How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family.

They seem like nice people.

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

Thanks to my internet service provider, I was finally able to read a book....

They had an outage

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet…

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

The internet will never stop making fun of those taking Ivermectin for Covid.

Because the internet loves to beat a dead horse.

Why doen't Ganon use the Internet?

Too many Links

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Internet speed world record broken in Japan with 319Tb/s data transer speed

But still the contents will be blurry

There are a lot of scams on the internet...

For a low price of $69 I can show you how to avoid them.

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

Why do babies want to use the internet?

So they can Google Gaga.

How do FLIES connect to the internet?

Via WIFLI

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

My internet is really fast

There's a huge storm today. Luckily, I know my internet is fast. It's so fast that it lags before the storm!

Yo mama so fat she doesn't need the internet.

She’s already world-wide.

My internet connection is a lot like my grandad

It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

Internet arguments are like connect four

but you only have three pieces

What did Montenegro’s internet domain say when it broke up from Yugoslavia?

It’s not .yu it’s .me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to finding incest porn on the internet

I've had relative success

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

So many weird stuff on the internet these days

Makes me think if corona virus was just a 'you are what you eat' by a Batman fan.

What's an internet scammer's favorite sport?

Phishing.

Today I was in a home with no internet.

Something was Amish

What does an Internet-addicted frog say?

Reddit reddit

What's Forrest Gump's internet password?

1forest1

I finally switched from Internet Explorer to Chrome!

Just kidding, happy April fools day!

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

They say 1 million monkeys with 1 million keyboards can produce the entire works of Shakespeare...

...Thanks to the internet we now know that's not true

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

My roommate said that if I tell another dad joke he's cutting off my internet...

Hi cutting off my internet, I'm d-

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

Jesus must have had really bad internet

his revival lagged for 3 days

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.

They were publicly desemenated.

How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?

Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

An Internet Explorer user was recently mugged by a snail, a turtle, and a sloth.

When reporters asked him if he could describe the muggers, he responded, "Not very well. It all happened so fast."

How do they access the internet in Israel?

Net and Yahoo.

Internet Discussion

user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I’M NEW HERE!

user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.

user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

How do you catch a runaway laptop?

**With an internet.**

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

How do cats send message across the internet?

They e-meow each other

I've compiled a list of the top 10 click bait articles on the internet

Number 7 will shock you

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

Thanks to support from the Internet, I no longer have those nameless fears that have haunted me since the pandemic began.

Instead, I'm haunted by fears with names: acrophobia, enochlocophobia, mysophobia...

What does the law say about internet trolling?

You know the rules and so do I ...

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

2020 is the most popular year on the internet.

It went viral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Daniel...

There are so many scams on the internet now days.

Send me $19.95 today and I can tell you how to avoid them.

What did the Russian man say when he lost internet connection?

"internyet!"

Dogs invented the Internet.

They have used IP protocol long before us.

Wise quote

“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet”

Abraham Lincoln

Internet Explorer is so slow in catching up that...

Microsoft Edge had to go back in time to tell Internet Explorer that it has been replaced

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

What did a frog say to the other frog on the internet ?

Reddit

Credit: My 10 yr old Niece.

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

The only weakness Superman has on the internet is..

krypto-currency

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

Posting about Covid-19 on the Internet.....

Seems to have gone viral.

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...

...and I still haven't received it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's really nice in person, but an asshole on the internet?

An asshole

My girlfriend said I spend too much time on the internet and not enough on her...

she's all "meme meme meme"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

Why don't horses use the internet?

They can't find stable connections.

Just got vaccinated!

Nothing special really, but you do get tired and just want to go home and browse Internet Explorer or Edge.

What do you do when your newborn is as slow as my internet?

Check with a new company.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

My new internet provider is owned by a fisherman

Terrible service, takes all day to get a byte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two FBI agents who knew sensitive classified info went to a conference in Russia...

Turns out, the conference was really long and *really* boring; almost to the point the agents got mad, so when it was over, they decided to go to a nearby nightclub for some drinks and fun.

They had just ordered their drinks and started drinking up when two incredibly gorgeous Russian women c...

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

Two internet routers went on a date...

Then they went down on each other.

I read an article on internet....

and it said that 3 of the most common hereditary diseases in the world are-


diabetes, hemophilia and infertility.

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

I asked my Australian chemist friend for a faster internet browser to use.

He said, “Just use chromate”.

Laughing on the internet is not allowed

It’s against the lol

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

A man told his wife he wanted to try out something new in bed that he had seen on the internet.

They started making love as normal, then all of a sudden he froze and stayed perfectly still.

His wife asked him what the hell he was doing.

The man replied, "Apparently it's called buffering."

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Opinions are like buttholes

Everyone has one and I like sharing mine with strangers on the internet.

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

It's 2020 and I've just been fired from my job at internet explorer.

The 2008 crash hit us bad.

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother used to pose for porn magazines in the 70’s. A few years ago, someone uploaded a bunch of her pictures to the internet.

I see them from time to time, but they’re pretty hard to come by.

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

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