There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

Why do people in Alabama not do the reverse cowgirl?

Because you never turn your back on family

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NSFW An Alabama girl comes home...

An Alabama girl comes home from college after dropping out. Her dad answers the door and asks her, “what the hell are you doing here?” She answers that she dropped out of college and wants to become a prostitute, and needs a place to stay. He shouts, “No way in hell are you becoming a prostitute! Th...

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How can ya tell a girl in Alabama is still a virgin ?

She can out run her brother.

Alabama is so progressive that

the women don't even change their last names when they get married

How do you bang a nun in Alabama?

Tell her you're God, which makes you her Father, then it's business as usual.

How do you circumcise a guy from Alabama?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

A man in Alabama was arrested for murdering his wife, Sister and Cousin

He was charged with one count of murder

A young man from Alabama thought that it was about time that he settled down.

So he went to his father and asked him "Dad, what should I look for in a wife."

His father shrugged, "It's all relative."

A friend and I were travelling through Alabama when a guy threatened to get his Dad, Uncle and Brother to beat us up.

We were relieved when we found out they were all the same person.

What do you call a double date in Alabama?

A family dinner

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

Family reunions must be hard in Alabama.

All your ex’s together in one place, big yikes.

What do yeast and people from Alabama have in common?

Both are in bread.

What’s the state bread of Alabama?


What is both a common term of endearment and common past-time in Alabama?


Why did the Jack-o-lantern family move to Alabama?

To pump-kin.

What do you call a DNA test in Alabama?

Incestry DNA

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

Alabama: The land of 5 million people...

...and 4 last names.

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what’s the worst part of a family thanksgiving in Alabama?

the sexual tension

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What do you call the sweat between trod people having sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity

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What is sex called in Alabama?

Super smash bros

Why did Alabama raise its drinking age to 34?

They wanted to keep alcohol away from highschools.

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After the abortion ban in Alabama yesterday, my girlfriend is too scared to even have sex with me

Too bad my other sister isn't helping out either.

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Alabama has the highest approval rating for Trump in the country.

They also have a law banning the sale of vibrators.

Apparently they can only support one dildo at a time.

Pigs in a blanket were invented in Alabama.

We know this because they're in bread.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

Why did the Alabama strip club close?

They lost too much money from the family discount.

Why is a tornado like divorce in Alabama?

With either one, someones losing the trailer

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How do they know Jesus wasn't born in Alabama?

They couldn't find Three Wise Men and a Virgin.

What’s an Alabama man’s favorite dating site?


What do you call an informal relationship from Alabama?

Twins with benefits.

I recently found out that wheat in Alabama

is actually in-bread

Why are there so many unsolved murders in Alabama?

Because there are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

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Why did the boy who moved to Alabama have sex with a dinner roll?

He wanted to be in-bread like everyone else.

What’s the nicest thing to say after a break up with a girl from Alabama?

I hope we can still be cousins

A scientist from Alabama once said

Everyone is a relative.

...customer asked for Alabama Style Chicken Sandwich!

**Waitress:** bread?

**Customer:** ... I'm not from around here!

‘No, there is no incest in Alabama.’

Said the woman I met at the bar. ‘Don’t believe me? Ask my mother, father and uncle. Both are at home.’

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated hillbilly type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .

Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?

One day, very tragically, Catf...

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How does the Autocorrect of an Alabama man word it when the man wants to demonstrate his happiness about something?

Fucking Niece

Say what you want about Alabama...

But they really came into their own.

An Alabama cop is sitting behind a billboard on the highway doing radar.

Suddenly he sees a teenager in a Mustang fly by him doing 125mph in a 60mph zone.

He flips on his lights and goes after the kid finally catching up to him 2-miles down the road.

The cop walks up to the Mustang and says "Son, I been wait'n fer you all day!"

The kid replies "Sorry...

What did the cannibal say while eating an Alabama man sandwich?

"I like my people inbread."

