Wisconsin Jokes - 75 Hilarious Wisconsin Jokes

Why is cellphone reception so good in Wisconsin

Even the smallest towns have at least 4 bars

My parents said that if I got a tattoo I'd have to get it in a place that didn't matter...

So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The f...

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

Why did Wisconsin ban round bales of hay..?

...It's because the cows need a square meal.

What do you call a person from Wisconsin who always has alot to say?

A Milwaukee-Talkie

What do you get when the new French President visits Wisconsin?

Macron and cheese.

Why is Secretary of State Tillerson holding middle east peace talks during Thanksgiving in Wisconsin?

It's the only state that serves curds and turks at the same table.

Why do trees in Wisconsin lean south East?

Because the Bears suck and the Vikings blow

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

Bob, Nora & Dan are fishing in Northern Wisconsin one summer.

Dan accidentally drops his sunglasses in the water and decides to go in after them. After awhile, he fails to come up and Bob & Nora both remember Dan can't swim. Bob goes in after him and after a bit, gets the body up into the boat.

After starting mouth-to-mouth. Bob says "I don't reca...

In Wisconsin, you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

You can't take pictures with a wooden leg, in Wisconsin or anywhere else!

You need a camera to take pictures!

What do you call someone from Northern Syria who took refuge in Wisconsin?

A cheese Kurd.

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin. A few days after the election, the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her father and says, “So, dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don't think so, Susie. It's an 18-hour drive.”

“Don't worry about it, dad! I will send Air Force One, and a limousine to pick you up at your door.”

“I don't know, Susie. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, dad,” replies Susan, “I'll make sure she ha...

What's the Wisconsin State Motto?

Come and Smell Our Dairy Air!

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?"

Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."...

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Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple...

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In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: “what God has joined let no man put asunder.” The groom interrupted: “what’s asunder?”

The preacher said “apart.” The farmer said “a part of what?” “Apart from your wife” said the now frustrated minister. The groom said “shit! I already got a part from her.”

What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin?

Parmageddon

I met a man on a bridge getting ready to jump.

I said "Wait, friend. Don't jump. Don't you have faith in the Lord?"

The man paused and said "Yes. I do have faith in the Lord."

I said "I'm a Christian." He said "Me too."

I said "I'm a protestant." He said "Me too."

I said "I'm a Lutheran." He said "Me too."

I sa...

Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that num...

A friend from Mexico recently moved up to Wisconsin with me

Naturally, one of the first places we went was a cheese shop. He was being all tentative, only considering purchasing a small block of cheddar. He’s never going to fit like that.

I said to him, “Jesus, take the wheel.”

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?

They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

What do you call a traffic jam full of trucks in Wisconsin?

A cheesy pickup line.

Q: Why did the Wisconsin democrat cry?

A: He couldn't recall.

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The Penis Study

In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to ...

The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

Uncle just told me this one.

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"

The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where di...

I read that there's going to be a "Rally for Love" in Wisconsin

Usually the just call it a "family reunion," but whatever.

Being football fans ... Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south ?

Because Minnesota blows & Chicago sucks

What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?

A Cheese Kurd.

Two fishermen from Texas decide to try ice fishing for the first time

They drive up to Wisconsin and stop at the tackle shop by the lake side. One fisherman buys a couple of ice picks and leaves while the other buys some bait. A little while later, the first fisherman comes back and buys 6 more ice picks, which the shop keeper is happy to supply, but is a little curio...

Met my first Mandalorian today

He was a Wisconsin dairy farmer, took me on a tour of a Mando dairy. First, he showed me the snack curd-making facility, then pointed and said,

“This is the whey.”

One in a million. (from /r/TheDidTheMath)

"My dad just told my Mom that she's one in a million. That means there is 6 people like her in Wisconsin, 312 in the US, and 6,973 on Earth. That's a lot of people that are really bad at making meatloaf and always buys the wrong kind of cereal. God save us all."

A ticket to the State Troopers Ball !

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Wisconsin State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book.

She said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball.”

The officer promptly replied, “Wisconsin State Troopers don’t have balls.”
...

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Correct Grammar

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where yall from?" The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat...

Where are we?

Not mine:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before w...

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived...

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

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A dermatologist sees a patient with a rash

One cold April morning, a dermatologist sees a young, female patient who says she has a skin problem on her chest. He tells her to lift the shirt and sees an 'H'-shaped rash. The dermatologist had never seen any letter-shaped rashes like this before so her asks her about it.

The woman sheepi...

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Carnation Milk

65 Years Ago.

This is PRICELESS ............

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around
her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk,
with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery
stores...

How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

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Doctor is giving a physical exam to a lady

he asks her to remove her shirt, when he then noticed she had a bruise in the shape of the letter "H" on her chest.

When he asked about it, she said that her boyfriend attends Harvard, and that he's so proud of it that he never takes off his school sweater, even when they have sex.

So ...

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So, a woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup.

While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it,

"Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sex."

The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup. While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest ...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. ...

The first man had married a woman from Iowa and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Minnesota. He had giv...

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Baby Skunk.

Dave and his wife, Anne, were driving home one very cold night in Wisconsin, when Anne yells at him to stop the car. Anne jumps out and picks up a little bundle that was laying in the road. She brings it back to the car and it turns out it was a baby skunk. It was barely alive, but very cold.
...

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Freighter carrying Viagra sinks in Lake Michigan

Now instead of drooping limply into Illinois, the Greatest Lake now projects majestically into Wisconsin.

