There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice...

The good wizard showed him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt...except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening! How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen!?"

"Ah, sire, just...

Did you hear about the Farmer who was abroad for a long period of time as an enlisted soldier?

His wife sent him a John Deere letter.

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

What happens when you get a lot of electroshocks within a short period of time?

It hertz.

What happens if you spin an oriental person around really fast for an extended period of time?

They become disoriented.

A guy is tossing peanuts in the air...

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth and his wife asks him a question. He turns to answer her question and the peanut he just tossed lands in his ear and gets stuck.

He and his wife spend a short period of time trying to get it out and decide maybe they should...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with his pet gorilla.

The man walks in with his leashed pet gorilla and sits at the counter. The man asked the barkeeper whether it is okay to unleash the gorilla, in which the barkeeper agreed as the gorilla seemed to be very calm. The man then unleashed the gorilla and the gorilla walks off around the bar.

Firs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time...

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

Dad’s are like boomerangs

They go away for a period of time and then come back just to hit you

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, “I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?”

The applicant responds, “I went to Yale.”

Excited, the interviewer says, “Yale?!? You’re hired!”

The applicant replies, “Yay! I got a yob!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope Francis came to visit the US…

He was to address the UN in the morning, and give mass at Madison Square Garden later that day. After the UN address, the pope was given a chauffeur driven limo to get to MSG in time for the mass. Leaving the UN, he ran into New York City bumper-to-bumper traffic, and was stuck with the time for m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

A woman visited her doctor

Complaining about a personal problem: she had a habit of wetting the bed. The doctor said, “I’ll have to examine you to find the issue”

“Ok,” said the woman, “what do you need me to do?”

“I’m going to ask you to you shut the divider and undress,” the doctor replied.

The woman b...

A Crocodile Tale

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Australia...the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond...and swim to the shore.

Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with A$3 million...but if killed by the crocs...A$1 million w...

[Request] Drinking or medieval jokes. Super bonus if both. They can certainly be offensive. I'll start.

Going on a medieval pub crawl and offensive and/or drinking jokes get you to the head of the line at each bar. I'm hoping you can keep me in the front and my fellow crawlers entertained.

But this is r/jokes, so here's ~~one~~ two to get us started:

A king was preparing to ride off on ...

Religious smoking joke

A Franciscan and a Jesuit were friends. They were both smokers who found it difficult to pray for a long period of time without having a cigarette. They decided to go to their superiors and ask for permission to smoke.

 

When they met again, the Franciscan was downcast. “I ask...

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Burnt Toast

A 14-year-old kid comes home from school crying after the first day of school. His mom asks what's wrong, and he says, "Today we took showers in gym class, and I noticed that compared to everyone else, my penis is small and I'm practically hairless! The other kids noticed, too, and they started to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's sex life is like an oak tree

You spend the first part of your life growing up and not doing much. Then later you nut almost constantly for a short period of time, right up until you go bald

The difference between weather and climate.

Weather is the atmospheric conditions in a location at a given time, example, rain in Seattle.

Climate is weather over a period of time in a location, example, rain in Seattle.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.