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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

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My girlfriend said we couldn't have sex while she had her period, but I walked in on her masturbating

caught her red handed.

What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period

You get your palm red for free

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I asked my girlfriend if we could have sex even though she was on her period.

She responded "Yeah, I guess I could pull some strings."

Have you heard the joke about the periodic table?

It’s Oxygen Potassium.

What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your ass?

A bananosecond.

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

Having your period on Valentine's day

Is a pain in the ass

Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.

But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?"

"You are not like the other girls, Dave."

What's a weeb's favorite element on the periodic table?

Manganese

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My boyfriend saw me masturbating on my periods

And then he kept shouting I caught you red handed !!!

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Jenny gets her first period

Jenny gets her first period in the middle of class. Flustered and thinking her parents would be the best to tell her, the teacher sends her home.

While walking across a bridge crying, she comes across a boy who has skipped school.

Curious, he asks why she's crying.

"Oh, Johnny, ...

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

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What is the difference between cunnilingus during a woman's period and breakfast?

The way the scrambled eggs taste.

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice...

The good wizard showed him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt...except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening! How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen!?"

"Ah, sire, just...

(Only percussionists would get this) I play mallets in band class, and so periodically my teacher would see how I was doing.

I always pass the vibe check.

I’ll leave now.

Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled during her period?

They say she has a mean flow.

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

My friend asked me if I knew what sodium was on the periodic table,

I said Na

What period of music should a starving musician be listening to?

Baroque

My meth head friend told me drugs help him fit his whole day into a four hour period

"Take some more", I told him. "You could fit your whole life in one afternoon!"

The wife doesn't have a period

She has a goddamn exclamation point

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

My friend drew a giant periodic table and tripped on number 10

He's fine, but he could have hurt his Neon that

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months.

And this joke has been reposted 19 times.

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

a rich girl on her period told me to respect the drip

wasn't sure which one to respect

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A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree,” says the Fa...

Periods.

Alot of ovary reacting.

What do you call it when a gamer girl has her first period...

...First blood

What do you call british womans periods?

Bloody hell.

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth….

...guess I’ll call it a day”

Went to view a house earlier with period features and the wife and I had a massive argument.

She really hates it when I call her that.

My girlfriend left me this note saying she got her period early

. I got my period early

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

I found out my girlfriend was on her period while I was going down on her

Talk about having egg on my face!

What car develops over a long period of time?

A Volvo

Why do women never have periods in prison?

Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

If not using periods was a crime...

would it result in long sentences?

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

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How do you know that your sister is on period?

Because your dad's cock has a different taste.

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What can a teacher say in class and during sex?

I better wrap this one up, because you'll miss your next period.

Ladies- if you realize you’re angry because of your period, ....

would that be considered an ovary-action?

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What did people call their mothers during the Edo period in Japan?

Edomommy

What’s up with kids these days and a period of 2 weeks

Like seriously is a fortnight really a big deal

You know what's 6.9 ?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

Would you like to learn how to stop your period

Allow me to de-menstruate

Vagina Jokes Aren’t Funny

Period.

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How do you confuse an archeologist?

Give him/her a used tampon and ask them which period it came from .

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

You shouldn't joke about menstruation

This kind of jokes are never funny, period

I told my wife to hurry up and get off of her period.

So she can get on my exclamation mark.

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

What do you call a dog bred to stay underwater for a long period of time?

A sub-woofer

It's not okay to make fun of menstruation

Period.

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

Why do girls always have the last word in an argument

Cause their the ones with a period

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Having period sex is like being a window cleaner

Just dont look down

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My girlfriend said she wanted to have sex on her period because the orgasms are more intense. I said I was game for that.

Now we just have to wait a couple of years for her to have one.

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

Did you hear about the Farmer who was abroad for a long period of time as an enlisted soldier?

His wife sent him a John Deere letter.

Our president promised to eradicate crime in, what i heard, was 3 to 6 months, during his campaign period. So it will be resolved in 27 years & 2 months?

326 months, he said.

What's the difference between a hockey goalie and a homeless woman?

The goalie showers after 3 periods.

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I’m on my period, but my boyfriend said we can still have sex

Someone is gonna have a bloody good time tonight!

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

How often do scientists like to joke about elements?

Periodically

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

Everybody thought only a period could stop 69.

But Tekashi proved a sentence could too.

I told my dying girlfriend i would only love again after an appropriate period of mourning.

She asked, how long is appropriate mourning?

I said at least one morning.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

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My girlfriend started her period today

It’s gonna be a pain in the ass for her on Valentines Day

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

Who wants to hear my joke about the periodic table?

Actually Na, people won't get it.

What has four letters, sometimes has nine, but never has five?

Woops meant to use a period.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

TIL about Romantic-era Trading Cards

In the Romantic period, the ever-bored 1% invented the first form of trading cards, with holy Christian figures as their rare collectibles. Franz Schubert was one of the most prolific collectors, though before he could complete his collection, an untimely death took him. As he lay dying, he expresse...

Last night, I watched a TV show about a girl who was bleeding uncontrollably.

It was a period drama.

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Crystal had her first period...

Crystal had her first period when she was alone at home and didn't knew what to do.

So, Cristal remembered that her friend, Johnny had a sister and went to his home.

When she arrived, she asks:

Hi Johnny, is your sister at home?

No, Crystal, why? you hardly speak to her. ...

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When I traveled to London last summer I overheard a couple in a cafe. Girl goes, "I can’t be arsed today. I’m on my period!"

"Well, that's a bloody problem." he says.

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she...

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

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