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I named my WiFi network after my wife.

They’re both super temperamental, and seem to have an issue with me streaming porn to the bedroom.

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

But not as my full time job, just a way to make hens meet.

IT guy: How’s the network?

Fisherman: The fish are bigger than the holes so they get trapped inside.

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Right now I'm part of one of the largest networks on Earth.

The sewer-connected butts.

What do you call a network that is down?

A notwork.

Would an Australian WiFi network...

...be a LAN down under?

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

(True story) I work as an IT Specialsit and recently finished setting up the network of an affiliate office..

I made the WiFi password: *iforgotthepassword*

I’ve been getting a kick out of people asking around for it the past week.


The office manager asked me to change it for the sake of customers. I told him, “I forgot the password” and just about set him off the deep end lol.

What's the difference between your wife and your wifi network?

Only one of them do you *want* to go down on you.

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

A wise man told me that the mobile network carrier you choose says a lot about your life

No wonder I use Virgin Mobile.

Why is the network engineer sad?

Because his career is in bits.

TIL 19th century philosopher William Jacob Walsh once predicted a more sophisticated information public information network may result in less objective and reliable information being distributed, rather than the reverse

Of course, this will really only be funny if this joke makes the front page and people don't immediately realise I posted this on r/jokes and made up William Jacob Walsh

I founded a network of outdoor schools for kids with ADHD.

I thought Concentration Camps™ were a great idea! But the idea just didn't catch on.

What does a seal say about network switches?

ARP ARP ARP

I wish my ex was a WiFi network

so I could forget her.

So a network specialist comes up to me and says "do you wanna here a joke?"

There was a Linux error

I've heard the best place to network for a job is at a fat camp

You meet *tons* of people

What is the network admin favourite lullaby?

Mary had a little LAN

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

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NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

Why do they refer to network ports as female?

Because when they stop talking to you, you never know why.

What do you call re-arranging the layout of your network?

LANscaping.

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the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
____________________________________________...

What did the network engineer give to his fiancée?

A token ring.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the new Canadian pornographic news network?

I'll jizz here, eh?

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

At least she let him finish.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

God the engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is.

The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex network of levers that make the body move"

The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the bod...

Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.

Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hanged for his crimes.

Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.

Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the...

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

IT hurts

Rick Grimes: A network engineer went to the doctor.
Coral: Shut up, Dad!
RG: He said, "It hurts when I pee".
Coral: .......
RG: IT Hertz when IP, Coral!

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F*cking Audi four wheel drive!

It was a snowy wednesday evening. Snow had fallen for a couple of days, and the roads were treacherous.

A man walks into a bar, and while passing through the door he loudly clears his throat and spits in the corner, followed by a mumbled "Fucking Audi four wheel drive!".

He sits down, ...

Yo momma so fat

When she moves her phone from one pocket to another, it changes network!

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

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After completing a celebrity pro-am golf tournament, Jackie Chan walks into the clubhouse bar...

As he makes his way through the crowd of professional golfers and lesser celebrities, he mentions to his playing partner, Phil Mickelson, that he makes a point of playing as many pro-ams as he can throughout the year because “it gives him a chance to network with other celebrities.”

At that v...

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If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

Three IT Guys walk into a bar.

Three I.T. Guys walk into a bar. A sysadmin, a help desk tech, and a network engineer.

The Network engineer immediately starts a conversation with everyone at the bar. The help desk tech orders a drink for himself and starts asking a crying girl how he can help solve her problems. The barten...

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Is there a God?

Scientists have created an AI, and asked it, "Is there a God?"

The AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."

The scientists connected the AI to a powerful supercomputer and gave it access to Wikipedia, and asked it again, "Is there a God?"

Again, the AI ...

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?

It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.

An engineer dies...

An engineer dies and stands before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. After going through all his records, St. Peter finds that the man must go to hell. The engineer complains, as he's always been loyal to his wife and friends, never stolen, and always tried to lead a good life.

"I'll take i...

Respect the dead

A young man went to a funeral. While being there he noticed that the church had a wireless network.

Hey, what is the wifi password?

A sad relative said:

Respect the dead!

And the boy asked:

All in lowercase?

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Reporter doing an interview

A famous TV reporter was doing a report on location in Uzbekistan about the local customs of the people of Uzbekistan. During his report he interviewed one of the local town elders and asked him:

"Tell me a story about somthing that has happened in your life that you will never ever forget as...

Google's Pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it
- OK. Take my order please
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sa...

A guy claims his dog can talk...

A guy brings his dog into the NBC network building looking for a TV show for his talking dog. He says to the executive...

Guy: "Hey, I have here a talking dog! He can have a full conversation with anybody! Watch this, hey boy! What's on the top of a house?"

Dog: "Rouf"

Guy: ...

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

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Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

A Frog Calls a Psychic

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussion with a psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about ...

A programmer is having trouble with a program.....

Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.

After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.

Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest.

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest to see which agency is best at tracking down criminals. So they devise a contest where they release a mouse in the jungle and after 30 minutes each agency goes out to find it. The agency that takes the least time catching the mou...

Free Kittens

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man. "Hi there little girl...

What do you call a group of brain surgeons?

A neural network.

You see that bridge there?!

Two politicians - an American and an Indian - happened to get into an unlikely friendship, don't know how, perhaps through a social network for politicians; just go with it.

The American invited the Indian to his mansion. The Indian was amazed at the sheer magnificence of his home. He asked, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Silent Debate

Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who's not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents.

The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. Fo...

An elderly couple's road trip around south east England

*(Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads and they are all identified by 'A' and a number.)*


An elderly man is driving his wife on a road trip around the south east of England. Shortly after getting on to the A2, a police car signals...

Here's a joke the old folks on the Cuban side of my family would always say:

In Cuba, there are only two channels on their tv networks: one channel is just constant government propaganda, and the other channel is a guy staring at the screen telling you to go back to the first channel.

What do fishermen do at a their conferences?

Network.

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Wifi

A man hears his neighbors having sex very night, so In a fit of passive aggressiveness, he changes the name of his wifi network to "Icanhearyouhavingsex".

The next day when he goes to sign on to his wifi, he sees another network labeled "Wecanhearyounothavingsex"

Puns for the elevated mind...

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath ...

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You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omit...

A Joke from the Heart of Google

One man says to another: I've got a Google+ joke for you.

Second man says: What's that?

"A social network, kind of like Facebook"