I was driving down to Florida and got pulled over for speeding halfway through Georgia.

The cop told me and my buddy that nobody goes that fast through his county. My friend leaned over and said, "Sherman did."

(Credit to u/hisownspace for the joke)

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A group of friends decide to get together and go on a hunting trip in Georgia to get away for a few days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being picked up by their guide 'Bubba' at the airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.

Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on the hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing till I tell ya its all right. Now listen up real good to this here, you see them bunch of Hound dog...

A young man's truck breaks down in rural Georgia right next to a farm

After trying (and failing) to fix his truck, he decides to ask the farmer if he can spend the night at his house. The farmer reluctantly agrees, saying "The only room I have available is across from my 18 year old daughter's room. I don't want to see you trying anything." As the farmer leads the you...

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've bee...

I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia.

I’m peachless.

There's a new epic movie coming out about Harry & Meghan abandoning the royalty and moving to Georgia to lead an agrarian lifestyle.

It's called ***Gone with the Windsors***

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

Why is Trump losing support in Georgia?

Hates peach.

Some minds are like concrete...

Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.


Got this out of a Georgia newspaper.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Atlanta to do a show for the Children’s Hospital. He didn't want to be late. The trooper t...

The devil whispered in my ear you aren’t good enough, you’ll never amount to anything.....

I whispered back, at least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly in Georgia.

Why should you never buy cars made in Georgia?

Because they are always Stalin

Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang east on I-20 toward Georgia.

When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"

The sarge replied, "Forget it, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

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A man from the mountainous country of Georgia is on trial for murder

Judge: Defendant, what was your motive for killing the victim?

Georgian man: So, I leave home for store, right? But as I walk down the street, I go, 'Vaivaivai, [slams forehead] Gogi, you forgot your wallet!'

So I go back, but right before I come in, I look through the window, and ...

There's Georgia, the state, and Georgia, the country...

But my favorite will always be Georgia, the Jungle.

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A man is passing through rural Georgia

As he is driving, he spots a sign along the road that says “Peanut butter and jelly flavored peaches, next right”.

Intrigued, the man takes the next right to the farm. He sees a farm standing next to a fruit stand.

Man: “Can I sample one of your PBNJ peaches? Sorry, I’m just a bit skep...

You know how all these actresses are pulling out of Georgia over the abortion thing...





don't they know that isn't effective birth control?

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

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THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy...

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Donald Trump found out about impeachment tonight coming after him.

Donald Trump: "Was she the stripper from Georgia? Write her a check."

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A Canadian drove into the US in hopes of visiting Orange County.

He stopped at the first gas station he saw and asked the attendant for directions.

“Orange County?!” exclaimed the attendant. “You’re in fucking New York! Get out of my station, you crazy son of a bitch.”

The Canadian left, puzzled by the attendant’s impoliteness. He decided to drive ...

"The Dog Story" from Lewis Grizzard

One of the greatest, "The Dog Story"

>We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl.
85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. Peopl...

From 1973 to 2002, Georgia politician Tom Murphy served as speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives

One day, Republican Congresswoman Anne Mueller rose to speak. She noticed, however, that her microphone was turned off. She said "Mr. Speaker, will you please turn me on?"

Murphy replied: "Thirty years ago, I would have tried."

Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, h...

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Two college girls are moving into their dorm

One girl is from Georgia and one is from Connecticut and she is with her mother.

The girl from Georgia walks up and says, “hey, where y’all from?”

Connecticut girl: “Where we’re from, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition,” she laughs.

The girl from Georgia responds: “Oh...

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I was in Georgia one time

I saw a sign on the side of the road that said *All Flavors of Georgia Peaches*. I thought "I might as well see what this is" and pulled into the ranch.

I walked up to the man in the ranch house and asked him what this was all about. He replied, "I have every flavor of peach you could think ...

How I became famous at a hospital during a surgery.

So to give some background information. I was 12 years old at the time and at Emory Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. The reason why was so I could get a tumor out of my eyeball, which was usually a sign of cancer in people in their 50s-60s, not when they are 12. So when I was in the waiting room for my...

The devil went down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal

He was walking along the country road when he saw a boy playing his fiddle on the side of the road.

The devil walks up to him and says, "Hey boy, you're pretty good with that fiddle, but I bet that I'm better than you."

The little boy says, "Alright, mister. What do you have in mind?"<...

I don’t understand satanists

Why would anyone pray to someone who lost a fiddle playing contest to some hillbilly from Georgia?

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A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.

The only three survivors are tourists from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for ...

I once lost a raffle where the prize was the entire mall of Georgia.

I guess you can't win a mall.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

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Clem was small game hunting in the woods right around the border area of North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia.

He had just shot a possum and was putting it in his game bag when the game warden approached. The game warden says, "Whatcha got there son?"

Clem says, "Just doin' a little hunting. I got me a couple squirrels, a rabbit and this here possum." The game warden grabs the possum, sticks his finge...

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[NSFW] On a midnight train to Georgia...

A man and a woman, total strangers, find themselves sharing the same double bunk-bed passenger cabin on the 10:15 PM Amtrack express to Atlanta due to a mix-up at the ticket office.

