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An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

My girlfriend said to me "I bet you can't go one day without making a joke about my period"

"You're on" I said.

It's Important To Know When To Use A Period And When To Use A Question Mark

Otherwise you might tell someone "your daughter is having their first question mark."

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What do you call breasts that can hold information for short periods of time?

Random Access Mammory.

A town was experiencing a drought period

So minister told parishioners to gather and pray for rain. Once they show up he starts yelling at them and criticizing them for lack of faith. "But we have faith, we are here!" somebody answers. To which minister angrily answers: "Where are your umbrellas then?"

Hockey: periods. Football, basketball: quarters. Frisbee golf?

Eighths.

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My wife has been trying to hide the fact that she's been masturbating while on her period.

But I caught her red handed!

Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow

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I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina...

Allow me to demenstruate.

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

If Edward Cullen ever went down on Bella during her period.......

......... Won't that be called dessert?

What do you call Aussie girls an their period?

Bloody legends

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

What’s sneezing on your period like?

Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.

Three periods walk into a bar

and...

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My friend told me his wife said it's only anal for sex night due to her period.

He said he was in for the experience but didn't like the fact he couldn't sit properly for three days.

If anybody is alone during the festive period please don't hesitate to let me know.

I need to borrow some chairs.

Classical joke for Christmas period.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period

You get your palm red for free

What did the Scottish lass say when she heard there would be universal free period products? Everyone! All together now!

“It’s about bloody time!”

LPT: The key to job security is not just cultivating a strong relationship with your boss, but your boss' boss as well. Having constant open dialogue, strengthening trust, and exhibiting vulnerability is key especially during periods of layoffs...

That way over time you'll hopefully build up enough black mail material to against them in case they ever want to fire you.

God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...

Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.

But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.

Period

“The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.



When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.



She was reluctant to call upon li...

My wife missed her last 2 periods

She doesn't know when to stop.

Why is it difficult to explain periods to blind people?

They don't see the point.

What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?

A ketchup

Why do people hate their periods?

It really cramps their style

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

I just got my period while I was thrift shopping

It really cramping my style.

Never talk to a girl about pregnancy, periods or 'women problems'

She'll ovary act

My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.

I guess that makes her My Bloody Valentine.

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

6.9 is my worst and least favorite number

That is because it is 69 that was ruined by a period

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

I've created a simple and cheap period tracker

There it is -> .

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

What’s the difference between hockey players and hippie chicks?

Hockey players shower after three periods

Students in a college final exam were nearing the end of the testing period...

"All pencils down, turn in your tests, put them in a stack on my desk" ordered the professor to the class of 200 students.

Almost every student put their pencil down except for one student who was adding to their last answer. When the other students had handed in their tests the late student ...

"What part of the human body expands ten times normal size during periods of intense excitement?"

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

I was fingering my girlfriend while she was on her period...

Suddenly, my roommate walked in on us. I was caught red-handed..

Why do women have periods?

Because they can't be questioned

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month.

It’s nothing but period drama.

Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.

But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.

During the recent quarantine period, I built a model of Mount Everest.

It’s not to scale, just to look at.

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I asked my girlfriend if we could have sex even though she was on her period.

She responded "Yeah, I guess I could pull some strings."

What do you call an exhausted woman on her period?

Drained

Teacher: do u understand the importance of a period?

8yo: yes, once my sister missed her & my mom started crying, my dad fainted & my elder brother ran away from home.

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

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How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?"

"You are not like the other girls, Dave."

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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Buttcheeks

At the top of the hour, little Adam asks the grade 3 teacher "Is 'buttcheeks' one word? ..... Or should I spread them?"

Before the teacher could snort, little Brian chips in: "I know, I know! There should always be a colon in the middle! Am I right? "

The teacher shakes her head: "Loo...

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. Yo...

What do you say to a Lady who's acting up while on her period?

Please stop Ovary-acting



[P.S.. i sure hope this hasn't been posted here before]

Having your period on Valentine's day

Is a pain in the ass

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

Conversation between me and my wife during stay home period.

Her: Would you like anything to eat for dinner?




Me: What are my choices?




Her: “Yes” or “No”.

The government have extended the lockdown period for anyone that drives..

Car owner virus

Periods aren't bad

Its just women's ovary acting

Have you heard the joke about the periodic table?

It’s Oxygen Potassium.

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Jenny gets her first period

Jenny gets her first period in the middle of class. Flustered and thinking her parents would be the best to tell her, the teacher sends her home.

While walking across a bridge crying, she comes across a boy who has skipped school.

Curious, he asks why she's crying.

"Oh, Johnny, ...

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

What does a stuntwoman use when she’s on her period?

A crash pad

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

My meth head friend told me drugs help him fit his whole day into a four hour period

"Take some more", I told him. "You could fit your whole life in one afternoon!"

A man's wife accuses him of "testiculating"

"What the hell is *testiculating*?" the man asks.

Looking both irritated and impatient, his wife responds, "It's when a man is talking bollocks!"

The man considers this for a moment."Tell me something," he finally says. "Are you on your period?"

"Yes," his wife answers. "Why?"...

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

I told a girl that periods are no big deal

She ovary acted

What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your ass?

A bananosecond.

Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled during her period?

They say she has a mean flow.

Menstruation Jokes aren't funny.

Period

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

How often do scientists reference the Table of Elements?

Periodically.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

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Couple doing 69 NSFW

A married couple are doing 69 when they hear a knock on the door. The husband looks outside and sees it's only the paperboy and returns to the bed. The paperboy knocks again. The husband gets pissed off and puts on his robe. Before he leaves the room his wife notices that she has started her period ...

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I've been seeing a lot of NSFW jokes recently..No more Vagina jokes

Period

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What is the difference between cunnilingus during a woman's period and breakfast?

The way the scrambled eggs taste.

(Only percussionists would get this) I play mallets in band class, and so periodically my teacher would see how I was doing.

I always pass the vibe check.

I’ll leave now.

What’s worse than your girl getting her period?

Your girl not getting her period!!


(Pretty sure this joke isn’t completely original but just thought of it ha)

What period of music should a starving musician be listening to?

Baroque

What do you call british womans periods?

Bloody hell.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months.

And this joke has been reposted 19 times.

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