UPJOKE
wantgo forfancygetbegingoowntake ongo aheadtakelikedesirewouldcouldwill

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.

How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.

How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Monday January 01, 1900

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

Narcissists don’t use light bulbs. They use gaslighting.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

How many reposters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's hard to tell because they just keep putting the same bulb in over and over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They wouldn’t bother: Sex abuse is easier to hide in the dark.

How many ska musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to drop the bulb and two to yell "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!!!"

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

How many Russians does it take to change a Ukrainian lightbulb?

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

How many twitter people does it take to change a light bulb

Twelve million and one. One to change the lightbulb and twelve million to complain about how that one person ruined light bulbs forever

How many Lutheran grandmothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

No, I'm fine, don't make a fuss over me. I'll just sit in the dark.

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama

One Mississippi

How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Can't tell, as soon as the light goes on, they scatter!

How many jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

"no, it's ok, leave your poor mother in the dark..."

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, unless they need help - in which case it's still one.

How many Russians does it take to capture Kyiv?

Its ok. Putin doesn't know either.

How many mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm sorry sir, this light bulb was discontinued 12 years ago. you're gonna need a whole new lamp. that'll be $12,500.

How many mathematicians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

2.999.... 1.999... to argue about if 0.999... and 1 are the same, and 0.999... to actually screw it in and install it.

How many beers does it take to get a German scientist drunk?

_Ein_ stein.

How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Your upvote is very important to us, please be assured that we will make the punchline available to you as soon as possible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many homosexuals does it take to open a gate?

None, they’ll usually come in the back door.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five; one to actually change the lightbulb and four to stand around watching saying "I could do it better than him."

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey let’s go ride our bikes!

How many Communists does it take to screw in a capitalist lightbulb?

Zero. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to chastise them for performing such a menial task as a member of a proud warrior race.

How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness

How many right wingers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I have no idea because every time I ask they all argue about unnecessary change

How many contortionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

At least two, but they may need some time to get inside it.

How many good cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows. When’s the last time good cops changed anything?

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? Do you know? No?

That's because YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!!

How many Karens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, She just stands there holding it while the world revolves around her.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?



one to issue the requisition form LB24, one to sign the work order DF69, three to consult with management and reject both forms as not applicable to maintenance as per regulations. Seventeen to form a fact finding committee to discuss the overuse of LB24,after ten months of debate, there wi...

How many YouTubers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Calm down, I’ll tell you. But first, a word from our sponsor, Raid: Shadow Legends!

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Politicians can't change lightbulbs, they will just leave everyone waiting in the dark while they argue about which brand the lightbulb ought to be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

How many ensigns does it take to clean the USS Enterprise?

Zero, space is a vacuum.

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who the fuck cares, let them cry in the dark.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...problem is finding a light bulb with enough room for people to screw

How many Karen's does it take to hang a picture.

1, if she talks for long enough the picture will hang itself.

Q: How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?

A: A finite quantity. One to complete the specifik task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.

A college fellow is trying to find a date to take to the county fair - and maybe a little more afterwards.

After some fruitless searching, a buddy of his says "I know this cute girl, Ruby, that you ought to meet!" So he arranges for them to meet and go to the county fair together.

Well, they get there, he shows Ruby around and asks her "What do you want to do?"

"I wanna get weighed!" says ...

How many right wingers does it take to change a light bulb?

I've yet to find out because they all just stand around crying about the change

[I apologize if this violates rules][NSFW/NSFL] how many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw

How many jurors does it take to fill out one form?

Apparently more than 7.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many medical professionals does it take to change alight bulb?

One nurse to check the temperature of the bulb. One GP to suspect the bulb is burnt out. One specialist to confirm the diagnosis. A surgeon and an anesthesiologist for this major organ transplant. A team of nurses and PAs to aid in the surgery. And a physical therapist to aid in the socket's recover...

How many Russians does it take to drive a tank?

Two.

One to control the steering wheel, and one to go flag down the Ukrainian farmer to give them a lift.

How many construction workers does it take to change a light bulb?

You need at least 4 people to figure out how to make this job last 3 months while the other 4 are on smoke break.

How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

five... six... seven... eight!

How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just wait for it to burn out and ask you why it’s down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, reports say he fell

How many Redditors does it take to tell one joke?

Just one. Unfortunately, they don’t know this.

How many men does it take to satisfy a Amish woman?

3 men a night

How many Russian generals does it take to win a war in Ukraine?

More than 3....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The class were asked the question, "If there's a fire, what steps would you take to ensure your safety?"

Apparently, "Fucking big ones!" wasn't the answer they were looking for!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know either, but it sure isn't 8 because my basement is still dark!

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They follow the burnt-out bulb on tour for the next 50 years.

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they’re too busy screaming that God gave them eyes and tripping over each other in the dark.

How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just stand around and compliment it, and then get pissed when it won't screw

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?

2. One to change it and one to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform pre...

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

How many people does it take to have a new years party?

Two and a fifth

How many Scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

That depends on the amount of workforce initiated by the individual and the amount of money given to the cult.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many engineers does it take to fix the Reddit video player?

.....



No one knows because it's still fucking broken.

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