starve to death, when he suddenly...

Died of thirst.

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A man and a woman are standing in an elevator. The woman suddenly asks “Is having a penis nice?”

The man laughed and said “Eh, it has its ups and downs.”

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

“Oh, that’s just Beethoven decomposing”.

Not sure why but I suddenly came over sleepy the other day

Turns out dwarves don't like that kind of thing.

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So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

What did farmer say when his entire crop died suddenly.

What a surprising turnip event.

*This is my first attempt at writing a joke, and my wife thinks it's awful.

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An old man suddenly had a heart attack

He lays on the floor while bystanders gather around, some calling 911 for an ambulance.

One person shouts "Is anybody here a doctor or knows first aid?"

No one responded, only glancing at the ones around them hoping for a miracle.

Then a young man comes along, walks up to the ol...

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My wife went out today, so I had my hands full watching our daughter. She's kind of a whirling dervish, running around, bouncing off the walls, when suddenly, she stopped to play with my computer, broke the R button and tried to eat it...

She craves anarchy...

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A mother and her 5 year old daughter were driving down a highway one day when suddenly a giant dildo hits their windshield...

Daughter - Mommy, what was that?

Mom - (obviously didn’t want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don’t worry about it.

*a few seconds of silence*

Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.

How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon?

A slip of the hand.

It suddenly occurred to me....

...I've never had an epiphany.

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A wife was preparing a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband when he suddenly burst into the kitchen. “Careful!” he said.

“Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh, my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once! “Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! Now! We need more butter! Oh, my gosh! They’re going to stick! “Slow things down a bit! Careful! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! “Right...

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I was watching porn on the computer, when my grandpa suddenly walked in.

Weird way to finally find out what he did for a living.

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Girl and her dad are driving around, when an aisle of women leaving a fashion show suddenly walk onto the road, nearly being hit by them.

Girl says: "That was pretty fucking clothes."

Sitting having wine with my girlfriend when she suddenly says ‘ I Love you’

I said is that you talking or the wine..
she said that’s me talking... to the wine

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers...

A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and struck the door, ripping it completely off the hinges.

When police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.


"Officer, look what they've done to my car!" he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's incredible!" retorted the officer, "You're so concerned about your stupid...

So a man is chillin' in his sofa one afternoon when suddenly his wife bursts into the room...

She starts yelling:

*"I'm so tired of seeing you there all the freacking day! Go move your ass! Look! I'm cooking a French recipe and I need some snails! Take this cash and get me some!"*

The man tries to elaborate an excuse but the yelling-storm is too strong and blocks th...

The magician was driving home, when suddenly...

...he turned into a driveway.

Han Solo is chilling in his room when suddenly the light goes out.

He tries to fix the bulb, but after an hour of laborious effort, he gives up.

He heads over to Yoda's place to see if he can help. As Yoda opens the door, he spots a huge machine with flashing lights, beeping in the middle of the room.

"What's this?" he asks Yoda.

"A cloning m...

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A man is walking along a beach, suddenly he hears a booming voice from the heavens.

"DIG!" says the voice. The man looks around, a little confused. "DIG!" Booms the voice again. The man thinks what the fuck and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts "OPEN!" He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a litt...

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

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Three men find themselves in front of Saint Peter after suddenly dying.

Confused, Peter says, "What happened? You're all here *way* before your time!"

The first man says, "I was driving to work when I got this feeling that my wife was cheating on me, so I turned around and rushed back to my apartment. I ran into my bedroom to find my wife lying naked under the co...

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?"



The doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Bob is walking down the street when he suddenly finds himself face-to-face with a genie.

The genie tells him, “I am all-knowing and all-seeing. I will answer any three of your questions, but they will cost you $1000 each.”

“$1000 per question?!” Bob exclaims.

“Yes,” the genie responds.

“Isn’t that a lot of money for something like this?”

“Yes,” the genie says...

Two brick masons are laying a wall when suddenly one of the bricks start to talk..

When the masons start to talk to the brick he seems just like a regular guy telling the masons about his ambitions to go and get a education, so that he's not forgotten like the rest of his brethren. Then he asks the masons to go with him and get an education too so that they won't have to do this...

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

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A little boy and little girl are in the play ground playing when suddenly

The little girl stops lifts her dress and says “you see that?”

The little boy responds “yes”

She says “that’s a vagina. What do you have?”

The little boy stands up and opens his pants and says “ I am not sure, just this dangling thing”

“ Well, what’s called?” She asks. <...

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During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move.

She was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Hush, I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering:"

Edit: Wow, thank you people of reddit (- who still enjoy jokes without telling "omg, it's old."); (Jk, i love you all.)
You are all beautiful.

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump...

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig

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The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, André, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention

So, one day he asks André about his secret. André replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a we...

Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says,

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation f...

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.

Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".

A woman in labor suddenly started shouting,

“Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t! Shouldn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doctor, “those are just contractions.”

A man suddenly started feeling horrible and was sent to the hospital.

The next day, the doctor had a talk with the man's wife.

He said, "Your husband has been suffering from serious stress. If immediate action is not taken, he could die in a very short time."

The woman said, "What type of immediate action?"

The doctor said, "You must provide a str...

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"

"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"





**Bang**



"Okay, what do I do now?"

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly abrand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, ayoung man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly howmany sheep you h...

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

The dog, who sees the animal's bones next to it, turns to them, licks his lips and says, "What a delicious tiger that was!"

The tiger hears the dog, panics, turns and runs away.

All the while ...

A couple of guys are chilling when suddenly one of them looks at the clock and freaks out, "I gotta go back and do the dishes or my wife will beat me". The group reply with "damn, Mike, you let your wife beat you?". Mike replied:

"of course not! I always do the dishes!"

A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

The woman stops and let's the man in.

The hitchhiker says, "Wow! I'm really surprised you stopped for me! I could be a serial killer for all you know."

The woman giggles and says, "Nah, I figured you were probably an alright guy. After all, what are the chances of two serial killers en...

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My pc suddenly died while on a trip to japan

it appeared to have committed cpuku

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

Sometimes there are people that come into your life suddenly, make your heart race, and change you forever....

and we call these people, 'the police'.

A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started stro...

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A man is strolling through the woods.. Suddenly,

He hears a voice in the distance. He decides to walk towards the voice, it could be someone in danger after all! What could it be? He starts walking a little faster. Weird, he thinks, it seems as if another person joined. Yeah its actually two voices right now, and he hears what they are saying: WE ...

Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to Don’t Stop Believing.

It was an unexpected Journey.

Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a condom. Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said

"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."

A man is right in the middle of furiously making love to his wife when suddenly...

A man is right in the middle of furiously making love to his wife when suddenly their 5-year old son walks in. “Mommy, daddy - can we...” He stares for a moment, wide-eyed, then runs from the room in tears. “Oh boy,” says the dad, “I’d better go find Timmy and have a talk with him.” He goes to Timm...

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