Ohio Jokes - 66 Hilarious Ohio Jokes

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

We all need to send prayers to the people in Ohio

Nothing happened, they just have to live there

Why did Ohio produce 20 astronauts?

Because it’s so boring, the inhabitants want to leave the planet

Did you know there's a city in Ohio called "Engagement?"

It's somewhere between Dayton and Marion.

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FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.

Something about that crappy state makes people want to flee the Earth.

I once had a love affair in Ohio...

But I didn’t know if I was Dayton a girl in Eaton, or Eaton a girl in Dayton.

Hooters

Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.

At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

One asks, "...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

The Ohio and Michigan Institute of Lions and Tigers and Bears.

OH,MI.

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening...

...Mariah Carey's got your back.

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There's a guy who lives in Ohio

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and ...

Ohio is stealing my life story

A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area

Someone who moves from Michigan to Ohio

Has raised the average intelligence of both states

"Welcome to the 41st Annual meeting of the Ohio Parasites Club"

"I'm Andrew Smith, and I'll be your host for the day"

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

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A Japanese tourist visits Ohio.

He’s amazed that it always seems to be morning.

The Ohio million dollar vaccine lottery is just targeting people who are bad at math.

But then again, only people who are bad at math wouldn't get the vaccine.

A communist Jew, an old hag who tries to be hip, a manic reality tv star, a bible thumper, a robot and an old man from Ohio who forgot to take his meds walk into a bar....

Pick one to be your next president

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Did you know there's a company in Ohio that recycles used condoms?

They shake the fuck out of them.

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A bad joke for you

A Japanese man was visiting the United States when he met an American

"What state are you from?" Said the Japanese man

"Ohio" replied the American

"And hello to you too, but what state are you from?" Said the Japanese man

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip.

“We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"

Little Johnny thought for a few seconds and said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

What do you call a carpet cleaning company based out of Ohio?

Cleveland Steamers

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Be Vewy Quiet

Long

Game Warden approaches a man Squirrel hunting; "Watcha got in that bag, son?" The young kid snorts; "Three Squirrels, Sir!"

"Let me see one of them Squirrels!" The Game Warden licks his finger and shoves it up the Squirrels butt, sniffs it and says; "Well, this here Squirrel is f...

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Which US state is happiest to see its Japanese residents wake up?

Ohio.

Biden has won so many times in Michigan now

he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

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Ohayo means "good morning" in Japanese

And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.

Let Your Kids belive in Santa

Because there are still grown adults that belive Michigan will beat Ohio State.

A friend of mine has 2 Tickets to the Rose Bowl...

Ohio State and Washington, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at The Methodist Church in Dublin at 3:00. The bride's name...

Phones

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the w...

What did one O say to the other O?

"Ohio"

my younger brother made this one up :)

True story from Brimfield Ohio; Brimfield Police Department Conversations with a meth cook....

Suspect: "I didn't mean to make meth."

Chief: "You didn't mean to make it?"

Suspect: "No. I was just trying to make smoke."

Chief: {Dumb look}

Suspect: "I was trying to scare the Mexicans. They're superstitious."

Chief: "Okay....You were trying to scare someon...

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A police officer pulls over an elderly couple

He walks up to the driver's side window and asks the husband for his license and registration.

The wife, hard of hearing, asks "what?! What did he say to you?"

The husband replies "he wants my license!"

The officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going.

The wife yel...

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"What'd he say???"

An older gentleman pulled into a country gas station while on a road trip with his wife. He got out and proceeded to fill the car with gasoline.

A local was filling up at the adjoining pump. "Nice day today."

"Yes it is," replied the old timer.

His wife, sitting in the passe...

Why doesn't Michigan fall into the great lakes?

Because Ohio sucks!

Train

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth ju...

Did Some Research

I was reading up on some local ghost stories in my area, (I'm from Ohio), and, I was surprised at how spooky some of them were. Maybe it's because I'm biased, living here and all, but I thought they were really terrifying. And, I think the reason for that is because our lake is the eeriest.

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

What's round on both ends and high in the middle?

Ohio. :)

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Farmer John and his wife Mary lived on a big piece of land in the middle of Ohio.

They did pretty well for themselves, but as all affluent farmers will know, farming is not easy money. After a few years of living together and working very hard, their marriage started to fall apart. Being just as determined to keep their marriage together as they were to keep their farm running, t...

What's worse than losing all of your arms and legs?

