Why is there no such thing as reverse cowgirl in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on your own family.


Thank you guys for gold and silver! :)

Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

An Alabama man kills his wife, sister, mother, niece, daughter, and aunt.

How many people die?

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

Do you know why there was no CSI Alabama?

Hard to write a plot when everyone around has no dental records and a matching DNA.

What do you call onlyfans in alabama?

OnlyFams.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

I sadly just broke up with my girlfriend in Alabama

Despite how heartbreaking it was, she put her hand on mine and assured me that we can still be cousins.

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records

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Why is anal sex illegal in Alabama?

You don't turn your back on family

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

Alabama, the land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

What's a really good silverlining about getting a Divorce in Alabama?

When it's all said and done, you are still brother and sister.

Why are there so many unreported crimes in rural Alabama?

Because they’re one big, happy family.

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

What do farmers do in Alabama?

Pump kin

How do you give a person from Alabama a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw

My friend from Alabama introduced me to his wife and cousin.

Her name is Susan.

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

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what do you call an Alabama man having sex with a woman?

a fortunate son.

How do people from Alabama refer to their ancenstors?

Incestors.

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ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING JOKES ABOUT ALABAMA!

They're 50th in education, they can't even read that shit.

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

I live in alabama...

I once heard this funny joke about it, so I went ahead and told my dad,uncle, and brother. He got so mad.

A man from Alabama goes out to dinner with his wife, his mother, and his cousin

He says, “table for two please”

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

What do you call a family tree in Alabama?

A family wreath.

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Why did the 90 year old Alabama man have sex with his clock?

Cuz time is relative.

Now after a vigorous sex session with the clock, he decided that the last thing to do is to wash and clean his clock. Why is this so?



















Cuz his time has cum.

What’s the most popular holiday dessert in Alabama?

Pump-kin pie.

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

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What do you call a priest in Alabama?

Holy Motherfucker

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?

Family size

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Why are people from Alabama such generous lovers?

Because family always cums first

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..

The toothbrush was invented in Alabama

If it were invented anywhere else they would have called it a teethbrush.

Say what you will about "Sweet Home Alabama"

At least it's family friendly

How do you know if a hooker is from Alabama?

She offers a friends and family discount

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

A couple from Alabama is lying in bed together.

Suddenly, without thinking, the woman says, "You are much better in bed than our son!"

The man stops and stares at the woman. "I, uh, take it back!" she stammers.

"Don't worry," says the man. "Our daughter said that too!"

Did you hear about the new website most popular with Alabama THOTs?

Only Fam

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

Did you know Alabama's has its own version of Pinterest?

It's called pincest

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What do you call a girl from Alabama that can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

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what’s the worst part of a family thanksgiving in Alabama?

the sexual tension

How do you bang a nun in Alabama?

Tell her you're God, which makes you her Father, then it's business as usual.

What do they call it in Alabama when you wake up and eat out your sister?

Breakfast inbred.

What do siblings have in common in Alabama?

Children

What do Olive Garden and brothels in Alabama have in common?

They both use the slogan “When you’re here, you’re family”

When did the father from Alabama know his son was maturing?

One day his son just started coming into his own.

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A man in Alabama wants a vasectomy, so he goes to his doctor.

"I need me one o' them vay-sectomies" the man told the doc.

The doctor tells him it's a simple procedure, all he needs to do is light an m-80 and count to 10.

That didn't make a lot of sense to the man, so he went to Emery to see another doctor

"I need me a vay-sectomy" said the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

I know why there is so much incest in Alabama.

Since you can’t serve on a jury for a family member, you can avoid jury duty by being related to everybody

Alabama leads nation in fewest covid related deaths.

They have been marking uncles, fathers, and brothers as the same person when they die.

Where’s the first place to look if you can’t find relations in Alabama?

Inbred.

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After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

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Two hillbillies from Alabama are sitting at a bar

There are three young, beautiful women sitting at a table near them. Suddenly, one of the woman stands up and starts choking on her food. Thinking quickly, one of the hillbillies runs over, pulls down her skirt, and gives her a lick on the right buttcheek. The woman is so shocked she coughs up the f...

How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools?

The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.

Only in Alabama

When your girlfriend insists on coming to your family reunion because she is afraid you'll cheat.

If I had a nickel every time someone asked if I was from Alabama...

I could afford to have these extra fingers removed.

A kid from Alabama had to do a project on his family tree

He brought a ladder to school the next day

A man from Alabama opened his fridge...

He looked around inside, closed the fridge and yelled to his wife:

"Honey! We're out of bread!"

The wife came into the room with a new loaf.

"Don't worry," she said. "We're in bread."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Alabama only have ramps?

Because they don't fuck with Steps

Alabama friend

So I was talking with my friend who lives in Alabama:

Him: I have to get a gift for my Sister my Mom and my Girlfriend

Me: Dang that's a lot of money what are you thinking?

Him: It's not a lot of money I only have to buy one gift.





PS: I am not good with s...

Where does everyone in Alabama play games on their phone?

Mobile.

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

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A guy and gal from Alabama get married

They have a very nice wedding and both families get along well. A few months later comes the honeymoon. They fly out to Hawaii. on the first night the girl tells her new husband that she is still a virgin. The husband leaves immediately and goes home to talk to his dad. The dad says “what are you do...

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What do butter and Alabama kids have in common?

They’re both inbred

What is the official container for the state of Alabama?

Ramekin.

Did you hear about the people in Alabama?

I heard their problems are relative.

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

There was a multiple choice history quiz about the states of America.

I went through questions like “Which state is known for fudge?” The answer was A: Michigan. I went through those questions and I got to question 10.

Which state’s capital is Nashville?
A: New York
B: Alabama
C: Tennessee
D: California

I knew this answer. Ten is C.

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What is the most popular dad joke in Alabama

Hi cumming, im dad

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated hillbilly type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .

Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?

One day, very tragically, Catf...

My friend had a date with a guy from Alabama yesterday.

He told her it wouldn't work out, he is not a family type.

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

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