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3 men enter a public restroom

All three stand at the urinals, doing their business.

The first shakes his final dribbles and zips up, then heads to the sink, where he proceeds to wash his hands thoroughly with soap and water - twice. As he is scrubbing away, he explains - "I'm from Wisconsin, and we have been taught to be ...

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Weather forecasting

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in Wisconsin asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be...

Two Business Men Make a Pact

Two Business Men make a pact, the first one who dies will come back and tell the other one what the afterlife is like.

So Joe dies first. A year to the day, he calls out to his partner..Sam It's me Joe.

Joe? So what is it like out there.?"

Joe..well first we have breakfast and t...

tell me your best " i was gonna tell a joke about X but Y"

mine is i was going to tell a joke about Wisconsin but it was too cheesy.
ninja edit: i love puns

I can't complain

My politically passionate friend was going on a rant about Trump's election. He was absolutely livid, and asked me what I thought.

"I can't complain," I said, nonchalantly.

Incredulous, my friend shouted, "How can you possibly be so cool about this? We just elected a misogynist to the ...

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So, I was a pallbearer at a funeral

I was once a Pallbearer at a funeral in Wisconsin during the winter and it was cold as shit with alot of snow and ice on the ground. As we were carrying the coffin down the stairs, one of the pallbearers slipped and fell down which caused all of us to lose our grip and the coffin fell onto the icy s...

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Exam for athletes

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire wi...

I just moved to Wisconsin, and my neighbour invited me over to meet his wife and his sister. When I got there...

...the three of us had dinner.

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

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A doctor is seeing a patient.

A doctor is giving a female patient a routine physical. At one point, he needs to examine the woman’s chest. He asks her to remove her top, and notices a large red “H” on her chest.
He asks her “What’s with the ‘H’ on your chest?” She responds by saying “My boyfriend was accepted into Harvard an...

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The rash.

It's the beginning of a new school year on a college campus. This doctor is getting rather busy with physicals and check ups on the campus.

A girl comes in for a check up and while she's shirtless the doctor sees a strange rash in the shape of a 'Y' on her chest.

The doctor asks her ...

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There's a guy out hunting and he shoots a duck.

The DNR warden comes out of the woods and says, whachu got there? Got a duck, got a duck? He sticks his finger up the ducks butt, nods his head and says, thats a Wisconsin duck, you got a Wisconsin hunting license? The guy pulls out his wallet and shows him a Wisconsin hunting license.

The n...

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

Three women walk into a doctors office... (x-post from r/funny)

...So the doctor calls in the first one in for her exam. she takes off her shirt and has a big H tattooed on her chest. The doctor asks why there is an H on her chest to which she says: "My husband went to Harvard and he likes to see the H when we do it." The doctor finishes his exam and sends her o...

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One morning a doctor is examining a young woman

As she takes her blouse off the doctor notices that there is a large "H" imprinted on her chest. The doctor asks about it and the young woman replies "my boyfriend is a graduate of Harvard. He's so proud of that fact that he never takes his college sweater off, even when we have sex."

The nex...

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Monkeys.

After years of tedious interdisciplinary study, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison confirmed that the reason monkeys throw feces is because they considered the target's behaviors to be acts of aggression.

... Talk hit, get shit.

rural upbringin'

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?

Prom night.

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A couples' therapist encounters a client with a giant red "M" on her chest. [NSFW]

Concerned, the therapist asks the woman if her husband is abusing her in some strange satanic manner. "No," replies the client, "my husband is a Mississippi fan and insists on wearing his game jersey every time we have an 'interaction'." A couple days later, the therapist meets another client who sh...

A gynecologist goes to an all-girl university to give year check-ups

The first girl comes in and undresses. The doctor notices she has a rash on her stomach in the shape of an H, "well that's a weirdly shaped rash."

"Oh, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he's so proud he goes to Harvard that he won't take off his letterman's sweater when we make love."

T...

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A Doctor was performing his annual check-up on a woman...

He noticed she had a strange rash in the shape of an H on her chest.

He asked if she knew were it came from.

She replied, "Oh yes, my husband went to Harvard. He's so proud he never takes off his sweatshirt. Even during sex"

The Doctor is bemused but soon forgets about it.
<...

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A doctor was performing mammograms on their patients

The first patient comes in and takes off her shirt. The doctor notices a large "S" tattooed across her chest, so she asks the patient what it means. The patient replies "well, my boyfriend went to Stanford and when he sees the 'S' on my chest, he gets really excited and we have great sex." Doctor sa...

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An elderly man walked up to me today when I was wearing my Michigan sweatshirt. Without even saying hello, he started telling me...

A beautiful blonde woman visits the doctor for an annual checkup. The doctor looks her over from head to toe doing his routine tests on her. Standing there naked still, the woman asks the doctor if she seems ok. The doctor looks at her and say, "Ma'am, you're perfectly healthy. The only thing I a...

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Dont drink the water...

An Amish Man is tilling his farm in Wisconsin, As he passes the local pond he sees a man with a tea bag hanging from his hat standing next to the water trying to reach in for a drink. The Amish man yells "Trinken Sie nicht, dass Scheiße die Kühe und Tiere, dass" Which means "Dont drink that its were...

Why in the world did a Kenosha, Wisconsin police officer shoot the unarmed Jacob Blake in the back SEVEN TIMES, leaving him paralyzed?

Because he ran out of bullets.

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