I told my husband I was going to weight training tomorrow...

He said hold on, just hold on a sec, hold on a little longer. Then he said “I’m giving you wait training now”

That literally just happened.

One night a viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window and said to his wife: "Tomorrow it's going to rain."

His wife asked: "How do you know?"
Rudolph answered: "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

The day before my wedding, my dad sat me down and said, “Before you get married tomorrow, consider the following carefully. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring...”

“And on the other hand, you don’t.”

I say this next election we learn from our mistakes in the past and try to move forward to a brighter tomorrow. This election vote...

Hindsight 2020

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What does your wives sex life and tomorrows snow forecast have in common?

Both expecting 8 to 10 inches but only going to get 1 to 2...





Made this joke up and tel it off and on, how was it?

Since it’s Fathers Day, my wife asked if I could tell dad jokes all day tomorrow.

I told her I don’t know anyone named Morrow.

A 15 year old boy turns 16 tomorrow.

He asks his mom for a brand new car so he can drive around, but his mon tells him that if he wants his own car, he'd have to work for it and get it himself.

The mom leaves for work the next morning, and when she comes back that night she sees all the street lights in her cul-de-sac covered in...

I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia."

Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

Tomorrow at work is Jamaican hairstyle day

I’m already dreading it

Tomorrow, I am finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person, and I’ve no idea what I’ll do when I finally see it.

I think I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

New York Times headline:World Ends Tomorrow!

Women and minorities hit hardest.

TIL: In the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”, the scene involving people migrating illegally into Mexico involve dozens of extras actually crossing from the USA into Mexico over the Rio Grande

Fortunately, all 1673 of them safely made it back to the US side without issue.

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Kid: Dad, there is a small party at my school tomorrow and you should come.

Dad: So, is it the whole class and parents?
Kid: No, just you, me, and the principal.

Mommy, mommy, may I play with grandpa again tomorrow?

No, dear, it's time he finally gets buried.

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New job

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour....

The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon.

They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

I’m driving through England on a tour, and will be stopping at Greenwich tomorrow.

No idea what to do in the Mean Time.

Your Rabbi can start telling the truth tomorrow.

Today is the last day of July.

Tomorrow I have to pick up my mate from prison, the idiot got caught stealing a calendar.

It was alright, he only got 12 months.

Today I called my doctor's office asking for an appointment. She said, "how about 10 tomorrow?"

I said, "No I don't need that many."

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

Tomorrow, I was at another job interview.

I replied "Time Travel."

"What're your strengths... Wait a minute."

Astounded he asked.

I treat everyday like I'm running a marathon tomorrow...

I rest, don't run and load up on carbs.

A man calls his doctor and says "I'd like to cancel my tomorrow's appointment."

The doctor replies:

- Well, in such a case it will not be refunded, as appointments need to be cancelled three days in advance if you want a refund.

- Can I have it rescheduled then?

- Yes. What do you think about 3:30 PM next Friday?

- That is all right.

- Thank y...

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My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

Tomorrow's forecast is a high of 98 Degrees.

I hate boy bands.

In honor of 420 tomorrow, here's a weed joke.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

I’m running a seminar tomorrow on multiple personalities.

Please arrive early to fill out your name tags.

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins.

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

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Hey, Fellow people with social anxiety, want to meet up tomorrow?

Oh wait, I greatly apologise but I can't make it.

I am very busy, shit

Maybe another time.

18 year old : Dad I'm turning 18 tomorrow!

Dad : "Good. I'll be taking you to the strip club tomorrow."

18 year old : "Dad, I already said I don't want to."

Dad : "But Nicole, someone needs to be working in the house."

Tomorrow I'm going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got!

I asked Sean Connery, "What sport will you be playing tomorrow and when?"

He replied, "Ten(n)-ish."

I have to get up early tomorrow for a funeral.

I'm not really a mourning person.

The month of Ramadan starts tomorrow. To all the Redditors observing Ramadan,...

...Lunch is on me.

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A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

She also tells them that there will be no excuse for failing to show up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room pipes up and asks the teacher out loud, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class has al...

I'll start watching all my videos at 4k(2160p) from tomorrow.

Its my new year's resolution.

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Did you know there will only be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because *I'm going* to *destroy* Uranus

Starting tomorrow: Whatever life throws at me...

I’m going to duck so it hits someone else!

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

I only drink on days beginning with "T"

Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow

Never put off till tomorrow,

what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

Having a good holiday tomorrow

Will be Easter said than done

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.

Last week, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday present.




“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”




That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

I have a Dentist appointment tomorrow ...

Its at 2.30 ...

In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday

and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.

