Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family.

They seem like nice people.

Thanks to my internet service provider, I was finally able to read a book....

They had an outage

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

I never understood why people hate Internet Explorer and Microsoft Edge so much

I am always able to flawlessly download the Firefox Installer using them.

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

There are a lot of scams on the internet...

For a low price of $69 I can show you how to avoid them.

Yo mama so fat she doesn't need the internet.

She’s already world-wide.

Why do babies want to use the internet?

So they can Google Gaga.

Internet arguments are like connect four

but you only have three pieces

What did Montenegro’s internet domain say when it broke up from Yugoslavia?

It’s not .yu it’s .me

How do trees get on the internet

They log on

What chemical is released in your brain when you see something funny on the internet?

Dopameme

So many weird stuff on the internet these days

Makes me think if corona virus was just a 'you are what you eat' by a Batman fan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to finding incest porn on the internet

I've had relative success

A helpful bit of advice when using the internet

Avoid clickbait

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

What's an internet scammer's favorite sport?

Phishing.

Today I was in a home with no internet.

Something was Amish

What does an Internet-addicted frog say?

Reddit reddit

My internet connection is a lot like my grandad

It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

They say 1 million monkeys with 1 million keyboards can produce the entire works of Shakespeare...

...Thanks to the internet we now know that's not true

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

My roommate said that if I tell another dad joke he's cutting off my internet...

Hi cutting off my internet, I'm d-

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

I finally switched from Internet Explorer to Chrome!

Just kidding, happy April fools day!

What's Forrest Gump's internet password?

1forest1

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A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.

They were publicly desemenated.

How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?

Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

What do an internet junkie on dialup and an F18 pilot have in common?

Both break out in cold sweat when their screen show NO CARRIER.

Internet Discussion

user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I’M NEW HERE!

user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.

user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

Jesus must have had really bad internet

his revival lagged for 3 days

An Internet Explorer user was recently mugged by a snail, a turtle, and a sloth.

When reporters asked him if he could describe the muggers, he responded, "Not very well. It all happened so fast."

How do they access the internet in Israel?

Net and Yahoo.

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

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Two FBI agents who knew sensitive classified info went to a conference in Russia...

Turns out, the conference was really long and *really* boring; almost to the point the agents got mad, so when it was over, they decided to go to a nearby nightclub for some drinks and fun.

They had just ordered their drinks and started drinking up when two incredibly gorgeous Russian women c...

What did the Russian man say when he lost internet connection?

"internyet!"

Just got vaccinated!

Nothing special really, but you do get tired and just want to go home and browse Internet Explorer or Edge.

How do cats send message across the internet?

They e-meow each other

I've compiled a list of the top 10 click bait articles on the internet

Number 7 will shock you

Dogs invented the Internet.

They have used IP protocol long before us.

What does the law say about internet trolling?

You know the rules and so do I ...

Internet Explorer is so slow in catching up that...

Microsoft Edge had to go back in time to tell Internet Explorer that it has been replaced

2020 is the most popular year on the internet.

It went viral.

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Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Daniel...

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

There are so many scams on the internet now days.

Send me $19.95 today and I can tell you how to avoid them.

What did a frog say to the other frog on the internet ?

Reddit

Credit: My 10 yr old Niece.

Why doesn't ganondorf go on the internet?

Because there's too many links...

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

there's really only one reason India is just now experiencing Covid-19

they run on Internet explorer.

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Opinions are like buttholes

Everyone has one and I like sharing mine with strangers on the internet.

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

I bought your book "How to scam people on Internet"...

...and I still haven't received it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

My girlfriend said I spend too much time on the internet and not enough on her...

she's all "meme meme meme"

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What do you call someone who's really nice in person, but an asshole on the internet?

An asshole

The only weakness Superman has on the internet is..

krypto-currency

What do you do when your newborn is as slow as my internet?

Check with a new company.

What do Israelis use to find information?

Internet n’ Yahoo.

Posting about Covid-19 on the Internet.....

Seems to have gone viral.

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Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

Why don't horses use the internet?

They can't find stable connections.

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

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Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

I read an article on internet....

and it said that 3 of the most common hereditary diseases in the world are-


diabetes, hemophilia and infertility.

What do you say to Mario when he doesn't get a joke on the Internet?

It's a meme Mario.

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

Laughing on the internet is not allowed

It’s against the lol

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm currently testing a penis enlargement method I found on the internet where you put tight o-rings on your dick for some days.

I think it's starting to work, my penis already turned black.

i read on the internet there's a lot of people shooting heroin

...how is that guy still alive?

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

A man told his wife he wanted to try out something new in bed that he had seen on the internet.

They started making love as normal, then all of a sudden he froze and stayed perfectly still.

His wife asked him what the hell he was doing.

The man replied, "Apparently it's called buffering."

Two internet routers went on a date...

Then they went down on each other.

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

Today I decided to give up most of the internet and turned to Reddit for some positivity.

That’s it. That’s the joke.

[But legit Reddit is more positive than most of the rest of the internet. Despite our worst intentions.]

HELL EXPLAINED

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona
chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pl...

It's 2020 and I've just been fired from my job at internet explorer.

The 2008 crash hit us bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother used to pose for porn magazines in the 70’s. A few years ago, someone uploaded a bunch of her pictures to the internet.

I see them from time to time, but they’re pretty hard to come by.

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

ZERO equals ONE

A boy comes home from middle school and his father asks what he learned in school today, to which the boy responds, "ZERO equals ONE" yelling it practically. The father looks at him and says, "Son, zero is zero and one is one." But the boy continues yelling, annoyingly now, "ZERO equal ONE, ZERO e...

I just got my COVID-19 vaccine today

I don’t understand what everyone is so worried about, I haven’t experienced any strange side effects. This thing is completely safe.

In unrelated news, I finally have good cell phone reception and my Internet speeds have never been better!

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

Why can't the internet dance?

Because it has an Al Gore Rhythm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What internet service provider do prostitutes prefer?

Cox, because they keep going in and out, sometimes they're fast, sometimes they're slow, and they bend you over when your bill arrives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My internet was down so I rented a porno from the last video store in the country...

I was really excited to watch it but was disappointed to see that it was just a fat guy masturbating in the dark. And then I realized I forgot to turn the TV on.

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A peanut surfed for internet porn

His heart was all a flutter.
He dropped his pants
And took a stance
HNNNNGH - peanut butter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw this on the Internet today

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

My friend who was new to the internet asked me for a link to a translator

When he received it he told me 'this is the link for r/jokes'

I replied 'yeah everyone there's currently translating jokes from many languages '

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

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