My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry”

“... but you can’t count Missouri twice.”

If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware?

I don't know but Alaska.

The Missouri Division of Tourism proudly announced they had over 40 million visitors last year.

You know what they say, Missouri loves company.

Did you hear about Missouri’s plan to draw more business in?

The new motto is “Missouri loves companies”.

Have you heard about Missouri's new tourist campaign?

"Missouri loves company."

Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a...

...second wave pool.

TIL that in the 1820 Missouri Compromise, Missouri wasn't able to become a state unless Maine was also granted statehood.

As it turns out, Missouri loves company.

Why do so many sad people go to Jefferson City?

Because Missouri loves company.

You know what I felt coming to the States?

Missouri

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy...

Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?

Because Missouri loves company

What did the depressed teen say in the Midwest?

Please end my Missouri

The bank robber

A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealingthe robbers face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looke...

The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

How many Missouri Police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black.

I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me.

I said, “What, I’m just putting them out of their Missouri”

A resident of St. Louis was recently diagnosed with depression

He's living in Missouri.

Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.

He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"

The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".

St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."

He then asks the second man, "When you wer...

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri.

I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company.

Never thought I would hear an actual funny joke in church

Heard this joke from my priest at church (I live in Kansas City).

A man who lived a lifetime of trouble died and was sentenced to smash rocks in hell to suffer for his sins. One day the devil walked up to the man who was breaking the rocks with ease and asked him how he was doing it so effort...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

Which state of misery can be the worst to live in?

Missouri

The Red Cross knocked on the door...

of an elderly Bostonian, and asked if he could contribute towards the floods in Missouri. He replied he'd love to, but his garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

Farm Joke

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, H...

What did the US say when it was sad?

“I’m in Missouri.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time there was two farmers

One time there was two farmers that lived out on the road to Plato, Missouri. They was always good friends, and Biil’s oldest boy had been a-charmin’ one of Sam’s daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down by the creek, and Sam was pretty god damn mad. “Bill,” says he, “from...

Interviewer: Where were you born?

Me: Missouri.

I: What state are you in now?

M: Apathy.

I: That's not what I meant.

M: I don't care.

Continuing the apparent theme of incest jokes...

How do you circumcise a boy from Missouri?

You kick his sister in the chin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old couple on a cross country trip (Long)

This old couple was driving their Buick on a cross country trip when they had to stop into a full service gas station for a fill up.

A man came out of the garage looked at the lady in the passenger seat and said, "Ya want me to fill it up?"

She looked quizzically at the man then turne...

Three states celebrate Pioneer Day.

Missouri celebrates because the Mormons left, Utah celebrates it because it's where the Mormons chose to live, and California celebrates it because the Mormons never made it there.

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