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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

My friend asked me if I knew what sodium was on the periodic table,

I said Na

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice...

The good wizard showed him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt...except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening! How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen!?"

"Ah, sire, just...

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

a rich girl on her period told me to respect the drip

wasn't sure which one to respect

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I once masturbated in front of the Periodic Table

I was arrested for indecent exposure to the elements!

I don't usually have any trouble abstaining from Thanksgiving leftovers over a period of time...

...but damn it's hard to quit cold turkey.

What's the best part being with a gypsy on her period?

When youre done you get your palm read

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months.

And this joke has been reposted 19 times.

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What do you call a girl on her period who masturbates?

Bloody wanker.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

What do you call it when a women gets irrationally upset while on her period?

An ovaryaction.

What's the stupidest element on the periodic table?

Silicon

I found out my girlfriend was on her period while I was going down on her

Talk about having egg on my face!

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth….

...guess I’ll call it a day”

Went to view a house earlier with period features and the wife and I had a massive argument.

She really hates it when I call her that.

Did you hear about the female rapper, who only battled when she was on her period?

They said she had a mean flow.

My girlfriend left me this note saying she got her period early

. I got my period early

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

Why do women never have periods in prison?

Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.

Periods.

Alot of ovary reacting.

What car develops over a long period of time?

A Volvo

What’s 6.9?

A good time ruined by a period.

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What did people call their mothers during the Edo period in Japan?

Edomommy

What do you call british womans periods?

Bloody hell.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

Ladies- if you realize you’re angry because of your period, ....

would that be considered an ovary-action?

If not using periods was a crime...

would it result in long sentences?

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

What’s up with kids these days and a period of 2 weeks

Like seriously is a fortnight really a big deal

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How do you know that your sister is on period?

Because your dad's cock has a different taste.

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

Would you like to learn how to stop your period

Allow me to de-menstruate

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I walked in on my girlfriend masturbating during her period

I guess you can say I caught her red-handed!

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Having your period on Valentine's day

Will be such a pain in the ass

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

What do you call a dog bred to stay underwater for a long period of time?

A sub-woofer

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

I told my wife to hurry up and get off of her period.

So she can get on my exclamation mark.

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

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Having period sex is like being a window cleaner

Just dont look down

Did you hear about the Farmer who was abroad for a long period of time as an enlisted soldier?

His wife sent him a John Deere letter.

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

How often should you tell chemistry jokes?

Periodically.

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I did basically nothing for a period in school

Well I lied, we had sex ed, but that only lasted 20 seconds

Our president promised to eradicate crime in, what i heard, was 3 to 6 months, during his campaign period. So it will be resolved in 27 years & 2 months?

326 months, he said.

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A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing..?

“A magic potion” she replies.

“Well what is it for?” he asks.

“This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.”

At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life.

After a short...

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

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My girlfriend said she wanted to have sex on her period because the orgasms are more intense. I said I was game for that.

Now we just have to wait a couple of years for her to have one.

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I’m on my period, but my boyfriend said we can still have sex

Someone is gonna have a bloody good time tonight!

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed seamstress that never had a period?

She couldn’t mend straight

Everybody thought only a period could stop 69.

But Tekashi proved a sentence could too.

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she...

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My family found out me and my girl had period sex last night

They caught me red handed

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

Who wants to hear my joke about the periodic table?

Actually Na, people won't get it.

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My girlfriend started her period today

It’s gonna be a pain in the ass for her on Valentines Day

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

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Crystal had her first period...

Crystal had her first period when she was alone at home and didn't knew what to do.

So, Cristal remembered that her friend, Johnny had a sister and went to his home.

When she arrived, she asks:

Hi Johnny, is your sister at home?

No, Crystal, why? you hardly speak to her. ...

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

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When I traveled to London last summer I overheard a couple in a cafe. Girl goes, "I can’t be arsed today. I’m on my period!"

"Well, that's a bloody problem." he says.

Why can’t girls play hockey?

Because their pads only last one period!

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

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The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9

Personally, I prefer it without the period.

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How can you tell if an archaeologist is good?

Give him a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

Why was the element Astatine made?

Cover it with your finger in the periodic table and watch what happens.

My girlfriend was on her period when she picked a fight with me.

She was Ovaryacting

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

What is a redditor's favorite time period?

The Gilded Age

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

A man is declared dead in the emergency room with 3 nurses present.

Noticing he has a hardon, the first nurse says:
"I wouldn't want it to go to waste", and rides him.
The second nurse agrees, and does the same.
The third nurse says she's on her period, but that a little blood won't do anything.
After they're all done, the man suddenly wakes up, feelin...

Why is a schoolhouse red?

You would be too if you had 7 periods a day.

why is a prisoners favorite punctuation point a period

Cause it marks the end of a sentence.

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

For example:

Ginny is drinking her coffee.

Ginny is drinking her period.

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I get boners for long periods of time

Doctors say it’s in my jeans

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Occasionally, I’ll have sex with my wife when she’s menstruating . . . Or should I say . . .

Periodically

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What do you call sex during a girl’s period?

Bloodlust.

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

What does my dad and the 18th element of the periodic table have in common?

They both argon

Why do women always get periods when they’re let out of jail?

It’s the end of a sentence

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

Request from a worried P*nis

I, the P\*nis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:



1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. In fact holidays and weekends are when I to...

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

A philosopher says to a linguist, “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

Discipline is about having the strength to do something that you do not want to do. To keep at a task for long periods of time even when its unpleasant. Even when it hurts. I am one of the most disciplined people I know.

For example, I don't want to get fat.

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