My debit card was declined at the local Marijuana dispencery today

Turns out the card was not linked to a joint account

Accidentally swiped my donor card instead of my debit card today...

my groceries ended up costing me an arm and a leg

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card.

The terminal instruction read "strip down, facing cashier".

I locked eyes for dominance.

"Cash or Debit?"

"Did you just assume my tender?!"

Ever since these new chipped debit cards came out.

I've never had so many women say "ok now put it in."

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

An old accountant had a curious habit

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ...

Killing people is wrong

You're supposed to get their debit card PIN first.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

Magician: Think of a card, any card.

Me: OK,

Magician: Have you got it?

Me: Yes.

Magician: 7 of spades.

Me: No.

Magician: Huh..? Well, what card were you thinking of then?

Me: Debit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mom is setting up a chore-list for her kids...

She gets halfway through the month and realizes she has just one sticky note left. With plenty of time before she has to pick up the kids from school she decides to head over to office depot.
She arrives and is greeted by the doorman, Tom. Very polite local who she went to school with, tom is a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pull out and pray isn't just my preferred method of birth control

It's also how i use my debit card

When the cashier said, "strip down, facing me"

How was I to know she meant my debit card?

Actually, Frankenstein is the name of the doctor.

The real monster is the person who waits for everything to be rung up before they start looking for their debit card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman enter a strip club...

They immediately sit in front of the front podium just when the club's top performer Chasity comes out to perform.

She bends over in front of the three men. The Scotsman pulls out a £10 note and sticks it on on her left arse cheek.

The Englishman pulls out £20 and sticks it on her righ...

Confusion at McDonalds

When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

I see a border patrol car drive by...

So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)

My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today

If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.

A teen got a fake ID and went to try it out.

He picks out a 6-pack and walks nervously to the register. The cashier rings up the beer, "$9.88," and eyes the stubble on the teens face, "ID?"

Moment of truth; time to see if this is the second best $50 the teen ever sent to a Chinese website. The cashier takes the ID from the teen and flip...

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