The 59+ Best Google Jokes

I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'...

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wikipedia and Google walk into a bar...

Wikipedia: I know everything

Google: I have everything

Internet was sitting closeby: Without me, you both are nothing

From the end of the bar crackled the voice of Electricity: Keep talking, bitches...

The “r” in “Gary Oldman”…

Is the most critical letter in the history of Google searches.

Back in the day, we didn’t have Google….

….but we had a drunk uncle.

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

What do you call doctors who graduated online?

Google Docs

Just Googled "how to light a candle"

Got 50 million matches

Is Google male or female?

Female because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman meets a panda at a bar and they go back to her place..

They end up in the bedroom and one thing leads to another.

The panda goes down on her while jerking himself off but after only a minute he stands up, ejaculates all over her, then turns around and heads for the door.

"What the *hell*? ..where are you going?" the woman asks.

"You...

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

I did a google search for Alzheimer's...

But for some reason all the links were already purple.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy tries to get romantic with his wife.

But with work and kids and getting ready for the holidays she rebuffs him and says maybe another time. So a few days go by and she starts to get frisky with him and he tells her “Oh sorry I watched a bunch of porn and jerked off like 5 times; I can’t perform even if I wanted to.” She angrily asks hi...

I've been driving a lot for work recently...

And it's been lonely but the other day it felt like my wife was with me. Google maps wouldn't talk to me, I didn't know what I'd done wrong and wasn't sure how to fix it.

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

I was searching Google Images for Rorschach tests.

But all I found were pictures of my parents fighting.

Just got fired from my job at Google Maps. Apparently I was terrible at drawing the boundaries between countries.

They said I was borderline incompetent.

Today I Google cigarette lighters

I was shocked when I got over 15 million matches.

Have you noticed, if you Google the phrase "Lost Medieval Servant Boy. "

It comes back with, "This page could not be found."

Google fired an employee who claimed their technology was sentient.

Which is sad, because he was Chrome's only friend.

Where do tech companies go to search for the unemployed?

Google

Asked a guy what kind of music he likes. He told me he's really into "blackgaze"

I should have asked him how it's spelled before I googled it.

Why would you ever want to google yourself?

Search me...

I think Google is broken or something...

I did a Google Image search for Rorschach tests, but all that shows up is pictures of my dad hitting me.

I searched Google for a lighter . . .

But all I found was 96k matches .

What's the most famous Queens of the Stone Age song?

I tried to google it but it said that no one knows.

I need help finding a Tim Burton movie

I Googled "Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a quirky, androgynous loner," and Google told me to be more specific.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?

Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...

“That’s just spam”

Did you know google maps can work backwards?

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I changed my gmail password to “my dick”

But google said it was too short.

How many Google engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The custom devs will eventually take care of it!

What's the most popular dating app?

Google calendar

What is the best advice for new software developers?

Google it.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”

With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.

“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

Where does Google like to drink at?

The search bar.

Pannetone joke (help!)

Does anyone remember the pannetone joke where the punch line is a play on the word where it’s said as “(throw a) pan at Tony”?

I’ve tried to find it on Google but all that comes up is stuff about the Sopranos.

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

If you made a guess, would google be male or female?

Definitely a female, she won’t let you finish a sentence without trying to finish it for you!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve googled “how to juggle” a million times...

I’ve just never had the balls to actually try it.

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked...

I googled the "Pittsburg Steelers" today and it took me to allrecipes.com...

How to make a half dozen turnovers.

If a Google Waterpipe were to be for sale...

Microsoft would soon release a Bing Bong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the fuck does pornhub even have a share to google+ button..?

I don't want anyone to know I have a google+ account...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

I Just got fired from Google

Because I yelled Yahoo! after completing my morning Sudoku at the office

I just Googled, "National Bird Of Syria"

And a picture of a drone popped up.

I did a Google search for a cigarette lighter.

Ended up with 15,000 matches.

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

Is Google a woman?

I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions.

My wife is like "google"

When i try to say something she says many things before i finish mine.

Google just test fired the first fully automated rifle ever made, but it jammed on the first shot!

While going through the diagnostics R&D figured out the problem: ERR 404, GUN FAILED TO LOAD.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

I saw my girlfriend’s search history recently. She googled how to make her razor last longer.

I’m glad she considers me hers, but I don’t know how I feel about the nickname Razor.

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

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