UPJOKE
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This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."

I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?...

Where do cows go on weekends??

To the ....



Moooooooovies.

I get so lonely on the weekends....

that I log into all my online accounts so my phone text tone goes off with authentication codes that I can pretend are my friends texting me.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

I never go to sleep on weekends.

Sleep is for the week.

Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water -

you know, to surprise my liver.

A mathematician wants more excitement and wants to become a volunteer fireman on the weekends

He goes through the training, and proceeds to take the written final exam.

Question 1: You come across a car that is flipped upside down and on fire with the driver still in it. What do you do?

The mathematician answers with the steps he was taught in training.

Question 2: You ...

How does Tom Hiddleston spend weekends?

He keeps it Loki.

I think weekends are made in China

They donโ€™t last long.



*reposted from somewhere else

Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed, they don't mean quite so much

Except that you get to hang out with your working friends.

My parents got seperated when i was 9 and I hated going to my dads on weekends.

I tried telling my mom that you don't split custody when your spouse dies but she just kept dropping me off at the cemetery.

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

What do you call an ant that sells medicines on weekdays and helps a farmer on weekends ?

A farmassistant

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