A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.

The officer looked in the back of Jeff’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”



Jeff replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”



“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.



The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving d...

What does Jeff Bezos do right before bed time?

He puts his pjamazon.

Why did Bill Gates' and Jeff Bezos’ marriages both end in divorce?

Because they realized they were in a union.

Doctor: Don’t be nervous Jeff, it’s gonna be a quick surgery.

Patient: But my name isn’t Jeff..

Doctor: I know, it’s mine.

George and Jeff watches TV

George: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Jeff: "What happened?"

George: "An earthquake! They found 13 dead, and counting!"

Jeff: "That *is* terrible."

Jeff: "I hate counting too."

Why did Jeff Bezos get divorced?

He’s anti-union.

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

3 turtles named Joe, Jeff, and Jimmy decide to go on a picnic

They pack, chips, sandwiches, and soda, and start to walk to their picnic area. The spot is 5 miles away, and it takes the turtles 10 full days to get there. Once they get there, they realize that they had left the bottle opener, and thus could not open the sodas. They nominate Jimmy to walk back an...

Jeff Bezos is no longer the President of Amazon.

But he's still the Prime Minister.

Why will Jeff Bezos' career in standup comedy be a success?

He's already mastered delivery

Jeff Bezos’ next big project is to have custom made suits delivered to your house within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven’t. Do they call him that because he runs fast?" Jeff replies, “Nah, they call him that because he doesn’t wear pants.”

Jeff just had a pillow fight with death...

He faced the reaper-cushions

If you can say nothing else about Jeff Goldblum, you can say this.....

He's pretty fly for a white guy.

"Is anyone here named Jeff?"

Jeff: "Yes"
Geoff: "Yeos"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

What would Jeff Bezos’ currency be called?

Slavery.

Why Amazon bought Whole Foods

Jeff Bezos: Alexa buy olives from Whole Foods

Alexa: Buying all of Whole Foods

Jeff: No Olives... Meh I can afford it go ahead.

Hey Jeff, got any ice cream in the freezer?

Jeffrey Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

Jeff goes to the grocery store.

Jeff - (to the clerk) can I get those dog biscuits?

Clerk - sure sir, would you like to eat in or take out?

What is Jeff Bezos's favourite comedy show?

"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

If I had one dollar for every time someone complained about how rich Jeff Bezos is

I still wouldn’t be as rich as Jeff Bezos.

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

My wife asked me why I was talking so softly at home...

.. I told her that I was afraid that Jeff Bezos might be listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

Jeff Bozos was cleaning his bedside lamp when a genie popped out.

Genie: One wish only, my good sir.

Bezos: Name it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream...

...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.

A regular family dinner

Son: Mama, I saw Papa in the maids bedroom today

Pa: H-Hey now you just be quiet and eat your dinner son

Ma: Go on son...

Son: Papa took off his clothes and the maid did the same!!!

Pa: Now listen here you lying little sh--

Ma: Finish the story Son!

Son: The...

Did anyone see the new Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels movie last night?

Dumb and Dumber III: Lloyd and Harry Run for President.

Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?

Unless he has his Pajamazon.

Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That‘s a really expensive net!

Did you know that Jeff Bezos has been ennobled?

You can now address him as Sir Plus.

My son came to me & said: 'Can I have a book mark?'

14 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Jeff

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never will you meet a man like Jeff.

Diana told Jeff she hated to be embarrassed. She broke up with every man she embarrassed herself in front of.

After eating at a resturaunt, Diana unexpectedly burped loudly. Before she could even turn red, Jeff burped so loud the dishes rattled.

While sitting in church, Diana farted. B...

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

Jeff Bezos isn't a great guy...

...But I enjoy his company.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

“Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

“Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

“Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally built up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

“That's great!" sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and Jeff buy 2 horses

Bob: So how do we recognize them?
Jeff: I'll cut mine an ear so we will know which one is which.

*Jeff cuts an ear from his horse.When he looks back he sees that Bob did the same thing to his*

Jeff: You idiot! How are we gonna recognize them now? I'm going to cut the other ear.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

What do you call a rich Mexican?

Jeff Pesos

What do Jeff Bezos and Jamal Khashoggi have in common?

They were both hacked by Saudis.

Jeff Bezos divorced his wife after 25 years of marriage...

I guess she's past her prime.

What's the resemblance between a battery and Jeff Epstein?

They both die in a cell!

Bill Gates now richer than Jeff Bezos

Now he can look down on Amazon from his Windows

Jeff Bezos has announced that he will start paying a living wage

Or as his lawyer called it,"alimony."

In response to his ex-wife taking The Giving Pledge, Jeff Bezos announced he is giving three quarters of his fortune to charity.

Twenty five cents now and fifty cents over the next four years.

Jeff Bezos paid a Brazilian arsonist

Desperate to get #AmazonFire trending.

Jeff asks his mom if he can go swimming

J: Mooooom can i go swimming, they are opening the 3m jumping tower today.

