UPJOKE
loandepositbanknoteinteresttrustmoneycreditdepositorylendercurrencymerchantrenaissanceitalycentral bankslope

Hundreds of Russians are outside a bank,

grumbling about waiting hours in a long queue to make a withdrawl.

Suddenly one says '' I've had enough of this, I'm going to shoot Putin!"


He returns five hours later to the queue and his mate says '' did you kill him?''

he said ''no the queue was too long''

The sperm bank I visited yesterday had it's own food court.

Unfortunately, it was just a Jack In The Box.

Today I unfortunately got fired from my job at the bank

An elderly lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy went into a bank to ask for a loan. ‘I have some black powder,’ he told the manager. ‘You sprinkle it on a woman’s vagina and it makes it taste like a peach.’ ‘I’m sorry,’ said the manager. ‘I don’t think we can give you a loan for that.’

A few months later the same guy entered the same bank pushing a wheelbarrow full of money.
The manager said: ‘Congratulations. I guess that idea for black powder really paid off.’
‘No, that didn’t go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder.’
‘Really?’ said the manager. ‘What doe...

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
"What do you think of the stock market situation?"

The CEO arrogantly asks him:
"Why are you so interested in this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a teenage boy keeps depositing one million dollar in his bank account every day

one day, Mrs. Mary the bank manager asks him to provide the source of all the money he's depositing

"I win it through gambling" he answers

"nobody can win that much money so consistently through gambling"

"wanna proof? how about we bet on 1000$ that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

The girl says, "my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet"
And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.

They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper...

What did the Reddit user say after setting the bomb off in a bank?

Edit: Wow! This blew up , thanks for the Gold!!

A priest, a lawyer, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...

... and the nurse asks, "what types are you?"

The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O."

2 Russians are robbing a bank...

2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"

Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a bank and walked up to the teller. He said,

I want to open a fucking bank account.
Astonished, the lady replied, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that kind of language at this banking establishment." With that said she walked up to the bank manager and explained the situation. He agrees that the woman should not have to listen to that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hears a voice inside his head that tells him " quit your job, sell your car, empty your bank account, go to a casino and put everything on number 7."

The man ignores the voice, and go back to his normal life. After 7 days he hears the same voice telling him " quit your job, sell your car, empty your bank account, go to a casino and put everything on number 7." he ignores it again and 7 days later he hears the same voice saying the same thing....

A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

Why’d the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions

I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble

A robber enters a sperm bank..

-Give me all the vaults money right now! Says to the cashier
-Sir this is a sperm bank! In the "vault" we only have sperm says the woman in agony
- Go to the vault, get three bottles of sperm and start drinking them!!!
The woman fearing for her life drinks very reluctantly the two bottles<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Russian Banks and my ass have in common?

We're both having liquidity crises right now.

I'm feeling slightly sick, please send soup and crackers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rude man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account." [NSFW]

A rude man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account."

The teller, upset, says "We don't tolerate language like that here."

The man asks "What's the fucking problem? It's not like anyone really gives a shit!"

The teller then leaves with...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady went to the bank.

She said to the Banker. I'd like to open a joint account.

"With who?" asked the banker, She replied.

"Anyone who has lots of money and a big dick"

Give a man a gun, he will rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he will rob the world.

A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.

"How much do you want to deposit?" asks the bank employee.

Whispers the man, "Three million."

"You can speak up," says the bank clerk. "In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace."

A man wearing a ski mask walks into a sperm bank, holding a gun he orders the receptionist to open the vault.

“But sir, this is just a sperm bank” replied the receptionist.

“I don’t care,” the man screamed, “open the vault.”

The receptionist opens the vault and inside are dozens of sperm samples. The man says “ Now take one of those sperm samples and drink it” the man demands.

“ But sir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank

My boss didn’t like me saying “Get a load of this guy!” whenever someone walked in the door

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sperm bank joke

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup........


I said that "I'm pretty good but not sure if I'm ready to compete yet".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for cumming!

Guy in court for bank robbery.

After 3 weeks of trial the Jury finds the man not guilty, Judge says to the defendant, the Jury have found you not guilty, you are free to leave: The Guy then asks, does this mean I get to keep the money?

