What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins

I have absolute proof the Covid vaccine isn’t Bill Gates’ way to control us.

My husband had the vaccination yesterday and he still hates Microsoft Teams.

I saw a sign at McDonald's, it said,"We do not accept bills over $20."

Trust me, if I had more than $20, I wouldn't be eating at McDonald's.

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Breaking News: Elon Musk & Bill Gates have joined hands

to make a Penis Enhancer.....They will call it
ELONGATES

How does the pope pay his bills?

PaPal

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

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Bill knows everyone

I met a man the other day named Bill the other day, and after introductions, he said, "I am glad to finally meet you. Now I officially know everybody on the planet."

"What?" I asked, "There is no way you can possibly know everyone on the Earth."

"It's true," he said, "You are the last...

Bill is infatuated with his own farts.

Bill and Mary have been married for a long time.

Bill is infatuated with his own farts. Mary is not, but she tolerates it.

Every morning, as Bill climbs out of bed, he rips an obnoxious fart as he heads to the bathroom.

And every morning Mary tells Bill, “one of these days you’r...

My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill...

So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.

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Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.

He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage.
Bill became furious. "Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"

A mushroom walks into a bar, puts down a $5 bill, says "Gimme a drink!"

Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve your kind!"
Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills?

Bernadette

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Have you seen a 20 dollar bill crumpled up?

While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the c...

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?” Bill explained, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around..."

"That every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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You all know how you get Bill from William and Bob from Robert but how do you get Dick from Richard?

Ask him nicely

Bill’s had a tough week, so he decides to have a little fun

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived h...

If you had the choice between World Peace or all of Bill Gates money....

.....what colour Ferrari would you buy?

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She did what he said

The retiring mailman

The mailman who had been on the same route for 10 years was leaving the job.

He had made many friends on the route and decided to put a note in their mailboxes informing them.

Many on his route came out of their houses to wish him well and some even gave h...

My girlfriend is getting the covid vaccine and was worried about bill gates tracking us.

I said don't worry he's already been watching us for years through the windows.

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What does Bill Cosby’s penis look like?

Blurry.

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Buffalo Bill walks into a bar.

He tells the barman to put an empty beer glass on the counter top. Then he steps back, unzips his pants, takes out his cock and from 10 feet away, fills the glass with his pee. As everyone claps, he claims :
\- I'm Bill ! Buffalo Bill !

Then a guy stands up at some table, asks the barman...

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.

Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.

His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.

Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

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Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one dav to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too...

An oldie but goodie: A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana

He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear slams his paw down and demands a beer. The bartender repeats "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, now furious, looks around...

(NSFW) How is Santa Claus similar to Bill Cosby?

They won't come unless you're asleep.

What did the alcoholic do after he couldn’t afford the electric bill?

He took a shot in the dark!

Whats Bill Cosbys favorite disney character?

Sleeping beauty

If Elon musk and Bill gates made an enlargement pill, then

It would be called Elongate

What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

What’s Mitch McConnell’s favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.

How Long?

This guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"...

PSA: Police are warning against large amounts of fake $1 bills this holiday season

Look out for hot singles in your area.

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck

So they put the meal on the duck's bill.

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What Does Bill Clinton Say After Having Sex?

Hillary, I'll be home in 25 Minutes!

Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?

So the chicken could cross the road

Why did Not-so-nice Bill's wife leave him for an astronaut?

She wanted a NASA-guy

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A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”

The man replied, “There are three reasons.

One, I love to play with my money.

Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”

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I think Bill Gates named his company after me...

... because my dick is micro and soft.

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Tiger Wood and Bill Clinton are at the bar.

Bill has has a few drinks and decided to open up to Tiger. He says, Tiger your my oldest friend and I just have to ask. How do you keep your cock so long and hard. Tiger responds, it’s simple really. Before I sleep with a woman I smack my Dick on the bed post three times as hard as I can. Bill finds...

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A very religious man had been getting high phone bills for a while

One month his bill was 2 times his normal amount.

The next, it was 3x

On the fourth month, he got home to an unusual scenery: his parrot was on the phone talking about sex with someone.

The man becomes livid with the situation, and checks the bills only to find out that his pa...

Kevin the town idiot.

A guy is with a friend. He points to another guy down the street and says "Look, that's the town idiot. I'll show you. I do this every week"

He then hollers at the other guy

" Hey Kevin! Here, a gift for you, and you get to choose! One $20 bill, or five $1 bills?"

Kevin happily ...

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his ...

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A math professor, Dave, has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

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A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis...

Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.

"Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

What does Bill Gates call the crumbs at the bottom of your bag of Doritos?

Microchips

Trump ends up in hell...

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as...

If Bill Gates makes a COVID-19 vaccine what will it be called?

COVID-19 Defender XP.

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One day Bill is on a walk, when he sees his new neighbor, John.

