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Alabama Jokes

Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

Alabama, the land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?

they like things that are inbread

How do we know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama?

If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the "teeth brush."

What is an Alabama family's favorite game?

Spin the bottle!

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What do you call perspiration from sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity.

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

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What’s the SFW substitute for “motherfucker” in Alabama?

Uncle

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

Why don’t people from Alabama have family trees?

Because it’s just one long branch.

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

How People In Alabama Pray

"In God We Trust In Family We Thrust"
-Sweet Home Alabama
"Amen"

What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?

Family size

Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history

Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted

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What's the correct term to describe an Alabama Girl that can run faster than her brothers?

Virgin.

I heard someone say "Fcuk the speed limit" in Alabama

As a Physics student, I realized that speed is relative.

How do you hook up online if you live in Alabama?

ancestry.cօm

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

I don't really get all the jokes here about Alabama.

But I can tell they're somewhat related.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

What’s the worst part of thanksgiving dinner in Alabama?

Having to sit around a table with all the people you’ve slept with.

What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama?

You’re like a sister to me.

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?

Pumpkin

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?

Because everything is inbread

What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama?

It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.

What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween?

Pump-kin

Why are weddings in Alabama usually half price ?

Because they only use one side of the church

Why is “reverse cowgirl” illegal in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family.

There were these two guys from Alabama ...

Who loved to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada and they took off for up there.

The lakes were frozen nicely! So they stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop to get all their tackle. Bob looked at Ed and said, "We're going t...

Why can't you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?

You can't take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!

A University of Alabama graduate gets a job

He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.

"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."

My brother, uncle, and cousin came to my family reunion in Alabama

To keep things simple, I call him "dad."

since we live in Birmingham, I thought it would be a good idea to learn how to play home sweet Alabama on my guitar and play it for my sister.

She wasn't impressed, but our kids loved it!

Why are there so many orgies at monasteries in Alabama?

Because the monks and nuns are all Brothers and Sisters.

What's the worst part about being an only child in Alabama?

Knowing that you'll always be single.

Why did the Alabama man only sleep with waitresses from Olive Garden?

Because when you're there, you're family.

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

What do they call an orgy in Alabama?

A family gathering.

How do people in Alabama find out about their ancestry?

Through a Incestry DNA.

Why is the political discussion in Alabama so respectful among the entire population?

It's all relative.

Why do people from Alabama make the best paleontologists?

They're amazing at relative dating.

What do people from Alabama have instead of a family tree?

The circle of life!

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Why are people from Alabama such generous lovers?

Because family always cums first

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama

One Mississippi

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records

Alabama-Mom: "Tom, please call your brother and your dad for dinner."

Tom: "Joooohhhhnnnnyyyyyy"

A man from Alabama goes out to dinner...

He takes his wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, sister and niece.

They walk in and they walk up to the hostess station.

The hostess goes, "Hi, y'all. Will it just be the two of you tonight?"

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Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?

They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a virgin.

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Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

Why are family trees not used in alabama

Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.

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what do you call an Alabama man having sex with a woman?

a fortunate son.

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

Why cant people from alabama have any viable offspring?

They're all relatively screwed.

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

A new dating website has been taking Alabama by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

50 Jokes for 50 US States

# ALABAMA

When a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day's headline would scream "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

'...

How do they sing Linkin Park in Alabama?

Craaaaaaaaawling in my kin

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?

He/Haw

Why did the Alabama girl take the tide pod challenge?

To wash her family's extra large load.

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

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Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

What do Olive Garden and brothels in Alabama have in common?

They both use the slogan “When you’re here, you’re family”

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What do you call a priest in Alabama?

Holy Motherfucker

An Alabama tech company asked me to test their competing product to Tinder…

I just don’t get how I’m supposed to find a date by swiping right on the shower curtain in my family’s shared bathroom.

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

What did the Alabama Alligator say to the teacher when asked why people were so mean?

Momma says Alabamans are ornery because they have all them toothbrushes and no teeth

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

Did you hear the news today? Alabama is turning blue!

Many Alabamians have trouble breathing because of Covid it seems.

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Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common?

DNA

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

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I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

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Alabama vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doc...

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Eyes on the prize

It was a slow night at the Casino, just a few regulars playing the slots…

Two bored dealers were standing at the "mini-craps" table when out of nowhere, an incredibly attractive blonde woman from South Alabama placed a $5,000 bet on a single roll of the dice.
With a deep southern drawl, ...

It's hard to find a good partner in most of the US

But in Alabama, you can find a partner with relative ease

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

When did the father from Alabama know his son was maturing?

One day his son just started coming into his own.

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Alabama is the stupidest country in the world.

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

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