A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughe...
The Californian government was raising funds to build a new highway. The biggest donors were Apple corp, and a Chinese artist.
Ended up being called the i-Ai Weiwei Way.
In an effort to raise funds a children's amputee charity have joined together with the local vampire hunters and bakers to sell baked goods to raise much needed funds.
They'll be selling stake and kidknee pies.
Inflation in the US is so bad right now that…
- My friend received a predeclined credit card in the mail. - CEO's are now playing miniature golf. - Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. - McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. - Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. - Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned ...
A wealthy politician released her tax returns for the public to view, according to custom.
The politician had a neighbor who was in charge of a charity that was struggling for funds. After seeing the politician’s tax returns, he saw a golden opportunity, and immediately went over and knocked on the politician’s door.
“All right, I can see from your tax returns that you make $500,00...
What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?
A good start. HOLD the LINE.
Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.
As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
Aquarium decorations on clearance!
Sorry, no reef funds.
A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said “Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.”
So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.
He said “Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.”
An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pe...
After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.
He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.
After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses
I guess you could say those... companies love misery
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...
I went to the pawn shop yesterday to raise some funds to pay some bills.
They gave me $4500 and never even took the gun!
I'm so poor my only funds are daylight savings...
but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.
You don't need to worry about your debts or funds for the next 15 years when you rob a bank.
Either way the robbery goes out.
An American politician and a Russian politician are walking next to a river...
The American points to a bridge and says,
"See that bridge? I campaigned for that bridge, chose the construction company, and even arranged for the funds for it to be built." The American then pats his pocket and says, "Of course I took a portion off the top for myself." and the two men laugh...
Some people would call misappropriations of inauguration funds a felony...
but it’s actually pronounced Felania!
A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart...
The wife complained, "Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items - not luxuries such as beer costing $20."
A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart.
The husband says, "I thought we were on a t...
A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing how they divide the collection funds between Gods work and personal use.
The priest says “I draw a circle in the center of the room, take the money and throw it into the air and what falls in the circle goes to God and the rest I keep”.
The minister says “I use a similar system but I draw a line down the center of the room and what is on the left God gets and the ...
There is a medieval town with a group of friars.
You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.
"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...
I’m never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Xmas….
This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds
Charity for golfers
A guy walks into a bar and notices a money jar by the tap. "What's the jar for?" the guy asks. "We're raising funds to help golfers who absolutely hate putting," the bartender replies. "Feel free to chip in."
An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come b...
Every ATM I went to today gave me a receipt that said “Not enough funds.”
The bank really needs to get their life together.
An old man walks into a jewelry with a much younger gal
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring ov...
A physicist with an idea for research was asking the college board for funds.
The chairman responded: "Your proposal sounds really interesting, but it's way too expensive for this college. This is the problem we always have with physicists, they bring promising projects that we could never afford. I wish you were more like mathematicians. They come once every September asking...
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds...
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds, so they decided to start a business selling flowers from the cathedral gardens. Happily, their business was extremely successful- so successful, in fact, that the local flower shop could no longer stand up to the competition. The owner, determine...
An old man is on his deathbed, surrounded by his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. "Let me tell you a secret," he says.
"When I was a young lad, I lived life to the fullest. I had four or five girlfriends, drank gallons of beer every day, and owned a very expensive car. Then my friend suggested I should start a family. Otherwise, he said, no one would be there to bring me food when I was on my deathbed.
"So I ...
They should stock ATM's better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
An American politician invites an Indian minister to his home.
The AP shows the Indian minister his Rolls Royce.
"Beautiful isn't it?" He asks the minister.
"Hmm, Yes it is"
"Wanna know how I could afford to buy it?" *the AP points in a direction* "You see that bridge over there? 5% of its building funds went into my pockets" <...
A rich man demanded to be buried with his money
Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. After his death some friends approached his widow to offer her jobs and gifts but discover she has bought a new home, car, and wardrobe. The friends ask how she can afford all of thi...
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Why, what, who?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does...
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[long] So this guy is working at his jewelry store when a little guy walks in with a stunning, beautiful girl
The jeweler helps the odd couple and keeps showing them all kinds of jewelry. It's the first time he sees this guy, so he pushes the typical, "most affordable" stuff, but the guy doesn't seem to concerned about the prices so he continues showing them even more expensive stuff.
After almost a...