Woman: I’m having the worst period ever

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

Only after I started eating out my girlfriend did I realize she was on her period.

Egg on my face, right?

What's the stupidest element on the periodic table?

Silicon

What do you call it when a women gets irrationally upset while on her period?

An ovaryaction.

Periods.

Alot of ovary reacting.

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice...

The good wizard showed him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt...except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening! How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen!?"

"Ah, sire, just...

Did you hear about the female rapper, who only battled when she was on her period?

They said she had a mean flow.

I went to view a house yesterday with period features...

She hates it when I call her that.

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

Security saw me fingering my girlfriend while on her period in the movie house.

I guess I was caught red handed.

What do you call it when a gamer girl has her first period...

...First blood

Why do women never have periods in prison?

Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.

What do you get if you finger a gypsy on her period.

Your palms red for free.

Ladies- if you realize you’re angry because of your period, ....

would that be considered an ovary-action?

What’s up with kids these days and a period of 2 weeks

Like seriously is a fortnight really a big deal

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What did people call their mothers during the Edo period in Japan?

Edomommy

What’s 6.9?

A good time ruined by a period.

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

What do you call british womans periods?

Bloody hell.

If not using periods was a crime...

would it result in long sentences?

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

Would you like to learn how to stop your period

Allow me to de-menstruate

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I'm very possessive of the 83rd element on the periodic table?

It's my bismuth.

How often should you tell chemistry jokes?

Periodically.

What do you call a dog bred to stay underwater for a long period of time?

A sub-woofer

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Having your period on Valentine's day

Will be such a pain in the ass

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How do you know that your sister is on period?

Because your dad's cock has a different taste.

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

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Having period sex is like being a window cleaner

Just dont look down

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

I told my wife to hurry up and get off of her period.

So she can get on my exclamation mark.

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

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I did basically nothing for a period in school

Well I lied, we had sex ed, but that only lasted 20 seconds

Everybody thought only a period could stop 69.

But Tekashi proved a sentence could too.

Our president promised to eradicate crime in, what i heard, was 3 to 6 months, during his campaign period. So it will be resolved in 27 years & 2 months?

326 months, he said.

Did you hear about the Farmer who was abroad for a long period of time as an enlisted soldier?

His wife sent him a John Deere letter.

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she...

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

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My girlfriend said she wanted to have sex on her period because the orgasms are more intense. I said I was game for that.

Now we just have to wait a couple of years for her to have one.

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

Who wants to hear my joke about the periodic table?

Actually Na, people won't get it.

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

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I’m on my period, but my boyfriend said we can still have sex

Someone is gonna have a bloody good time tonight!

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

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My family found out me and my girl had period sex last night

They caught me red handed

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Crystal had her first period...

Crystal had her first period when she was alone at home and didn't knew what to do.

So, Cristal remembered that her friend, Johnny had a sister and went to his home.

When she arrived, she asks:

Hi Johnny, is your sister at home?

No, Crystal, why? you hardly speak to her. ...

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When I traveled to London last summer I overheard a couple in a cafe. Girl goes, "I can’t be arsed today. I’m on my period!"

"Well, that's a bloody problem." he says.

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

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My girlfriend started her period today

It’s gonna be a pain in the ass for her on Valentines Day

My girlfriend was on her period when she picked a fight with me.

She was Ovaryacting

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The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

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I get boners for long periods of time

Doctors say it’s in my jeans

why is a prisoners favorite punctuation point a period

Cause it marks the end of a sentence.

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

For example:

Ginny is drinking her coffee.

Ginny is drinking her period.

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

What is a redditor's favorite time period?

The Gilded Age

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

Why do women always get periods when they’re let out of jail?

It’s the end of a sentence

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How do you piss off a female archeologist?

Find a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

A philosopher says to a linguist, “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?"

"You are not like the other girls, Dave."

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

What's the difference between a mischievous child and a woman on her period?

One of them is a cunning runt.

Mom, how come I still haven't had my period?

"I’m already 19 and Janet got hers when she was only 13!"

"Listen to me, Brian, you’re not EVER going to get your damn period."

Remember the periods of 24 hours that made up a week

Yah, those were the days.

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting?

Because the Russian President was Stalin.

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Mulan got her period in the midst of a battle...

Mulan was fighting in a gruesome battle when all of a sudden her period came. The blood had soaked through her pants and there was no way she could hide it.

 

*Oh no what if my comrades find out I'm a woman? They aren't just gonna punish me, but my father and family too!* She ...

Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example...

*Jane was on her bike.*

Becomes...

*Jane was on her period.*

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How did the redneck mother tell that her daughter was on her period?

She could taste it on her son's dick.

I'm 18 and I have yet to have my period. My lil sis is 17 and has been having them since 13, I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because I don't know if I have a problem.

Does it take longer if you're a boy?

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?

Concentration Cramps

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player takes a shower after the 3rd period.

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Little Johnny's for the first time seeing a girl having period......

Little Johnny was getting ready to leave school when he heard his friend panicking. He walks to his friend

Little Johnny: "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"

Girl: "LITTLE JOHNNY! You have to help me! I am bleeding and I do not know why and I am so scared and I do not know what to do! Y...

All I wanted was to relax while on my period...

...it was a bloodbath.

The MBTA app started using a period in the track numbers... Track 4.0 instead of track 4.

Its the first time I've seen the MBTA this punctual.

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