How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family.

They seem like nice people.

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet…

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

A researcher is startled to find that 90% of the internet is bots

When confronted that this was realistically impossible, he exclaimed “But all they do is quote movies, books, and shows, and EACH OTHER! No human could possibly be this unoriginal!”

"I'll close all other applications and only keep my internet browser up to save processing power,"

Said the Google Chrome user.

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

How do FLIES connect to the internet?

Via WIFLI

There are a lot of scams on the internet...

For a low price of $69 I can show you how to avoid them.

Thanks to my internet service provider, I was finally able to read a book....

They had an outage

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

Why do babies want to use the internet?

So they can Google Gaga.

Reddit is definitely not the dump of the internet

Everyone here recycles. :)

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My wife is an internet porn star

She is going to be pissed when she finds out . . .

Internet discussion:

user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I'M NEW HERE!

user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.

user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!

What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

Grammerly

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a miracle man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, ha...

Why doen't Ganon use the Internet?

Too many Links

The internet will never stop making fun of those taking Ivermectin for Covid.

Because the internet loves to beat a dead horse.

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

Yo mama so fat she doesn't need the internet.

She’s already world-wide.

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

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Internet speed world record broken in Japan with 319Tb/s data transer speed

But still the contents will be blurry

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A man is overweight

A man is overweight, so he looks on the internet for weight loss programs. He is scrolling through the internet, when he finds an ad: “We guarantee you will lose weight or your money back” It said. He clicks on it, and it purchases a 5-pound weight loss program. Two hours later, a beautiful woman sh...

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

What do you call it when there is no Internet in Russia?

Internyet.

My internet connection is a lot like my grandad

It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

What did Montenegro’s internet domain say when it broke up from Yugoslavia?

It’s not .yu it’s .me

Internet arguments are like connect four

but you only have three pieces

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If a sex worker does their work entirely online...

... Can they be called an "Internet Service Provider?"

Today I was in a home with no internet.

Something was Amish

I finally switched from Internet Explorer to Chrome!

Just kidding, happy April fools day!

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the main differences between weed, alcohol, pizza, vagina, an inexpensive car, candy, porn, video games, pointless arguments on the internet and a healthy workout routine?

Well it’s simple really. People that browse r/jokes can acquire weed, alcohol, pizza, an inexpensive car, candy, video games, and pointless arguments on the internet !

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

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When it comes to finding incest porn on the internet

I've had relative success

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

What's an internet scammer's favorite sport?

Phishing.

What does an Internet-addicted frog say?

Reddit reddit

What's Forrest Gump's internet password?

1forest1

So many weird stuff on the internet these days

Makes me think if corona virus was just a 'you are what you eat' by a Batman fan.

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

You can't believe everything…

…you read on the Internet just because a famous person said it.

— Abraham Lincoln —

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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

They say 1 million monkeys with 1 million keyboards can produce the entire works of Shakespeare...

...Thanks to the internet we now know that's not true

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A friend asked what’s the secret to eternal life?

Saying or doing something stupid on the internet. That shit will never be forgotten and you’ll go down in history forever.

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A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.

They were publicly desemenated.

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?

Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.

An Internet Explorer user was recently mugged by a snail, a turtle, and a sloth.

When reporters asked him if he could describe the muggers, he responded, "Not very well. It all happened so fast."

My roommate said that if I tell another dad joke he's cutting off my internet...

Hi cutting off my internet, I'm d-

How do cats send message across the internet?

They e-meow each other

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

There are so many scams on the internet now days.

Send me $19.95 today and I can tell you how to avoid them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

What did the Russian man say when he lost internet connection?

"internyet!"

Jesus must have had really bad internet

his revival lagged for 3 days

Here's an old one.

I cant remember where I got this one from but here it is.

This man wants to reconnect with nature and disconnect from society for awhile. So he drives to his uncle's cabin in the woods. The uncle has no electricity, no phone or internet. The man thinks it's the perfect get away.
The firs...

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

I've compiled a list of the top 10 click bait articles on the internet

Number 7 will shock you

Dogs invented the Internet.

They have used IP protocol long before us.

What does the law say about internet trolling?

You know the rules and so do I ...

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

2020 is the most popular year on the internet.

It went viral.

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Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Daniel...

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

What did a frog say to the other frog on the internet ?

Reddit

Credit: My 10 yr old Niece.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bud Light is like having sex in a canoe.

It's fucking close to water.









H/T the internet

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's really nice in person, but an asshole on the internet?

An asshole

Why don't horses use the internet?

They can't find stable connections.

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

How do you catch a runaway laptop?

**With an internet.**

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

Internet Explorer is so slow in catching up that...

Microsoft Edge had to go back in time to tell Internet Explorer that it has been replaced

The only weakness Superman has on the internet is..

krypto-currency

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

It's sad to say internet explorer is being discontinued after 25 years.

Now who will we make memes about?

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

My girlfriend said I spend too much time on the internet and not enough on her...

she's all "meme meme meme"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

Two internet routers went on a date...

Then they went down on each other.

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

It's 2020 and I've just been fired from my job at internet explorer.

The 2008 crash hit us bad.

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

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