I’ve always wondered what parents used to do for fun before the internet.

I’ll go ask my twelve brothers and sisters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

Two internet routers went on a date...

Then they went down on each other.

Posting about Covid-19 on the Internet.....

Seems to have gone viral.

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...

...and I still haven't received it.

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

It's 2020 and I've just been fired from my job at internet explorer.

The 2008 crash hit us bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

There are so many scams on the internet now days.

Send me $19.95 today and I can tell you how to avoid them.

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the internet warrior say to the inexperienced prostitute?

Do your fucking research.

Why are Internet users so selfish?

Because they're all meme meme meme

what do you call the oldest parts of the internet?

cobwebs

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

I'm not brave enough to go on a real Safari, so I decided to be an Internet Explorer instead.

Sadly even that was too Edge-y for me!

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A peanut surfed for internet porn

His heart was all a flutter.
He dropped his pants
And took a stance
HNNNNGH - peanut butter!

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

Why can't the internet dance?

Because it has an Al Gore Rhythm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw this on the Internet today

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

HELL EXPLAINED

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona
chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pl...

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

Today I decided to give up most of the internet and turned to Reddit for some positivity.

That’s it. That’s the joke.

[But legit Reddit is more positive than most of the rest of the internet. Despite our worst intentions.]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

My friend who was new to the internet asked me for a link to a translator

When he received it he told me 'this is the link for r/jokes'

I replied 'yeah everyone there's currently translating jokes from many languages '

I believe the internet should be more balanced...

I believe the internet should be more balanced. Everyone posts their success' and not enough of their failures.

We must strive to keep things realistic so people don't feel bad.

So today I've decided that while I post my scholarships, I'll also Post Malone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My internet was down so I rented a porno from the last video store in the country...

I was really excited to watch it but was disappointed to see that it was just a fat guy masturbating in the dark. And then I realized I forgot to turn the TV on.

The prices of memory on the internet are too goddamn high

They just ram over my budget

The internet ruined me

Thanks to the internet, I can no longer use the phrase lollygag in casual conversation.

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My internet keeps shitting the bed.

I think it needs some fiber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

How do trees access the internet?

How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

A man told his wife he wanted to try out something new in bed that he had seen on the internet.

They started making love as normal, then all of a sudden he froze and stayed perfectly still.

His wife asked him what the hell he was doing.

The man replied, "Apparently it's called buffering."

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

When I was sitting indoors I wondered what did my parents did during the SARS outbreak without internet

I asked my 16 brothers and sisters and they couldn’t think of anything either

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does The Internet and my family have in common

They can’t take a fucking joke

A father wanted to do "the talk" with his oldest son

Father: son get of this internet and come have a chat with me

Son: can't it wait am in the middle of something

Father: no come now

Son: fine but make it quick

After 40 minutes talk.....

Son: well if that's everything i will go back to my game

Father: wow i l...

Time for the biggest joke on the internet!

*sigh*..... me

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

Everywhere I look on the internet, all I see is Corona, Corona, corona

This thing has gone viral.

Why can't dyslexic people use the internet in China?

Because they get a virus when they open a bat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

Why is Communism like Internet Explorer?

They both make you look for alternatives!

My internet is slow but hopefully this posts quickly...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Have a great 2019!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't find the pronunciation of fecalysis on the internet.

I guess nobody gives a shit?

Why is Ganondorf afraid of the internet?

There are too many LINKS

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

Windows loves to troll me

Windows: "the device wasn't able to connect to internet due to connection error"

Also windows:" would you like to go online to search for a solution".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

- "Darling, why is our son such foul-mouth?"

-"Bitch, I don't fucking know where he learned all this shit... Must be bad influence of the Internet!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

UK reports 22% increase in testicular cancer diagnosis this quarter, despite the NHS being heavily understaffed. Healthcare data analysts are still looking for the cause.

And in other news PornHub sees huge rise in internet traffic since lock-down was announced in march.

What do you say when the internet is not working in Russia?

Internyet.

That's an old one, wonder how many get it

What do F-18 pilots and internet addicts have in common?

Both break out in cold sweat when they see NO CARRIER.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW (language) A blonde woman walks into an elevator...

There is a man already inside so she tries to start a convo with him.

She says to him “TGIF” .

And he responds nonchalantly “SHIT”.

The woman is confused by this and decides to try again by stating “TGIF”.

But the mans response is the same: “SHIT”.

Now she’s getti...

The human mind is like Internet Explorer.

There are at least 9 tabs open.



3 of them are frozen.



And there is no clue where the music is coming from.

What do you call someone who blocks people on the internet?

The Chinese Government

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

The people on the internet are so friendly....

One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.

Did you know that the internet was invented by Spiderman?

That's why it's called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

Sorry, my 4y old brother wanted me to tell this joke here

Him: Knock, knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Idiot

Me: Idiot who?

Him: IDIOT YOU!!

He probably doesn't understand downvotes so I will have no Karma left after this

EDIT: Wow! So many people upvoted this and I even got Silver! I'll tell my brother the Internet lov...

My internet went out for a few minutes on new years..

Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: I'm sorry but your heart is going to fail... probably within next month.

Patient: oh!! Is there anything I can do?

Doc: well you have to quit smoking, no alcohol, only eat vegan food, absolutely no exercise at all, do not take any exciting activity, also try not to meet your friends, no internet, no computer games, and obviously no sex.

Pat: would I live lo...

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two people who masturbate together by internet ?

An online meating.

This happened many years ago when Blackberry phones were still popular

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep yo...

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

A group of people gathered to protest poor internet

- What do we want?
- When do we want it?
- Lag-free internet!
- Now!

I just did a public rant about how evil people who make up stories on the internet are.

When I was done, everyone clapped.

Yo mama so fat.

She don’t need the internet, she already worldwide.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

Two women go to Spain to buy a bull...

Two women got sent to Spain from America to buy a bull for a wealthy Rancher.

They have a great time travelling and sight seeing.
They lose themselves in the fun and end up spending all of their bull-purchasing money buying match tickets to watch the El Classico. Once the euphoria is over,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new toilet system being trialled.

It has a built in Internet connection.

It will automatically post your shit on Facebook, Twitter and TikTok.

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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