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Where do fish put their savings?

In the river bank, of course.

They always say that daylight savings is such a great idea

I give it six months

So apparently the Senate just passed a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent

Most people are excited about the change, but I think if it passes the House it'll be hour loss.

Daylight savings is coming up...

Don't lose sleep over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Inflation in the US is so bad right now that…

- My friend received a predeclined credit card in the mail.
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned ...

Daylight savings time.

Is the government cutting off the bottom of a blanket and sewing it to the top and saying ,"see its longer now".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just can't take it any longer.

Me and my French girlfriend started a bakery in Paris with our life savings. It didn't take off. I went bankrupt. She left me.

Now all I have is pain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bank manager

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always r...

I’ve been trying to write a song about Daylight Savings Time

But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better than Spice Girls’ 2 become 1

Did you know that Germans were the first to adopt daylight savings time?

It's definitely the second worst thing they've ever done.

Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self.

Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of th...

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

What's the difference between a musician and a savings account?

One eventually matures and starts to make money...

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life’s savings on this one Filly.

...

I also considered putting money on the derby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dads, Philip and Mike, fight every day about their respective sons’ physical growth.

Both of the kids go to the same kindergarten. As Philip and Mike watch on as they go in, Mike tells Philip, “Y’know buddy, my son is currently 4 foot. He’ll grow up to be an actor!”

Philip replies, “We’ll see about that, my son is 4 foot one. And your son will never get popular if he’s short,...

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

What did Johann Sebastian Bach say when he looked at his empty savings account?

I'm Baroque!

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Girl And Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction cr...

I was looking at my savings...

and realize that I've saved enough, and I don't have to work again for as long as I live. I'd be dying of hunger in 3 days, but I'd be free to enjoy what a like.

I'm so poor my only funds are daylight savings...

but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.

I’ve just spent my life savings on a cannabis farm.

The estate agent assured me it’s a growth industry.

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