Did you hear of the mathematician who’s terrified of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers

IM LIVID

Why do teenage girls only hang out in groups of odd numbers?

Because they can’t even.

I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.

That amounted to nothing.

Was going to go to Norway on holiday this year. Ran the numbers through my budgeting spreadsheet and . . .

. . . couldn’t a-fjord it.

A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it.

But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.

100% of people can list the numbers from 1 to 100

Anybody else doesn’t count

Should we exchange our phone numbers?

Are you kidding? That would confuse the people who try to call us.

Hey Germans! Do you know any English numbers?

Nine...

You know those little numbers at the bottom of condoms?

You never noticed them? Oh, I guess you don't roll yours down that far.

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Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

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Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from you...

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The Italian math challenge

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'...

The guy who invented Sudoku actually really hated numbers

He just wanted to put them in their place.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

My Spanish teacher quit her job in the middle of our numbers lesson

She left without a Tres

What do you call the numbers on the door to the restroom near IT?

The IPee address

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The ...

I have this rare condition where I may get consecutive numbers mixed up, and my friend just got diagnosed recently.

I thought I was the only two.

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21.

Wrote a letter today.

Might move on to numbers tomorrow.

The teacher asks Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes,” he says, “my daddy taught me.”

“Can you tell me what comes after three?"

“Four."

“What comes after six?"

“Seven."

“Very good" says the teacher. "Your dad did a very fine job. What comes after ten?"

“A jack.”

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the movin...

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his...

Americas covid numbers are only because the population is so dense

There are also a lot of people in certain locations

Words cant describe how beautiful you are....

but numbers can, 1/10.

I literally only know two phone numbers

911 and J.G. Wentworth’s.

We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene

It doesn't add up

I know a guy who was obsessed with summing numbers

It was an addition

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