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My atheist friend failed algebra class because he couldn’t calculate exponents

He doesn’t believe in a higher power.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth?

Because there is always a rounding error.
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In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

How do you calculate the cost of a medical procedure in the United States?

Find the uninsured cost at a Canadian clinic, then add two zeros. Three if a hospital stay is required.

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Every guy tells you they have an 8 inch Dick. It makes sense when you realize the formula they use to calculate it.


I calculated the solution for the baby formula problem, but I got it upside-down.


39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

How do you calculate the volume of a pizza with radius Z and height A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calcula...

A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

When you a mathematician and you tryna calculate the curve on your ex girlfriend


Who calculates the price of amphetamines?

A Methematician

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

A biologist, a physicist and a statistician go hunting and they see a deer 70 feet in front of them.

The biologist calculates the deer's movement and shoots 5 feet to the left of the deer because he forgot to calculate the speed of the wind..

The physicist calculates the speed of the wind and shoots 5 feet to the right of the deer because he didn't calculate the deer's movement.

The s...

Boys have a thing and girls don't.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked.

She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped.


How do they calculate global warming?


What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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What do you call a man that calculates how many prostitutes are needed in each city?


I made up a word for calculated power moves.


A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball.

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume. The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced. The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that ...

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

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