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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

What does 6.9 mean?

Just another good thing ruined by a period.

NSFW What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.

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I walked in on my girlfriend masturbating during her period

I guess you can say I caught her red-handed!

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I did basically nothing for a period in school

Well I lied, we had sex ed, but that only lasted 20 seconds

Everybody thought only a period could stop 69.

But Tekashi proved a sentence could too.

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

I told my wife to hurry up and get off of her period.

So she can get on my exclamation mark.

I told my dying girlfriend i would only love again after an appropriate period of mourning.

She asked, how long is appropriate mourning?

I said at least one morning.

Did you hear about the Farmer who was abroad for a long period of time as an enlisted soldier?

His wife sent him a John Deere letter.

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Having period sex is like being a window cleaner

Just dont look down

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

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Having your period on Valentine's day

Will be such a pain in the ass

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

Men and women are not equal

Period

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

Our president promised to eradicate crime in, what i heard, was 3 to 6 months, during his campaign period. So it will be resolved in 27 years & 2 months?

326 months, he said.

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My girlfriend said she wanted to have sex on her period because the orgasms are more intense. I said I was game for that.

Now we just have to wait a couple of years for her to have one.

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

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I’m on my period, but my boyfriend said we can still have sex

Someone is gonna have a bloody good time tonight!

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My girlfriend started her period today

It’s gonna be a pain in the ass for her on Valentines Day

Why is 6.9 the worst number?

It's a 69 interrupted by a period

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My family found out me and my girl had period sex last night

They caught me red handed

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

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Crystal had her first period...

Crystal had her first period when she was alone at home and didn't knew what to do.

So, Cristal remembered that her friend, Johnny had a sister and went to his home.

When she arrived, she asks:

Hi Johnny, is your sister at home?

No, Crystal, why? you hardly speak to her. ...

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A man and a woman on her period are having sex...

A young man meets an attractive woman in a bar and starts hitting on her. After a few drinks, they decide to take things back to his place. She tells him she's currently on her period, but he doesn't care and after a few drinks more they have sex. The next day, the woman feels embarassed about last ...

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The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

What is a redditor's favorite time period?

The Gilded Age

My girlfriend was on her period when she picked a fight with me.

She was Ovaryacting

Discipline is about having the strength to do something that you do not want to do. To keep at a task for long periods of time even when its unpleasant. Even when it hurts. I am one of the most disciplined people I know.

For example, I don't want to get fat.

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

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When I traveled to London last summer I overheard a couple in a cafe. Girl goes, "I can’t be arsed today. I’m on my period!"

"Well, that's a bloody problem." he says.

Remember the periods of 24 hours that made up a week

Yah, those were the days.

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Smurfette has her first period

Disclaimer: I don't know all of the Smurfs' names in English, please excuse any inaccuracies. Also on mobile, hope the formatting turns out ok.

Smurfette was doing her thing one day, when her body decided she was a woman now and her first period came along. Not knowing what the hell was happe...

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I get boners for long periods of time

Doctors say it’s in my jeans

A philosopher says to a linguist, “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

why is a prisoners favorite punctuation point a period

Cause it marks the end of a sentence.

Why do women always get periods when they’re let out of jail?

It’s the end of a sentence

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?"

"You are not like the other girls, Dave."

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How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

For example:

Ginny is drinking her coffee.

Ginny is drinking her period.

What's the difference between a mischievous child and a woman on her period?

One of them is a cunning runt.

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

It's weird that I have health class in third period

Because they're just teaching us about what to do during first period.

Women's Period

Instead of getting their period, the ladies should just get to sleep for five days straight every month.

Everybody wins.

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

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In Mississippi, how do you know your sister is on her period?

When your father’s dick tastes like blood...

Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting?

Because the Russian President was Stalin.

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Mulan got her period in the midst of a battle...

Mulan was fighting in a gruesome battle when all of a sudden her period came. The blood had soaked through her pants and there was no way she could hide it.

 

*Oh no what if my comrades find out I'm a woman? They aren't just gonna punish me, but my father and family too!* She ...

Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example...

*Jane was on her bike.*

Becomes...

*Jane was on her period.*

I'm 18 and I have yet to have my period. My lil sis is 17 and has been having them since 13, I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because I don't know if I have a problem.

Does it take longer if you're a boy?

Mom, how come I still haven't had my period?

"I’m already 19 and Janet got hers when she was only 13!"

"Listen to me, Brian, you’re not EVER going to get your damn period."

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player takes a shower after the 3rd period.

All I wanted was to relax while on my period...

...it was a bloodbath.

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

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A college girl once had a very active sex life...

She especially loved hooking up with frat boys and men who had been sentenced to prison. Those were kind of her fetishes, and she didn't know why. She didn't really like to use condoms, though, which was very dumb of her, and she knew that, but she thought it felt so much better without one. Also, s...

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My daughter's teacher just called me to say she was late today and missed first period.

I thought, "what a shitty way to congratulate me on becoming a grandparent!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the worst thing about missing a period?

Giving birth to a grammar Nazi

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny's for the first time seeing a girl having period......

Little Johnny was getting ready to leave school when he heard his friend panicking. He walks to his friend

Little Johnny: "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"

Girl: "LITTLE JOHNNY! You have to help me! I am bleeding and I do not know why and I am so scared and I do not know what to do! Y...

My Girlfriend said she doesn’t like period jokes,

I said it’s because you only get them once a month.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the period say to the nervous penis?

Sorry I’m late

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my girl that I didn't want to have vaginal sex with her during her periods.

She took it the wrong way.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My new girlfriend asked how I feel about period sex.

I told her I just go with the flow

The use of a period can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example;

The lads are on their holidays.
The lads are on their period.

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

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I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?

Concentration Cramps

Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.

To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic tampon out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, “you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!”

Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, sm...

My sister had her first period.

She's doing a bloody good job in English class.

What do you call a snake which is in a different time period than it should be?

An anachronda.

A man's wife accuses him of "testiculating."

"What the hell is 'testiculating?'" the man asks.

Looking both irritated and impatient, his wife responds, "It's when a man is talking bollocks!"

The man considers this for a moment. "Tell me something," he finally says. "Are you on your period?"

"Yes," his wife answers. "Why?"<...

I went to view a new house today with period features

My wife hates it when I call her that.

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