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Weekday Jokes

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

The only difference between a weekday and a weekend ...

is which boss is telling me to do things.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

Why is sunday stronger than monday ?

Because monday is a weekday.

Woman walked to her office every weekday and she had to go through a cemetery.

Woman walked to her office every weekday and she had to go through a cemetery to get there.

One day she had to stay late in the office to finish some work and by the time she was ready go home it was already dark outside.

She started to walk home, and as she reached the entrance to t...

Everyone hates Mondays and Tuesdays

Even the weekdays go WTF

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

Some days I don't feel like getting up and going to work...

I call those weekdays.

What do you call an ant that sells medicines on weekdays and helps a farmer on weekends ?

A farmassistant

A dentist goes to the bar every day at 4:30...

He comes like clockwork every weekday. And, every day he orders the same drink- an almond daiquiri. He's so consistent, that the bartender starts making his drink at 4:25.

One day, the bartender discovers to his horror that he's out of almonds. So he makes it with Hickory nuts. The dentist...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A veteran is being interviewed for a job...

and it looks like hes going to get it. When the interviewer asks

I. Do you have any medical issues we should know about?

V. When I was in the war my testicles were blown off. I take pills for it so its not an issue though. Only problem is I cant drink coffee now. The caffeine will int...

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

A Heartwarming Story

One Sunday, George's wife went out to buy grocery and left him and their 3-year old daughter Bonnie at home. Bonnie was playing with her teacup party set while George was reading the morning paper.

While reading, George felt a gentle tap on her knees. When he set down the newspaper, Bonnie wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lodger

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few week...

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