Louisiana Jokes - 58 Hilarious Louisiana Jokes

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Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.

The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card andsaid, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anyw...

What’s the loneliest place in all of Louisiana ?

Bayou Self

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama

One Mississippi

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Boudreaux lived down by the river in deep Louisiana.

On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.

Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children, they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river. They never really met each other because neither one could s...

Louisiana State Trooper

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana state trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Trooper's Ball". He replied, "Louisiana state troopers don't have balls". There was a moment ...

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Salesman

A kid from Louisiana moves to California and is looking for a job.

The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Louisiana."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. After we close we'...

An elderly man in Louisiana ...

... had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there f...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch your...

A biker pulls up outside a roadside bar in Louisiana after a long day in the saddle.

Stiffly he walks in, gets a beer and sits down.
By his third, he realises some of the locals are looking at him and whispering. The biker walks out and returns a few minutes later with an alligator. He drops it on the floor, drops his pants and flops his tackle in the alligator's mouth. Snap! The...

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A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman.

He noticed her sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there'
..... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not lookin...

Moving to Louisiana after living in California has been quite difficult

New Orleans is fine, but it's NOLA

Who was Louisiana made by?

It was made Bayou.

What do you call a white person from Louisiana?

A Caucajun

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retri...

No matter what State you live in, Louisiana is always close to it.

I guess you could say it's always close Bayou.

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A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

A blonde was on vacation in Louisiana with her boyfriend

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator. Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel.
Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. She he...

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana.

As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

The teacher pulls Johnny aside after a test...

“Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests,” she says. “You know I can’t condone cheating.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it.

"Well,” said the teacher. “I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', an...

Interviewer: Do you travel to Louisiana often?

Me: Only on a Cajun.

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Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He Performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio Station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a Worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at th...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully ...

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Cock fight in Louisiana

The Sherrif down in Layfayette called Thibodeaux into his office.

"We have reports of an illegal cock fighting ring here in Jefferson Parrish, go down there tonight and see what's going on." Said the Sherrif

So that evening Thibodeaux put on his street clothes and headed out to the loc...

What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else?

In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.

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Kevin came home from elementary school one day...

...with a smile and exclaimed, "Dad! I got the highest score in class on the math test!"

"That's because you're from Louisiana, son!" The father replies.

The next day, Kevin returns from school again with excitement in his voice.

"Dad, guess what!?!" he says happily. "I can spel...

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Kentuckians

After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that ...

Can you believe people are still in Louisiana?

Ida been gone a while ago

What did the girl from Louisiana say when she was leaving?

Bayou

A blonde women walks into a gift shop in Louisiana...

She sees alligator purses, belts and boots. She loves the alligator boots and asks the clerk how much. The clerk tells her they're 500.00 dollars. The blonde is disgusted at the price and tells the clerk she will go get her own, storming out of the store.

Later that day the clerk is driving ...

What is it about tall creepy louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow?

Their bayou loomin' essence

Three guys go to hell.

One from California. One from New York. One from Louisiana. Upon arrival they are brought to a phone. The guy from California calls home and talks for an hour and the devil says “That will be $150.” The guy from New York calls home and talks for 3 hours and the devil says “That will be $500.” The gu...

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Boudreaux and Thibodeau go hunting one weekend

While out in the woods, they are able to track and kill a deer that morning. While Thibodeau is gutting the deer, Boudreaux feels nature’s call and tells Thibodeau he has to go pop a squat. So, Boudreaux finds a tree a little bit away and does his business. However, he falls asleep!

Thibodeau...

My Alg II teacher told us this one (Part 1)

There was a man named Boodro who lives in Louisiana. He has had just gotten done crab fishing and had went into town with a bucket full of crabs. His friend Tibbideux comes out of a nearby store, and sees his bucket. Tibbideux says, "Hey, what's in that bucket?" And Boodro replies, "I got crabs in t...

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Robot

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to
the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics,
sp...

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A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

Did you hear about the plant in Baton Rouge Louisiana thats been producing spanish food since the 11th century?

It's a bayou tapas-tree.

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived...

Alligator Shoes. (Long)

A Blonde woman walked into a small Louisiana shoe store, and looked around at all of the footwear on display. After a few moments, a salesman walked over to her, and politely asked “Can I help you, ma’am?”

“Yes,” the blonde woman replied, “I’m interested in these alligator leather shoes.” Sh...

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

Engineering Position

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a refinery company. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: ...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

A Texas Biologist

A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

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An old black meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven

St. Peter is there, and tells him

"Welcome, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven you must have done something worthwhile with your life, what have you done my son?"

"well", he said in a raspy voice, "I made love to a white woman"

"...okaay" St. Peter responded, "that's......

Alligator Shoes

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and ki...

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux was a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana who was born and raised a Baptist . Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, as a point of interest, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic and as such were for...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

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A Texan, an Oklahoman, and a Louisianan are sitting around a campfire.

The guy from Louisiana says, “I once moved two hundred head of cattle through a hurricane.”

The Oklahoman scoffs and says, “Heck, that’s nothing. I once moved three hundred head of cattle through two tornados!”

The Texan said nothing and continued to stir the coals of the fire with his...

Insuring the Army

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty.

Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the ...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

So an Army Ranger wants himself a pair of Gator Boots...

But this being an Army Ranger, he's not just going to *buy* himself a pair of boots, no, he's gonna make his own. So he heads down to Louisiana and makes his way to the bayou. He finds a nice little bait shop, buys himself a nice knife, and asks the shop owner where he can find himself a decent size...

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Boudreau goes huntin'

There was these two Louisiana Cajuns on the bayou.

One morning Leroy saw Boudreau in his boat floating down the bayou with a lawnmower in it. "Hey Boudreau the hell you gon do with that lawnmower?" "This here's a John Deere and I'm going deer huntin!"

Leroy shakes his head at Boudreau...

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Friday Update - Jokes for the week of 3/16-3/22

A new study shows sugary drinks cause over 180k deaths a year, only 4 of which are from being crushed by a soda machine. I like those odds!

Japan has created a remote controlled mobile toilet, because sometimes you just gotta go.

A North Korean spokesman has said that its nuclear arms ...

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Boudreaux Goes Looking for a Job

Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately.

"Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job."'

The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and...

Sean Connery lay on his death bed as he is rushed in a helicopter.

But he isn't on his way to the hospital. As the craft gently touches down, he is carefully wheeled off and pushed into the midst of beautiful New Orleans.

"Well, here we are, Sir Connery," his doctor says, beaming. "Orleans Parish, the most culturally diverse and gorgeous parish in all of Lo...

Women's Convention (A little Long)

Women from around the world gather at this convention to share their stories of how they rekindled their love with their husbands.

A English women approaches the stage and begins, " for five days I told my husband, I will no longer cook for you, make you tea, and do you laundry. The first day...

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The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

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