I’m not so sure about this daylight savings time thing

I give it six months

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

I’ve been trying to write a song about Daylight Savings Time

But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better than Spice Girls’ 2 become 1

Did you know that Germans were the first to adopt daylight savings time?

It's definitely the second worst thing they've ever done.

Me and my French girlfriend started a bakery in Paris with our life savings. It didn't take off. I went bankrupt. She left me.

Now all I have is pain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Girl And Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction cr...

Nowadays kids have it so easy. When I was their age, I had nothing but $3 in my pocket. So, what did I do?

I bought a house, started a family, and put the remaining 75 cents into a savings account for emergencies.

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just can't take it any longer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you smoke?

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady shows up to a bank..

An old lady shows up at the Bank of Canada one morning with a bag of money.
The old lady insists on talking to the president of the bank about opening a savings account because, she says, she has a lot of money.
After much discussion, an employee took him to the president's office.
The Pre...

Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

(Part joke, part advice) One of the first signs that your partner is losing interest is…

That…



all their savings are in a savings account.

My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life’s savings on this one Filly.

...

I also considered putting money on the derby.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self.

Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

What's the difference between a musician and a savings account?

One eventually matures and starts to make money...

What did Johann Sebastian Bach say when he looked at his empty savings account?

I'm Baroque!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek man goes to a Chinese restaurant, and orders fried rice.

A Greek man goes to a Chinese restaurant, and orders fried rice.
The waiter, who is smiling, nods and says “Ah, yes, flied lice.”

The Greek man thought this was hilarious and he ordered fried rice whenever he came in just to hear the waiter say, “flied lice”. He would always laugh loudly ...

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

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