UPJOKE
ohioillinoismichiganindianapoliskentuckymarylandmassachusettsalabamamissouritennesseeminnesotanebraskawisconsinusaoregon

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When Indiana Jones was a kid he had a collection of model trucks.

He loved those trucks and he and the neighbour's kid would spend hours playing with them on a special table that was used only for Indy's trucks. They would set up elaborate dioramas on the 'truck table', adding to the displays whenever Indy came into possession of a new truck.

Fast forward a...

What do you call a guy from Indiana who just became a father?

A Hoosier Daddy.

Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend?

Bad dates.

Why didn't Indiana Jones have a Nokia phone?

Because he was too afraid of the Snake game.

Thanksgiving in Indiana.

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.

But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.

Only kidding. It was the cat!...

Who do you call when there's a crime happening in Indiana?

The Indanapolis

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Why does Indiana Jones hate drag queens?

They're booby traps

My son is playing with the newly assembled LEGO truck after playing "Lego Indiana Jones" for a bit.

In the course of playing, he says "I'm driving to Indiana Jonestown!"

To which I replied "Well once you get there, don't drink the Kool-Aid, Junior"

Why aren’t there any hobos from Indiana?

Because beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

Mike Pence has postponed a scheduled campaign stop in Indiana

In other words he changed his schedule on the fly.

What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band?

The Rolling Stones

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

What is Fozzie Bear’s favorite place to visit in Indiana (USA)?

Misha-waka waka

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

Why does no major gaming company make an Indiana Jones game?

Because no one would pay 60$ for an Indie game.

Indiana Legislature Passes Bill Banning Panhandling; Anyone Caught Will Be Deported Out Of The State

When asked for comment, the bill's sponsor said, "beggars can't be Hoosiers."

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft, and Nathan Drake walk into an ancient temple that has been lost for centuries.

They blow it up.

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A man owned a small farm in Indiana

.

The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

' Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's bee...

Why is Indiana Jones sad?

Because his career is in ruins.

What did one Indiana resident say to the other Indiana resident at the BDSM convention?

Hoosier daddy

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

That priest from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was actually a really inspirational guy.

He touched so many hearts.

Why can't Indiana Jones find a long lasting relationship?

Bad dates.

I met a Texas Aggie the other day that had ridden a stick horse all the way up to Indiana.

"That must've been a long journey, " I said to him.

"You're telling me," he answered, "it feels like I walked all the way."

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons...

If they acquire my parent’s divorce, they will own my entire childhood...

I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...

I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.

Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage.

You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

Why was Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman nicknamed "Dr. Jones?"

Because he was also Indiana

What does a dominatrix and Indiana Jones have in common?

They both ride on top of subs.

Does Indiana Jones like foreplay?

No, he just whips it out.

A man DIES

He died tragically and unexpectedly in a botched robbery. Devastated, his wife Cindy mourned four several months, leaving the house only to pick up groceries that her doting mother leaves on her doorstep.

The only comfort to her grief was his cat, who is similarly distraught. After several mo...

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic abuse or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

Abortion humor everybody: Texas (and Indiana) tried to pass law that said miscarriages/abortions had to have burials. Listen to what that plan sounds like:

Flush.

What's the difference between Indiana and Reddit?

In Reddit, you get served no matter who you are.

What's the best part about living in Indiana?

All the corny jokes.

The state of Indiana has just announced that it will begin forcibly ejecting the poor from its borders.

An official was quoted as saying, "We cannot accept their kind. Beggars can't be [Hoosiers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoosier)."

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I was having sex with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate Jones entered the room

"I'm indiana jones! Get out!"

What do you call a skeleton in a fedora?

Indiana Bones.

Topical Jokes for 10/9

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In Indiana, a pizza delivery man received a $1,200 tip from college students. College officials applauded the act of charity, until they realized the “pizza” was just a box with $1,200 dollars worth of weed in it.

T...

Royal wedding

Where did Prince Charles spend his honeymoon? Indiana!

(Aye, it's an old one, but the search facility makes me think it's never been made reddit previous, so I post it for the education & betterment of the younguns.)

Where did Prince Charles go on his honeymoon?

indiana

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Not mine but still funny

A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana State line.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't w...

What do they call bananas from India?

Indianas. :)

When my wife left me I was in a terrible state.

Indiana.

Nervous about flying

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it
didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering.

I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll tak...

David's life was at a low point.

Seeing no way out, he walked out on a bridge, intending to end it all by leaping off. A woman, driving by in her car, sees David hesitating unsteadily on the wrong side of the railing and realizes what's going on. She stops her car and dashes over, hoping to talk him out of suicide.

"Wait!" s...

American, Indian and Russian go to hell...

An American, an Indian and a Russian got to hell after they died and were met by the Devil with a huge whip (twice as big as Indiana Jones had). So Devil met them and said...

-"I give everyone one chance to go to heaven, all you have to do is withstand three lashes from my whip, also you can ...

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Bad E-mail Addresses

Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when...

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