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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

If you don’t keep up your regular payments to your exorcist...

Your home may be repossessed

Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments

The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he...

Hospital bill

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care ...

Miss 3 consecutive payments of Tesla

The car drives itself back to the sales house

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Life fucks you pretty hard

But atleast it won't ask for child support payments

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the chi...

I’d buy a house but I’m afraid I won’t be able to carry the payments.

Buy a lighthouse!

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
...

If you think nobody cares you are alive

Try missing a couple of payments.

A farmer with a pet sheep has a serious problem...

The sheep is in heat and damaging the house. His daughter loves the sheep and he has no male sheep at all.
Considering the problem he decides on a solution and asks a young worker on his crew, who is a good lad but none too bright if he would be willing to “take care of” Bessie the sheep for $500...

I don’t understand why my credit score is so low.

Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.

Girl, am I a loan offered to ppl with impeccable credit and a long history of timely payments?

Bc I have 0 interest

The last support payment

Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma ...

So my brother got an exorcism

Went fine until he fell arrears on the payments and got repossessed

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I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....

Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments

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Wrote this in r/videos. It made me laugh. Who Want To Be A Millionaire America version.

WWTBAM person: "Oh, you won a million dollars? Let me just get that for you."

Winner: "Thanks."

WWTBAM person: "Ok. First we take a tax cut of 25%."

Winner: "Wait, what?"

WWTBAM person: "Next we're going to seperate it into 20."

Winner: "Hold on a second, what are ...

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'Economic Stimulus' payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal gover...

Salesperson at a big furniture store: "You put no money down and make no payments for 12 months!"

Me (nervously): "Who told you about us?"

What's the best way to get back on your feet?

Miss two car payments.

Did you know that Adele used to be a loan collector?

One day she got frustrated and asked herself "Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments, even if it leads nowhere?"

[Edit: typo]

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Monthly payments...

A husband and his wife were having a terrible fight. He tells her "i'm leaving you and i'm taking back everything i ever gave you ! I even want back the blood I gave you when you were sick !" Mad, she goes to the bathroom, pulls out her tampon and throws it in the guy's face. "Here, you can have it,...

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