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Calculate Jokes

My atheist friend failed algebra class because he couldn’t calculate exponents

He doesn’t believe in a higher power.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth?

Because there is always a rounding error.

A biologist, a physicist and a statistician go hunting and they see a deer 70 feet in front of them.

The biologist calculates the deer's movement and shoots 5 feet to the left of the deer because he forgot to calculate the speed of the wind..

The physicist calculates the speed of the wind and shoots 5 feet to the right of the deer because he didn't calculate the deer's movement.

The s...

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calcula...

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

Who calculates the price of amphetamines?

A Methematician

I calculated the solution for the baby formula problem, but I got it upside-down.

58008.

A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

How do you calculate the volume of a pizza with radius Z and height A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball.

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume. The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced. The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every guy tells you they have an 8 inch Dick. It makes sense when you realize the formula they use to calculate it.

8==D

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

When you a mathematician and you tryna calculate the curve on your ex girlfriend

f(x)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times tha...

"I am a master at fast calculation"

"Calculate 753 time 165 divided by 21."

"18"

LOL, "thats incorrect"

"Might be, but it was fast."

I made up a word for calculated power moves.

Mathemhattrics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a woman wrote a c function to calculate the weight of her breasts

the program crashed due to stack overflow

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man that calculates how many prostitutes are needed in each city?

Horatio!

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