A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.

The officer looked in the back of Jeff’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”



Jeff replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”



“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.



The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving d...

A United States Marine named Jeff was deployed to Afghanistan

While he was there he received a letter that said: "To Jeff" from his girlfriend back home.
In the letter, she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.


To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of...

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

Why did Jeff Bezos get divorced?

He realized his marriage was a union.

What would Jeff Bezos’ currency be called?

Slavery.

If I had one dollar for every time someone complained about how rich Jeff Bezos is

I still wouldn’t be as rich as Jeff Bezos.

Jeff Bezos is cleaning out his attic and stumbles upon a magic lamp

Naturally, he rubs it and out comes a genie. As soon as the genie comes out, Jeff Bezos starts walking away.

Genie: Uhm...hello, I’m a genie...what about the wish?

Bezos: Ugh, fine, what do you want?

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

Jeff Bezos will never be the President of Amazon.

But he'll always be the Prime Minister.

Hey Jeff, got any ice cream in the freezer?

Jeffrey Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

Jeff goes to the grocery store.

Jeff - (to the clerk) can I get those dog biscuits?

Clerk - sure sir, would you like to eat in or take out?

What is Jeff Bezos's favourite comedy show?

"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

Did anyone see the new Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels movie last night?

Dumb and Dumber III: Lloyd and Harry Run for President.

Jeff Bozos was cleaning his bedside lamp when a genie popped out.

Genie: One wish only, my good sir.

Bezos: Name it.

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Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

Jeff Bezos had to divorce his wife last year.

He was shocked when he found out that marriage counted as a union.

Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream...

...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.

Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That‘s a really expensive net!

Did you know that Jeff Bezos has been ennobled?

You can now address him as Sir Plus.

Jeff Bezos found a genie in the wild

Genie: One wish...

Jeff: Just tell me directly, I'll get it done.

Genie: ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

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Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

“Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

“Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

“Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally built up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

“That's great!" sa...

Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?

Unless he has his Pajamazon.

What's the difference between Alex Jones and Jeff Bezos?

Alex Jones was on Joe Rogan

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Never will you meet a man like Jeff.

Diana told Jeff she hated to be embarrassed. She broke up with every man she embarrassed herself in front of.

After eating at a resturaunt, Diana unexpectedly burped loudly. Before she could even turn red, Jeff burped so loud the dishes rattled.

While sitting in church, Diana farted. B...

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

Jeff Bezos isn't a great guy...

...But I enjoy his company.

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The Card Game

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the ...

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service!

They were going to call it Jeff's Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

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Bob and Jeff buy 2 horses

Bob: So how do we recognize them?
Jeff: I'll cut mine an ear so we will know which one is which.

*Jeff cuts an ear from his horse.When he looks back he sees that Bob did the same thing to his*

Jeff: You idiot! How are we gonna recognize them now? I'm going to cut the other ear.
...

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Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

What do Jeff Bezos and Jamal Khashoggi have in common?

They were both hacked by Saudis.

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

My life might be an economic failure

But at least I’m closer to $100 billion than Jeff Bezos

Bill Gates now richer than Jeff Bezos

Now he can look down on Amazon from his Windows

What's the resemblance between a battery and Jeff Epstein?

They both die in a cell!

In response to his ex-wife taking The Giving Pledge, Jeff Bezos announced he is giving three quarters of his fortune to charity.

Twenty five cents now and fifty cents over the next four years.

Jeff Bezos paid a Brazilian arsonist

Desperate to get #AmazonFire trending.

Jeff asks his mom if he can go swimming

J: Mooooom can i go swimming, they are opening the 3m jumping tower today.

M: ok

* Jeff comes home with a broken arm *

The next day Jeff asks:
Mooooom can I go swimming, they are opening the 5m jumping tower today.

M: ok, but be careful

* Jeff comes home with...

I’m not surprised that Jeff Bezos started seeing a woman who was close to his wife.

Classic Amazon: “if you like this, here is something similar that you might like”

Jeff Bezos divorced his wife after 25 years of marriage...

I guess she's past her prime.

Jeff Bezos has announced that he will start paying a living wage

Or as his lawyer called it,"alimony."

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Phone call with Jeff.

Me: Hey Jeff, wanna here a joke?

Jeff: sure, fire away

Me: what has a tiny penis and hangs down

Jeff: What?

Me: A bat, what has a large penis and hangs up?

Jeff: What?

*click*

Jeff Bezos at a meeting:

"We might have to hold up on the release of the new Amazon Fire."

I think it’s safe to say Jeff Epstein’s last moments were somewhat calm and relaxed

He was just hanging out

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is getting divorced from his wife

Apparently attempts to re-Kindle Fire into their relationship failed.

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

Lets hear it johnny

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOM...

There’s a sweet old couple happily living life.

One day the wife went in for a medical exam and when she came home she reported to her husband, "The doctor says I have the heart of a 50-year-old, lungs of a 40-year-old, and the blood pressure of a 25-year-old."

The husband replies, "Oh really? And what did he say about your 70-year-old ass...

what's the difference between Jeff Epstein's plane and a normal flight ?

on a normal flight you're only getting screwed by the airline

"Is anybody here named Jeff?"

Jeff: "Yes."

Geoff: "Yeos."

Cringe joke I came up with, I think

Who’s the richest man in South America?
Why, Jeff Pezos, of course!

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Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates and Elon Musk are golfing together

Out of nowhere, Bill puts one finger in his ear and points another at his mouth and starts talking. When he’s done, he explains that he has a microchip in both fingers to act as a phone. Not long after that, Elon starts talking but to seemingly no one. When he’s finished he explains that his microch...

