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Feather Jokes

What weighs more, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The ton of feathers because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

I walked past a boy sitting on the steps of the local YMCA stroking a large, white feather.

I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down"

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The outside.

Yesterday and today I stuck my hand inside feather pillows.

Is it normal that I'm feeling down?

What's heavier? 200 pounds of bricks, or 200 pounds of feathers?

The answer is the feathers. Not only do you have to carry 200 pounds of feathers, but you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

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Ruffling some feathers.

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.

The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.

After seeing th...

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

A feather vs the whole chicken.

Which one touches the ground faster, a feather or an emo kid?

The feather cuz the emo kid’s attached to a rope…

Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?

It could be your down-fall

How much did the pirate pay for his feather earrings?

A buck-an-ear

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

What do you call a wizard with a feather wand?

A plumage.

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick.

Perplexed, the first kid asks his mother "Mom, why did you named me Drop?"

And she says: "Because when you were born, a little drop fell in your head..."

The second kid asks: "Mom, why did you named me Feather?"

She...

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?

Apparently, the only difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

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Two men with a feather fetish

Two strangers, and Englishman and a Scotsman, are sitting at a bar chatting. They've both had a few drinks, so the conversation gets a bit more personal. It turns out they both have the same strange fetish—tickling a woman's ass with a feather. The Scotsman says, "Aye, ah luv it, but ah can never fi...

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

A Teacher wants to do a little Quiz with her Students.

Teacher:"Guess what this is, which animal has a Beak and Feathers?"

Random Student:"A Duck!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Goose.
Next question, which animal has Claws and Fur?"

Random Student:"A Dog!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Cat."...

A Son named feather...

A son named Feather went up to his mother and asked, "mom, why did you name me Feather?", she answered "because when you were born, a feather fell onto your head"


After this, her next son, Paper asked "mom, why did you name me Paper?" she responded "because when you were born, a paper f...

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.

"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."

In...

What weighs more? A pound of steal, or a pound of feathers?

The feathers. Because you need to add the weight of what you’ve done.

What weighs more: A pound of feathers, or a pound of dogs?

The dogs. A pound can house many of them and even a pomeranian weighs at least a few pounds.

What do you call a person who has a good time with birds and feathers?

A Pheasant Plucker.

And to all you dyslexics out there, they are also enjoyable lovers.

Which is heavier - 1000 kg of steel or 1000 kg of feathers?

Your mom.

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

A strange man asks, "What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?"

I don't care please just get out of my house!

A 50 kg woman , 50 kg of feather , and 50 kg of steel ,which one is heavier?

The woman

Because girls lie about their weight

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Tickle your ass with a feather?

A homeless man is sitting on curb across from a bar. He watches a man across the way speaking to every woman who passes by. Eventually, he leaves with one of the women.  The next day, the same thing happens.  The next day, the homeless man inquires about the man’s secret. “Every woman who passes by,...

Which is heavier, a kilogram of steel or a kilogram of feathers?

The answer is that its a trick question because I am American and don’t use those measurements

Yankee Doodle: *sticks feather in cap* This is called macaroni

Yankee Doodle's friend: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about you.

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What do you call a big rooster with black feathers?

Dave.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get a closer look at Dave, the big black cock I just mentioned.

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A park ranger catches a hunter in the act of eating a spotted owl. Feathers and bones surround his campfire.

The ranger says, "The spotted owl is a highly endangered species. Killing one is a federal crime."

The man says, "Yes, I admit that I killed and ate that owl. However, in my defense, I was lost in the wilderness for three days and frankly I was starving. The bird flew directly at me; I raised...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

Three children named Feather, Droplet, and Brick went to their mother to ask why they were named so.

Feather went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Feather?" And the mother replied,"because when you were born, a feather fell on your forehead." Satisfied, Feather went away.

After Feather, Droplet went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Droplet?" And the mother repli...

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Why do birds have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks.

..dad jokes for life!

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Why do ducks have feathers?

So they don’t show their butt-quack

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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

A mother has three sons who have unusual names.

After getting picked on at school for being called Feather, the oldest son approaches his mother one day and asks,
"Mum, why is my name feather?"
Mum replies. "That's because when we left the hospital, a feather landed on your head."

A few years later, the second son approaches his mot...

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

Why do ducks ruffle their feathers?

To make sure there covering their quack.

What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

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Can birds fly without feathers?

And who was the heartless bastard who tested this out?

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