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A Texas Farmer is visiting a Vermont farm

The Texan asks the Vermont farmer, “How big is your farm?”

The Vermont farmer points to a big bush and says, “well that there is one end, and it goes over to that barn, then back up to that road you can see there, and were sitting right on the fourth corner.”

The Texan ponders this for...

Vermont Winters

Government surveyors knocked on the door of a man who lived in Vermont near the border between Vermont and New Hampshire and asked if they could enter his land to survey the border. He said no problem.
They came back later that day and said "Sir, we've got some interesting news. You don't live i...

Lost on the back roads in Vermont

Lost on back roads in Vermont, a tourist collided with a local man at an intersection. He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders.

"Well, don't look like much," observed the local. "Whyn't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves." He grabbed a jug from his battered pickup,...

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A flea is getting some sun on Miami beach...

...when another flea comes along. The second flea is freezing cold, shivering. He explains, "I'm from Vermont. I caught a ride in the mustache of a guy, who came down by motorcycle. I froze my tiny flea balls off the whole way. Even in this sun I am chilled to the bone."

The first flea replie...

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

A guy comes up to White River Junction in Vermont...

The sign says “White River 2M” and “White River 2M”. Confused by the sign, he finds a local and asks,

“What difference does it make if I take the left or the right?”

The Vermonter says, “Not to me it don’t.”

An old Vermonter who lives right on the Massachusetts boundary has his land surveyed...

After the survey was complete and the new map was made, it turned out that he had been living in Massachusetts all this time.



"Good" said the old man. "I can't take any more of those Vermont winters!"

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Vermont farmer and his wife

Vermont farmer and his wife going to market.

Horse stumbles, farmer says "That's one".

Horse stops, stands stock-still, farmer says "That's two".

Horse stumbles again, farmer says "That's three", shoots the horse.

Wife bitches - horses are expensive.

Farme...

In Vermont an old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, quietly smoking a pipe.

A tourist who is staying at a nearby B&B passes by every day for a week, and whenever he passes, the man is just sitting there in his rocking chair quietly smoking his pipe.

One day the tourist cannot refrain from asking the old man: "Say, have you been sitting here all your life, doing ...

An old Vermonter is sitting on his porch.

A New Yorker is passing by and stops to chat. He asks the old timer, "Have you lived here all your life."

"Not yet."

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3 virgin daughters

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a ...

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[Long] Not my joke, heard it at work today.

A hunter was hunting ducks up in Maine. He had successfully bagged 3 beautiful ducks, threw them in his canoe, and started paddling down the river. When he got back to his campsite, a game warden was there waiting for him.

Warden: "Well it seems like you got lucky today. Why don't you hand o...

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Anna is Still in Mourning

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immed...

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The ...

What is a "yankee?"

To those from elsewhere, a Yankee is an American.

To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner.

To northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner.

To easterners, a Yankee is an New Englander.

To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter.

And in Vermont, a Yankee is somebody who eat...

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Lonely on the farm

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so...

A question of scale

A Texas rancher and a Vermont dairy farmer are having a conversation about their farming operations at a cattleman's conference. The Vermont man asks how many acres of corn the Texan grew this year. "I don't grow any.", said the Texan. "Oh.", said the Vermonter, feeling embarrassed for asking . ...

Dry humor about water.

So these two guys are in a cabin in the woods by a small pond in Vermont.

One says, "Hey, go fetch some water to drink."

So the other takes a pail and wades out into the pond to get water. He looks up and there is a bear across the pond looking at him and growling!

The guy drops...

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