Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?



She can out run her brother.

An Alabama man kills his wife, sister, mother, niece, daughter, and aunt.

How many people die?

Alabama, the land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you can’t turn your back on family.

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”

“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”

“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the...

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

Why don’t people from Alabama have family trees?

Because it’s just one long branch.

why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?

they like things that are inbread

How do we know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama?

If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the "teeth brush."

What is an Alabama family's favorite game?

Spin the bottle!

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

I heard someone say "Fcuk the speed limit" in Alabama

As a Physics student, I realized that speed is relative.

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

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What’s the SFW substitute for “motherfucker” in Alabama?

Uncle

Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history

Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

How People In Alabama Pray

"In God We Trust In Family We Thrust"
-Sweet Home Alabama
"Amen"

How do you hook up online if you live in Alabama?

ancestry.cօm

What do you call onlyfans in alabama?

OnlyFams.

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What do you call perspiration from sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity.

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

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What's the correct term to describe an Alabama Girl that can run faster than her brothers?

Virgin.

I don't really get all the jokes here about Alabama.

But I can tell they're somewhat related.

What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?

Inbread.

What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?

Family size

How do you give a person from Alabama a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

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Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?

They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a virgin.

A new dating website has been taking Alabama by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

What do geology and Alabama have in common?

Relative dating

Why don't people from Alabama have ancestors in their linniage?

Because they have Incestors.

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

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Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

What is a double date called in Alabama?

A family reunion.

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This Is A Horrible Lie. I Am Embarrassed And Do Not Intend To Accept This. Now, I Want The Party Who Said This To Stand And Ask Forgiveness From God ."
No One Moved.

The Preacher Continued, “Do You Have The Nerve To Face Me And Admit This Is A Falsehood? Remember, You Will Be Forgiven And ...

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

An Alabama man was recently arrested

He was arrested for streaking naked through a Clemson football game. When it was time for him to use his phone call, he called his mom.

When she answered, he explained to her what happened, and the only thing she said was

"you're an embarrassment to the family wreath."

Alabama has changed its drinking age to 28

Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?

He/Haw

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Did you hear the news today? Alabama is turning blue!

Many Alabamians have trouble breathing because of Covid it seems.

3 Texans get married

First one marries a girl from Alabama, he tells here in Texas women are expected to do the dishes and clean house also have a meal on the table for when he gets home. On the first day nothing but a couple of days later he came home to a clean house and a meal on the table.

The second one marr...

Winged horses are illegal in most US states.

But in Alabama, it's perfectly fine to peg-a-sis.

What do farmers do in Alabama?

Pump kin

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what do you call an Alabama man having sex with a woman?

a fortunate son.

Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

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Why are people from Alabama such generous lovers?

Because family always cums first

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

Say what you will about "Sweet Home Alabama"

At least it's family friendly

Why did the Alabama girl take the tide pod challenge?

To wash her family's extra large load.

What did the Alabama Alligator say to the teacher when asked why people were so mean?

Momma says Alabamans are ornery because they have all them toothbrushes and no teeth

Why are family trees not used in alabama

Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.

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A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

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ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING JOKES ABOUT ALABAMA!

They're 50th in education, they can't even read that shit.

Why cant people from alabama have any viable offspring?

They're all relatively screwed.

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Alabama is the stupidest country in the world.

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..

How do you know if a hooker is from Alabama?

She offers a friends and family discount

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I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

Why is Alabama college football so strong?

Because they are all one big family

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What do you call a priest in Alabama?

Holy Motherfucker

What do Olive Garden and brothels in Alabama have in common?

They both use the slogan “When you’re here, you’re family”

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Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

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A man in Alabama wants a vasectomy, so he goes to his doctor.

"I need me one o' them vay-sectomies" the man told the doc.

The doctor tells him it's a simple procedure, all he needs to do is light an m-80 and count to 10.

That didn't make a lot of sense to the man, so he went to Emery to see another doctor

"I need me a vay-sectomy" said the...

A man from Alabama goes out to dinner with his wife, his mother, and his cousin

He says, “table for two please”

My sister said the song, “Sweet Home Alabama” sucks.

So I told her it sucks better than she ever could.

A couple from Alabama is lying in bed together.

Suddenly, without thinking, the woman says, "You are much better in bed than our son!"

The man stops and stares at the woman. "I, uh, take it back!" she stammers.

"Don't worry," says the man. "Our daughter said that too!"

What do you call road kill in Alabama?

Breakfast

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

Did you hear about the new website most popular with Alabama THOTs?

Only Fam

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

When did the father from Alabama know his son was maturing?

One day his son just started coming into his own.

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

[nsfw] Three guys were hiking and took a short-cut across a farmer's field, where the found a pig stuck halfway through a fence.

"I wish that was my Nancy, my girl friend" said the guy from Florida.
" I wish that was my cousin Mary-Lou" said the guy from Georgia
"I wish it was dark out" said the guy from Alabama

What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common?

DNA

Alabama leads nation in fewest covid related deaths.

They have been marking uncles, fathers, and brothers as the same person when they die.

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Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

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Three Woman go to Heaven

Three Women go to heaven and stand before St Peter. The first women walks up and has an "A" on her stomach. St. Peter notices this and asks the woman "Why do you have an A on your stomach?" "Well," the woman began, "every time my husband made love to me, he wore his Alabama Sweater!", St. Peter nods...

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Two hillbillies from Alabama are sitting at a bar

There are three young, beautiful women sitting at a table near them. Suddenly, one of the woman stands up and starts choking on her food. Thinking quickly, one of the hillbillies runs over, pulls down her skirt, and gives her a lick on the right buttcheek. The woman is so shocked she coughs up the f...

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

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