He greets him and they start getting to know each other.

"So what do you do for a living, John?"

"Well I'm a logic professor"

"What's that?"

"Instead of telling you, it would be easier if I showed you. Do you own a dog house?"

"Yes, I do"

"Well then ...

A man today went to the ER with $1,999 in bills in his rectal cavity.

Doctors report the man coming in and saying, " I haven't been feeling 2 grand lately."

Ted is well into his third beer in the bar when Bill comes in.

"Hey Ted, how ya doin'?" asks Bill.

Ted turns his eyes to Bill and signals for another beer. "So so. My wife just ran off last night with my best friend."

"But Ted!" protests Bill. "*I'm* your best friend!"

"...Not any more," says Ted.

Bill was lying on his death bed

His faithful wife at his side, comforting him. Bill weakly lifts his head and says "Honey, if this is it for me, I don't want you to be alone. You should marry Jake, across the street"

"I can't even think of anything like that right now," she responds. "But, Jake? I thought you hated him."...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out. The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.” Bill got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord!” Sure enough, the horse started t...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway

The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"

Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."

The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"

• ⁠


Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

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A man sits down at a bar and see a jar full of $10 bills.

He asks the bartender, “Hey barkeep! Whats up with this jar of money?”
The bartender replies, “The game is simple. Put in $10, complete a challenge, and you win the jar.”
The man is intrigued and slides in a $10 bill. “Alright, whats the challenge?”
“First, you have to drink this entire bo...

Tom wants a job as a signalman on the railways.

He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

To find out how Tom would react under pressure, the inspector asks him: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train onto the other track, thus ...

I went to the pawn shop yesterday to raise some funds to pay some bills.

They gave me $4500 and never even took the gun!

Lobster Tails

A man was driving through town with his windows down when he heard a man at a small roadside stand yelling, "Lobster tails! Get your lobster tails here only two dollars!"

The man hit his brakes and pulled over. He walked up to the salesman thinking this must be too good to be true.

"Ar...

Bill Clinton finds a lantern washed up on the beach...

One day Bill Clinton was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp that had washed up, partially buried in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “One wish.” Bill thought for a minute and said, “I want to be the guy who brings peace in the Middle East.” The...

How does Bill Gates count to ten?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.

He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.

As they are marveling abo...

AC Bill

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high the air conditioning bill is.


I told him, "My door is always open."

A 70-year-old woman chose to remain overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.

The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.

"It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.

...

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A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole.

A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole full of sewage.

He starts cursing and storms out of the outhouse.

His buddy looks at him and asks “what’s wrong? What happened??”

“Well I was in there taking a dump and ...

In my college days I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of my life.

Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning

He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"

"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by

Then he spoke:“Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses.“Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center.“Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours.“To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.”
The nurse was really impressed. She said, “Your husband must have been ...

It is important to remember that Bill Clinton

Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.

Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?

Because he was Roman.

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...

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An American man walks into a restaurant in Spain and looks at the menu.

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice on what to get. "I would recommend the *cojones*," the waiter says. "Our house specialty. The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the cojo...

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.

“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”



So the man and his wife...

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What do you call a person with no arms and no legs...

At your front door? Matt.

Under a pile of leaves? Russell.

In your mailbox? Bill.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In the middle of the ocean? Fucked. (Also Bob).

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon....

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The dist...

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NSFW A duck walks into a pharmacy...

He approaches the pharmacist and says "I need some teylenol for my headache".

The pharmacist says "Are you paying with cash or card?".

The duck replies "Just put it on my bill".

So the duck goes back the next day approaching the counter and tells the pharmacist "I need some co...

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Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night ...

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Jenny just got out of the shower, and was wearing just a towel, when the doorbell rang

She answered the door, and it was their neighbor, Ted. Ted says, "Oh my god Jenny, you look so sexy, in nothing but that towel."

She appreciates the compliment, but feels a bit uneasy, when Ted continues, "I'll tell you what - I'll give you $500 cash right now to drop that towel and show me ...

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

Donald Duck calls concierge

and says “can you thend up thome condomths to my room" and concierge said "want me to put it on your bill?" and Donald said "are you thucking thtupid I'll thuffocate"

What do an apple and an unpaid bill have in common?

Both keep the doctor away

A 22 rifle is a Lot like Bill Cosby

A Lot of people grew up with it without knowing What it coud do to a person in close quarters

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Cop: You're going to prison for forgery

Suspect: *hands over a 37 dollar bill*

Suspect: What was it you were saying?

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar...

I don’t remember the rest.

Excuse me, did anyone lose a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because I found the 20 dollar bills...

As a man, you should never watch your woman struggle with bills.

Dump her and find one with some money, for crying out loud.

Life...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there w...

Did you hear the Irish are remaking Kill Bill?

