UPJOKE
bostonnew englandconnecticutlexingtonvermontrhode islandmainecape codspringfieldunited statesatlantic oceanpennsylvaniacambridgegreater bostonwisconsin

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “and what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! ...

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.

A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
...

Mike Tyson has written a book on Ethics in Massachusetts

If it's a success, he's going to write books on the other counties.

Some scientists were trying to figure out why crows were dying in Massachusetts

A team of scientists from MIT saw a statistic that said 80 percent of crow deaths in the state were because the crow had been hit by a truck. They decided to investigate why that was, and the results were pretty interesting. Crows often eat roadkill, so it wasn’t surprising that they were getting ki...

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Did you hear about the cartoonist from Massachusetts that only uses semen in work.

His name is Yankee Doodle

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What do you call a Massachusetts prostitute?

A Boston Creampie

Who stole the heart of Massachusetts?

Nan took it. (Nantucket). Joke written by my 11 year old son.

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.

When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

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A man meets a woman at a bar and tells her he went to M.I.T

"I graduated in two years" he said as he ordered her a drink. "Now I have a good job."

She was very impressed, but slightly confused. "How did you graduate within two years? I thought most people need at least four?"

"Oh, I'm not that dumb" he said as the drinks arrived. She thought no...

Avian Flu scare in Massachusetts

Breaking news... Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was d...

My local news station had a story about a string of killings at churches in Massachusetts.

"Mass mass mass murders." they said.

What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

An old Vermonter who lives right on the Massachusetts boundary has his land surveyed...

After the survey was complete and the new map was made, it turned out that he had been living in Massachusetts all this time.



"Good" said the old man. "I can't take any more of those Vermont winters!"

Three men are waiting in the hospital for their kids to be born...

...The first nurse comes in and says to the first man "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" The first man replies "What a coincidence, I work at Twin Massachusetts!"

A few minutes pass when a second nurse comes up to the second father and says "Congratulations! You're the father of t...

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What do you call it when you have sex and climax in a Massachusetts girl?

Boston Creme Pie

Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state.

Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

If a Church Congregation from Massachusetts goes on a Bus Ride

It would be Mass Mass Mass Transit

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normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

Five Elderly Ladies

Another chain letter my mother sent...

Hiding on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Massachusetts State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over....

Elementary school students are learning about the 13 colonies

Teacher: Massachusetts is in New England

Student: what’s new England?

England: *walks in* nothin much what’s new with you

The Tates Watch Company

Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.



The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. ...

What state would expect to see a priest pray, sneeze and sit down

Massachusetts

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the c...

Which US state has allergies?

Massachusetts

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Daddy Longlegs

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly, she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" ...

Zoology: On the feeding behaviour of birds.

I read an article a few years ago about the Massachusetts highway department getting an increased number of complaints about dead crows by the highways.

The state consulted behavioural experts, and performed autopsies of some of the dead birds and determined that they were scavenging by the r...

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My dad's 5:30 AM sense of humor

My ex-gf was over the house, and we were waking up early to go down to massachusetts early one thursday morning (we live in NH).


We never would wake up early so her being up and moving at 530 surprised him.


As she comes out of the bathroom he asks " What are you two doing up s...

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by...

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Three buddies from high school take a trip to Mexico...

Each of the men has spent their lives productively, and are each at the top of their respective fields, and they've kept in touch over the years. They decide that, to celebrate their twentieth high school graduation anniversary, they're going to go down to Mexico City together and generally live it ...

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