Since it’s Fathers Day, my wife asked if I could tell dad jokes all day tomorrow.

I told her I don’t know anyone named Morrow.

A 15 year old boy turns 16 tomorrow.

He asks his mom for a brand new car so he can drive around, but his mon tells him that if he wants his own car, he'd have to work for it and get it himself.

The mom leaves for work the next morning, and when she comes back that night she sees all the street lights in her cul-de-sac covered in...

Today I called my doctor's office asking for an appointment. She said, "how about 10 tomorrow?"

I said, "No I don't need that many."

I treat everyday like I'm running a marathon tomorrow...

I rest, don't run and load up on carbs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New job

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour....

A man calls his doctor and says "I'd like to cancel my tomorrow's appointment."

The doctor replies:

- Well, in such a case it will not be refunded, as appointments need to be cancelled three days in advance if you want a refund.

- Can I have it rescheduled then?

- Yes. What do you think about 3:30 PM next Friday?

- That is all right.

- Thank y...

I asked Sean Connery, "What sport will you be playing tomorrow and when?"

He replied, "Ten(n)-ish."

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins.

In honor of 420 tomorrow, here's a weed joke.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

I’m running a seminar tomorrow on multiple personalities.

Please arrive early to fill out your name tags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, Fellow people with social anxiety, want to meet up tomorrow?

Oh wait, I greatly apologise but I can't make it.

I am very busy, shit

Maybe another time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

Tomorrow, I was at another job interview.

I replied "Time Travel."

"What're your strengths... Wait a minute."

Astounded he asked.

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

Tomorrow I'm going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got!

The month of Ramadan starts tomorrow. To all the Redditors observing Ramadan,...

...Lunch is on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

She also tells them that there will be no excuse for failing to show up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room pipes up and asks the teacher out loud, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class has al...

On which day most people start their diet plan?

Tomorrow.

If you had inherited 1 million dollars tomorrow, how would you use it? I would go to the cinema to watch a movie, buy one popcorn and one large drink.



Then invest the remaining $3.48.

Starting tomorrow: Whatever life throws at me...

I’m going to duck so it hits someone else!

Having a good holiday tomorrow

Will be Easter said than done

Never put off till tomorrow,

what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have to get up early tomorrow for a funeral.

I'm not really a mourning person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know there will only be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because *I'm going* to *destroy* Uranus

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.

Last week, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday present.




“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”




That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

I have a Dentist appointment tomorrow ...

Its at 2.30 ...

Tomorrow I learned...

How to speak in the future tense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday

and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.

I'll start watching all my videos at 4k(2160p) from tomorrow.

Its my new year's resolution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got to go to hospital tomorrow to have a mole removed from the end of my cock,

That's the last time I try and fuck one of those.

TIL I’m slightly less concerned if the world ends tomorrow

It’s already tomorrow in Australia

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

I only drink on days beginning with "T"

Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and...

I am driving through England, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.

Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind.

Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.

The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How coul...

Guess who may be out of a job tomorrow?

Theresa May....

Unbelievable! I need to have a lobotomy tomorrow

I'm gonna give the surgeon a piece of my mind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

I'm stoked to have my final college test of the semester tomorrow!

Wish me merry Xams!

Just remember to be nice to all your UK friends tomorrow, reddit....

It's our 9/11.

A guy looking to get fired calls his boss and says, “Hey boss, what’s the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?”

I’m not coming in tomorrow.

Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off"

The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"

The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"

The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business tri...

Me: Officer, you can’t give me a ticket. I’m planning to run a half marathon tomorrow.

Cop: Stop playing the race card.

Brazil is playing tomorrow and I'm betting...

...that Neymar is ready to roll.

Massive trump rally scheduled for tomorrow

Miami Beach @ 10:00, come show your support!

I hear National Impotence Month starts tomorrow...

but I just can't get excited.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

how do you keep a bunch of Assholes in suspense?

I'll tell ya'll tomorrow

Hello class and today ill be teaching you how to procrastinate

Actually, why dont you come back tomorrow.

When is my wife's favorite day to make love?

Tomorrow

I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

It was ahead of its time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking a poop and practicing a speech for class tomorrow.

Even my ass is jealous of the amount of crap that's coming out of my mouth.

A: I have a huge problem. B: Are you talking about the test tomorrow?

