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I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

that's just spam.

I saw the CEO of Google driving a brand new car

The rims were all chromed out

I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'...

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

Googled 'how to light a cigar'...

and got 70 million matches.

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

Why is Google Chrome like a submarine?

They tend to get a little slow if you open too many windows.

Today I Google cigarette lighters

I was shocked when I got over 15 million matches.

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google is a woman.

Cos it never lets you finish your sentence without offering a shit load of suggestions!

Have you noticed, if you Google the phrase "Lost Medieval Servant Boy. "

It comes back with, "This page could not be found."

Did you know google maps can work backwards?

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”

With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.

“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

Just got fired from my job at Google Maps. Apparently I was terrible at drawing the boundaries between countries.

They said I was borderline incompetent.

Why don't fish use Google?

Because they're scared of the Net.

Last night I was thinking to myself "I wonder how much Google really knows about me?"

But then my Android phone texted me the message "not much". So I feel better now.

Is Google male or female?

Answer: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

I think Google is broken or something...

I did a Google Image search for Rorschach tests, but all that shows up is pictures of my dad hitting me.

I searched Google for a lighter . . .

But all I found was 96k matches .

How many Google engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The custom devs will eventually take care of it!

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.




Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

I googled "how to start a wildfire"...

I got 48,500 matches.

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

If you made a guess, would google be male or female?

Definitely a female, she won’t let you finish a sentence without trying to finish it for you!

I tried searching up "Dementia" on google

but for some reason, all the links were purple.

Where does Google like to drink at?

The search bar.

I did a Google search for a cigarette lighter.

Ended up with 15,000 matches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

If a Google Waterpipe were to be for sale...

Microsoft would soon release a Bing Bong.

Does anyone know what an ink blot test is?

I Googled it, but all I can find are pictures of my parents yelling at me.

I googled the "Pittsburg Steelers" today and it took me to allrecipes.com...

How to make a half dozen turnovers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever someone tells me "Make yourself at home"

I find the nearest computer, Google some porn, remove all my clothes and start masturbating

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian lawyer and an Irishman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that Irishman is so dumb that he could put something over on him easily…So the lawyer asks if the Irishman would like to play a fun game.

The Irishman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The Italian lawye...

What was the name of that Pixar movie where a non-human duo is forced to go on an adventure after the Status Quo gets threatened?

Google: "Could you be more specific?"

I Just got fired from Google

Because I yelled Yahoo! after completing my morning Sudoku at the office

I just Googled, "National Bird Of Syria"

And a picture of a drone popped up.

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

Jimmy needs an excuse for missing school

He decides to write a letter saying he was sick, but he needs a complex sounding sickness to convince his teachers that it was written by his parents. He googles for one, types and prints out the letter, and hands it to his teacher.

It reads: "Dear Mrs Chen, please excuse Jimmy from school. H...

Google just test fired the first fully automated rifle ever made, but it jammed on the first shot!

While going through the diagnostics R&D figured out the problem: ERR 404, GUN FAILED TO LOAD.

Here's a joke on Google's playstore

Pending...

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.

"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."

"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or ...

The most searched phrase on Google from the Minneapolis area right now is “How to make your own weapons”

Guess the cops have run out of ammo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve googled “how to juggle” a million times...

I’ve just never had the balls to actually try it.

I saw my girlfriend’s search history recently. She googled how to make her razor last longer.

I’m glad she considers me hers, but I don’t know how I feel about the nickname Razor.

My wife is like "google"

When i try to say something she says many things before i finish mine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the fuck does pornhub even have a share to google+ button..?

I don't want anyone to know I have a google+ account...

Is the Google server down?

Don’t ask me.......just google it if you don’t know.

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman is in her upstairs bathroom. She looks out the window and sees a gorilla watching her.

She calls 911, fire department, police, no one can help. She goes on google and finds John's gorilla removal service. he comes right out. He ties a pitbull to the base of the tree. He gets a sawed off shotgun out of the van, and gives it to the old woman. He gets a ladder and begins to climb the tre...

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

How to come up with a dad joke - Beginner's Advice

1. Read a dictionary.
2. Find Rhymes.
3. Think about the rhyme.
4. Find more Words.
5. Toss the dictionary out of the window.
6. Apologise to the neighbor for hitting him with the dictionary.
7. Catch the dictionary the neighbor threw back.
8. In case you didn't catch it, fix br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

Google Plus was the gym of social networking

We all joined but no one ever used it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks Google Nest....

I get a notice on my phone saying a unknown person was seen walking in the house early morning...shows a picture of me.... well.. fuck you to you judgmental asshole lol

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