My ex girlfriend had a tattoo of a shellfish on her inner thigh

If you would put your ear on it, you could smell the sea

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

What do you call a group of racist shellfish?

The Ku Klux Klams

How does a shellfish get to hospital?

In a clambulance.

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.

They call it the clam before the storm.

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

What do you call a secret operation run by shellfish?


My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

Depressed people with an allergy to shellfish

They must think the world is their oyster

Lobsters are greedy. They never give anything to charity. They're just shellfish.

But that's being too hard on them. Not everyone can afford to be a philanthropod.

What do you call a timid Canadian shellfish?

A cool clux clam.

How do shellfish get high?

At a clam bake

a scallop fell in love with a clam...

and against everyone 's advice they got married. and six short months later sure enough they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. their problem was obvious to anyone who knew them. they were just two shellfish .

What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

Mussel cars.

What did the shellfish say to make her son calm down

"Shelldon, Stop being so damn b*oyster*ous!"

My son told me he wanted to be an oyster shucker when he grew up.

I was displeased with his shellfish ambition.

Why is is so hard to get a pearl from an oyster?

Because they’re a little shellfish.

Why don’t crabs donate to charity?

Because they are shellfish

Oysters hate to give away their pearls

Because they are shellfish.

If you bring lobster to class, you better share.

Or else it would be shellfish

Why couldn't the Clam make new friends?

It's not because he was too shellfish, I think he just never opened up.

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

Sean Connery and a mussel are watching a movie...

The mussel is eating pop corn.

"Could you passh me shome pop corn?" asks Sean Connery

"No get your own!" answers the mussel

"Oh, come on! Don't be sho shellfish!"

What Did Sean Connery Say When He Received A Free Order Of Lobster?

"Would you like a bite? I'm not feeling shellfish today."

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

Why didn’t the prawn share his dessert?

The piece of shrimp was shellfish!

My girlfriend won't share her surf and turf with me...

Shellfish cow

Why was Sean Connery giving away his lobster costume?

He was trying to be a little less shellfish.

You should never trust shrimp.

You never know how shellfish they'll turn out to be.

Beautiful clams don't look out for others

They're pretty shellfish

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

So my ex girlfriend called me told me she has clamydia...

it didnt surprise me

she was always a shellfish lover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A collection of jokes I created when I was 11. Prepare for the wittiest jokes you will ever hear.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've had an accident!
Doctor: The restrooms are down the hall.

What did the old tornado use to walk?
A hurri-cane!

What's the strongest shellfish?
A mussel!

What kind of fish do you find in a mine?
A goldfish!

Why did the puck ...

Why won't any sea creatures date oysters?

Rumour has it they're shellfish lovers.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

"You're two shellfish."

How do you get a lobster to care about others?

You can't. They're shellfish.

Why would a crustatean not be good in an open relationship?

They would get too shellfish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men die and go to heaven.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates they see St. Peter standing before them. The first man steps forward.

"What did you do in your life?" Asked the saint.

"I was a comedian," the first man said.

"Really?" mused Peter. "What jokes did you tell?"

"I told Jewish jokes." ...

Why wouldn't blastoise share with charizard?

He was a shellfish pokemon.

Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food...

...crabs can be so shellfish right?

Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat?

He was being SHELLFISH

why did the lobster refuse to help anyone else?

because he's shellfish

Why was the animal unhappy?

**Why was the dog unhappy?**

He had a ruff week..

**Why was the cat unhappy?**

His life wasn't purrfect.

**Why was the turtle unhappy?**

His brother was a shellout.

**Why was the crustacean unhappy?**

His mother's been a real crab lately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.

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