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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

Which weighs more - a tonne of steel or a tonne of feathers?

A tonne of feathers, because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

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Why do ducks have feathers?

So they don’t show their butt-quack

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Can birds fly without feathers?

And who was the heartless bastard who tested this out?

A Son named feather...

A son named Feather went up to his mother and asked, "mom, why did you name me Feather?", she answered "because when you were born, a feather fell onto your head"


After this, her next son, Paper asked "mom, why did you name me Paper?" she responded "because when you were born, a paper f...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

Why do ducks ruffle their feathers?

To make sure there covering their quack.

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Why does a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack

Which side of a chicken has the least feathers?

The inside.

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

There was three brothers: Little Tear, Little Feather and Little Brick

One day, Little Tear asked their mom:




— Mommy, why I’m called ‘Little Tear’?

Then Mom said:

— That’s because when you were born, a tear dropped in your head.



......




So Little Feather asked:

— And why I’m called like that?
<...

A man walks into a bar to find its full of black feathers.

Its a crowbar.

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Two men with a feather fetish

Two strangers, and Englishman and a Scotsman, are sitting at a bar chatting. They've both had a few drinks, so the conversation gets a bit more personal. It turns out they both have the same strange fetish—tickling a woman's ass with a feather. The Scotsman says, "Aye, ah luv it, but ah can never fi...

What is black, white, and gray, has feathers, and weighs almost four and a half pounds?

Two-kilo mockingbird.

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.

"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."

In...

Erotic is using a feather…

…kinky is using the whole chicken...

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I can't stop shitting out feathers.

I think I've got Irritable owl syndrome.

A buddy of mine is working on a program to fit large birds with new clothes, but he only gives them to birds with black feathers.

I said "Wow, that's some ostracizing ostrich-sizing!"

So i tried reddit's advice and ate a kiwi without taking the skin off.

It was good. Kept getting feathers stuck in my teeth though.

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Horny Cock

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.

He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you.
...

Which is heavier - 1000 kg of steel or 1000 kg of feathers?

Your mom.

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.

The more you know...

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

Did you hear about the bird that lost all of its feathers in a volcano?

It was moltin'.

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TIL Doctors can screen for STDs by placing a feather along the skin between the penis and the butthole.

Doctors don't use this screening method, however, because the test tickles.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

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A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the Varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave,
He continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him ?" pointing to a second, older man,
"Three women, three feathers."


The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many fe...

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter explained, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled...

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Broke guy walks into a brothel...

Man: "All I have is $20 bucks, what can I get for that?"

Madame: "Fine. Go to door number 5 over there."

&#x200B;

He goes to door number 5, and all he sees in there is a chicken. Being horny, and with no one around and having nothing to lose he quickly drops his pants and ...

A duck walks into a Mercedes dealership, and starts looking at cars.

A salesman approaches and says "can I help you sir"

The duck says "yes, I'm looking for a comfortable, yet fast car"

"Don't worry" says the duck "I have a well-paid job, and I can afford a Mercedes"

After some time the duck chooses a car and they retire to the salesman's office ...

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What does a girl do after she sucks a cock?

She spits out the feathers

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Reincarnation

Dave, who was completely wasted, returns home late at night and slips into bed next to his wife Susan, who was already tight asleep.
When he woke up, he saw a weird looking man standing next to his bed in a long white dress.

-"Who are you?", asked Dave.

-"I'm Saint Peter!"

-"...

A guy walks into a bar...

As he's walking up to the bartender, he notices a little man, just sitting on the bar, at a little piano playing music. He looks at the bartender with amazement, "Wow, that is incredible!"

The bartender shrugs his shoulders, "If you think that's neat, I have a genie bottle here with a real ge...

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What's the difference between erotic and perverted?

Erotic is bringing a girl to orgasm with only a feather, perverted means the bird is still attached to it.

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal t...

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A man walks into a bar holding a paper bag...

...and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender eyes the bag curiously as he finishes up filling the man’s cup. As he comes back to the table, his curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the man, “what’s in the bag?”

Wordlessly, the man pulls out a small grand piano, a small piano ...

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English man, French man and Italian man sat in a pub.

