When you take a pen name ....

... that's a nom de plume.

When you take a name for war, that's a nom de guerre.

When you take a name for an eating contest, that's a nom de om nom nom.

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

Three men are stranded in the desert.

One of them steps on something. He goes to pick it up, looks at it, and realizes it’s a genie lamp. He eagerly called the other two over as he rubbed the lamp. Suddenly, a plume of blue smoke cascades over them, and a genie pops out. He gives the men three wishes. The first man says “Take me back ho...

A man walks into a bar and sees a 12-inch pianist.

He says to his bartender "Wow! That's amazing! Where did he come from?!"

The bartender hands the man a lamp and tells him that if he rubs it, the genie within will grant him a wish.

The man rubs the lamp and out pours a plume of smoke forming into a genie, right in front of him.
...

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(LONG) There was once an old mobster who liked to gamble

And this made man’s heyday was primarily during Prohibition, the days when a man of means could relax with drink and a hand of poker or rummy. Fortunes in ill-gotten gains were won and lost in such places, so it was a surprise to many that the old crook who haunted the craps table had never lost a s...

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Shut Up

A young bluebird was flying from tree to tree in the brisk autumn air when he heard his parents call. Upon arriving back to the nest they tell the young avian to prepare for the trip south.

The little bluebird stubbornly inquires why, to which papa bluebird replies with details of heavy and c...

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Three samurai

A Japanese man was looking for samurai so he put up a job advertisement. Three samurai, a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai and a Jewish samurai came to his house the next day. The man asked them "Show me what you've got. Chop this fly."

The Japanese samurai took out his sword and in a plum...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head... he sits down at the bar and the bartender says "WHOA! How did you get a lemon for a head?" The man replies "if you pour me free drinks all night, I'll tell you the story" the bartender agrees and starts to pour him a drink. The man starts to te...

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Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

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Foul mouthed parrot

A woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot.
She finds there’s three birds available. Two fine plumed parrots for 200$ and a really exotic multicolored one for 20$.

The pet shop owner explained that the beautiful one is on discount because of its coarse language from having previously...

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugge...

An Indian Chief was taking a week off in Las Vegas

After just two days, he had gambled away all his funds, so he sent a smoke signal back to his tribe asking them to wire him more money.

The tribe signalled back, saying "No way, you're being reckless with your money and we're not sending you any more!"

Just then, a nuclear bomb was det...

a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison

The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens an...

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