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Accounts Jokes

Why is it so hard for bank accounts to quit their addictions?

They experience severe withdrawal symptons

Men are like bank accounts

Without a lot of money they don’t generate much interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bet Ted Cruz has two twitter accounts now. one for porn, and one to talk about the laws he's passing...

Either way a woman's getting fucked

I told my wife after checking our bank accounts we can retire and live comfortably for the rest of our lives

As long as we die by Sunday

Did you know the Golden Gate Bridge and Brooklyn Bridge have twitter accounts?

They are both suspended.

Trump has more impeachments than he does social media accounts.

This joke will never get old, ever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old jews are sitting in a park and reading newspaper

One of them notices that the other's paper is from a really antisemite organization and basically a pure antisemitic propaganda

"What the hell are you reading? Why don't you read our jewish papers?"

"You see Chaim" the other man says calmly "When I read our newspapers all I see are pog...

What do butchers and men with Onlyfans accounts have in common?

They both get paid to beat their meat.

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

What do you call 1,000 Instagram accounts?

Instakilograms

I used to have a passion for savings accounts.

But then I lost interest.

Antivaxxers should create social media accounts for their children

They'll go viral in no time.

An upper-class Englishman is going through his household accounts.

After a moment he looks up and says to his wife, "you know, darling, if you learnt how to prepare meals properly, we could spend less on the chef."

His wife replied, " And if you knew how to screw properly, we could get rid of the chauffeur."

What is the password for all of Forest Gumps's accounts?

1forest1

I might not get many upvotes for this joke about high-yield savings accounts...

But it won't be for lack of interest.

How are one night stands like savings accounts?

...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.

A bank tried to advertise its new current accounts

Unfortunately, there was no interest.

My ex was just like my Netflix account

Shared by five dudes

Why do doctors hate popular Instagram accounts that only post in the spring?

Because they're seasonal influencers!

I am an accounts payable clerk. It’s no a glamorous job

But it pays the bills

Three accountants and three engineers on the train

Three accountants and three engineers all have to take a train to go to a special conference. At the ticket counter the accountants each buy a ticket but the engineers only buy one between the three of them. The accountants ask how are are they going to all travel with just one ticket. The engineers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit accounts should be treated like underwear.

If you can keep them clean you could keep the same one for a while, but if you flood them with shit you should get a new one.

One of my bank accounts is 8 figures

$0.0000001

My bank is trying to get people to open additional savings accounts,

but there is no interest.

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