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Debit Jokes

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit

My debit card was declined at the local Marijuana dispencery today

Turns out the card was not linked to a joint account

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shaggy looking old lady goes into her bank and asks the teller...

"Can I please withdraw $10 from my account?" while handing over her debit card.

The teller, annoyed at such a transaction request, rudely tells the old lady "Go to the ATM, stop holding up the line for $10."

The old lady then says "Okay, then I want to withdraw $10k from my account."...

"Cash or Debit?"

"Did you just assume my tender?!"

Ever since these new chipped debit cards came out.

I've never had so many women say "ok now put it in."

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card.

The terminal instruction read "strip down, facing cashier".

I locked eyes for dominance.

Accidentally swiped my donor card instead of my debit card today...

my groceries ended up costing me an arm and a leg

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

An Accountant's secret to success.

An accountant in a big firm had a very strange habit. Every morning he used to open his drawer, look at a paper, place the paper back in the drawer and then lock it again.

The trainees were very curious and often wondered if his success was hidden on that piece of paper.

So one day, w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pull out and pray isn't just my preferred method of birth control

It's also how i use my debit card

Magician: Think of a card, any card.

Me: OK,

Magician: Have you got it?

Me: Yes.

Magician: 7 of spades.

Me: No.

Magician: Huh..? Well, what card were you thinking of then?

Me: Debit.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

One day at Macy's...

The store manager was giving final instruction to the new sales clerk before sending him out onto the floor for the first time.

Said the manager to the clerk, “The most important thing to remember is that we NEVER tell a customer that we don’t have it. Times are tough, and we can’t afford to ...

When the cashier said, "strip down, facing me"

How was I to know she meant my debit card?

Actually, Frankenstein is the name of the doctor.

The real monster is the person who waits for everything to be rung up before they start looking for their debit card.

My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today

If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.

I see a border patrol car drive by...

So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)

Confusion at McDonalds

When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman enter a strip club...

They immediately sit in front of the front podium just when the club's top performer Chasity comes out to perform.

She bends over in front of the three men. The Scotsman pulls out a £10 note and sticks it on on her left arse cheek.

The Englishman pulls out £20 and sticks it on her righ...

An old accountant had a curious habit

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mom is setting up a chore-list for her kids...

She gets halfway through the month and realizes she has just one sticky note left. With plenty of time before she has to pick up the kids from school she decides to head over to office depot.
She arrives and is greeted by the doorman, Tom. Very polite local who she went to school with, tom is a ...

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