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Calculate Jokes

Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth?

Because there is always a rounding error.

Little Johnny doing Math

The math teacher asks Little Johnny: “If I give you 3 cats, and then another 3 cats, and then again another 3 cats, how many cats would you have?”

Little Johnny responds: “ten.”

Teacher: “Ok… that’s not correct, let’s do this again. But pay attention this time. If I gave you 3 cats, a...

I calculated the solution for the baby formula problem, but I got it upside-down.

58008.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calcula...

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Every guy tells you they have an 8 inch Dick. It makes sense when you realize the formula they use to calculate it.

8==D

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

How do you calculate the volume of a pizza with radius Z and height A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

Who calculates the price of amphetamines?

A Methematician

When you a mathematician and you tryna calculate the curve on your ex girlfriend

f(x)

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

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Physics exam…

My english is not the best but i hope yall understand:

20 Students had their final physics exam. There was one teacher in a room where he tested them each with one question that was always the same.

So the first student walks into the room and the teacher asks him: Youre in a Train and...

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Simple food?

A number of men gathered in the smoking car of a train were talking of the food best calculated to sustain health.

One stout, florid man, with short, gray hair and a self-satisfied air, was holding forth in great style.

"Look at me!" he exclaimed. "Never had a day's sickness in my lif...

You wouldn't happen to be a consultant now, would you?

One day, a shepherd was out grazing his sheep when a stranger came up to him and made him a proposition:

Stranger: If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have without counting them, will you let me have one of them as a prize?

The farmer, out of curiosity , agreed.

So the ...

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

Joke for economics nerds

A physicist and an economist are invited to a classroom to make a presentation to get the children interested in their field of study. The physicist goes first.

He produces a ball and announces, “I will time this ball falling to the ground and, without looking at the stopwatch, tell you how l...

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An elderly Lady goes to an undertaker

An elderly lady with no family wants to leave her affairs in order in her old age. That is why she goes to an undertaker. They discuss the funeral, the guest list, flowers and whatever else is necessary. The undertaker also asks her if she has any special wishes regarding the inscription on her grav...

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What do you call a man that calculates how many prostitutes are needed in each city?

Horatio!

I made up a word for calculated power moves.

Mathemhattrics

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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