M: ok

* Jeff comes home with a broken arm *

The next day Jeff asks:
Mooooom can I go swimming, they are opening the 5m jumping tower today.

M: ok, but be careful

* Jeff comes home with...

I’m not surprised that Jeff Bezos started seeing a woman who was close to his wife.

Classic Amazon: “if you like this, here is something similar that you might like”

Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.

One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Phone call with Jeff.

Me: Hey Jeff, wanna here a joke?

Jeff: sure, fire away

Me: what has a tiny penis and hangs down

Jeff: What?

Me: A bat, what has a large penis and hangs up?

Jeff: What?

*click*

Just remember this if you ever feel poor:

Your closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos ever will.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates and Elon Musk are golfing together

Out of nowhere, Bill puts one finger in his ear and points another at his mouth and starts talking. When he’s done, he explains that he has a microchip in both fingers to act as a phone. Not long after that, Elon starts talking but to seemingly no one. When he’s finished he explains that his microch...

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

They both had a great time.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is getting divorced from his wife

Apparently attempts to re-Kindle Fire into their relationship failed.

Jeff Bezos at a meeting:

"We might have to hold up on the release of the new Amazon Fire."

I think it’s safe to say Jeff Epstein’s last moments were somewhat calm and relaxed

He was just hanging out

what's the difference between Jeff Epstein's plane and a normal flight ?

on a normal flight you're only getting screwed by the airline

I see Amazon boss Jeff Bezos’ wife is leaving him.

With a neighbour, presumably.

Why did Jeff Bezos divorce his wife?

Because he found out marriages are classified as "recognized unions."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim, Jeff and Joe are having a few beers at the local watering hole....

and seeing as their wives aren't around to tell the REAL truth, they start talking about what happens when they get in an argument.


"Well, when Jessica and I get in an argument about what to watch on TV, I tell her I bought the damn TV so I get to pick what we watch and when we watch it...

Did you hear why Jeff Bezos' wife is leaving him?

He was caught cheating with Alexa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, Jack and Jeff visit the queen with gifts...

... John has got an orange. The queen gets mad. Tells the guards to shove the orange up John’s arse.

Next, Jack comes up to the queen with a banana. Queen gets furious. Shoves the banana up his arse.

Then Jeff comes with a mango. Queen is mad again. Up goes the mango in Jeff’s arse....

Two cannibals are eating Jeff Dunham.

One turns to the other and says "does this taste funny?"
The other cannibal says "No".

Bob and Jeff are at the funeral for their friend Larry

Bob: I can't believe this, were you as shocked as I was to hear the horrible news?

Jeff: Actually, I was with him when he died. We were playing golf and on the 10th hole he had a heart attack and dropped dead.

Bob: Jeez, I'm so sorry. That must have been awful for you.

Jeff: It ...

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

The movie “A Quiet Place” is based on a Jeff Dunham skit.

SILENCE!! THEY KEEEL YOU!!!

I asked Jeff Bezos’ wife why they were getting a divorce.

She said now that he’s out of this prime it takes him more than two days to come.

Today we learned 2 things about Jeff Bezos: He has big cojones...

And there might be pictures of them

Trump fired Jeff Sessions

The only confederate Monument he is actually willing to take down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my friend Jeff is gay. But I don’t know.

I’m not good with names.

I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Card Game

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man, named Jeff, recently joined a marketing company

And he was doing kind of well. His ads were always slightly overperforming in contrast to many others who had "hit or miss" situations, but his good work were completely by John Avoh, who knocked it out of the park constantly, receiving praise, companies asking for him personally and so on and so fo...

My mate Jeff met a girl on Tinder who invited him back to her flat for a threesome with her twin...

Apparently her brothers moustache was really tickly.

How do you track down DJ Jazzy Jeff in the snow?

Follow the fresh prints

Bubba and Jeff are walking through the brush

Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!

Jeff is rolling on the ground, and Bubba in a panic calls 911.
"911 What is your emergen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff Goldblum is a given a chance to go back to Jurassic Park

Against all advice he decides to go and is airdropped from a plane on the island. On his way down he gets awe struck by the beauty of it all and forgets to chute till it's too late.

Luckily he ends up landing on something soft and squishy. After a brief moment of relief he realizes he's stuck...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The ...

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service!

They were going to call it Jeff's Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

My life might be an economic failure

But at least I’m closer to $100 billion than Jeff Bezos

Lets hear it johnny

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOM...

Did any news come out of Attorney General Jeff Sessions testimony?

“I don’t recall.”

Jeff Sessions was asked why the telemarketing company fired him

He did not recall

I heard a Jeff Sessions joke yesterday

But I can't recall it now.

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day.

Steve suddenly fell off, and it killed him instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them will have to tell Steve's wife about the incident. Bob said he was good at the sensitive stuff, so he volunteered for the job.

After two hours he returned...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.