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

So McDonalds now have ‘The Alabama Chicken’

Even the chicken is inbred

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An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

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My sister and I went home to Alabama for mothers day to visit and we were out shopping for a gift for mom when a guy walks by and slaps my sister in the ass. I reacted quick and gave him the ol' one two.

Because no one slaps my girls ass but me.

Why did the Alabama native NOT cross the street?

Why cross the street when you can cross the hall?

How do you make Alabama-style chicken?

Cook it over a dumpster fire and then serve it face down in a pool of its own blood.

So I drove to Alabama and there was a welcome sign

It said:

Welcome to Alabama and remember,

you can't spell cousin without sin.

Enjoy your stay!

What did the average University of Alabama student get on their SAT test?


Just saw an article about brain eating amoebas becoming a potential problem in Texas (true). I remember this happened about 10 years ago in Alabama and the outcome was terrible.

Poor amoebas nearly starved to death!

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People need to stop making fun of Alabama

They're 50th in education, they cant read that shit

What did the Alabama sheriff say about the African-American man found shot six times in the back?

"Worst case o' suicide I ever done seen!"

Why don't people from Alabama like to leave their state?

Because it's their incestral home

How do family members connect with each other in Alabama?


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What do you do when you're from Alabama and you have to choose someone to have sex with?

Pic related.

Alabama is the best place to be from!

Since it means you currently aren’t there.

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Some people think the Alabama abortion law is too strict...

On the bright side, it's a great way to encourage men to practice safe sex when they fuck their daughters.

Edit : one word

Everyone wants to write jokes about Alabama

But no one in Alabama will ever read them.

I don't understand time zones!

How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?

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How does a Mom from Alabama know her daughter has started menstruating?

When her son's dick tastes like blood.

Stop writing hateful things about Alabama and the abortion laws all over social media.

They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person.

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the teethbrush

No offense to those who live in Alabama.

Did you hear about the manned rocket that crashed shortly after launching from Alabama?

All the system warnings went off, but for some reason the pilot could not abort.

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How do you name your child in Alabama?

Putyour Dickinson.

Why did O.J. Simpson want to flee to Alabama?

Everybody there shares the same DNA.

(Mandatory ba dum tss).

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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

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I live in Alabama and can tell you that incest isn't as bad as you think

I have 1 brother and 3 sisters. And none of them have had to ask me for sex

Wanna know why Alabama is so weird and twisted?

Because it's in their incestors blood.

What a time to be alive in Alabama

The crush of my life told me she loves me like a brother

Alabama sucks so bad that they had to force people to be born there!

Alabama sucks so bad that they had to force people to be born there.

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Apparently, the state of Mississippi and Alabama tried to put on a nativity scene, but they had to call it off.

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

I’m a little jealous of everyone in Alabama.

They only have to go to one family reunion.

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WHat's the difference between a Sicilian mafioso and a man from Alabama ?

The Sicicilian mafioso doesn't live long enough to fuck his family a second time.

A doctor told a girl from Alabama that she was pregnant.

She said, "Doc, I've been sleeping around so much, I'm not sure it's mine."

What does a philosopher from Alabama say when asked about his dating life?

It’s all relative

Why is Alabama against abortion?

What happens to a family, stays in the family.

Why can't the pregnant women in Alabama ask for a refund on their package?

Because there will always be a delivery.

A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that?
There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."
His brother came over to visit several days later.
He sees the wife and asks wher...

What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?

Nothing, they're both inbred.

I had a great time watching "The Worlds Largest Outdoor Family Reunion" yesterday.

I guess most people just call it the Alabama vs Auburn game.

How do you get laid in Alabama?

Tell them you’re their long-lost brother.

The Alabama legislature didn’t include an exemption for cases of incest in their abortion ban.

They knew that if they had the law would only have prohibited 5% of Alabama pregnancies from being aborted.

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Why are people from Alabama okay with sex with a second cousin?

Because the first cousin was great!

What's the opposite of Albert Einstein?

Alabama, because relatives is everything.

Whats a violinist from Alabamas favorite scale to play?

Whats a violinist from Alabamas favorite scale to play?

A relative minor

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

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