Network Jokes - 90 Hilarious Network Jokes

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

MySpace

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my WiFi network after my wife.

They’re both super temperamental, and seem to have an issue with me streaming porn to the bedroom.

How do you maintain your professional network in prison?

Via LockedIn

(Not original - Saw this in a comment but can't now find it)

I saw two kids damaging my front lawn with a network device.

So I modem down.

Would an Australian WiFi network...

...be a LAN down under?

What do you call a network of shy people?

A nervous system.

I met an Australian network engineer

I asked him "do you come from a LAN down under?"

How does a network analyist identify them self at work?

LANyard

What do a Food Network host and Oedipus have in common?

They both say “umami” far more than is appropriate.

I can’t get my network printer to work

Oh Brother, where art thou?

Damn you Food Network, you had me excited for a moment!

Turns out "Beat Bobby Flay" is a *cooking show*. Had me actually interested to tune in for a moment.

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'

A network engineer goes to see his doctor

He explains that he cannot seem to make his wife pregnant.

The doctor examines the network engineer, and says "it looks like a connection issue"...

...

...

He asks "is it my technique?"

The doctor responds "no, you have a twisted pair"

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

You know what my least favorite thing about network television is?

Find out after the break.

Google+ is the gym of social networking.

We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which WiFi network do redditors use?

Virgin media

What virtual private network is most popular in Skyrim?

NordVPN

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..

...Dissa-1

What do you call a cellular network for vegetables?

A cellery network.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

Which operating system does Varys run his spy network on?

Unix; it was decided for him.

What profession does the best networking?

Fishermen

Google Plus was the gym of social networking

We all joined but no one ever used it

Why is the network engineer sad?

Because his career is in bits.

Why do they refer to network ports as female?

Because when they stop talking to you, you never know why.

How do you make a kungfu master into a network administrator?

Name him IP Man.

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

I won a local area network from Australia

It’s a LAN down under

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Where do network engineers go to use the toilet?

At their IP address.

Ruto, a politician, visited a village and and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, Ruto whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the ...

Why are restaurants great places for networking?

Because they have a lot of servers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network

Right away, she called the Packaging Design Manager. The man was shocked. "How did you know it was me?!"

She pointed to the caption on the picture: "Enlarged to Show Texture".

When future autonomous cars are connected on a network and speak to eachother, they won't need turn signals anymore.

... So BMW owners will have to figure out some other safety system to just not use.

You know what they say about using networking cables for bondage.

It gets pretty kinky.

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Moolan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Australians prefer to stream their porn on local area networks?

They come from a LAN down under.

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

I wish my ex was a WiFi network

so I could forget her.

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

What's the difference between your wife and your wifi network?

Only one of them do you *want* to go down on you.

What is the network admin favourite lullaby?

Mary had a little LAN

I just upgraded the office network after-hours and left home for the day. I haven't heard anything from the employees who started work this morning.

I guess you could say I've created Schrödinger's network - until I go there I won't know whether everything's working, or if they're cut off from the outside world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do you watch Food Network all the time, I asked my wife.

You suck at cooking and watching doesn't make you any better!

She replied "Why do you watch porn?"

What does a seal say about network switches?

ARP ARP ARP

Which US president was the first to embrace professional social networks?

Abraham LinkedIn

What do you get when you cross nu metal with professional networking?

LinkedIn Park

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

A year ago,I tried to network around and create a group of guys with similar taste and do activities together.

For some reason, the prosecuting lawyer and media keep mentioning it as a ring.

I had an idea for a JFK tv show but no network would pick it up

They kept saying I was trying to assassinate his character

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw "IT" last night

Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
____________________________________________...

Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network

Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?

What did the network engineer give to his fiancée?

A token ring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wise man told me that the mobile network carrier you choose says a lot about your life

No wonder I use Virgin Mobile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old half deaf husband is watching TV with the wife.They are watching the DYI network on home repair.

Every time the wife gets up he flips it to the porn channel not realizing she can hear and flips it back as she comes back to the room. This goes on for a few cycles till she comes back from the kitchen and yells at him, Oh for gods sake bob just leave it on the porn...you already know how to hang a...

What did the telecommunications infrastructure company director say in response to requests to alter his company's 5G network blueprint from government officials in order to satisfy privacy concerns?

It's my way or the Huawei

The Good News: I landed a job at Dreamworks thanks to the Bumblr app's networking feature

The Bad News: I'm working on the Bee Movie 2.

What do you call re-arranging the layout of your network?

LANscaping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new Canadian pornographic news network?

I'll jizz here, eh?

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

"Sorry, I http"

I've heard the best place to network for a job is at a fat camp

You meet *tons* of people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

So a network specialist comes up to me and says "do you wanna here a joke?"

There was a Linux error

Men are like Bluetooth, Women are like WiFi...

Men are like Bluetooth: he's connected when you're nearby, but searches for other devices while you're away..

Women are like WiFi: she can see all available networks, but will only connect to the strongest one.

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

At least she let him finish.

