Facebook Jokes - 114 Hilarious Facebook Jokes

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website

I think I should start uploading my bills.

I uninstalled Facebook as I got depressed seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage.

I uninstalled LinkedIn as I got depressed seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion.

I uninstalled instagram as I got depressed seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.

But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

I joined a local scat group on Facebook recently who said they were having a meet up

Once I showed up and saw what they were doing to each other, I realized my mistake and skiddy-be-bop-a-do’d out of there as fast as I could.

I read on Facebook there is a Canadian political party leader that everyone loves

It's probably not tru-deau

What does the letter “p” in Facebook stand for?

Privacy!

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a girl on facebook just said "letting everything out hurts"

so i commented " yeah im takin a shit too"

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Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...

US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.

Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.

He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

My dad posted this to Facebook

An Irishman, Mick, was on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.” He had already won 500,000 euros. “You’ve done very well,” said the presenter, “but for a million euros, you’ve only got one lifeline left, phone a friend. “Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? A) Sparrow B) Thrush C) Ma...

What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password?

>!1forest1!<

Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he has followers, not friends.

My Dad sent me this on Facebook, which means it’s almost guaranteed to be a repost. I touched it up a bit, but here you go: The Worst Day Ever

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly.

I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a comple...

I despise it when a couple has a minor quarrel and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to "single.”

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to "orphan."

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.

Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook?

About a day

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?

I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account...

I just walk around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times...

I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

You tell me Facebook is toxic

If you’ve got a better way to whack off to your coworkers I’d love to hear it.

I'm really worried about the Facebook hack.

The thought of random strangers having access to my personal details creeps me out.

Facebook has changed its company name to Meta

Presumably because they've never Meta hate group they wanted to silence.

Joke I read on Facebook a few years ago.

A man came into a shop with a
'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window.

He went up to the owner and said, "I- I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,"

said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s...

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I started a Chinese-Nazi Facebook page

so far its got three reichs

If Facebook buys Gmail....

If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

Tinder is just like facebook.

I’d like to think I’m cute but my grandma’s the only one on there who agrees.

Why is Twitter more lenient than Facebook jail?

Because they give out shorter sentences

This Facebook & Instagram being down is so frustrating

I had to drive to 30 different peoples houses to find out what they had for dinner and to find out why COVID is fake.

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The Facebook company has changed its name to Meta

This reminds me of the time I was at a function with Mark Zuckerberg.

I Meta morally corrupt, reptile looking asshole.

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I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis

It has 3 reichs

What do a gamer and an old man looking at Facebook have in common?

Elder Scrolls

Facebook is now Meta

What is the only Meta product worth using?
>!Mucil!<

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Facebook views Reddit the same way newlyweds view child mine workers

They don't like to aknowledge their existence even though they're responsible for most of the cool shit they show off to their friends

Only having friends on Facebook…

… is like being rich at Monopoly…

Facebook is like jail

You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge...

It'll be called YouTwitFace.

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

What's different between Red Lobster and Facebook ?

At Red Lobster, the servers are responding.

I started a Facebook group for people who love bicycling

But apparently nobody wants to join the Pedalphiles.

What's the difference between a car's rear bumper and a Facebook page?

One is a terrible place to express complex political opinion, and the other protects the rear of a car by absorbing shock in the event of an accident.

Who sent Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel a friend request on Facebook

Darkness.

Years ago my Ex used to get Facebook & Myspace mixed up

She kept telling her friends to “Come onto MyFace, everyone is doing it”

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Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been nazis in WWII...

It's called Facebook.

My mate just deleted his Facebook account

We will not see his likes again.

My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.

So I poked her

A possible reason for the facebook outage

Bruno Fernandes' penalty had hit the satellite

How can you tell if someone doesn't have Facebook?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Someone wrote on Facebook...

My pizza's burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend's pregnant.

A friend replied, "It seems you can't take anything out on time."

Linkedin is becoming like Facebook nowadays!!!

Except Hot women are sending connection requests to IT Nerds...

I posted some misinformation about Vietnamese cuisine on Facebook

Now i regret. I should've known they'd banh mi for that.

A Facebook user walks into a bar...

He orders a shot, takes it, then proceeds to tell the whole bar about it. Then, he gets upset at everyone that doesn't want to take shots with him.

Why do real estate agents put their picture on business cards, Facebook pages, web sites, billboards, bus stops, postcards, vehicle wraps, yard signs, and printed ads?

So you’ll know what they looked like 10 years ago.

In an effort to provide a calmer and more peaceful experience, Mark Zuckerberg is renaming and reformatting Facebook...

