A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana...

As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we...

Boudreaux was called up to the Louisiana National Guard. Because he was a smooth talker the CO put him in charge of explaining benefits to new recruits.

After a week the CO noticed Boudreaux had a 100% sign up rate for supplemental insurance. Impressed, the CO sits in on one of Boudreaux’s sessions.

“If you boys goes to Afghanistan and you gets yoself kilt, the gubmint pays you benefishary $50,000. But if you gets the supplemental insurance, ...

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A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes.

However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "By all means, just watch out for those ...

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

Later in the day...

What is the loneliest swamp in Louisiana?

Bayou Self.

An elderly man in Louisiana owned a farm with a large pond in the back...

An elderly man in Louisiana owned a farm with a large pond in the back. The pond was nicely set up with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One afternoon, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and gather some fruit. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to for t...

Did you hear about the plant in Baton Rouge Louisiana thats been producing spanish food since the 11th century?

It's a bayou tapas-tree.

No matter what State you live in, Louisiana is always close to it.

I guess you could say it's always close Bayou.

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

A Louisiana State Trooper walked to her car window and opened his ticket book. The woman said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Troopers' Ball." The trooper told her, "Ma'am, Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. The trooper t...

What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else?

In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.

Kentuckians

After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that ...

A blonde was on vacation in Louisiana with her boyfriend

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator. Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel.
Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. She he...

A blonde women walks into a gift shop in Louisiana...

She sees alligator purses, belts and boots. She loves the alligator boots and asks the clerk how much. The clerk tells her they're 500.00 dollars. The blonde is disgusted at the price and tells the clerk she will go get her own, storming out of the store.

Later that day the clerk is driving ...

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

What is it about tall creepy louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow?

Their bayou loomin' essence

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

A Texas Biologist

A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

The teacher pulls Johnny aside after a test...

“Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests,” she says. “You know I can’t condone cheating.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it.

"Well,” said the teacher. “I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', an...

Little bit of a read but funny

(Im from Louisiana and we usually use Boudreaux and Thibadeaux as our characters with our cajun accent but for joke purposes ill use tim and matt)
Tim and Matt went to see a wrestling match at a local arena. There was a famous wrestler in town called the Human Pretzel (due to his special move fol...

So an Army Ranger wants himself a pair of Gator Boots...

But this being an Army Ranger, he's not just going to buy himself a pair of boots, no, he's gonna make his own. So he heads down to Louisiana and makes his way to the bayou. He finds a nice little bait shop, buys himself a nice knife, and asks the shop owner where he can find himself a decent size g...

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

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Robot

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to
the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics,
sp...

A Cajun, an LSU Tiger, and the mob (long)

Down in Atchafalaya Basin, Louisiana, the sheriff was hearing rumblings of dog fighting. He couldn't figure out what was going on because by the time he got a tip and made his ways through the swamps, everyone was gone. He decided to deputize a few good ol' boys to figure out the powers at work he...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

Kevin came home from elementary school one day...

...with a smile and exclaimed, "Dad! I got the highest score in class on the math test!"

"That's because you're from Louisiana, son!" The father replies.

The next day, Kevin returns from school again with excitement in his voice.

"Dad, guess what!?!" he says happily. "I can spel...

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Gastón the bridge builder

A Cajun named Rafael arrives in a small fishing town in Louisiana to visit his old friend Gastón.

"Long time no see buddy, how've you been?" says Rafael

"Well, not great Rafe," replies Gastón, "you see those houses over there on that bayou? I built every single one of those houses. But...

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'. . . and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was li...

An Army Ranger was on vacation...

...in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go...

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The friendly elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one ...

Insuring the Army

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty.

Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the ...

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Can we do a joke thread for my dad?

A few years ago, for father's day, I made a "joke" thread for my dad on /r/funny and asked people to submit jokes. I ended up reading the thread to him and it was one of his favorite things I've ever done. This year for his birthday, he asked me to do the same, but I've since discovered this subredd...

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The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

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An old black meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven

St. Peter is there, and tells him

"Welcome, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven you must have done something worthwhile with your life, what have you done my son?"

"well", he said in a raspy voice, "I made love to a white woman"

"...okaay" St. Peter responded, "that's......

Engineering Position

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a refinery company. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: ...

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Bowling Ball Delivery

A semi truck driver is hired to deliver a load of bowling balls from Houston to Atlanta. He gets a bonus if he gets it there in under twenty four hours. He's speeding down the highway when he sees two black men walking with a bike. They flag him down and he pulls over. They ask him for a ride since ...

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Boudreaux Goes Looking for a Job

Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately.

"Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job."'

The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and...

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

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Friday Update - Jokes for the week of 3/16-3/22

A new study shows sugary drinks cause over 180k deaths a year, only 4 of which are from being crushed by a soda machine. I like those odds!

Japan has created a remote controlled mobile toilet, because sometimes you just gotta go.

A North Korean spokesman has said that its nuclear arms ...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

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Boudreau goes huntin'

There was these two Louisiana Cajuns on the bayou.

One morning Leroy saw Boudreau in his boat floating down the bayou with a lawnmower in it. "Hey Boudreau the hell you gon do with that lawnmower?" "This here's a John Deere and I'm going deer huntin!"

Leroy shakes his head at Boudreau...