UPJOKE
search enginegmailadwordsmicrosoftfacebookgoogle searchinternetsearchyoutubeaolandroidadsensedoubleclickgoogleplexgoogolplex

Google Jokes

Why was google translate banned in North-Korea?

The speech option was free

I saw the CEO of Google driving a brand new car

The rims were all chromed out

My Google password is "SnowWhite&the7dwarves"

Because it said I needed at least 8 characters, including caps, a number and a symbol

I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'...

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

Googled 'how to light a cigar'...

and got 70 million matches.

Why is Google Chrome like a submarine?

They tend to get a little slow if you open too many windows.

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

Google sky asked me to rate our solar system.

You can only give it one star.

Today I Google cigarette lighters

I was shocked when I got over 15 million matches.

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

Google's app management app is called "Google Play" and their payment app is called "Google pay"

Their navigation app should be called "Google Way"

is google male or female?

female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions

Is Google a woman?

I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the fuck does pornhub even have a share to google+ button..?

I don't want anyone to know I have a google+ account...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

Google anniversary

Today Google is 25 years old, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio won't use it anymore.

If you Google "lost mediaeval servant boy"

You get "This page cannot be found".

I searched “dementia symptoms” on Google…

All of the links were purple.

I googled "how to start a wildfire"...

I got 48,500 matches.

I Googled "Missing Medieval Servant"

It came back: "Page Not Found"

Google: turns 21.. google can drink..

But don't let google drive

During quarantine, Google saw a shift in the top 5 Google searches.

The no. 1 position went from “how to get laid” to “how to get laid off.”

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked...

Google just bought Fitbit

Now they can track your steps online as well as offline

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...

“That’s just spam”

Is Google a boy or girl?

Girl because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas

I needed a new Doctor so I checked Google.

All those Google Docs prescribed me was a bunch of new documents.

I asked Google if a Bitcoin has two sides, but Google couldn't make heads or tails of it.

The top result just didn't make cents.

Google is useless

I tried looking up lighters and all they had was 69,000,000 matches.

I woke up in thick fog and couldn’t reach my Google drive

The cloud was down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

I asked my buddy what it's like working at Google.

Says he can't complain.

I did a google search for Alzheimer's...

But for some reason all the links were already purple.

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

Asked Google how to start a campfire without any tools

It gave me 20 million matches.

Back in the day, we didn’t have Google….

….but we had a drunk uncle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just explained Google to my Granny.

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?

I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+.

I'm Google

AMA

Google Doodles

Four people are sitting at a bar. A native American, a trucker, a business woman, and a google employee walks up to these people, and asks them:

“Do any of you know of an important problem facing our society? If so, then we can make a doodle of it and put it on our search homepage to raise aw...

Where does Google like to drink at?

The search bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

I think Google is broken or something...

I did a Google Image search for Rorschach tests, but all that shows up is pictures of my dad hitting me.

I googled the "Pittsburg Steelers" today and it took me to allrecipes.com...

How to make a half dozen turnovers.

I was searching Google Images for Rorschach tests.

But all I found were pictures of my parents fighting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google Chrome's new AdBlock ruined my sex life

There aren't any hot singles near me anymore

Google fired an employee who claimed their technology was sentient.

Which is sad, because he was Chrome's only friend.

Google didn't fail to inform about Google+ data breach.

They posted it on Google+ but no one saw it.

I Just got fired from Google

Because I yelled Yahoo! after completing my morning Sudoku at the office

Why would you ever want to google yourself?

Search me...

Did you know google maps can work backwards?

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

Google+ is the gym of social networking.

We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

If you made a guess, would google be male or female?

Definitely a female, she won’t let you finish a sentence without trying to finish it for you!

Here's a joke on Google's playstore

Pending...

I just Googled, "National Bird Of Syria"

And a picture of a drone popped up.

My wife is like "google"

When i try to say something she says many things before i finish mine.

How many Google engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The custom devs will eventually take care of it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks Google Nest....

I get a notice on my phone saying a unknown person was seen walking in the house early morning...shows a picture of me.... well.. fuck you to you judgmental asshole lol

Is Google a Boy or a Girl?

A girl, because it tries to complete your sentences for you, and it *never ever* forgets what you said.

Uber and Google are going to merge.

The new company will be called, "Goober."

I did a Google search for a cigarette lighter.

Ended up with 15,000 matches.

If a Google Waterpipe were to be for sale...

Microsoft would soon release a Bing Bong.

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish I had a Google brain...

Instead of a Microsoft penis.

Google Plus was the gym of social networking

We all joined but no one ever used it

Just got fired from my job at Google Maps. Apparently I was terrible at drawing the boundaries between countries.

They said I was borderline incompetent.

I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".

You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars.

Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.

I see Google Calendar is down

I thought I'd never see the day

Google should rename Android to doctor.

Doctors and Apples never got along.

A story in 3 google searches

"Titanic movie drawing"

"Titanic movie drawing scene"

"Kate Winslet naked"

WebMD has integrated Google's Deepmind.

On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.

Turns out, it's cancer.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.