A: I have two huge problems.

My friend calls his girlfriend "Tomorrow"

...because tomorrow never comes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

#2537: Do you have a vagina?

A woman hears a knock on the door and when she opens the door a man asks this.

Man: Do you have a vagina?

Woman slams the door in disgust

The next morning she hears a knock again and answers the door. The man asks the same question Man: do you have a vagina?

She slams the...

Predicting Reddit tomorrow

"TIFU by looking directly at the eclipse"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm turning 50 tomorrow and my wife suggested I get myself one of those high performance penis enlargers, so I did...

She's 22 and her name is Candy...

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow.

I wanted to cheer him up, so I said “well, at least she won’t see it coming.”

Call a girl beautiful a million times and she'll forget about it tomorrow, call a girl fat and she'll never let it go...

That's because elephants never forget.

Son: "I don't want to walk to school tomorrow, dad!" Dad: "When Abraham Lincoln was your age son, he had to walk 12 miles each day to get to school!" Son: "Well dad..."

"...when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was president!"

Tomorrow's weather forecast for Canada is in, just in time for cannabis legalization

It's going to be cloudy with a chance of Doritos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope is flying to Ireland tomorrow for a papal visit.

Do you think he will use virgin airways?
Like the clergy?

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.

He asks hopefully, "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

I overheard it was my co-worker’s birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

Tomorrow isn't just mother's day

It's son-day as well

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today an tomorrow have sex

But no matter how much they tried 'tomorrow ' couldn't orgasm because they say "Tomorrow never comes".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I will be hosting a benefit for men who have problems ejaculating during intercourse tomorrow evening at 6:00.

If you can’t come, let me know.

A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. “How about 10 tomorrow?”

Man: “I don’t need that many”.

Tomorrow I get to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday!

And in 31 days I get to stop celebrating my girlfriend's birthday!

Remember, tomorrow is Adolf Hitler’s birthday

I’ve got a cake all ready for him in the oven

„Mom, I‘m almost 18 now. Ashley and Nicole always wear the hottest outfits in school and their parents don‘t mind. So please, please can I wear the short black skirt and the cute white top tomorrow?“

„For the last time Robert, no!!!“

I have a drug test tomorrow.

I’m gonna study real hard tonight so I can pass it.

There's a nudist convention in my town tomorrow.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

Procrastinators Unite!

Tomorrow

A wife has a gynecologist appointment tomorrow

A husband and wife were lying in bed. Getting in the mood, he started caressing her to turn her on.

"Sorry," she said, "I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm fresh and undisturbed before she inspects me."

He rolled over, feeling a little disappointed. ...

I don't understand time zones!

How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?

My Grandmaster Friend is getting married to his Slav girlfriend tomorrow

He found his Czech mate

Could someone help me out? I live in Canada and I need to travel to my honey farm tomorrow, but I don't have a car.

I don't need anything special, just something to get me from eh to bee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar in Vegas.

He has a parrot with him. This parrot is wholly remarkable; it is fluent in Spanish, French and English. So, being a betting man- they're all betting men down in Vegas -he goes up to the bartender and tells him, "I'll bet you this here bird can speak Spanish."

The bartender knows this type, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was l...

Tomorrow is Irish constipation relief day

May the third be with you!

Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?'

Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'

Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher sent out an announcement that her class will have a day off tomorrow.

One of her students comes home to tell his grandfather. *I don't have to go to school tomorrow, can you take me to the park?* He agrees.

He immediately calls his secretary at work. *Something came up so probably we can't meet up at the hotel tomorrow, let's do it some other time?* She agrees....

Ramadhan starts tomorrow for me, so here a joke

There were two white christian men, Trump and Jack, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a priest is walking across the market and he hears a fisher yell”DAMN FISH GET YOUR DAMN FISH” so the priest walks up to the fisher and says “you can’t just swear like that you’ll make god angry” on which the fisher replies “this is an misunderstanding these fish were caught at the dam they’re

Dam fish” The priests understands what the fisher means and buys 2 dam fish when he comes home the priest asks his wife “can you cook these dam fish for supper tomorrow”on which the wife replies surprised”dear you’re a priest you can’t just swear like that” on which the priest explains the situation...

The world is ending tomorrow and you have 10 bucks. What do you buy?

A pack of Lifesavers

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.