It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

A mathemortician.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician all attend. One night, the hotel they're staying in catches fire.

The engineer wakes up in the middle of the night and sees his room on fire. He grabs the fire extinguisher and has the fire out in 15 seconds, then goes back to bed

The phy...

The engineer wakes up in the middle of the night and sees his room on fire. He grabs the fire extinguisher and has the fire out in 15 seconds, then goes back to bed

The phy...

if their pie are squared.

Pi * Z * Z * A

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

Once there was a man, this man had a problem. Because of this problem, he decided to go to a psychologist. He got in the car and went to the psychologist. She went inside and sat.

Psychologist: "tell me. What kind of trouble are you having?“he said. He said, " Every time I try to sleep, I ca...

Psychologist: "tell me. What kind of trouble are you having?“he said. He said, " Every time I try to sleep, I ca...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I figure the average male ejaculates 3ml of fluid every time, based on an internet source.

I then figure I started at age 12, and then I guessed my daily average discharge rate would be around 2 times per day in my lifetime since age 12, and I am now 30.

So, doing some math, I've come ...

I then figure I started at age 12, and then I guessed my daily average discharge rate would be around 2 times per day in my lifetime since age 12, and I am now 30.

So, doing some math, I've come ...

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

f(x)

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Horatio!

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren’t too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd...

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd...

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

Mathemhattrics

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

Al-gore-ythms

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude

---------------/

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude

---------------/

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

Me: a cowculator

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

"... you can't calculate pie."

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