Numbers Jokes

Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

“Yes,” he says. “My dad taught me.”


“Can you tell me what comes after three?”

“Four”


“What comes after six?”

“Seven”


“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job.


What comes after ten?”

“A jack,” answers Little Johnn... read more

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

They were outnumbered.

But I couldn’t eat a whole one.

IM LIVID

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

Because they literally can’t even.

The next day he starts talking to one of the inmates and asks about it.

The inmate explains that after a few years there was no new jokes so they decided to just number all the good ones, that way they could save time in telling the joke.

That night the inmates are calling out numbers... read more

"How many times have you been told that?"

"Less times than I can count!"

A mathmagician

If they're under 15, just do them in your head.

Step 1) Assume numbers don't exist

....

So I was helping my son clean his room when I found 3 spent invisalign wrappers. I asked my son why there were 3, because 3 is such an odd number.

It’s a battle against the odds

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. ‘Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!’ goes the noise from within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small cr... read more

But 31 was the prime suspect.

That’s probably because you’ve never had to roll it back far enough.

She said 9

I'll Calc You Later

What are the odds?

There are also a lot of people in certain locations

The OG number: 5318008 ;)

That amounted to nothing.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him ... read more

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

The Fib-Bonacci Sequence.

A new user gets on to /r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The mod repl... read more

21

But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying

A guy is imprisoned for his first time


On his first night, a few minutes after lights-out, his cellmate moves closer to the cell-bars.

A while later, someone from another cell shouts "Number 13!". His cellmate and the entire block bursts into laughter. The new prisoner finds this s... read more

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of... read more

Earth has ~7 and a half billion people; this sub only has ~14 million

Over the carpet

He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.

Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.

"46!" and everyone loses their minds.

He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"

"Well we've all been here so... read more

"I know that," says the husband. "But it will help me see the numbers."

Teacher: Billy said our last number was 69, Sally what comes after 69.........
Sally: Mouthwash