I wonder what my parents did before the internet

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi

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Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

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I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

What do you say to Mario when he doesn't get a joke on the Internet?

It's a meme Mario.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

When I was sitting indoors I wondered what did my parents did during the SARS outbreak without internet

I asked my 16 brothers and sisters and they couldn’t think of anything either

A man told his wife he wanted to try out something new in bed that he had seen on the internet.

They started making love as normal, then all of a sudden he froze and stayed perfectly still.

His wife asked him what the hell he was doing.

The man replied, "Apparently it's called buffering."

The prices of memory on the internet are too goddamn high

They just ram over my budget

The internet ruined me

Thanks to the internet, I can no longer use the phrase lollygag in casual conversation.

What happens when you try to remove a video of yourself from the internet?

You become a famous Singer.

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

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I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

Why can't dyslexic people use the internet in China?

Because they get a virus when they open a bat

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What does The Internet and my family have in common

They can’t take a fucking joke

Time for the biggest joke on the internet!

*sigh*..... me

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

Everywhere I look on the internet, all I see is Corona, Corona, corona

This thing has gone viral.

How do trees access the internet?

How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

Why is Communism like Internet Explorer?

They both make you look for alternatives!

"The problem with quotes found on the internet is that they are often not true"

- Abraham Lincoln

Do you know what the most annoying thing on the internet is?

Clickbait

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I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

My internet is slow but hopefully this posts quickly...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Have a great 2019!

The people on the internet are so friendly....

One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

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I can't find the pronunciation of fecalysis on the internet.

I guess nobody gives a shit?

Why is Ganondorf afraid of the internet?

There are too many LINKS

Did you know that the internet was invented by Spiderman?

That's why it's called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

My internet went out for a few minutes on new years..

Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people.

Sorry, my 4y old brother wanted me to tell this joke here

Him: Knock, knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Idiot

Me: Idiot who?

Him: IDIOT YOU!!

He probably doesn't understand downvotes so I will have no Karma left after this

EDIT: Wow! So many people upvoted this and I even got Silver! I'll tell my brother the Internet lov...

The human mind is like Internet Explorer.

There are at least 9 tabs open.



3 of them are frozen.



And there is no clue where the music is coming from.

A cop just handcuffed a dude for a misdemeanor, waiting for back-up, when the offendant asks him...

O: “Did you always dream of becoming a policeman?”

C: “Actually no”, he replies. “I’ve always wanted to be famous on the internet.”

“No way!”, the guy says. “Same here, what a coincidence. So what stopped you?”

C: “I’m not sure, I guess I just never figured out how to get into t...

What do you call someone who blocks people on the internet?

The Chinese Government

What do you say when the internet is not working in Russia?

Internyet.

Yeah man, I tell ya what, man, that dang ol’ internet, man, you just go in on there and point and click, talk about w-w-dot-w-com, mean you got the naked chicks on there, man, just go click, click, click, click, click, it’s real easy, man.

OK, Boomhauer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two people who masturbate together by internet ?

An online meating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pandas say on Halloween?

Bam-BOO!

That's the entire joke but this subreddit won't let me post such a short joke, so I'll tell a little story like one of those irritating-as-fuck internet recipe intros that gives WTMI.
My four year old is fascinated by finding the perfect joke. He'll often pick up on jokes from tv ...

What’s a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

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Government

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,...

What can you overdose on but not die of?

Daily Dose Of Internet.

We all heard that saying where if a million monkey banging on a million typewriter will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.

Now thank to the internet we know it’s not true.

There are so many scams on the internet nowadays...

Send me three easy installments of $19.99, and I'll tell you how to avoid all of them!

what does the internet use when swimming?

googles. i think this OC but i could be wrong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy with awful internet trying to bring up a porn page?

He couldn't get it up!

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

What did Raichu say to Pikachu?

Raichu

Definitely a repost, but the following is an alleged question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an alleged answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students ...

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

This young generation with their computers and internet are so self absorbed.

It's all meme, meme, meme..

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

Remember before the internet when it was thought collective stupidity was due to a lack of information?

Well, it wasn’t that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

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What do a covered pit with spikes at the bottom and the internet have in common?

They're both booby traps.

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

Godwin's law

Godwin's law states that someone will always correct you on the internet. It also says that the people who correct you will likely be corrected.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The latest your momma joke to hit the internet...

Your momma has fucked more people than Thomas Cook

Everyone who is concerned about facial recognition software / loosing your privacy because of photos in the internet...

Just wait until you hear about driver licenses.

Why was the internet slow at the Chinese marijuana Farm?

Because it is run with a high Ping.

Girls are like Internet Domain names

the ones I like are already taken

What do you call a mafioso with internet problems

A disconnected guy



bada bing bada boom

Normally I go out on a Tuesday evening, but for once I was at home and the phone went at about 7pm

I picked it up, listened for a few moments, then said "Why are you asking me? You can get the weather off the Internet easily enough!" and I put the phone down kinda crossly.

"What was that?" my wife asked.

I shrugged. "No idea. Just some dumbass wanting to know if the coast was clear....

I wo der how people used their free time before the internet...

I asked my eight siblings but they didn't know either.

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Dani...

What was internet medias' interpretation of the hawking effect and coronal mass ejections?

: "God rubbing one out".

Why don't lepers use the Internet?

Because they're digitally challenged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer dies and goes to heaven...

The engineer found himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked him up in the book, and found that he was destined for the other place. The engineer protested that this must be a mistake, and that he had lived a righteous life, going to church every week, being faithful to his wife etc. to no avail...

What do you call an old man on the Internet?

Elder scrolls

I'm positively delighted by funny internet memes.

So much so that I frequently can't even make it to the punch line without becoming giddy with laughter.

I suffer from, premature e-joke elation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning and finds a gorilla on his roof.

So he searched the internet and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers". He calls the number, and the gorilla catcher, Bobby, says he will be over in 30 minutes.

Bobby arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van. He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG....

What's a library ?

It's like the internet, but made of trees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

Before the internet, things still went viral...

For example, The Beatles, among others, spread all over the world.

I guess you could say there were a few bugs going around.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.

>!Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.!<

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

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