It's the middle of winter. There's frost on the window, and the shitty Amtrak maintenance means the heat is ou...

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

A New Yorker, a Nebraskan, a Georgian, and a Floridian were driving to Vegas...

After a few hours in the car, the Nebraskan suddenly rolls down his window, opens his bag, and starts chucking corn out the window.

"What are you doing that for?", the others exclaim.

"Back in Nebraska, everywhere I look I see corn. I'm going on vacation and I don't want to see any cor...

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Georgia and Connecticut girls

Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together. One of them’s from Georgia, one of them’s from Connecticut. The girl from Connecticut’s helping her mother put up curtains. Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, “Hi. Where y’all from?” Girl from Connecticut says, “we’re from a place w...

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

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what do you call a girl in Georgia that can outrun her brothers?

A Virgin.

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A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:

“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...

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John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as col...

Georgia and Alabama hate each other

Really we have very similar jokes for each other. In Georgia we say that we know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama because if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teeth brush. In Alabama they say that we sure have some strange uses for those grout cleaners.

A friend emailed me this joke. I hope it's not a recent repost! A travelling salesman is visiting a small town in southern Georgia, when...

...he spots a flyer on a telephone pole advertising a circus and carnival held by the locals for charity. But what REALLY catches his eye was the extra-large-type proclaiming:
“Don’t Miss the Amazing Perfesser!”

Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts.. animals, cl...

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A County Sheriff is driving down a desolate highway, through the woods in Georgia.

He sees a man, completely naked, tied up to a pine tree - arms completely around it, bent down on his knees, with his ass facing the road. The Sheriff pulls over - removes a balled up sock out of the guy's mouth, and asks him what happened.

The guy says, "I picked up a hitchhiker in town 20 ...

A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a car. He says...

...to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "'Bout what?"

So, there was an earthquake in Georgia.

Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.

Why can the Devil never go back to Georgia?

He fiddled up a little kid.

What’s long, brown, and toothless?

The unemployment line in Georgia.

A joke my grandmother, of all people, told me when I was a kid.

I don't know how many of y'all have heard this joke, but here it goes. Two guys were at a University of Georgia football game when one of them looks down at the Georgia Bulldog sidelines and sees Uga, the school mascot, licking himself like dogs like to do. The guy smiles, leans over to his buddy w...

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Army Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Georgia and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog for Sale .'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagl...

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

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A mercurial rocker hands out backstage passes...

A mercurial rocker of a popular band was known to give out many backstage passes. Now this happens all the time in the music industry; however this rocker always handed out the same pass to many women, and never changed it. The pass was for Tulsa OK, and he'd give out the large TULSA backstage pas...

Bubba the Entrepreneur

Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads:
“Suits $5.00 each!

Shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each”
Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Bob, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take ’em back to Sand Mountain, sell ‘e...

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A Penis Study(borderline NSFW)

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the study was published, the Un...

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Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

An old couple driving are pulled over by a state trooper...

The state trooper asks the old woman, "do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

The old woman who could barely see over the steering wheel is hard at hearing and replies, "what?"

The husband sitting next to her says , "he said do you have any idea how fast you were going?" to whi...

Bill Gates opens a contest where he will buy the winner any two companies of the winner’s choosing...

Bill Gates announces that the only catch is that the two chosen companies are to be merged together.

A man eventually wins, and Bill Gates holds a special event to announce the man’s decision.

Bill Gates: Congratulations! You’ve won the highly desired contest! Many people would have do...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

A reporter is interviewing a Florida victim of Hurricane Michael.

In the background, a scene of complete devastation; the roof is gone, half of the walls are down, personal possessions scattered around. The person looks shell-shocked, with an unfocused gaze. The hair is wild, clothes disheveled, dirt smudges on the face and arms.

"So what are you going to d...

An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast...

....when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything.


An station attendent came to the car and started filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to which the...

A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there pap...

It's for a Duck

An Atlanta lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck...

A social worker from a big city.....

.....recently transferred to the sticks in south Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice thr...

Wife's Duties

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.

The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and...

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight.

How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose.

Why are crim...

Three guys go hunting

The first guy, from Georgia, walks off from the hunting camp and returns an hour later with a deer.

The other two hunters ask him how he did it.

"Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the deer."

The second guy, from Alabama, walks off and returns with a bear.

The ot...

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College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words...

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Make us even

Two good ol' boys in a Georgia trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Kia plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off h...

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the m...

Spercomputer was asked to find an alternative to Clinton and Trump to save presidential election.

The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia.
When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump?", he answered:
"Well, maybe because I'm honest about it"

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I think it's kinda funny people named their kids after US states…

Y'know, names like Carolina, Georgia, Dakota, Virginia, etc. When I have a kid, I'm gonna name him Michigan, just in case some guy named Mitch reincarnates into him.

So I saw one of those "Drink for Pink" labels on a bottle of juice...

Sounds like Georgia Tech's hookup strategy.

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Four southern belles

Four southern belles are sitting on the porch on a fine Georgia afternoon sipping sweet tea. The first one says "My husband just bought me this new diamond bracelet. Isn't it just so Beautiful?" All the ladies reply "Hmmm, that's niice."

The second one says "Well now, you see that nice new...

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

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