The reason the bank account of I, a trans person, is empty.

Every action I make is a transaction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog walks into a bank with his lawyer for making deposit of 1M$ cash money

The teller of the bank brings dog to bank president because of so much money.

The bank president says for dog and lawyer come into his office and close the door. He makes question to the dog, "How do you come by having so much moneys?"

The dog replies, "ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF G...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

I was harassed in the bank...

...So I told them to leave me a loan

An elastic band runs into a bank with a gun.

"Nobody move, this is a rubbery!"

“Show me where the money is!”, yelled the bank robber.

Teller: “...........”.

Robber: *waving his gun* “Tell me where the money is or I’ll shoot!”

Teller: “...........”.

Penn: “He always does this”.

Me and the wife went to a bank-robber themed fancy dress party last night.

Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.

A man walks into a bank with a 100 dollar check he wants cashed.

The banker asks him if he wouldn't rather invest it?

"No." says the man. "I don't trust these banks more than I have too. If I give you my 100 dollars, what happens if the investment goes south? I'll lose everything."

"Well," says the banker with a paternal smile, "If that happens, all...

My friends Victor and Timothy were arrested for bank robbery, but they are denying it.

They are claiming it’s a Vic Tim less crime.

A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank

He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he’s eligible for a small business loan.

“Do you have any collateral?”, Patty asks.

“I do have this,” replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.

“I’m not sur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady shows up to a bank..

An old lady shows up at the Bank of Canada one morning with a bag of money.
The old lady insists on talking to the president of the bank about opening a savings account because, she says, she has a lot of money.
After much discussion, an employee took him to the president's office.
The Pre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog hops into a bank and goes up to a teller.

He notices the tellers name is Patricia Whack. So he decides to ask her
"HI Ms. Whack. My name is Kermit and i would like a $50,000 loan for a vacation".

The teller is taken aback and asks "who are you and why would we give you a loan?"

The frog says "Dont worry my father is Mick Ja...

Meeting at the bank

I need everyone to wish me luck today. I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I'll be out of debt and own everything I have now.
I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bank robber swallows a million dollars

Desperate and on the run from the police, a bank robber forces his entire million dollar haul down his gullet and calmly walks home.

The next day he is suffering from extreme cramping and his pain becomes worse throughout the day. In the end he cannot take it anymore and presents himself to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a bank...

...just as its being robbed. The robbery goes wrong and she gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she manages to live.

She was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor after examination tells her that
the bullets can't be removed but she and her children will be alright, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the bank teller that masterbaited in the vault?

He came into a lot of money

A man enters (not a bar) a bank...

... in Switzerland. "Shhh" he whispers, "I want to open an account with one million Dollars!"

"No need to whisper" says the teller, "poverty is no reason for shame in Switzerland".

An 80 year old bachelor visits a sperm bank…

He’s decided that he would leave a specimen behind in case anyone would want to use it.

The receptionist gave him a jar, pointed to another room and informed him that there were magazines in the room, in case he needed the extra encouragement.

After a few mins of quiet, the reception...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank...

And is greeted by Patricia Wack, the bank teller. He hops onto the counter, and asks to open a line of credit with their bank, requesting 150 thousand dollars.

Taken aback, Ms. Wack says "Well....uh...do you have collateral?" and very slowly and calmly, the frog pulls out a small porcelain p...

Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Xmas….

This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist is at the bank trying to sign a check, but his pen just won't work...

He looks down at the pen and realizes that it's not a pen, but rather a rectal thermometer.

He says, "Great! Now some asshole has my pen!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've started making deposits at a sperm bank instead of having sex with women (NSFW)

At least that way I know I'm getting some interest.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a sperm bank with $15,000 cash and says "I'd like to make a deposit please"

The receptionist tells him "Sir, this isn't that kind of bank, we can't help you with that."

The man goes "shit, that must be why I was getting funny looks when I made my deposit at the other place"

A man walks into a bank

He goes straight to the teller and says "tell me something...". The teller says "yes, what would you like to know". The man replies "I don't know, you're the teller"

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man stammered, "Yes."

Bang!  The robber shoots him.

