Me: Hey man i’m thinking about converting to judaism

Him: No way dude

Me: Yahweh dude

Judaism is said to be successful because our religion has a lot of wisdom. Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"

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Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.

On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.

After 62 years of being devoted to Judaism, Abraham converts to Christianity

Distraught over this unexpected development, his life-long friend Moshe sends him a message.

Moshe: "Abraham, you schmuck! How could you abandon your faith?"

Abraham: "New Testament, who dis?"

A Jewish Man Sends His Son Away

He sends him on a pilgrimage to Israel. Three months pass and the man is confused when his son is not wearing a Yamakah. The son informs the man that he has converted to Christianity.

Dumbfounded, the man goes to his friend (also Jewish) and tells him of his son. His friend replies, "How inte...

My friend converted to Judaism last month.

I was gonna go to his circumcision, but they had to reschedule because it was too brisk.

It looks like Jared and Ivanka's Judaism is really rubbing off on Trump.

He's even cleaning out his Cabinet for Passover.

A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting next to each other on a flight, and the topic naturally turns to religion

The priest says, "I understand pork is forbidden in Judaism".

"That's correct", the Rabbi says.

Priest asks, "have you ever tried?"

"Well, I have to admit that yes, yes I have. I was traveling, and there were no Jewish communities nearby, so no Kosher food. I walked into a del...

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Did you hear that Donald Trump converted to Judaism?

He heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with orange jews.

My conservative family keeps telling me, “Try to be more like Jesus!”

So I converted to Judaism.

Why is Daniel Radcliffe celebrated and worshiped in Judaism?

Because he's the only one who escaped the chamber.

I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised.

I guess I just didn't make the cut.

What did the Father of Judaism sleep on?

An Abra-Hammock

I'm sorry

Did you hear Gotye converted from Judaism to Catholicism?

After realizing he didn't need to follow Jewish customs, he exclaimed to the rabbi, "you didn't have to cut me off!"

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On the Sixth Day, God created Man

A little later, Adam and Steve approached God in the garden.

"Hey God," said Adam.

"Adam, Steve, you've been doing a good job naming the animals. I am particularly fond of 'hippopotamus.'"

"The unicornth are my favorite!" Steve added.

"Actually, we're here about a possib...

A problem the Rabbi can't solve

A Jewish man goes to his Rabbi and says "Rabbi, I have a problem. My son is converting to Christianity and I can't do a thing about it." The Rabbi answers, "You know Moishe, I have the same problem. Let's go talk to the Chief Rabbi. Maybe he can help us out." So they set out to see the Chief Rabbi. ...

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...

I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

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Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

A Jewish man has a son...

...and he is very disappointed in his son's lack of interest in their faith. So he decides to send his son to Israel to learn a thing or two about Judaism.

When the son returns, the father asks "did you have a good trip?"

"So great, Dad. I learned so much, saw some great historical la...

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

The Rabbi in Trinidad

Once upon a time, there lived an Israeli Rabbi.  He was a kind old man who always meant well, and was well liked, even if he could be a little over zealous at times.  He heard one day that there was a spot being offered as a missionary to travel to a small village in Trinidad and teach the town's fo...

If religions were movies...

...then Judaism is the prequel, Christianity is the first sequel, Islam is the second sequel, and Mormonism is the cult fan-fiction based off the first sequel but not the second.

I've Studied Various Religions

And here's what I found:

* Christianity was too cross.

* Islam kept dropping bombs on me.

* Buddhism kept repeating itself.

* Hinduism made me have a cow.

* and Judaism made my hair curl.

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A Jewish man goes to his rabbi for advice..

"Rabbi, my son is considering turning to Christianity. How may I help him?"

The rabbi responds with "My friend, I too am having this problem. My son refuses to accept Judaism. Let us speak to the district clergy and seek advice together."

The two approach the clergy, and speak to one o...

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