English man, French man and Italian man sat in a pub. Discussing how to please their ladies. The Italian say I kiss my way down my darling's body and she floats off the bed. The French man says I use a feather to tickle her clitoris followed by tantalising licking and my love floats two feet in the ...

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A little tickle...

One day a drunk was sitting next to a corner. A guy standing on the corner said to an attractive woman "Tickle your ass with a feather?". The woman, offended, said "What did you say!?". The man says "Particularly nice weather", and the woman went along her way.

As the drunk watched, the man d...

I just found out that down is up.

Saw on the news that the price of feathers is skyrocketing.

Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

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A drunk watched the same guy leave a bar every night with a different woman.

One night he asked the guy what his secret is.

The guy replies, " I have the best pick-up line. When I see a woman I desire, I walk up to her and say, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' When she invariably says WHAT?, I say 'Particularly nasty weather'."

The drunk is impressed and deci...

A woman gets on a double decker bus.

She steps onto the bus and begins her ascent to the upper deck and a hefty gust of wind comes in and blows her dress up.

The bus driver, looking up the steps at her says “bit airy up there ma’am”

To which she replies, “what’d you expect, feathers?”

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An old man gets on a bus and walks to the back to find an open seat.

He sits in the back row and across from him is a punk rocker with green hair, and red and yellow feather earring. The old man keeps staring at the young punk.

The punk looks straight at the old man and says "What's the matter pops ain't you ever done anything crazy in your life?!"

The...

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Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

What's the difference between a kinky person and a pervert?

A kinky person uses a feather. A Pervert uses the whole chicken.

Bonus:: Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken.

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Legless parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

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Never Trust An Indian

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me h...

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Weary man walks into a bar...

Inside it's warm and someone out of sight is playing a piano. The music soothes the man and the weight of the world is totally lifted from his shoulders. It's so soft and lilting he feels like he's bathing in it.

He goes to the barkeep and orders a beer.

"Hey," he says to bartender, "W...

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari.

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari. He goes for a drive, and decides he wants to see how fast he can get his new super car.

He drives out to the country, where he opens up the throttle. 100km/h. 150km/h. 200km/h! He is absolutely flying.

All of ...

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and ...

In response to the TIL about the difference between a crow and raven

Do you know the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, the feathers that are the long vertical feathers on the wings are called pinion feathers. They help the birds fly. A crow has 13 of these feathers and raven only has 12. So I guess you could say that the difference between a crow and a rav...

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A cocky young fellow walks into a quiet neighborhood pub on a rainy night...

and takes a seat next to an old man at the bar, who's by himself. "How's the field in here, grandpa?" he says, half joking.

"Sonnn, yerr waaastin' yerr time if ya think yyerrr goin' home with one'a these gooooody two-shoes!" the old man replies. He's getting drunk by the looks of it. ...

The majestic lion

Lions, as everyone knows, are the kings of the animal kingdom. Apex predators of the Serengiti, there are few who can stand steady in the face of their mighty roar.

Unfortunately for lions, however, they are rather limited in their mobility. When it comes to such places as ice, water, and air...

A guy asks his friend: "What's the most offensive thing you can say to an Indian?"

His friend answers. "It depends. Dot or feather?"

Whats the difference between a Yankee and Native American?

If you stick a feather in a Yankee's hat, you have to call it macaroni.

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A young punk gets on the cross town bus...

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.

The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face a...

A kid goes to ask his mom...

A mother with 3 children has one of them come up to her and ask

"Mom, why am I nicknamed little dropplet?"

"Well you see son, the day you were born a little drop fell right on your forehead! So thats why."

Little droplet walks out of the room, happy. His brother, little feather,...

A blind man asked a young girl what ‘milk’ is...

The young girl replied, “Why, milk is a white drink.”

“Now I know what a drink is,” the blind man responded, “but what is white?”

“Oh, white is the colour of a swan’s feathers.”

“Feathers... I know what they are, but what is a swan?”

“A swan is a bird with a crooked neck....

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The difference between "sexy" and "perverted"...

Q: What's the difference between "sexy" and "perverted"?

A: It's sexy if a girl let's you watch while she's stimulating her nether parts with a feather. It becomes perverted if there's a bird still attached to the feather...