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Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

Alabama, the land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?

they like things that are inbread

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

What is an Alabama family's favorite game?

Spin the bottle!

Why don’t people from Alabama have family trees?

Because it’s just one long branch.

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

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What do you call perspiration from sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity.

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What’s the SFW substitute for “motherfucker” in Alabama?

Uncle

How do you hook up online if you live in Alabama?

ancestry.cօm

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

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What's the correct term to describe an Alabama Girl that can run faster than her brothers?

Virgin.

I heard someone say "Fcuk the speed limit" in Alabama

As a Physics student, I realized that speed is relative.

How People In Alabama Pray

"In God We Trust In Family We Thrust"
-Sweet Home Alabama
"Amen"

Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history

Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted

What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?

Family size

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

I don't really get all the jokes here about Alabama.

But I can tell they're somewhat related.

What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?

Inbread.

Why is reverse cowgirl not allowed in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family.

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

What do geology and Alabama have in common?

Relative dating

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama

One Mississippi

What do you call an orgy in Alabama?

A family reunion

What do people from Alabama have instead of a family tree?

The circle of life!

What's the worst part about being an only child in Alabama?

Knowing that you'll always be single.

Alabama-Mom: "Tom, please call your brother and your dad for dinner."

Tom: "Joooohhhhnnnnyyyyyy"

Alabama has changed its drinking age to 28

Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school

Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

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90% of Alabama Highschoolers demonstrated proficiency in Trigonometry last year...

...It's all that fucking around with Cosin(e)s.

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

Yeah. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.

Why did the Alabama man only sleep with waitresses from Olive Garden?

Because when you're there, you're family.

Why are crimes so hard to solve in Alabama ?

Because their are no dental records and all the DNA matches

A man from Alabama goes out to dinner...

He takes his wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, sister and niece.

They walk in and they walk up to the hostess station.

The hostess goes, "Hi, y'all. Will it just be the two of you tonight?"

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Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?

They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a virgin.

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Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

Why are family trees not used in alabama

Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.

Why cant people from alabama have any viable offspring?

They're all relatively screwed.

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Why are people from Alabama such generous lovers?

Because family always cums first

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

How do they sing Linkin Park in Alabama?

Craaaaaaaaawling in my kin

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

A new dating website has been taking Alabama by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

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Eyes on the prize

It was a slow night at the Casino, just a few regulars playing the slots…

Two bored dealers were standing at the "mini-craps" table when out of nowhere, an incredibly attractive blonde woman from South Alabama placed a $5,000 bet on a single roll of the dice.
With a deep southern drawl, ...

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

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what do you call an Alabama man having sex with a woman?

a fortunate son.

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

Did you know people from Alabama don’t celebrate Christmas?

They celebrate Yuletide.

Obit

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read...

It's hard to find a good partner in most of the US

But in Alabama, you can find a partner with relative ease

Why did the Alabama girl take the tide pod challenge?

To wash her family's extra large load.

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?

He/Haw

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

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What do you call a priest in Alabama?

Holy Motherfucker

What do Olive Garden and brothels in Alabama have in common?

They both use the slogan “When you’re here, you’re family”

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

Xhyr'noth the defiler, an ancient cosmic horror, decides to visit earth to go pub crawling through the US.

In the first state everyone at the pub runs off in terror. As the humanoid looking abomination filled with eyes and tentacles warps in and orders a beer. The police and military is informed but doesn't know what to do yet. The bartender doesn't care because he has suicidal depression and rather stri...

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

Washing machine (long)

A young (but definitely over 18) Alabama girl is sitting on her front porch, with her skirt hiked all the way up and nothing on underneath. Young (but definitely over 18) Johnny walks by and can't believe what he sees. "Hey, Thelma Lou- what's that you got there?"

Thelma Lou replies- "Well, I...

Southern

A University of Alabama student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where y’all go to school? " The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or sou...

Did you hear the news today? Alabama is turning blue!

Many Alabamians have trouble breathing because of Covid it seems.

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

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Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

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Birth Control In The South

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

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did i get friendzoned?

a few months ago i met a girl at university, we introduced ourselves and we got along well (i thought)

anyways as the months tick by i saw myself catching feelings for her and i had just built up the courage to ask her out to the movies, so when we next saw each-other (at her house) i thought...

Redneck

Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn’t wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed.

"The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar."

"Really?" said his mother, surprised...

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

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I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

A couple from Alabama is lying in bed together.

Suddenly, without thinking, the woman says, "You are much better in bed than our son!"

The man stops and stares at the woman. "I, uh, take it back!" she stammers.

"Don't worry," says the man. "Our daughter said that too!"

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

How do people from Alabama refer to their ancenstors?

Incestors.

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Alabama is the stupidest country in the world.

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

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Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common?

DNA

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Just kick his sister right in the jaw.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Why does Alabama love the month of October?

Because the get to pumpkin

When did the father from Alabama know his son was maturing?

One day his son just started coming into his own.

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

Did you hear about the new website most popular with Alabama THOTs?

Only Fam

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

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