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Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover their butt quacks

Three children named Feather, Droplet, and Brick went to their mother to ask why they were named so.

Feather went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Feather?" And the mother replied,"because when you were born, a feather fell on your forehead." Satisfied, Feather went away.

After Feather, Droplet went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Droplet?" And the mother repli...

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Tickle your ass with a feather?

A homeless man is sitting on curb across from a bar. He watches a man across the way speaking to every woman who passes by. Eventually, he leaves with one of the women.  The next day, the same thing happens.  The next day, the homeless man inquires about the man’s secret. “Every woman who passes by,...

What weighs more between 20lbs of feathers or 20lbs of bricks?





20lbs of feathers because you have to carry around the weight of what you did to all those poor birds.

What weighs more a cup of steel or a cup of feathers?

A cup of steel weighs more.

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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

Which is heavier - 1000 pounds of feathers or 1000 pounds of bricks?

The feathers are heavier - you also have to carry the guilt of plucking all those chickens.

What has feathers and a beak and goes quick?

A South African duck!

My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

It looks like the boa cons tricked her!

Did you hear about the scientists who lightly waved a feather over a man’s balls?

It was a test tickle.

A 50 kg woman , 50 kg of feather , and 50 kg of steel ,which one is heavier?

The woman

Because girls lie about their weight

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....' Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you'...

Whats heavier? 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers?

The answer is feathers.

If you have 200 pounds of bricks it’s just a pile of bricks. If you have 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry around what you did to those poor birds

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Why do birds have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks.

..dad jokes for life!

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My friend told me about the time his wife caught him sticking a feather up his ass.

He says he got off lightly.

Which side of a chicken has more feathers?

The outside.

A Son named feather...

A son named Feather went up to his mother and asked, "mom, why did you name me Feather?", she answered "because when you were born, a feather fell onto your head"


After this, her next son, Paper asked "mom, why did you name me Paper?" she responded "because when you were born, a paper f...

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There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

How do you tell the difference between ravens and crows.

The long straight tail feathers on these birds are called pinions. Crows are known to have 7 pinions, while ravens have 8. So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

I caught my wife crying and eating feathers, so I asked her if she was depressed... she replied ..

'Just a little down in the mouth'.

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Why do ducks have feathers?

So they don’t show their butt-quack

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The Drunk & the Bus Driver

This is a repost of one I've told for decades:

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus...

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

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Can birds fly without feathers?

And who was the heartless bastard who tested this out?

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

Why do ducks ruffle their feathers?

To make sure there covering their quack.

What is black, white, and gray, has feathers, and weighs almost four and a half pounds?

Two-kilo mockingbird.

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

Brick

Feather: mum why is my name feather?

Mum: because a feather landed on your head when you were born.

Brick: orhhdjeksidhkwk

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A Joke My Grandfather Told Me

So, my Grandfather and I were driving along on our way into town, and we crossed a set of railroad tracks.

As we were crossing, my Grandfather said, "You know, there was a bad crash on these tracks back in the day, between a Mustang and an old Firebird."

I thought about it for a seco...

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A man walks into a bar in Vegas.

He has a parrot with him. This parrot is wholly remarkable; it is fluent in Spanish, French and English. So, being a betting man- they're all betting men down in Vegas -he goes up to the bartender and tells him, "I'll bet you this here bird can speak Spanish."

The bartender knows this type, a...

A very smooth talking cow

Grazed in a pasture near the chicken coop. The most delicious plants, the spearmint leaves, sat at the edge of the fence where the chickens perched. Whenever the cow would come by she'd eat the leaves, and then smooth talk the chickens with her minty fresh breath. The chickens would eventually ge...

A family with three brothers...

So, feather asked his mom:

“Mom, why is my name Feather”
“Because when you were born, I was holding you on my lap and a feather fell in your forehead!” Answered the mom.

A few days later, Drop asked his mom:

“Why is my name Drop, mom?”
“Because when you were born, I was ho...

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Two men with a feather fetish

Two strangers, and Englishman and a Scotsman, are sitting at a bar chatting. They've both had a few drinks, so the conversation gets a bit more personal. It turns out they both have the same strange fetish—tickling a woman's ass with a feather. The Scotsman says, "Aye, ah luv it, but ah can never fi...

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I ...

I asked a partying man covered in feathers if he'd taken lots of drugs this evening...

Quoth the raver: "Never more"

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.

"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."

In...

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

A man walks into a bar to find its full of black feathers.

Its a crowbar.

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I can't stop shitting out feathers.

I think I've got Irritable owl syndrome.

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Shut Up

A young bluebird was flying from tree to tree in the brisk autumn air when he heard his parents call. Upon arriving back to the nest they tell the young avian to prepare for the trip south.

The little bluebird stubbornly inquires why, to which papa bluebird replies with details of heavy and c...

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A local man wins the lottery.

After he’s cashed in his winnings he’s overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, and serenity. He wants to give back to his community and he thinks that everyone should get in on the feels. He decides to throw a grand party at his new mansion where anyone in town can come to eat and drink for free as long as...

The kids with special names

The oldest kid asked her mother. “Mom, why did you name me Feather?”

Mom: “I named you Feather because when you were a newborn a feather landed on your head”

The second oldest kid named Leaf asked the same.

Mom: “I named you Leaf because when you were a newborn a leaf landed on...

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3 kids climb to the roof of a building when they see a genie who says: when you jump off this building, whatever you say will appear below you

The kids are skeptical, until one of the boys jumps off one side of the roof and screams “1000 PILLOWS”.

Sure enough when the kid falls, 1000 pillows appear below him to cushion his fall

The second kid excited to try it jumps off another side of the roof and screams “1000 pounds of fe...

A buddy of mine is working on a program to fit large birds with new clothes, but he only gives them to birds with black feathers.

I said "Wow, that's some ostracizing ostrich-sizing!"

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.

The more you know...

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An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on...

The punk rocker's mohawk is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"

The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I scre...

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

Did you hear about the bird that lost all of its feathers in a volcano?

It was moltin'.

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TIL Doctors can screen for STDs by placing a feather along the skin between the penis and the butthole.

Doctors don't use this screening method, however, because the test tickles.

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

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Broke guy walks into a brothel...

Man: "All I have is $20 bucks, what can I get for that?"

Madame: "Fine. Go to door number 5 over there."



He goes to door number 5, and all he sees in there is a chicken. Being horny, and with no one around and having nothing to lose he quickly drops his pants and starts havin...

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Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

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A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the Varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave,
He continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him ?" pointing to a second, older man,
"Three women, three feathers."


The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many fe...

What do u call an ethopian with a feather up his ass?

A dart

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