Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it agai...

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "

A couple members of the audience raised their hands. "Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans."

A businesswoman from Connecticut has a meeting in Alabama.

Her meeting done, she stops at a local bar for a quick drink.

Her bartender, noting her northern accent, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did you go to school?"

She smiles and says, "Yale."

He says, "YEW SHORE TALK PURTY. WHAR DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"

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Georgia and Connecticut girls

Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together. One of them’s from Georgia, one of them’s from Connecticut. The girl from Connecticut’s helping her mother put up curtains. Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, “Hi. Where y’all from?” Girl from Connecticut says, “we’re from a place w...

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A mail order bride and the butcher . . .

A rich, American man had bad luck with women and finally decided to find a mail order bride from Russia. She arrived a few weeks after his order was made, and they got married and lived happily in a rich Connecticut suburb.

Though the poor lady was not very proficient in English, she did mana...

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A man is driving through Hartford, CT

he sees a bunch of orange traffic cones toppled over and strewn all over the road. It's not an isolated incident either. Everywhere in the city traffic cones are in utter disarray, like the construction crews just didn't give a shit and threw them anywhere, causing mayhem with the traffic

At ...

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An Irishman walks into a bar...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

An Irish p...

This year I vow to be twice the husband and father that I have been

I’m gonna spend equal time with my secret family in Connecticut

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state.

Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

Anyone else experiencing bad weather?

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern tip of Connecticut. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the North wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but...

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Ending a sentence with a preposition.

A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern Belle sat down next to her.

"Where y'all goin' to?" asked the Southern Belle.

Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied "I don't answer peop...

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