There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

Why is there no such thing as reverse cowgirl in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on your own family.


Thank you guys for gold and silver! :)

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

What's Alabama like?

My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

I sadly just broke up with my girlfriend in Alabama

Despite how heartbreaking it was, she put her hand on mine and assured me that we can still be cousins.

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Did you know people in Alabama often have sex with clocks?

It's because time is relative.

Why are murders so hard to solve in Alabama?

There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

How do you bang a nun in Alabama?

Tell her you're God, which makes you her Father, then it's business as usual.

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

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After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

The toothbrush was invented in Alabama

If it were invented anywhere else they would have called it a teethbrush.

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools?

The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.

What do you call an Alabama family in a sandwich?

Inbred

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Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

Did you know Alabama's has its own version of Pinterest?

It's called pincest

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Two hillbillies from Alabama are sitting at a bar

There are three young, beautiful women sitting at a table near them. Suddenly, one of the woman stands up and starts choking on her food. Thinking quickly, one of the hillbillies runs over, pulls down her skirt, and gives her a lick on the right buttcheek. The woman is so shocked she coughs up the f...

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

What do you call the moisture that forms between two lovers in Alabama?

Relative Humidity

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Why does Alabama only have ramps?

Because they don't fuck with Steps

What's a really good silverlining about getting a Divorce in Alabama?

When it's all said and done, you are still brother and sister.

Do you know why there was no CSI Alabama?

Hard to write a plot when everyone around has no dental records and a matching DNA.

An Alabama man kills his wife, sister, mother, niece, daughter, and aunt.

How many people die?

Say what you will about "Sweet Home Alabama"

At least it's family friendly

Why are there so many unreported crimes in rural Alabama?

Because they’re one big, happy family.

A man in Alabama was arrested for murdering his wife, Sister and Cousin

He was charged with one count of murder

Alabama family reunions

It has been reported that COVID-19 has greatly reduced family reunions due to social distancing requirements. Evidently this has caused a significant decrease in Alabama teen pregnancy.

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

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What do you call a girl from Alabama that can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin

Where does everyone in Alabama play games on their phone?

Mobile.

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Just kick his sister right in the jaw.

If I had a nickel every time someone asked if I was from Alabama...

I could afford to have these extra fingers removed.

Court declares social distancing rules unenforceable in Alabama

The Judge wrote in his opinion that "the entire state's population can be reasonably considered a family unit."

I know why there is so much incest in Alabama.

Since you can’t serve on a jury for a family member, you can avoid jury duty by being related to everybody

Alabama: The land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

How do you know if a hooker is from Alabama?

She offers a friends and family discount

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

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After the abortion ban in Alabama yesterday, my girlfriend is too scared to even have sex with me

Too bad my other sister isn't helping out either.

What do yeast and people from Alabama have in common?

Both are in bread.

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A guy and gal from Alabama get married

They have a very nice wedding and both families get along well. A few months later comes the honeymoon. They fly out to Hawaii. on the first night the girl tells her new husband that she is still a virgin. The husband leaves immediately and goes home to talk to his dad. The dad says “what are you do...

Alabama friend

So I was talking with my friend who lives in Alabama:

Him: I have to get a gift for my Sister my Mom and my Girlfriend

Me: Dang that's a lot of money what are you thinking?

Him: It's not a lot of money I only have to buy one gift.





PS: I am not good with s...

What is the net effect of a divorce, or a tornado in Alabama?

Somebody is getting a new trailer.

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.

A kid from Alabama had to do a project on his family tree

He brought a ladder to school the next day

A man from Alabama opened his fridge...

He looked around inside, closed the fridge and yelled to his wife:

"Honey! We're out of bread!"

The wife came into the room with a new loaf.

"Don't worry," she said. "We're in bread."

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

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What do butter and Alabama kids have in common?

They’re both inbred

What is the official container for the state of Alabama?

Ramekin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what’s the worst part of a family thanksgiving in Alabama?

the sexual tension

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

Why is a tornado like divorce in Alabama?

With either one, someones losing the trailer

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What is the most popular dad joke in Alabama

Hi cumming, im dad

Why did Alabama raise its drinking age to 34?

They wanted to keep alcohol away from highschools.

My friend had a date with a guy from Alabama yesterday.

He told her it wouldn't work out, he is not a family type.

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

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Fancy Chicago lawyer goes duck hunting in LA (Lower Alabama) (very long)

This lawyer had heard about the exceptional duck hunting in lower Alabama so he made plans to go one year. He left his hotel early and found a good spot by sun-up. He had the most expensive equipment money could buy.

He missed a few ducks, but then shot one. It flapped a couple times and lan...

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

What’s an Alabama man’s favorite dating site?

23andMe

Why did the Jack-o-lantern family move to Alabama?

To pump-kin.

Why did the Alabama strip club close?

They lost too much money from the family discount.

I recently found out that wheat in Alabama

is actually in-bread

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated hillbilly type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .

Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?

One day, very tragically, Catf...

A Halloween story A Hospital in Alabama got a lot of doctors and medical experts baffled over a string of deaths in an ICU at an exact time and same bed

Doctor 1: It's always 10am i tell you! Then it's Flatline!

Doctor 2: I have 3 patients that has a very good chance to live but also died on that same bed and at the same time.

Doctor 3: Mine too.

Doctor 4: I have a patient in there now and its almost 10am. Shall i get him away f...

What's the difference between Muslims and rednecks from Alabama?

The rednecks are drunk when marrying their cousins.

What do you get when you cross two siblings from Alabama and an escort business?

A family discount

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Why did the boy who moved to Alabama have sex with a dinner roll?

He wanted to be in-bread like everyone else.

What is both a common term of endearment and common past-time in Alabama?

Pumpkin.

Pigs in a blanket were invented in Alabama.

We know this because they're in bread.

What’s the nicest thing to say after a break up with a girl from Alabama?

I hope we can still be cousins

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How do they know Jesus wasn't born in Alabama?

They couldn't find Three Wise Men and a Virgin.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

What do people in Alabama call their sisters?

Wide receivers

McDo added “Alabama Sandwich” to their menu

It’s a chicken in bread.

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

What did the average University of Alabama student get on their SAT test?

Drool

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alabama has the highest approval rating for Trump in the country.

They also have a law banning the sale of vibrators.


Apparently they can only support one dildo at a time.

Alabama is the best place to be from!

Since it means you currently aren’t there.

Why did the Alabama native NOT cross the street?

Why cross the street when you can cross the hall?

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

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