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Jim, Jeff and Joe are having a few beers at the local watering hole....

and seeing as their wives aren't around to tell the REAL truth, they start talking about what happens when they get in an argument.


"Well, when Jessica and I get in an argument about what to watch on TV, I tell her I bought the damn TV so I get to pick what we watch and when we watch it...

[OC] I just spent my morning break writing this joke.

Jeff had spent most of his adult life in prison for a string of drug offenses and theft. He is finally being released at 28 years old after a decade in prison.

He approaches his jailhouse lover, Vince, a former English teacher and schoolboy fondler. Vince was a little sad to say goodbye, and...

There was this drunk walking down the street

He walks up to this cop and he says, “man, somebody stole my car”.

And the cops says, “well where was it”... and he says “it was right on the end of this key”.

The cop says, “I don’t know man, why don’t you go down to the precinct house and report it down there. They’ll fill out all t...

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

They both had a great time.

Did you hear why Jeff Bezos' wife is leaving him?

He was caught cheating with Alexa.

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A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek her fortune.

At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host and asks him "Who's the most powerful man in the room?"

“That would be Jeff over there by the caviar" he says.

The young woman walks over to Jeff and says "Excuse me, Jeff, would you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd lik...

The movie “A Quiet Place” is based on a Jeff Dunham skit.

SILENCE!! THEY KEEEL YOU!!!

Little Henry’s father

Little Henry was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thi...

Bob and Jeff are at the funeral for their friend Larry

Bob: I can't believe this, were you as shocked as I was to hear the horrible news?

Jeff: Actually, I was with him when he died. We were playing golf and on the 10th hole he had a heart attack and dropped dead.

Bob: Jeez, I'm so sorry. That must have been awful for you.

Jeff: It ...

I asked Jeff Bezos’ wife why they were getting a divorce.

She said now that he’s out of this prime it takes him more than two days to come.

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John, Jack and Jeff visit the queen with gifts...

... John has got an orange. The queen gets mad. Tells the guards to shove the orange up John’s arse.

Next, Jack comes up to the queen with a banana. Queen gets furious. Shoves the banana up his arse.

Then Jeff comes with a mango. Queen is mad again. Up goes the mango in Jeff’s arse....

Today we learned 2 things about Jeff Bezos: He has big cojones...

And there might be pictures of them

(Translated from polish) During a math class, teacher was asking first graders how many watermelons could they lift if one of them weighted about 3kg

Teacher: How many watermelons could you lift Sarah?

-I can lift one watermelon in my hands.

Teacher: Very good. What about you Tom?

-I could lift two watermelons! First one in my left hand and second one in my right hand.

Teacher: Great! And you Jonathan?

-I could ...

I don't know what all the fuss is about seeing Jeff Bezo's junk...

We already know he has a prime member.

Two cannibals are eating Jeff Dunham.

One turns to the other and says "does this taste funny?"
The other cannibal says "No".

I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

Trump fired Jeff Sessions

The only confederate Monument he is actually willing to take down.

Always be closing

Head car salesman Jeff, having just had a heart to heart with bottom performer Larry about how important getting his next sale was to keeping his job, walked back out onto the sales lot and into a sight that nearly caused him to have a coronary.

Larry, considered dim even by using LED bulb wa...

My mate Jeff met a girl on Tinder who invited him back to her flat for a threesome with her twin...

Apparently her brothers moustache was really tickly.

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A young man, named Jeff, recently joined a marketing company

And he was doing kind of well. His ads were always slightly overperforming in contrast to many others who had "hit or miss" situations, but his good work were completely by John Avoh, who knocked it out of the park constantly, receiving praise, companies asking for him personally and so on and so fo...

Bubba and Jeff are walking through the brush

Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!

Jeff is rolling on the ground, and Bubba in a panic calls 911.
"911 What is your emergen...

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A radio station

ran a contest for listeners to pick English words that are no longer in use but should be brought back. A caller called...


Hi, my name is Dave


Hi Dave. What's your word?


Goan, spelt G O A N


Ok it's not in the dictionary. How do we use this?


Goan...

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

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Jeff Goldblum is a given a chance to go back to Jurassic Park

Against all advice he decides to go and is airdropped from a plane on the island. On his way down he gets awe struck by the beauty of it all and forgets to chute till it's too late.

Luckily he ends up landing on something soft and squishy. After a brief moment of relief he realizes he's stuck...

A man enters a party and says "Is anybody here named Jeff?"

Jeff raised his hand and said "Yes."

Geoff raised his hand and said "Yeos."

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Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The ...

Did any news come out of Attorney General Jeff Sessions testimony?

“I don’t recall.”

Jeff Sessions was asked why the telemarketing company fired him

He did not recall

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A circus is looking for new acts so they place an advert in the local paper

A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. "Hi I'm Jeff!" says the caller "I saw your advert and it sounds like my dream! I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus!"

"Well ok Jeff, tell me about yourself, what's your skill?" says the agent

"I can skateboard!...

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk i...

I heard a Jeff Sessions joke yesterday

But I can't recall it now.

I love racists

Jeff Gordon is my favorite though.

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day.

Steve suddenly fell off, and it killed him instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them will have to tell Steve's wife about the incident. Bob said he was good at the sensitive stuff, so he volunteered for the job.

After two hours he returned...

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Deaf Man Steals Chicken

There once was a deaf man named Jeff who lived in the countryside. He had this neighbor, Brad, who raised some chickens in his front yard.

One day, Jeff was was walking by his neighbor's house and saw one fat juicy chicken that caught his eye. Seeing that there was no one around, Jeff stole ...

Who is Mexico's richest man?

Jeff Pesos

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