It's called Injure Ginger.

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NSFW It's Christmas time and the local mailman is doing his rounds...

As he approaches one of the houses on his route the door opens and a beautiful woman is standing there with nothing on but an open button down shirt. She grabs the mailman by the hand and takes him upstairs. After a vigorous session of sex, she gives him a $5 bill and offers to make him breakfast. H...

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

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A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

A man goes to a countryside bed and breakfast and asks for a room to stay the night.

The elderly man behind the counter rings up the bill and hands him a room key. "Will that be all?"

"I'm gonna need a wake up call at 6:15am"

The elderly man nods - "no problem, we have a duck that quacks like a rooster at exactly 6:15am!"

"..oookay, thanks.."

Elderly m...

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest meet up after a year not seeing each other.

The rabbi goes: "Man, you've put on some weight since last time!"

Priest: "Yeah I know, it is a new technique I came up with. You go to a restaurant, eat as much as you can. When the bill comes, you tell them you already ...

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

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Larry and Linda

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says “Where in the hell have you been?” He replies, “I was out getting a tattoo. ”A tattoo?” She said angrily. “”What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my dick” “What the hell were you thinking?” She said, shaking her hea...

My husbands home!

A week after coming home from the army Bill decided to grab a beer at his favourite bar.

"Hey Bill!" The barman says, "good to have you back buddy!"

"My wife thinks the same," Bill tells the barman as he sips his beer, "she is so happy I'm back."

"Oh really and how do you know ...

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven and bake it until it’s bill withers.

Bill Gates dies and reaches the Pearly Gates....[Long]

Meets Saint Peter at the gates and he tells Bill, “because you brought computers, technology and helped humanity, we have decided to let you tour hell and after the tour, you get to decide if you want to stay there, or come into heaven”

“I get to choose?” Asked Bill

“Yes... But just re...

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What is Bill Cosby's favorite type if pudding?

Pudding his dick where it doesn't belong.

Yo mama’s forehead so big....

...the UN passed a bill declaring it a sovereign state.

Imagine making a belt out of a bunch of $100 bills tied together

That would be a huge waist of money.

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What does a secretary say to Bill Gates when she sees his dick ?

A secretary walked into Bill Gates office . She chats with him and manages to seduce him . She convinces him to have sex and he agrees . When he whips his dick out what does she say ?


Micro-soft

Did you hear about the billing-clerk who went insane?

He began to hear strange and threatening invoices.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler shoot himself?

He saw the gas bill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

Bill created Microsoft and Steve created Apple

I must say by doing so, they opened a lot of Gates for Jobs.

Did you know Bill Burr has a brother that is a lumberjack?

His name is Tim

A couple had been married for 50 years. The man had a large cardboard box under the bed.

His wife had noticed this box but never thought much of it. One day, however, curiosity got the better of her, and she opened it. She found 2 empty beer cans and a bag with some dollar bills and coins.

That night, she asked her husband what this was about.

"Well," he replied. "If y...

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his blonde brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and then send me the bill.'

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But when the $200.00 bills kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

'Well,' sa...

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This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..

...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these heada...

Farmer Dave and Farmer Bill are in a quarrel...

Bill decides to sneak over to Dave’s Farm and covers Dave’s wife with an assortment of leftover ham dinners.

The next day, Bill sneaks over again and places more ham onto Dave’s wife.

This happens everyday for the next week.

Dave’s wife is fed with being covered in ham and co...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?

People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

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Two Blonde Girls chatting.

Blonde 1: I understand how you get Bob from Robert


& Bill from William, but how do you get Dick from Richard?


Blonde 2: Show him your Pussy.....

A homeless guy asked me for money today

So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20.

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A duck rushes to the store because his date won't let him do the dirty deed without using a condom..

The duck realises he forgot his money, but the man at the store knows him so kindly offers him credit.

Man: "Should I put them on your bill?"

Duck: "Don't be a dickhead: I'll suffocate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks.

One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my...

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Letter from Ma

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took t...

Every knows about comedian Bill Burr.

Many have not heard of his lumberjack brother Tim, he is one of the best in the world.

Two ducks check into a hotel for their honeymoon. The we’re making out and the male duck said “I forgot to bring any condoms!” So he phones reception to see if they can help out. “Condoms? Of course sir. Should I put them on your bill?”...

“No way! If you did that I’d suffocate!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on my first date with a cop

I asked her if she would give me a speeding ticket for going too fast, then I leaned in to kiss her.

Long story short, dinner was $150 to the local municipality.

And she wouldn't even split the bill.

Why is Bill Gates's wife unhappy in her marriage?

Because he has a Microsoft

Two billionaires, Bill and Mark are talking:

Bill: "Do you know how to become a millionaire?"

Mark: "How?"

Bill: "Get married."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people

Bill Cosby, for instance...

Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

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