He's going to call it: Metastasis.

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

Facebook is now hiring!

No need to apply, we already have all of your details.

What is an example of a Facebook paradox?

Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers

Facebook..in real life...

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures...

I never expected Facebook to own the whole "cancer on society" thing.

But they're really Meta-stasizing!

My girlfriend asked me why I don't "Like" any of her Facebook pictures.

"Because my wife would kill me," I replied.

Bad Facebook...

...you ate all my cookies and gave away the recipe

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Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have?

Huge tits.

Stolen from sickipedia but I have seen it 5 times and it still makes me smile, just wanted to share

My friend posted in facebook '#prayforafghanistan. Save them from Taliban'

I replied ' if anything that Taliban does better than us, it's praying '

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

A Pole-ish joke

Two engineers…….

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, ...

What do you call Facebook in Russia?

Socialist

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn'...

I've changed my Facebook name to Nobody

Now when I Like something it will say "Nobody likes this".

Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one'........

Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'

Don't go on Tinder

Go to Facebook marketplace....and search for wedding dresses.

It will show you recently divorced females.

From there you can filter by size.

6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times and blocked me

If Facebook has proven one thing in 2020

it’s that Black likes matter.

Facebook's launching its own cryptocurrency next year called Libra...

missed opportunity to call it zuck buck

You are hired at Facebook

Don't worry there is no interview. They have got your details.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

I heard Facebook was going to get broken up...

...so I've already claimed Eyebook, Nosebook, and Mouthbook dot com.

What is Barney's Facebook Password?

PleaseAndThankYou

They're the magic words.

What does /r/Jokes and Facebook have in common?

Users both repost stuff from Reddit.

Facebook Problem

Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Dominos holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.

"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."

"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook Password a...

My kids don't have Facebook

So I will never know when their birthdays are.

My grandfather died while commenting on a Facebook post

I’ll not see the likes of him again

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I posted an Asian Neo-Nazi post on facebook.

It's already got 50 reichs

Why is reddit better than facebook and instagram?

Because you dont need a life to use it

Why did Zuckerberg create Facebook?

He couldn't pass the captcha for Myspace.

Santa saw your Facebook posts this year.

He’s gonna give you a dictionary.

Facebook Birthdays.

Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.

Facebook

So I was in a public library and saw a homeless man I had seen around town on facebook.
It got pretty depressing because the page wouldn't load every time he tried to click 'home'...

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

If an old person looks through their Facebook timeline

You could say that the Elder Scrolls

So there's an Amazon River now? What's next? Lake Facebook? Mount Paypal?

How did Amazon manage to name a whole river in South America after them? Did they pay the governments of all the countries it flows through, for the naming rights?

What was the river's name before Amazon bought the naming rights to the river?

And how long will it be before there are ot...

WARNING to people on Facebook,

There is a link going round claiming to be a live performance from Chris Martin in his home, Do NOT click this link as it will take you to a live performance from Chris Martin in his home.

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

What's the difference between a jail and Facebook?

Basically none.
You sit, waste your time and write on the wall.

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

My aunt

My aunt (who already has 3 children from different fathers) posted on facebook that she is pregnant with twins. I commented: "Congratulations, finally two children from the same father".

I don't understand Facebook.

If I wanted to convince complete strangers that my life was better than theirs I'd become a rapper.

Facebook jokes are always

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Facebook is looking to employ

No need to send in your resume; they already have your information.

Facebook is creating a dating site

They should call it DataFarmersOnly

Posted on my Facebook group that it's 40 below outside.

Some responded, is that Fahrenheit or Centigrade?

How did realism get me banned from Facebook?

I sided with cancer on the "Kids VS Cancer" page.

(From facebook) my pet mouse Elvis just died.

He was 'caught in a trap'

Saw this one on Facebook...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clo...

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

I saw a Facebook post from an old friend the other day

He’d been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He’d been a smoker all his life so I wasn’t too surprised. Everyone was commenting on the post and wishing him well, but I decided to go out of my way to show him I really cared. First, I called the local market and had them send a basket of pears to ...

I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said

I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!

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I setup a Facebook group for Chinese Nazi's.

So far it's got three Reich's.

My friend showed me a meme he found on Facebook

I had seen that meme before on here, so i told him :

"I have already reddit"

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Some girl I know posted on Facebook;

"My toddler crawled under the garden fence! Lol, nails and wood will be out tomorrow!xxx"

Fucking hell, crucifixion seems a bit harsh.

I made a “Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke on Facebook today.....

I laughed, my friends laughed, the people involved with Epstein who are now going remain anonymous and never be punished laughed. Good times

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