This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is touring a hospital to see how they operate before potentially donating a large sum of money

The director giving him the tour is taking him around and showing him all of the different rooms. As they’re walking, they run into a man who’s masturbating. The director apologizes to both the masturbating man as well as the potential donor. Once they are out of the room, he explains that the man h...

Quincy inherited a large sum of money at a young age from his father, but he wasted it all on illicit drugs and became destitute and homeless.

It's a cold December night in New York City, with temperatures well below freezing point. Quincy shivers in his one and only winter coat, the same one he's had for the past ten years, lying on a park bench sheltered by nothing but tree canopies. Quincy, in a rare moment of soberness and self-reflect...

What did they call the guy who sold several fashionable hat companies for an incredibly large sum of money?

A multi-milliner.

I recently came into a large sum of money.

It was great until the shopkeeper said he wouldn't accept my sticky bills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently left my job after I came into a large sum of money.

Or as the bank tells it, I was fired for ejaculating in the safe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man inherited a massive sum of money from his great aunt, but it came with a catch...

As part of the terms of the inheritance, he was required to care for her cherished grey parrot. The executor told him if anything should happen to the bird, or if he ever chose not to take care of it, he would have to forfeit the inheritance and estate.

At first, this seemed simple enough, bu...

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way...

One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called R. Jokes Communications.

After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright.

But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and qui...

I recently came into a large sum of money

Most of which was used to pay my court fees for when I was charged with jacking off in a bank vault.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire dies and leaves a large sum of money to the hospital that treated him so well before death...

Upon completion of the new wing bearing his name, the widow was invited for a tour. The chief of medicine himself escorted the widow explaining the various parts of the facility as they went.

As they passed, the widow glanced into a room and gasped in shock. Through the open door she saw a p...

A high school senior visits a psychic...

"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"

"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."

"How do you know this?" the student asked.

The psychic replied,

"It's mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discre...

A shady looking man goes into a pet shop one quiet Monday.

“Hello” he whispers to the shopkeeper, “I’ve got something to sell and i shouldn’t have him. Do you know anyone interested in buying a young capuchin?”

The shopkeeper appraises the man and says maybe he does. The two exchange details and arrange a sale the following week.

The shady ma...

Doctor's Affair

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Simpson owned a high end clothing store.

One day, just around closing up, a pretty young woman walks in, browses for a bit and ends up staring at a very expensive designer dress standing proudly in the centre of the store.
Mr Simpson notices, quietly walks up beside her and says 'it's a beauty, isn't it?'
She glances at him, sighs ...

A very distinguished lady was on a plane

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery....

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store some blood in case a need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for th...

A judge was hearing a case between two parties.

During recess, one party approached the judge and offered a sum of money for a favorable decision. His honorable happily accepted the bribe.

When the other party knew the judge was bribed, they approached him and offered twice the amount of the opposing party. Like the first party, his honor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 10 year old and Albert Einstein play a game

Both of them will take turns to ask each other a question and if one can't answer the other's question, he has to pay the other a sum of money.

To make the game fair, if the boy fails to answer a question, he only has to pay Einstein 5 dollars, on the other hand, if Einstein fails, he has to...

An old woman walks into a bank...

The bank was the most reputed one in the small town.

Clerk: " May I help you madam?"

Woman:"I want to open an account and deposit $1,000,000."

Since it was a lot of money, the clerk sent the woman to the manager's office.

Manager:"Please don't mind my asking but how do yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nice legs

Once upon a time there was a contest to find those people on Earth who had the best legs. Over six hundred million prizes were available, and each prize was for a life-altering sum of money, so almost every human on Earth took part.

Unbeknownst to them, the contest had been organised by Sata...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady went to the Bank of America with a large bag full of money

She insisted on speaking to the president of the Bank in order to open a savings account because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After much discussion an employee took her to the office of the president.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.

She...

Warehouse fire (long)

There was a warehouse that caught fire. It started as a single alarm fire but quickly grew to a 3 alarm blaze. The owner of the warehouse arrived on scene and quickly realized that the fire department wasn't going to be able to save the building. His biggest concern was the secret formula stored in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the late 1960s, Michael Caine was approached by Jim Morrison, Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger, John Densmore.

The idea was that they all wanted oral sex from his wife and offered an outrageous sum of money to do so.

Caine obliged.

When all was set and done Michael Caine walked in to collect his dough and noticed Mick Jagger and Keith Richards stripped to their ankles as well.

Caine t...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

A doctor, a philanthropist, and an engineer are playing a round of golf behind a group of blind golfers.

As they wait for the impaired golfers to painstakingly finish the next hole, the doctor says "What a motivating sight. I'm inspired to start a clinic for visually impaired people in order that they might better pursue their dreams."
The philanthropist nods in agreement and says "That's a worthy...

Horse named Few

A man goes to buy a horse one day and comes across the most astounding looking horse he has ever seen. He asked the owner if he could purchase the horse from him. The owner agrees for hefty sum of money. But tells the man that there are a few things he should know about the horse. First that the ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman and a bank manager

A woman walks into a bank

"I have one million dollars that I would like to deposit into a new account. May I see the bank manager?"

"Yes, ma'am, we can make you an account but you'd have to show me some proof of how you came across such a large sum of money in cash"

"I don't hav...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.