Living in ohio

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Redneck birth control

A man and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio.

The doctor asks, "What state are you from?

The man says "Alabama." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in...

Midwestern joke I heard years ago...

State officials in Ohio are trying to pass legislation to change the name of the town, Mechanicsburg, to Engagement. When asked why, one official commented that it made clear sense because the town is halfway between Dayton and Marion.

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Two people from Japan meet each other at a tourist attraction in the USA.

"Where will you be going next?" asks the first person.
"Ohio," says the second.
"Good morning to you too, but that didn't answer my question," says the first person.

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In elderly man and his wife are on their way to Florida for vacation.

He pulls into a gas station to refuel. As he's refueling, a guy at the next pump next pump says "I see you're from Ohio".

The man replies "Yes I am"

His wife (a little hard of hearing) yells out of the window "What'd he say"?

The husband say's "He noticed that we are from Ohio"....

So the Cleveland Indians are changing their name because they think it’s derogatory to a group of people:

Their new name:

The Ohio Indians

People: You can't have all four seasons in the space of 24 hours!

Ohio: Hold my beer.

*inspired by the fact that yesterday it was 74F and had thunderstorms, and today it's 30F and snowing.*

The government is asking for bids for a new stretch of highway....

Company from Kentucky proposes a bid for $1M. Says $600K for labor, $300K for material and $100K profit.

Company from Ohio proposes a bid for $2M. Says $1.2M for labor, $600K for material and $200K profit.

Company from Chicago proposes a bid for $5M with no explanation or breakdown o...

Where do bees go to the bathroom at?

at the [BP Station](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Bp_station_zanesville_ohio.jpg)

*Sorry, I know...its a Dad joke.*

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A couples' therapist encounters a client with a giant red "M" on her chest. [NSFW]

Concerned, the therapist asks the woman if her husband is abusing her in some strange satanic manner. "No," replies the client, "my husband is a Mississippi fan and insists on wearing his game jersey every time we have an 'interaction'." A couple days later, the therapist meets another client who sh...

What happens when two O meet?

Ohio

Cure

A college professor at a small liberal arts college in Ohio removed a tennis ball from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would pick up the tennis ball, place it in his jacket pocket...

The tech manager said that none of the programmers will be allowed to work from home.

Because she'd have no way of checking if they were following the dress code.

NOTE: This is actually what she said and not as a joke. All I'll say is it's a hospital in northern Ohio.

Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it.

He said "Ohio is a spectacular place."

A Blind man applies for a job in a lumber yard

... and the owner says, "I'd love to hire you but how the heck do I know you'll be able to get the right wood or not get cheated by unscrupulous customers? "

The applicant says, "I worked in mt family's lumber business for years and I now want to make it on my own. I can tell the exact typ...

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

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Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

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College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words...

What happened to you little Johnny

Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.
"Jassem".... answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," replied the teacher.
In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was ...

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In honor of the 139th Anniversary of Custer at Little Big Horn

The leaders of New Rumley, Ohio wanted to have a mural painted for General Custer, who was born there in 1839. They looked everywhere for an artist. Finally, they found an amazing artist with a wonderful new style from (insert country that doesn't speak English here). The only problem was that he...

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A salesman's car breaks down

A traveling salesman's car breaks down near an Ohio farmhouse. The salesman knocks on the door and explains his situation to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer says, "Its Friday night, I doubt you can get a tow into town tonight, so I'll let you stay the night. I have only one rule, under no circ...

Three giants are boasting...

...about who had the tallest father.

The first giant says: "My father was so tall, he was, when he took a step, his left foot was in Ohio and the right one was in Iowa."

The second giant says: "That ain't nothing. When my old man got up in the morning and had a good stretch, he'd hav...

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Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

Joe and his tractors

So there's this guy named Joe. For years Joe loved tractors. He was obsessed with them. He had tractor posters, tractor calendars, tractor bedsheets, tractor wallpaper, tractor simulators. Anyways one day Joe is at the annual tractor convention in LA and he sees the brand new XJ54330 tractor. It's t...

What's the most weeaboo state?

Ohio-gozimas

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Ohayō!

A Japanese man approaches his American co-worker, whom he knows little about.

Japanese man: Good morning, Chris!

Chris: Good morning, Hiroto!

Hiroto: Chris, I meant to ask you, where in America do you live?

Chris: Ohio.

Hiroto: You already said that.

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