Period Jokes - 76 Hilarious Period Jokes

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital .

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fe...

Why do woman have such bad memories during their period?

Because one day bleeds into the next.

Sometimes when my girlfriend is on her period, I'll push on her stomach

And I'll say: "who's my little ketchup packet?"

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A man wakes up heavily injured in a hospital after a short period of coma

After the doctors stabilized him, they asked him what happened. The man says: “Well, the last thing I can remember is laying down in the couch with my wife and watching a movie with her. Then, I remember wanting to drink a beer, so I asked my wife to go and one for me. She told me to go and g...

I was furious at my English teacher for dropping me down to a B for missing just a single period.

However, I'm sure he'll be worried enough to increase it to an A after I inform him that I've actually missed three periods.

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

My Girl and I always fight when she's on her period

It's a vicious cycle.

I've just bought a house with period features.

The girlfriend hates that nickname..

() Did you hear about the rapper that only raps on her period?

She has a mean flow

If you think 30 seconds isn't a significant period of time..

... try hesitating for 30 seconds when your wife asks you if she looks fat in that dress.

What do female potatoes use when they get their period?

Yampons.

What do you call it when a girl throws a tantrum during her period?

An ovary-action.

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

My girlfriend had her period in prison last week.

They had to let her go, since periods go at the end of a sentence.

I went back to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists

But Brontesaurus

For a period of time, Harry Houdini used a trap door in every magic show he performed.

It was…just a stage he was going through.

God is talking to one of his angels and says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?” The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”

God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

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What is the closest thing to a womans period ?

Your salary.....

It comes once a month. Lasts between 5 to 7 days and if it doesn't come, you're fucked.

My girlfriend says she is having the worst period ever.

I respond with “Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?”

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Sometimes I want to have when my girlfriend is on her period…

So I will lay a towel on the bed, and then lay her on the towel. And then I will go have with one of her friends.

-Dan Mintz from his album The Stranger

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I’ve been trying to talk my girlfriend into period

But she really isn’t budging on wearing a corset and talking dirty in Shakespearean English

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

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A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.

His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.

Then one night she got her period.

Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

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A wise constipated philosopher spoke about life after a period of deep contemplation

He said " and we must all be prepared"

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What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the would a pirate need Argon?

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I don't know why people have with women whilst they are on their period.

It's nuts, if you ask me

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

Which historical period has the tidiest shirts?

The Iron Age

They say a missing period in a sentence makes a huge difference

But I say time served is time served.

Why do girls tend to make a big deal out of things when they are on their period?

Because they are ovary acting.

What’s sneezing on your period like?

Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de...

A honeymoon period ...

can be a real pain in the !

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students

one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

A very long time ago, the ancients struggled to come up with a term for a 24 hour period.

It got very late and they said "lets just call it a day".

It's Important To Know When To Use A Period And When To Use A Question Mark

Otherwise you might tell someone "your daughter is having their first question mark."

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

What do you say to a Lady who's acting up while on her period?

Please stop Ovary-acting

There was once a time period where musicians never made any money....

During the Baroque period.

My girlfriend was addicted to period dramas, but now she's moved on to period soaps..

It's wonderful how fresh and clean the sheets are now!

Last year there was a mix up at my local Chinese restaurant. The chef used Daffodil bulbs instead of onions in the chow mein and four people were hospitalised over the Christmas period.

Luckily they came out beautifully in the spring.

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting?

Because the Russian President was Stalin.

Classical joke for Christmas period.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

I've created a simple and cheap period tracker

There it is -> .

Women on their period always ovary act.

*insert pun here*

Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

If anybody is alone during the festive period please don't hesitate to let me know.

I need to borrow some chairs.

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

A town was experiencing a drought period

So minister told parishioners to gather and pray for rain. Once they show up he starts yelling at them and criticizing them for lack of faith. "But we have faith, we are here!" somebody answers. To which minister angrily answers: "Where are your umbrellas then?"

Period

“The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon li...

My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.

I guess that makes her My Valentine.

God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...

Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.

But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.

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Jenny gets her first period

Jenny gets her first period in the middle of class. Flustered and thinking her parents would be the best to tell her, the teacher sends her home.

While walking across a bridge crying, she comes across a boy who has skipped school.

Curious, he asks why she's crying.

"Oh, Johnny, ...

I just got my period while I was thrift shopping

It really cramping my style.

During the recent quarantine period, I built a model of Mount Everest.

It’s not to scale, just to look at.

My meth head friend told me drugs help him fit his whole day into a four hour period

"Take some more", I told him. "You could fit your whole life in one afternoon!"

Two sisters are talking & one of them starts complaining about being on her period and starts venting about boy problems...

Her sister condescendingly replies “You just have problems with men sis”

What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?

A ketchup

What did the Scottish lass say when she heard there would be universal free period products? Everyone! All together now!

“It’s about time!”

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

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My girlfriend said she wanted to have on her period because the orgasms are more intense. I said I was game for that.

Now we just have to wait a couple of years for her to have one.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

Teacher: do u understand the importance of a period?

8yo: yes, once my sister missed her & my mom started crying, my dad fainted & my elder brother ran away from home.

What's the difference between a cat and a period?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a period is a pause at the end of a clause.

Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me: I went to Yale during this time period.

Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!

Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

What does a stuntwoman use when she’s on her period?

A crash pad

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

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International women’s day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes

Period.

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your ?

A bananosecond.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

The Ukranian Soldier

A Russian general hears someone shouting from the woods - "One Ukranian soldier is better than ten Russian". The angry general sends ten men to deal with the annoying Ukranian. After a short period of shots and screams, another shout is heard - "One Ukranian is better than a hundred Russians". The g...

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