He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"

An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.


He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.


"Did you see my face?"


"Yes"


BANG, he sh...

The sperm bank employee come back after stepping out of their office for a minute

Me: Thanks for the glass of milk by the way

Him: What glass of milk?

Me: The one that was on your desk

Him: Oh my god

Me: What?

Him: You drank my glass of milk?

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

I walked into an LGBT brothel thinking it was a bank.

I couldn’t cash my check, but I still got some transaction.

What's the difference between churches and banks?

Both take your money but only one gives it back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walked into a bank for a loan.

He took a number and when it was his turn walked up to the available teller. Noticing her name placard said Patricia Wack, he said “Hello Patricia, I demand a 10 thousand dollar loan for a new business venture.” Astonished at the circumstances she found herself in, the teller told the frog she would...

Thuperheroeth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath ...

Slow bank line??

You wanna get the line at the bank to move quicker?? Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you, and say, "Hey, man, you wouldn't happen to know how to un-jam a pistol, would you??"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, a frog walks into a bank...

A well dressed frog with a briefcase and dark shades walks into a bank and sits down at a desk. The clerk is a bit shocked to see a frog in a suit and tie but, being professional, asks the frog how me can help him.


"Umm, hello sir, My name is Patty, how can I help you today?"
"I ne...

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don’t really care.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

A minister, a priest and a rabbit walked into a blood bank.

The rabbit said I think I am a Type-O

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

Armed man storms into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask

He shouts "**everybody hit the floor!**" and shoots his gun twice at the ceiling. Everybody hits the floor in muffled panic. He then approaches the main desk and accosts the lady behind the counter:

\- **you! bank lady! where is the storage vault?**

\+ it's downstairs but--

\- ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Massage therapist at the bank

I man was waiting in at his bank and he started massaging the shoulders of the man standing in front of him. The man turned around and said, "What are you doing?!" The massage therapist said, "Oh, I'm a massage therapist and I thought I'd get some practice in while I waited in line." The other man s...

I’m starting a new online bank based in Vatican City

It’s called Papal.

A Car full of bank robbers has crashed into a cement truck yesterday while evading police …

The police are now searching for hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dog goes into a bank….

Dog goes into a bank, looking to secure a loan to expand his doghouse.

One of the bank loan officers comes over to assist, a Mrs Black. She sits down with the dog and starts into the loan process. Mrs. Black asks the dog, “What do you need the loan for?”

To which the dog responded,...

If you take five raisins into the bank, they’ll give you three sultanas in return

That’s the currant exchange rate

Useless

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two months...

Very worried, the mother goes to the farmacia (drugstore) and buys a pregnancy test. She brings it to her daughter who takes the test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing,
crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The...

So our local sperm bank got shut down

Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

A blonde, a brunette and a red head rob a bank....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head rob a bank. As they are running out carrying their stolen goods, the police begin to chase them down an alleyway.

Running down the alley, the robbers find three large sacks of potatoes to hide behind. "Quick!" said the brunette, hide behind here!"

Th...

A man is driving home after a long day at work.

Frustrated by another day working for his insufferable boss, he fails to notice a pothole and blows a tire. Stranded on the side of the road, he begins to drag out his spare when suddenly a genie appears next to him.

“Greetings, mortal.” The genie says. “I have taken pity on you, and will th...

Ordered something from the Sperm Bank.....

Sadly, it never came.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Little Girl & The Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construct...

Give a man a bank and he’ll rob everyone

tell a redditor a joke and he'll repost it for the rest of his life

A woman walks into a bank

The clerk looks up at her and realizes the woman has a fifty dollar bill stuck up each ear, worried, he goes to his manager. "Oh that's Miss Henderson" the manager says, "Shes got a hundred dollars in arrears"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant lady expecting triplets is tragically shot during a bank robbery

She was shot 3 times in the belly, and 1 bullet hit each of the 3 baby boys. Miraculously, they all survived!


One day about 14 years later, one of her boys came crying to her saying “mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out of my penis”. Then she sat him down and explained what happened al...

Men who are liked by girls, solely because of their bank balance...

....should be called Cashanovas

2 lawyers were stood in a queue at a bank. As they were chatting, some masked robbers came in to the bank and demanded everyone hands over their wallets.

