Savings Jokes

Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran... read more

My girlfriend thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes.

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

Some of them - in two Euros

In the river bank, of course.

Don't lose sleep over it.

Is the government cutting off the bottom of a blanket and sewing it to the top and saying ,"see its longer now".

I give it six months

Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.

He asked for a 13, but they drew a 31.

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

and realize that I've saved enough, and I don't have to work again for as long as I live. I'd be dying of hunger in 3 days, but I'd be free to enjoy what a like.

But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better than Spice Girls’ 2 become 1

One eventually matures and starts to make money...

What I do the second day, I'm not sure.

- My friend received a predeclined credit card in the mail.
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned ... read more

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ... read more

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him... read more

but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.

But I didn't get much interest.

Now all I have is pain.

Can't believe they fired me from the clock factory
after all the extra hours I put in.

But then I lost interest.

The estate agent assured me it’s a growth industry.

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.


The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.


But lo and behold, the... read more

On Sunday we jumped back an hour, today we jumped back 50 years.

Not sure what to do on the second day though

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of th... read more

But it won't be for lack of interest.

I'm Baroque!

You might say I’m generous to a fault.

When told the reason for Daylight Savings Time, the Old Indian said, "Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket."

I need to buy a smaller sundial.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee..

Now she calls me ugly and broke.

I estimate I'll be back tomorrow by midday...

Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.

But hey, who could think straight after being banged for an hour and 2 minutes

Eh, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

I guess I'm still in the dark.

...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.

Girl: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Boy: Actually, it's a banana. They were on sale.

Girl: OK... is that another banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Boy: It was a 2-for-1 sale.

Girl: Alright, fine... is that yet anothe... read more

but there is no interest.