TIL 19th century philosopher William Jacob Walsh once predicted a more sophisticated information public information network may result in less objective and reliable information being distributed, rather than the reverse

Of course, this will really only be funny if this joke makes the front page and people don't immediately realise I posted this on r/jokes and made up William Jacob Walsh

Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.

Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hanged for his crimes.

Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.

Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the...

God the engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is.

The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex network of levers that make the body move"

The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the bod...

An engineer dies...

An engineer dies and stands before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. After going through all his records, St. Peter finds that the man must go to hell. The engineer complains, as he's always been loyal to his wife and friends, never stolen, and always tried to lead a good life.

"I'll take i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best rule for productivity.

Since 2 yrs of my life I am following the 20-20-20 rule. Which is best for productivity and peace of mind.

I find it more calming then ever. Also I have gained lot of confidence in myself when fighting in this wild jungle I call life.

Even you can apply this to your life and get bette...

Yo mama so dumb,

she tripped over the wireless network.

Four Engineers

4 Engineers get into a car. A Mechanical Engineer, a Petroleum Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, and a Network Engineer. They go to start the car and nothing. The Mechanical Engineer says, "Hey guys, we've got a bad starter, we're going to need to fix that before the car will start." The Petrole...

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender walks into...

A bartender walks into a chemistry lab to drop off the yearly water sample. The lab guys are excited to have a visitor and even more since it’s a bartender. They invite him to their back room. One end is filled with huge bubbling fermentation flasks. The other is equally crammed with distillation ap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?

It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hotline

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. ...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest.

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest to see which agency is best at tracking down criminals. So they devise a contest where they release a mouse in the jungle and after 30 minutes each agency goes out to find it. The agency that takes the least time catching the mou...

Three IT Guys walk into a bar.

Three I.T. Guys walk into a bar. A sysadmin, a help desk tech, and a network engineer.

The Network engineer immediately starts a conversation with everyone at the bar. The help desk tech orders a drink for himself and starts asking a crying girl how he can help solve her problems. The barten...

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Lessons learned over time:

(In no particular order, and yes - I am a nerd)

1) the problem is always in the last thing that you check.

2) always do the network card driver update AFTER everything else.

3) it's probably the cable that's causing the problem.

4) if you think that you've made things ...

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A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

Some network jokes

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

I named my WiFi network after my wife.

How do you maintain your professional network in prison?

I saw two kids damaging my front lawn with a network device.

Would an Australian WiFi network...

What do you call a network of shy people?

I met an Australian network engineer

How does a network analyist identify them self at work?

What do a Food Network host and Oedipus have in common?

I can’t get my network printer to work

Damn you Food Network, you had me excited for a moment!

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

A network engineer goes to see his doctor

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

You know what my least favorite thing about network television is?

Google+ is the gym of social networking.

Which WiFi network do redditors use?

What virtual private network is most popular in Skyrim?

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..

What do you call a cellular network for vegetables?

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

Which operating system does Varys run his spy network on?

What profession does the best networking?

Google Plus was the gym of social networking

Why is the network engineer sad?

Why do they refer to network ports as female?

How do you make a kungfu master into a network administrator?

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I won a local area network from Australia

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Where do network engineers go to use the toilet?

Ruto, a politician, visited a village and and asked what their needs were.

Why are restaurants great places for networking?

[NSFW] A HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network

When future autonomous cars are connected on a network and speak to eachother, they won't need turn signals anymore.

You know what they say about using networking cables for bondage.

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Why do Australians prefer to stream their porn on local area networks?

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

I wish my ex was a WiFi network

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

What's the difference between your wife and your wifi network?

What is the network admin favourite lullaby?

I just upgraded the office network after-hours and left home for the day. I haven't heard anything from the employees who started work this morning.

Why do you watch Food Network all the time, I asked my wife.

What does a seal say about network switches?

Which US president was the first to embrace professional social networks?

What do you get when you cross nu metal with professional networking?

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

A year ago,I tried to network around and create a group of guys with similar taste and do activities together.

I had an idea for a JFK tv show but no network would pick it up

Saw "IT" last night

the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network

What did the network engineer give to his fiancée?

A wise man told me that the mobile network carrier you choose says a lot about your life

An old half deaf husband is watching TV with the wife.They are watching the DYI network on home repair.

What did the telecommunications infrastructure company director say in response to requests to alter his company's 5G network blueprint from government officials in order to satisfy privacy concerns?

The Good News: I landed a job at Dreamworks thanks to the Bumblr app's networking feature

What do you call re-arranging the layout of your network?

Did you hear about the new Canadian pornographic news network?

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

I've heard the best place to network for a job is at a fat camp

NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

So a network specialist comes up to me and says "do you wanna here a joke?"

Men are like Bluetooth, Women are like WiFi...

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

TIL 19th century philosopher William Jacob Walsh once predicted a more sophisticated information public information network may result in less objective and reliable information being distributed, rather than the reverse

Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

God the engineer

An engineer dies...

The best rule for productivity.

Yo mama so dumb,

Four Engineers

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

A bartender walks into...