Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family.

They seem like nice people.

Why do babies want to use the internet?

So they can Google Gaga.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to finding incest porn on the internet

I've had relative success

My internet connection is a lot like my grandad

It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

What did the Russian man say when he lost internet connection?

"internyet!"

How do they access the internet in Israel?

Net and Yahoo.

Why doesn't ganondorf go on the internet?

Because there's too many links...

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

How do cats send message across the internet?

They e-meow each other

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked in on me watchung Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis

As she left the room she said turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis

My roommate said that if I tell another dad joke he's cutting off my internet...

Hi cutting off my internet, I'm d-

What do an internet junkie on dialup and an F18 pilot have in common?

Both break out in cold sweat when their screen show NO CARRIER.

Internet Discussion

user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I’M NEW HERE!

user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.

user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

What do you use to catfish on the Internet?

You have to use clickbait.

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

I've compiled a list of the top 10 click bait articles on the internet

Number 7 will shock you

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

2020 is the most popular year on the internet.

It went viral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Daniel...

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

What did a frog say to the other frog on the internet ?

Reddit

Credit: My 10 yr old Niece.

Dogs invented the Internet.

They have used IP protocol long before us.

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

What does the law say about internet trolling?

You know the rules and so do I ...

Internet Explorer is so slow in catching up that...

Microsoft Edge had to go back in time to tell Internet Explorer that it has been replaced

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

There are so many scams on the internet now days.

Send me $19.95 today and I can tell you how to avoid them.

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

The only weakness Superman has on the internet is..

krypto-currency

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...

Why don't horses use the internet?

They can't find stable connections.

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's really nice in person, but an asshole on the internet?

An asshole

What do you do when your newborn is as slow as my internet?

Check with a new company.

I read an article on internet....

and it said that 3 of the most common hereditary diseases in the world are-


diabetes, hemophilia and infertility.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

I asked my Australian chemist friend for a faster internet browser to use.

He said, “Just use chromate”.

Laughing on the internet is not allowed

It’s against the lol

I'm not brave enough to go on a real Safari, so I decided to be an Internet Explorer instead.

Sadly even that was too Edge-y for me!

Posting about Covid-19 on the Internet.....

Seems to have gone viral.

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...

...and I still haven't received it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother used to pose for porn magazines in the 70’s. A few years ago, someone uploaded a bunch of her pictures to the internet.

I see them from time to time, but they’re pretty hard to come by.

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza

CALLER: Is this #PizzaHut?

GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza

CALLER: Sorry, I have Dailed wrong number

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:Ok, I would like to order a pizza

GOOGLE:Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know ...

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

HELL EXPLAINED

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona
chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pl...

A man told his wife he wanted to try out something new in bed that he had seen on the internet.

They started making love as normal, then all of a sudden he froze and stayed perfectly still.

His wife asked him what the hell he was doing.

The man replied, "Apparently it's called buffering."

Two internet routers went on a date...

Then they went down on each other.

It's 2020 and I've just been fired from my job at internet explorer.

The 2008 crash hit us bad.

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

What do you say to Mario when he doesn't get a joke on the Internet?

It's a meme Mario.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Needed to find a therapy specialist

How to find one? Tried my luck searching for a probable urls. Internet is so stupid. Seriously? I could not find simple address like therapistfinder.org

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My internet was down so I rented a porno from the last video store in the country...

I was really excited to watch it but was disappointed to see that it was just a fat guy masturbating in the dark. And then I realized I forgot to turn the TV on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A peanut surfed for internet porn

His heart was all a flutter.
He dropped his pants
And took a stance
HNNNNGH - peanut butter!

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

A man is having issues with his wifi

As any self-loathing individual would do he calls up his service provider who tell him that they’ll have someone look at the router at 10am the next day.

“Odd, this seems like good customer service” he thought to himself. The next morning he wakes up, grabs a cup of coffee and waits, 10am lea...

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

Today I decided to give up most of the internet and turned to Reddit for some positivity.

That’s it. That’s the joke.

[But legit Reddit is more positive than most of the rest of the internet. Despite our worst intentions.]

My friend who was new to the internet asked me for a link to a translator

When he received it he told me 'this is the link for r/jokes'

I replied 'yeah everyone there's currently translating jokes from many languages '

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw this on the Internet today

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

Columbus,Marco Polo etc,are not the bravest explorers of all time.

Its the Internet Explorer.

It is brave enough to ask to be my default browser.

Never had good catfish.

My coworker said “I’ve never had good catfish”

Someone else replied “you haven’t been on the internet long enough!”

I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

The prices of memory on the internet are too goddamn high

They just ram over my budget

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old days

When I was young there was no internet, people had to walk for miles to call me a cunt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does The Internet and my family have in common

They can’t take a fucking joke

The master plan the terrorists had drafted for Jan 6th

Here's the plan the terrorists came up with that seemed to have worked so brilliantly for everything else they had seen in the internet:

1. Storm the Capitol

2. ???

3. Profit

Why is Communism like Internet Explorer?

They both make you look for alternatives!

When I was sitting indoors I wondered what did my parents did during the SARS outbreak without internet

I asked my 16 brothers and sisters and they couldn’t think of anything either

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

The human mind is like Internet Explorer.

There are at least 9 tabs open.



3 of them are frozen.



And there is no clue where the music is coming from.

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

The internet ruined me

Thanks to the internet, I can no longer use the phrase lollygag in casual conversation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

I do online classes like games...

Blame it all on my internet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My resolution this year will be the same as last year

360p, internet is still shit

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

Why can't dyslexic people use the internet in China?

Because they get a virus when they open a bat

Everywhere I look on the internet, all I see is Corona, Corona, corona

This thing has gone viral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't find the pronunciation of fecalysis on the internet.

I guess nobody gives a shit?

I'm Using Internet Explorer, I Hope This Posts Quickly...

Happy New Year 2011!

Yeah man, I tell ya what, man, that dang ol’ internet, man, you just go in on there and point and click, talk about w-w-dot-w-com, mean you got the naked chicks on there, man, just go click, click, click, click, click, it’s real easy, man.

OK, Boomhauer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

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