The first lawyer calmly takes his wallet out of his pocket, takes $1000 out of his wallet and hands it to the second lawyer and says “here you go, this is that $1000 I owe you”

A woman with no clothes robbed a bank

But nobody could remember her face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.

He yells "This is a fuck-up!" Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?" The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy who cries at the sperm bank?

A tear jerker.

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."

After a slight h...

When Putin began his first term in office…

When Putin began his first term in office in 1999, he asked the then outgoing president Boris Yeltsin if he had any advice for him since he, Putin had no prior experience in politics.


Yeltsin reportedly handed him two envelopes and said, if things go bad, open the first envelope. If thing...

A man who had lost his leg in the war needed to visit the bank

“What do you need?” Said the Banker.

“I need to check my balance.” Said the man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese business man living in nyc goes into the bank to exchange a large amount of US dollars into Yen....

He does the transaction with the teller, offer a polite bow accompanied by an ‘ah so’, and leaves.

He comes back in a week with another large amount of usd to exchange. This time he gets much less yen. He looks quizzically at the teller and she says to him, ‘fluctuations’!!

He angril...

A frog walks into a bank.

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How a CEO of a big bank showed his ass to the public

One day the bank noticed that a simple man comes and deposits money every day. Sometimes he deposits small Suma like 50$ and some times about 1000$ And this guy has millions of dollars in his account.

One day a Manager at the bank asked the man how does he deposit so much money.

The m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bank - A joke in three acts

>!When he gets to the teller, he says "This is a fuck-up!"!<

>!The teller, somewhat taken aback, asks "Do you mean a stick-up?"!<

>!The man replies "No, it's a fuck-up! I forgot my gun!"!<

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."

Son: "No."

Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."

Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*

\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*

Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates: "No."

Dad: "My son is the CEO of...

Not All Seniors are Senile

A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelery store in
a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and ...

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days!

Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets walks into a bank.

Suddenly, armed men storm in and try to rob the bank. A shootout occurs and the woman is hit by bullets several times.

Shortly after, the woman is brought to the hospital and gets emergency surgery. The surgeon is able to remove all bullets except three due to endangerment to the triplets. ...

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank?

They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?"

The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nurse walks into a bank…

A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 2 back to back 12 hour shifts.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the surprised teller and, without missing a beat, says, "Well tha...

Two cats met at a river bank to cross the river. One was named One-Two-Three, the other was named Un-Deux-Trois.

Unfortunately, only One-Two-Three cat made it across. Un-Deux-Trois cat sank.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millennial walks into a bank

"I'd like to go $200,000 into debt please."

Banker: "What for?"

M: "Student loans."

B: "Great! Sign right here please."

M: "Nice. Can I also get a mortgage?"

B: "Absolutely the fuck not!"

Did you hear about the cowboy who worked in a bank?

He was the loan ranger.

I was at my bank today...

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can be said about a sperm bank's pornographic materiel that can also be said about the sperm donation experience in its entirety?

So it's come to this

Why didn't the bank robbers steal the car?

Because it was too heavy and made their arms hurt.

I work at a sperm bank

Lots of men come everyday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. The frog hops up on the counter and the lady at the counter introduces herself.

Mrs. Wack “Hello my names Mrs. wack what do you want today?”

Frog “ I want a loan”

Mrs. Wack “I don’t know if you can get a loan. You’re a frog. What’s your name?”

Frog “Kermit”

Mrs. Wack “You’re not Kermit the frog.”

Kermit “ No No No, I was named after him. My na...

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.

They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

[Opens door] “Hello, I’m here to make my annual deposit to the sperm bank...”

“...I’ve been saving them all year.”

Mama always said “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”

Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!

Two blondes are standing on opposite banks of the river.

-How do I get to the opposite side ?
-You are already there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent college graduate decided to turn to prostitution

Due to his huge student loans and low salary, so he placed a large sign that read:

One sexy time on the floor: 25$

One sexy time on the couch: 50$

One sexy time on the Bed: 100$

Then an old lady sees the sign and quickly runs to the bank makes a quick withdrawal and goes ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.