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When an object is not symmetrical, it is called asymmetrical.

When an organism doesn't use sex to reproduce, it is classified as asexual. So therefore, my conclusion is if a person doesn't have a soul, they are an asoul.

Uh-oh. I think the object of my desires suspects something.

She's just changed her wifi name to HeyYouInTheTreeIveCalledThePolice.

Last night I went to a satanic-like ritual where we chanted around a flaming object, cut it up and ate it.

It was a fun birthday party.

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Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or as my doctor insists on calling it, a colonoscopy

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We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we haven’t seen him for a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.



Just wanted to make that clear.

I was criticizing my friend for eating poison when he started to object and then suddenly vomited...

...I said I'm glad you brought that up.

What is it called when a metal worker fixes metal objects with metal tools?

Irony.

My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects...

I said “there’s the door”

A famous British boxer threw an object at me.

It turned out to be a mere can!

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My friend, who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, hasn't been around in a while...

I heard he's finally settled down with that one nightstand

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All women are sex objects

Whenever I mention sex, they object.

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I’m definitely a sex object

Every time I ask a woman for sex, they object

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My mate keeps complaining that his older wife treats him like a sex object.

What a dildo.

My friend has a successful company where he weighs big objects

He's doing business on a large scale

If the man who made walkie-talkies named a few other objects:

Laxitives: passy-gassy

Loofah: cleanie-beanie

Ocean wave: wooshy-splooshy

Socks: heaty-feeties

Musical: singy-thingy

Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons

So now there's a tack on Titan.

I was going to make a joke about object permanence..

..but I lost sight of it.

I can't place iron objects next to each other...

I'm allergic to Fe lines.

I used to think women were objects.

But then it hit me.

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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

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I quizzed my one of my friends on what inanimate objects you can have sex with.

Turns out, he knew a fucking thing or two about fucking a thing or two.

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I'm getting tired of being viewed as a sex object.

At every store I go to the cashiers are checking me out.

Whats with blunt objects?

I just don't see the point...

Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport??

Discus

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Whats the lightest object in the world?

A penis.

It can be lifted by a single thought.

Never anthropomorphize inanimate objects.

They hate it when you do that.

Why are black holes fascinating objects in the universe?

Once you go black, you never go back.

My girlfriend says I treat her like an object.

I don't know why it keeps saying that.

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Penises are the lightest objects in the world.

Even thoughts can raise them.

Comment with a random object and I'll try to make a joke out of it!

On your mark, get set, go!

EDIT 1: I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Thanks for all the awesome objects :)

EDIT 2: Damn, was not expecting this much attention! I have to go to work in a few but I'll try to answer as many as I can. In the mean time, feel free to continue comment...

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

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My wife makes me feel like a sex object.

Every time I offer sex... she objects!


I'm sure this is a re-post from somewhere.

Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees?

They have three axes.

A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...

"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

Inheritance.

There is only two man made objects visible from space. The great wall of china and,

Kim Jong Un's giant ass.

cmon guys I cant do this all by myself.

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people

He had a real basket case on his hands

I don't understand the purpose of smooth objects.

I mean, there's no point.

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Women complain that men treat them as sex objects.

Then they buy a vibrator. Isn't that just women treating sex objects as men?

I got in trouble at an airport for reporting an unsupervised foreign object...

Apparently, they're not talking about Spanish children that can't find their parents.

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

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Why does my kinky friend not care what objects his girlfriend puts in his butt?

Because peggers can't be choosers

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What do you say to a sex patient that likes to have sex with ordinary objects?

Go fuck your shelf.

I thought this up, sorry of its a repost.

“I OBJECT!” the defendant screams in court.

The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, “No…you human.”

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My wife says I think of her as a sex object...

I can't disagree though because everytime I ask for sex... She objects.

I don't waste my hate on people. I only hate objects.

Good thing my ex is a tool

Have you heard of the object without mass?

It doesn't matter

Question 1: which is better - javelin or that sport where you throw a round flat object?

Discuss.

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What is the shittiest part of Object Oriented Programming?

Reading the abbreviation backwards.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

I saw some things at the auction labeled “Art Objects"

Considering what they looked like, I’d object, too

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

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What’s the difference between a black dad and a boomerang?

One is an inanimate object you fucking racist.

I commonly known for arguing over what gives an object weight

Some people say I'm a mass debater

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