A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

How do you calculate the volume of a pizza with radius Z and height A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I decided to calculate how much semen I've ejaculated in my lifetime...

I figure the average male ejaculates 3ml of fluid every time, based on an internet source.

I then figure I started at age 12, and then I guessed my daily average discharge rate would be around 2 times per day in my lifetime since age 12, and I am now 30.

So, doing some math, I've come ...

Kids: "There isn't enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!" Dad: "Hey, cooking is an art, not a science..."

"... you can't calculate pie."

When you a mathematician and you tryna calculate the curve on your ex girlfriend

f(x)

Five academics are locked in a room.

A chemist, biologist, engineer, pure mathematician, and business PhD are locked in a room, and each given a locked box with a key to the outside world in it, and told to figure out how to open it.

The chemist pours a powerful acid on it, dissolving it open. The engineer calculates the exact a...

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

3 Contractors

3 Contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House...



The first is from INDIA, the second from CHINA and the third from GUYANA



They go with White House officials to examine the fence.



The Indian takes out a tape and does some measuring, w...

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

I made up a word for calculated power moves.

Mathemhattrics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man that calculates how many prostitutes are needed in each city?

Horatio!

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play.

The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, say...

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a small ball

The mathematician measures the diameter and calculates the volume.

The physicist drops the ball in a tank of water and measures the displaced water.

The engineer examines the ball for a part number.

"I am a master at fast calculation"

"Calculate 753 time 165 divided by 21."

"18"

LOL, "thats incorrect"

"Might be, but it was fast."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender and says “Bar keep, a shot of your finest whiskey!”. The bartender grabs a bottle of his finest whiskey and pours the man a shot. As fast as he poured is as fast as the man drank the shot. He slammed the glass down and requested another. The bartender poured the man ...

A girl I liked was giving me mixed signals

So I calculated Fourier transform.

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a woman wrote a c function to calculate the weight of her breasts

the program crashed due to stack overflow

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A guy wanted to calculate volume of a red rubber ball...

There was a guy who wanted to know how to calculate the volume of a red rubber ball. He first took it to a mathematician, who measured its radius and used the formula V=4/3*pi*r^3 to find it's volume.
Next, our man went to a physicist, who immersed the ball in a bowl full of water. He then measur...

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician each enter a room that has jug of water next to a bookshelf that is on fire.

The physicist looks at the shelf then looks at the water, He pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to calculate the exact amount of water required to put the fire out. The engineer enters the room looks at the shelf then looks at the water, grabs the jug and empties it on the fire. The mathematici...

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