Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

An Alabama man kills his wife, sister, mother, niece, daughter, and aunt.

How many people die?

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

Alabama, the land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl on Alabama?

You don’t turn your back on the family

How do you give a person from Alabama a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

A new dating website has been taking Alabama by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

The toothbrush had to have been invented in Alabama.

Because if it were invented anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush.

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn...

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

What do you cal an orgy in Alabama?

A family reunion

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?

Inbread.

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

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Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

What did the Alabama Alligator say to the teacher when asked why people were so mean?

Momma says Alabamans are ornery because they have all them toothbrushes and no teeth

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records

People of Alabama do not have ancestors...

They have incest-ors

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This Is A Horrible Lie. I Am Embarrassed And Do Not Intend To Accept This. Now, I Want The Party Who Said This To Stand And Ask Forgiveness From God ."
No One Moved.

The Preacher Continued, “Do You Have The Nerve To Face Me And Admit This Is A Falsehood? Remember, You Will Be Forgiven And ...

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

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If Alabama was a porn movie...

It would be rated PG - Parental Guidance suggested.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

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A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?

He/Haw

What does an archeologist do in alabama?

Relative dating

Why are family trees not used in alabama

Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.

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What is a family photo album called in Alabama?

Tinder

Why does Alabama love the month of October?

Because the get to pumpkin

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

What do farmers do in Alabama?

Pump kin

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ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING JOKES ABOUT ALABAMA!

They're 50th in education, they can't even read that shit.

What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?

Family size

How do people from Alabama refer to their ancenstors?

Incestors.

What do they call it in Alabama when you wake up and eat out your sister?

Breakfast inbred.

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Why are people from Alabama such generous lovers?

Because family always cums first

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

Say what you will about "Sweet Home Alabama"

At least it's family friendly

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

Why cant people from alabama have any viable offspring?

They're all relatively screwed.

[nsfw] Three guys were hiking and took a short-cut across a farmer's field, where the found a pig stuck halfway through a fence.

"I wish that was my Nancy, my girl friend" said the guy from Florida.
" I wish that was my cousin Mary-Lou" said the guy from Georgia
"I wish it was dark out" said the guy from Alabama

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what do you call an Alabama man having sex with a woman?

a fortunate son.

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

What's a really good silverlining about getting a Divorce in Alabama?

When it's all said and done, you are still brother and sister.

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

Why are there so many unreported crimes in rural Alabama?

Because they’re one big, happy family.

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I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

My friend from Alabama introduced me to his wife and cousin.

Her name is Susan.

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

Alambama

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw

A man from Alabama goes out to dinner with his wife, his mother, and his cousin

He says, “table for two please”

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Why did the 90 year old Alabama man have sex with his clock?

Cuz time is relative.

Now after a vigorous sex session with the clock, he decided that the last thing to do is to wash and clean his clock. Why is this so?



















Cuz his time has cum.

What do siblings have in common in Alabama?

Children

How do you know if a hooker is from Alabama?

She offers a friends and family discount

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

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What do you call a priest in Alabama?

Holy Motherfucker

Lilo and Stitch

There is a reason why Lilo and Stitch never took place in Alabama


Because we all know what Ohana means there

What do Olive Garden and brothels in Alabama have in common?

They both use the slogan “When you’re here, you’re family”

Did you hear about the new website most popular with Alabama THOTs?

Only Fam

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Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

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A man in Alabama wants a vasectomy, so he goes to his doctor.

"I need me one o' them vay-sectomies" the man told the doc.

The doctor tells him it's a simple procedure, all he needs to do is light an m-80 and count to 10.

That didn't make a lot of sense to the man, so he went to Emery to see another doctor

"I need me a vay-sectomy" said the...

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

A couple from Alabama is lying in bed together.

Suddenly, without thinking, the woman says, "You are much better in bed than our son!"

The man stops and stares at the woman. "I, uh, take it back!" she stammers.

"Don't worry," says the man. "Our daughter said that too!"

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

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Did you know people in Alabama often have sex with clocks?

It's because time is relative.

Did you know Alabama's has its own version of Pinterest?

It's called pincest

If I had a nickel every time someone asked if I was from Alabama...

I could afford to have these extra fingers removed.

When did the father from Alabama know his son was maturing?

One day his son just started coming into his own.

Alabama leads nation in fewest covid related deaths.

They have been marking uncles, fathers, and brothers as the same person when they die.

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Two hillbillies from Alabama are sitting at a bar

There are three young, beautiful women sitting at a table near them. Suddenly, one of the woman stands up and starts choking on her food. Thinking quickly, one of the hillbillies runs over, pulls down her skirt, and gives her a lick on the right buttcheek. The woman is so shocked she coughs up the f...

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common?

DNA

How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools?

The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.

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Why does Alabama only have ramps?

Because they don't fuck with Steps

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

Only in Alabama

When your girlfriend insists on coming to your family reunion because she is afraid you'll cheat.

Alabama friend

So I was talking with my friend who lives in Alabama:

Him: I have to get a gift for my Sister my Mom and my Girlfriend

Me: Dang that's a lot of money what are you thinking?

Him: It's not a lot of money I only have to buy one gift.





PS: I am not good with s...

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Whats the worst place to loose ypur virginty?

At a family trip to Alabama

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What do butter and Alabama kids have in common?

They’re both inbred

Where does everyone in Alabama play games on their phone?

Mobile.

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