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Shabbat Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The widow of the old rabbi must remarry...

The rabbi of a small village dies, and after some time the congregation decides that the widow should remarry.

Given the size of the village, there is only one possible candidate: "the butcher".

Although not very excited because she was used to living with an intellectual, the widow ac...

Here's a very Jewish joke I thought of while in Shabbat service

A Rabbi goes to one of the regulars and exclaims
"MOSHE! You bring your cellphone and your wallet to Shul in Shabbat? How could you even think of doing that in Shabbat?"

To which Moshe responds "Well, Rabbi, I'm sorry, but where else was I supposed to put my driver's license??"

A Catholic Priest, a Jewish Rabbi, and a Blue Whale walk into a bar

The bartender asks what they want to drink

The Catholic Priest says, "I want to celebrate the spirit of the Lord. I will have a glass of red wine, to represent His blood and suffering".

The Rabbi says, "I will have a glass of Mogen David Kosher wine, to represent the reading of the Kid...

A priest and a rabbi have a car accident....

Shortly before shabbat (Friday night) , two drivers – one a rabbi and the other a priest – are in a horrible collision, and both cars are totaled. By what only can be described as a miracle, the two men are unscathed. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

"Pardon me ladies, but is ANYTHING all right?"


(Shabbat Shalom my fellow Jews of the Jokes sub!)

What does the Jewish Bruce Wayne drive?

The Shabbat-Mobile.

waiting for the train

Two men are waiting for a train. The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time....

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