UPJOKE
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I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety

...before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything

I wish I hadn’t downloaded Reddit.

I regreddit.

My phone won't let me download the Radiohead app from the play store due to security concerns

Paranoid Android

The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part documentary! Parts A through D are freely available to download, but

You have to fight for your right to Part E!

Why did the chess player download tinder in Prague?

He was looking for a Czech mate.

My friend sent me a link to download the images from the James Webb Telescope.

I told him I would download them, but I don’t have space on my phone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just downloaded porn but the file is compressed

sigh.... *unzips*

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button

He had to pay in order to use additional features

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when bandwidth was so bad, your porn was limited to downloading compressed folders of images over modems.

Sigh... * unzips *


Note: if this joke hasn't been made before, y'all are slacking. ;)

I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody!

I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommate was going out on a blind date so I told her about this phone app for her own safety.

I said: "It's called *Mum! Are you OK?* and what is does is, it puts a button on your display which you can press and then a couple of minutes later your phone will ring and the display will say MUM. So if you get there and your date looks a bit creepy you just touch the button, put your phone away,...

Why did the skeleton download Tinder?

He wanted to get boned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo mamma so fat...

Her nude pics are too big to download

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my mate that I got fired for downloading porn at work and causing everything to crash.

"That's a bit harsh!!" he said.

"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control " I replied.

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

I don't like to illegally download music.

I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.

What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.

Where does a pirate download his music?

Aye-tunes

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

I just downloaded Luis Suarez best moments video

It was only three megabytes

I downloaded Chrome on my Samsung Smart Fridge.

It became an oven.

Ever since my buddy downloaded Grindr he's been so excited about it

He can barely sit down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

remember when jokes like this were funny... before smartphones?

A chap walks into a pub carrying two suitcases. He puts them down and orders a drink. As he pays the barman notices that he is wearing a large watch.

'That's a large watch' says the barman (see I told you!)

'This watch,' says the man, 'is the very latest in high tech gadgetry. It'll te...

I was hesitant to download this app

I knew one day I might regreddit

Why did the man get arrested after illegally downloading "Every Breath You Take"?

The file was created by The Police as part of a Sting operation.

Music

I have been downloading HD digital music but some people don't really like the format so I've been getting a lot of FLAC lately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to watch this famous Tom Hanks movie, but I made a typo and ended up downloading a movie about a sex slave in a jungle.

It was called Forest Gimp.

You wouldn't download a car...

...then why the hell do you download drivers?

I just downloaded my Biology notes but couldn’t open them.

We were studying the helicase. I then had to Unzip the file to open

What app do you get, when you download instagram a thousand times?

Instakilo

Downloaded that ap where you post your location when you're drinking a good cup of coffee, I think it's called Grinder.

The real plus is that I haven't paid for a single cup yet!

The fellas around here are just so friendly.

The other day I downloaded the maps of Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland for an assignment...

was shocked to see that the total file size was 1GB.

I started downloading Jaws the other day

But after one megabyte, my computer died.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I prefer illegally downloading bangbros videos over watching free sites.

It feels more like I'm the one fucking the porn stars.

I downloaded a torrent the other day and the next day 2 agents knocked on my door accusing me of being a Pirate.

I told them I can’t be a pirate and they asked why is that? I showed them my Reddit profile and said “See, no gold”

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

Ever since I downloaded AdBlock on my computer...

All the local girls in my area seem to have lost interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs...

If we all end up going to jail for downloading music......

I at least hope they separate us by music genre.

TIFU by downloading a movie from an arabic website. The language was dubbed.

And before you all go on saying wrong sub, well, yes, that was arabic too.

Steven Soderberg’s movie *Contagion* becomes the most downloaded movie of the year 2023

...with 17 downloads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of pounds a year"

Fuck, what site are they downloading them from? It's free for me..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby download

Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad ...

If I download a song illegally from Jamaica, does that make me...

A pirate of the Caribbean?

This mindfulness app is taking a long time to download

It’s really stressing me out...I should really meditate or something.

I downloaded an app that I thought would help me find great sandwiches...

Turns out that's not what Grinder is for. I still got a footlong, though.

Downloaded a new app, forced to wear a Santa costume now for the next two months

Turns out I didn't read the Santa clause.

It is a little risky to download “Come Sail Away” or “Satisfaction” from the internet. “Turn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly safe however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but The Byrds will never hurt you.

I've been trying to download this software ALL day..

I kept getting hung up at the end when it said "finish install". I'm Norwegian.

What do you call a small insect that likes to download things illegally off the internet?

A Tor-ant

Why did the Dalai Lama download the gambling app?

He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than your son to download porn?

Your daughter to upload

ELI5: Why are download speeds so much faster than upload speeds?

Is it because of gravity?

What do you call a man who illegally downloaded a documentary about circles?

A *πrate*

My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

A guy was arrested for downloading a poorly rated movie.

It had only a rating of 3.14 on IMDB. But then again, it is illegal to download a pie-rated movie.

Ps: not my joke. Heard it today.

I downloaded the last Super Bowl and finally watched it on VLC

Turns out you can love the player and hate the game

Why is it legal to download America?

Because it's royalty free.

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

I accidentally downloaded Timber instead of Tinder the other day

Unfortunately I didn’t hook up with anyone, but I did have a lot of trees fall for me

I told my sister to download Reddit on her iPhone...

Told her she would never regreddit

You wouldn’t download a car

Cause trailers are free

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have been looking for a download of an album I used to have on cassette tape.

Anyone have at link to "Head Cleaner Kit"?

I downloaded a swearing dictionary from the Pirate Bay and

Received a torrent of abuse.

In the old days, when you illegally downloaded music it would transfer everything but the drum tracks, so you’d have to duplicate those on your own.

That’s why they say you can’t steal music without repercussion.

I downloaded corn onto my computer.

It messed up the kernel.

How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

Police bursts into a man's house.

They put him on the floor, handcuff him and all that shabang.

One of the officers says to him: "You are arrested for illegally downloading the whole Wikipedia!"

The man says: "I'm sorry officer.

I can explain everything."

I tried to download an ATV.

But it was a bit Buggy.

A man is at his house when he hears a loud knock on his door

He looks out the window and sees a police officer so he opens up and says,
"hello officer, what can I do for you?" the officer says,
"I'm sorry sir, but you're under arrest for illegally downloading all of wikipedia," frantically, the man replies,
"Officer wait, I can explain everything!"

I got a Kindle for Christmas that only lets me download modern sociology audiobooks.

I think it speaks volumes on todays society.

I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet…

When I'd finished, it said, "Saved."

If someone sends you a link to download the Homer's Iliad, don't download it...

It's full of trojans!!

Getting an STD is like downloading a virus...

...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.

I downloaded Friedrich Nietszche's voice for my navigation system

Now it just tells me to find my own way.

The director of EA walks into a bar

*Download the punchline for only 4.99*

I tried to download Ford Racing 2 today...

It crashed.

I downloaded an app that notifies me when Trump throws a tantrum.

It's called Twitter.

Did you hear about the guy who illegally downloaded Free Fallin' and Refugee?

He was charged with Petty theft.

I downloaded some hymns for my ipod

New praylist.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

What’s a pirates favorite movie?

I dunno, whatever they can download for free.

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