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Lasagna Jokes

Leaving work, my coworker said, "Hasta lasagna!"

I replied, "Pasta la vista!"

Lasagna is one of the easiest meals to make...

It's a pizza cake.

What did the lasagna say to the pizza after having an affair for a while?

We have to stop, I think Spaghetti sauce!

What did Voldemort say about his misproportioned lasagna?

ALOTTA RICOTTA!

An old man is concerned that his wife is starting to go deaf...

The old man goes to the doctor and says, "My wife can't hear very well anymore and I am getting worried. What should I do to help her?"

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "First we need to understand how serious the problem is. Stand 25 feet away from her and ask her a question. If she ...

A boy and his father are eating lasagna at the dinner table...

The father says ''make sure to lean over your plate, son.''

The boy asks ''but why?''

The father replies with ’'so, you'll get less-on-ya''

Jon Arbuckle and Garfield have a serious conversation…

After a particularly satisfying lasagna dinner, Garfield is feeling curious about his life and how he came to be.

“Jon, where did my name come from?”

Jon Arbuckle looks instantly sorrowful and begins to tear up.

“I wondered when you would ask me that, old pal,” he responds, soun...

If you stack two tacos on top of each other, you get two tacos.

But if you stack two lasagnas on top of each other, you get one lasagna.

Bride

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I...

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So these three friends went to a park to enjoy their Sunday.

Jim, Tim and Maximilian found a place near a tree to settle down and lay out their stuff. They'd been through a hectic week and they deserved this break, particularly Tim, who had been through the most. So they pulled out their drinks and lay it on the mat, and set up their radio to play some relaxi...

Happily Married

There is a couple who have been married for 30 years. Every Friday for dinner the husband would come home from work and the wife would serve him a huge bowl of chilli. One friday, the husband comes home with a colleague so the wife serves up two bowls. When the wife gets up to go to the kitchen, the...

horse meat

A guy walks into a bar in England and orders a beer. "Do you serve any of that lasagna that they found the horse meat in?" the guy asks. "Not that I know of," the bartender replies. "But you can always try our filly cheese steak."

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Italian Dad Joke

An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Tony! Why you-a such a fat-a-fuck?" Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it." Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!" Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you-a such ...

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A young woman is about to get married...

She says to her mom, "I need you to teach me everything I need to know to make my husband happy."

The mom gets really embarrassed and starts, "Well, sweetie, when a man and a woman are in love, they sometimes what to be physically close to each other..."

The young woman cuts her off. "...

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An Italian Farmer was working the fields with his three sons and notices that two of them were out of breath because they were over weight.

He called over to his three sons and spoke to each of them.

Papa: "Luigi, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Luigi: "Papa, I love eating my wife's lasagna. It's so good!!!"
Papa: "Son, you need to take smaller bites."

Papa: "Mario, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Mario: "Papa, I lo...

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A guy goes to the supermarket..

He shops around for a while getting some items then proceeds to the register.

Cashier: "ok sir, six pack of beer, frozen lasagna, Doritos, hot pockets, and peanut butter. So how's single life?"

Guy "wow, you can tell I'm single because of the items I'm buying?"

Cashier: "no, it...

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The Italian Family Dinner

A joke from my rugby coach -- better told in person with the clapping, but try to imagine :)



Sitting at dinner, an Italian father looks at his three grown sons.

He asks the oldest, Mario, "Mario, why are you-a so fat?"

Mario responds, "Papa, Mama's spaghetti is just-a s...

No wonder I'm waiting for my Prince

His white horse has ended up in the lasagna

Soon we have to hunt so we can eat

... and I don't know where lasagnas live.

A man's wife died after 20 years of marriage

His best friend comes check on him 2 days after the funeral:
- I brought you some lasagnas as I am sure you did not cook this week. I hope you can at least get some sleep... Do you sleep well?
- yeah, I sleep like a baby.
His friend is astounded:
- really?
- yes literally, I sleep one...

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A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich...

... and sits down. The man tells the ostrich "sit" and it sits down. The man orders 2 lasagnas and 2 beers (one of each for himself and the other for the ostrich). The waitress is a little bemused but goes along and gets it. The bill arrives = $25.87. Without looking, the man puts his hand into his ...

A man goes to a restaurant..

A man goes to a restaurant and is ready to order
' So what would you have, sir?'

Yes, I would like to order lasagna please

'Sir.. this is a Chinese restaurant..'

Oh I'm so sorry! I would rike to order the rasagna prease!

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