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I've got to go to hospital tomorrow to have a mole removed from the end of my cock,

That's the last time I try and fuck one of those.

Tomorrow I learned...

How to speak in the future tense.

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind.

Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.

The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How coul...

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I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and...

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

TIL I’m slightly less concerned if the world ends tomorrow

It’s already tomorrow in Australia

Unbelievable! I need to have a lobotomy tomorrow

I'm gonna give the surgeon a piece of my mind

A guy looking to get fired calls his boss and says, “Hey boss, what’s the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?”

I’m not coming in tomorrow.

Just remember to be nice to all your UK friends tomorrow, reddit....

It's our 9/11.

Massive trump rally scheduled for tomorrow

Miami Beach @ 10:00, come show your support!

I'm stoked to have my final college test of the semester tomorrow!

Wish me merry Xams!

Guess who may be out of a job tomorrow?

Theresa May....

Brazil is playing tomorrow and I'm betting...

...that Neymar is ready to roll.

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It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off"

The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"

The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"

The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business tri...

Hello class and today ill be teaching you how to procrastinate

Actually, why dont you come back tomorrow.

Me: Officer, you can’t give me a ticket. I’m planning to run a half marathon tomorrow.

Cop: Stop playing the race card.

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how do you keep a bunch of Assholes in suspense?

I'll tell ya'll tomorrow

I hear National Impotence Month starts tomorrow...

but I just can't get excited.

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I'm turning 50 tomorrow and my wife suggested I get myself one of those high performance penis enlargers, so I did...

She's 22 and her name is Candy...

Tomorrow isn't just mother's day

It's son-day as well

Predicting Reddit tomorrow

"TIFU by looking directly at the eclipse"

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Taking a poop and practicing a speech for class tomorrow.

Even my ass is jealous of the amount of crap that's coming out of my mouth.

When is my wife's favorite day to make love?

Tomorrow

I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

It was ahead of its time.

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.

He asks hopefully, "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Son: "I don't want to walk to school tomorrow, dad!" Dad: "When Abraham Lincoln was your age son, he had to walk 12 miles each day to get to school!" Son: "Well dad..."

"...when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was president!"

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

My wife is like tomorrow

She never comes

A: I have a huge problem. B: Are you talking about the test tomorrow?

A: I have two huge problems.

My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow.

I wanted to cheer him up, so I said “well, at least she won’t see it coming.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story,”Excuse me my dear……..my stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom.

The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back ...

Call a girl beautiful a million times and she'll forget about it tomorrow, call a girl fat and she'll never let it go...

That's because elephants never forget.

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I will be hosting a benefit for men who have problems ejaculating during intercourse tomorrow evening at 6:00.

If you can’t come, let me know.

I have a drug test tomorrow.

I’m gonna study real hard tonight so I can pass it.

Tomorrow's weather forecast for Canada is in, just in time for cannabis legalization

It's going to be cloudy with a chance of Doritos.

I overheard it was my co-worker’s birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember, tomorrow is Adolf Hitler’s birthday

I’ve got a cake all ready for him in the oven

A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. “How about 10 tomorrow?”

Man: “I don’t need that many”.

A commander inspects his privates for the general's visit tomorrow.

A commander is inspecting the newest troops for the general's visit the next day. He says to the men: "Tomorrow is a big day, you will be asked some questions and these will reflect our competence. Questions like for example..." He walks up to Private Jones and yells at him: "How old are you recruit...

„Mom, I‘m almost 18 now. Ashley and Nicole always wear the hottest outfits in school and their parents don‘t mind. So please, please can I wear the short black skirt and the cute white top tomorrow?“

„For the last time Robert, no!!!“

Tomorrow I get to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday!

And in 31 days I get to stop celebrating my girlfriend's birthday!

There's a nudist convention in my town tomorrow.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

Procrastinators Unite!

Tomorrow

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A teacher sent out an announcement that her class will have a day off tomorrow.

One of her students comes home to tell his grandfather. *I don't have to go to school tomorrow, can you take me to the park?* He agrees.

He immediately calls his secretary at work. *Something came up so probably we can't meet up at the hotel tomorrow, let's do it some other time?* She agrees....

So a 1024MB Memory Card walks into a bar...

The Memory Card spots a piano, sits down at it and starts playing some incredible music.

After a number of songs, mostly original, the Memory Card gets up and the bar goes wild with cheers and applause.

The bar owner was incredibly impressed and runs up to the Memory Card and says, "Bu...

A wife has a gynecologist appointment tomorrow

A husband and wife were lying in bed. Getting in the mood, he started caressing her to turn her on.

"Sorry," she said, "I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm fresh and undisturbed before she inspects me."

He rolled over, feeling a little disappointed. ...

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