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An 18 year old girl tells her mom she's missed her period...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes
to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy
kit. The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the
mother says, "Who was the pig that did...

What's the best thing about fingering a psychic while she is on her period?

You get your palm red for free!

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I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina...

Allow me to demenstruate.

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My girlfriend said we couldn't have sex while she had her period, but I walked in on her masturbating

caught her red handed.

Why is it difficult to explain periods to blind people?

They don't see the point.

Never talk to a girl about pregnancy, periods or 'women problems'

She'll ovary act

My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.

I guess that makes her My Bloody Valentine.

Students in a college final exam were nearing the end of the testing period...

"All pencils down, turn in your tests, put them in a stack on my desk" ordered the professor to the class of 200 students.

Almost every student put their pencil down except for one student who was adding to their last answer. When the other students had handed in their tests the late student ...

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A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway.

She thinks to herself: "I'll find some drunk. He won't even notice anything."

She goes to the bar, finds a really drunk guy there, takes him to the nearest hotel and they spend the night together. The guy wakes up the next morning (the prostitute is already gone by then) and as he starts to g...

"What part of the human body expands ten times normal size during periods of intense excitement?"

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

Why do women have periods?

Because they can't be questioned

I was fingering my girlfriend while she was on her period...

Suddenly, my roommate walked in on us. I was caught red-handed..

Two sisters are talking & one of them starts complaining about being on her period and starts venting about boy problems...

Her sister condescendingly replies “You just have problems with men sis”

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

The government have extended the lockdown period for anyone that drives..

Car owner virus

During the recent quarantine period, I built a model of Mount Everest.

It’s not to scale, just to look at.

I've created a simple and cheap period tracker

There it is -> .

Teacher: do u understand the importance of a period?

8yo: yes, once my sister missed her & my mom started crying, my dad fainted & my elder brother ran away from home.

What do you call an exhausted woman on her period?

Drained

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she sa...

Periods aren't bad

Its just women's ovary acting

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I asked my girlfriend if we could have sex even though she was on her period.

She responded "Yeah, I guess I could pull some strings."

What do you say to a Lady who's acting up while on her period?

Please stop Ovary-acting



[P.S.. i sure hope this hasn't been posted here before]

Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.

But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.

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3 nurses walk into a patient's bedroom only to find him dead.

The first nurse goes to check on him and notices that he had a massive erection so she tells the other nurses to give him a good send off by have sex with him. The first nurse does it and stops after getting tired. The second does the same and stops to share with the third nurse. The third nurse was...

What is a pirate's favourite element on the periodic table?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgon

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all...

What’s 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period

Conversation between me and my wife during stay home period.

Her: Would you like anything to eat for dinner?




Me: What are my choices?




Her: “Yes” or “No”.

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?"

"You are not like the other girls, Dave."

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice...

The good wizard showed him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt...except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening! How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen!?"

"Ah, sire, just...

What does a stuntwoman use when she’s on her period?

A crash pad

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

Have you heard the joke about the periodic table?

It’s Oxygen Potassium.

A man's wife accuses him of "testiculating"

"What the hell is *testiculating*?" the man asks.

Looking both irritated and impatient, his wife responds, "It's when a man is talking bollocks!"

The man considers this for a moment."Tell me something," he finally says. "Are you on your period?"

"Yes," his wife answers. "Why?"...

I told a girl that periods are no big deal

She ovary acted

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

Having your period on Valentine's day

Is a pain in the ass

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Jenny gets her first period

Jenny gets her first period in the middle of class. Flustered and thinking her parents would be the best to tell her, the teacher sends her home.

While walking across a bridge crying, she comes across a boy who has skipped school.

Curious, he asks why she's crying.

"Oh, Johnny, ...

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A married couple

A married couple was lying in bed one night.

The wife switched off the lights, and curled up under the sheets, ready to go to sleep, just as the husband turned his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he started to read, he periodically reached over to his wife and fondled her pussy. He di...

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled during her period?

They say she has a mean flow.

What's a weeb's favorite element on the periodic table?

Manganese

My meth head friend told me drugs help him fit his whole day into a four hour period

"Take some more", I told him. "You could fit your whole life in one afternoon!"

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your ass?

A bananosecond.

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

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What is the difference between cunnilingus during a woman's period and breakfast?

The way the scrambled eggs taste.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

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'NSFW' A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.

So a worker asks the owner:

-What should we do?

-Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks.

So the worker goes to Jimmy:

-Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks?

-With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you...

(Only percussionists would get this) I play mallets in band class, and so periodically my teacher would see how I was doing.

I always pass the vibe check.

I’ll leave now.

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

Why do electricians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them?

So they stay grounded.

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

(NSFL) What's the difference between a homeless woman and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods.

What period of music should a starving musician be listening to?

Baroque

Why is 6.9 the worst number ever?

It’s a 69 interrupted by a period.

A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis

Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.



Oh my God! He went into a Coma?



No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.

Man

A man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying “i’m on my period.” the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she’s done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes al...

Can we please stop doing women specific jokes, especially about menstruation?

They aren't funny, period.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

The wife doesn't have a period

She has a goddamn exclamation point

What do you call british womans periods?

Bloody hell.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ...

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

a rich girl on her period told me to respect the drip

wasn't sure which one to respect

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I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

Car Keys

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room… it wasn’t there. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is,...

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Good jokes.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?

A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
X------------------------X
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I...

I found out my girlfriend was on her period while I was going down on her

Talk about having egg on my face!

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

What do you call it when a gamer girl has her first period...

...First blood

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months.

And this joke has been reposted 19 times.

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth….

...guess I’ll call it a day”

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners and did wonderfully in workouts. In actual races, however, he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be neutered.

The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<...

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

Went to view a house earlier with period features and the wife and I had a massive argument.

She really hates it when I call her that.

A gypsy man caught a golden fish

And the fish said "Dear fisherman, if you throw me back in the water, I will grant you three wishes."

The gypsy threw the fish back and went "I want to be white, I want to be 8 inches long and I want all women in the world to want me."

Fish did it's magic and the man turned into a peri...

What car develops over a long period of time?

A Volvo

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How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Hand him a used tampon and ask which period it’s from.

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

Why do women never have periods in prison?

Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.

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How do you know that your sister is on period?

Because your dad's cock has a different taste.

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Word of the Day: Intaxication

That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.

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This lady friend got really mad at me for giving her a compliment

So I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she has been in a dark place lately. I thought I’d be nice and give her a compliment. Then all of a sudden the slaps me and leaves. Just like that.

I don’t really understand why she would do that. We’ve been friends for a while now and she is sup...

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One of my all time favourites.... makes me laugh every single time.

Mr. Sullivan, the most arrogant man who could do no wrong, was on top of Mrs Sullivan, trying his best to please her. His butler was holding a dim lit lantern as the lights were out and the Sullivan's didn't like the darkness.

Somewhat tired, he asked mrs Sullivan "How good was it?"

"...

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What can you say as a teacher but also during sex?

I better wrap it up else you’ll miss your next period.

Menstruation jokes aren't funny

Period

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

The low brass section decides to grab drinks during a performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony

The tubas and trombones only play during the end of Beethoven's 9th symphony. During the first several movements they have a famously long period of rest.

One performance, the low brass decide to sneak out to a local bar and grab a few drinks during the beginning of the piece. They quietly du...

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A prostitute goes to the gynaecologist

The doctor says: "Do you lose a lot during your period?"
"Yea, about 1000-1200$"

Ladies- if you realize you’re angry because of your period, ....

would that be considered an ovary-action?

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

What’s up with kids these days and a period of 2 weeks

Like seriously is a fortnight really a big deal

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