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I was volunteering at a soup kitchen buttering the rolls, but they threw me out for having a dry cough

I’m a bit confused why they asked me to leave - they said I was a super spreader?

I wanted to tell a joke about soup kitchens.

But it was in poor taste.

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What do you call a sexy soup kitchen?

A brothel

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

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What's the difference between a guy that can't drink milk and a bunch of Nazi soup kitchens that ran out of bread?

The guy's lactose intolerant. The others lack toast and tolerance.

...god damn, that was painful. I'll show myself out.

*edit* for slightly better delivery

I was doing well before I started volunteering at the soup kitchen;

now I'm doing good.

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering at a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a...

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

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I wrote this one a few years ago

A priest, Father John Mclanahan is walking down the street when he bumps into an old friend, Rabbi John Goldman. They haven’t seen each other since college. They happen to be heading to the same part of town, so they decide to walk together and catch up on old times. They reminisce about their frien...

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

The world's greatest blues musician and the world's greatest jazz musician are having dinner together. Who pays the tip?

Nobody. They don't charge at the soup kitchen.

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A priest was walking through the worst part of town..........

A priest was walking through the worst part of town on his way to the soup kitchen. He passed by a young woman wearing more makeup than clothing.
"Hey mister, want a blowjob? Only $20" she asked.
"Uh, er, no thank you," said the priest.
What's a blowjob? he wondered. Later that night, on th...

So there's this barber in a small town...

So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"
"Well," says th...

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A lawyer arrives at the gates of heaven...

St Peter stops him and says "What did you do with your life?"

The man replies "I was a lawyer".

"Whoah" says St Peter, " We don't let lawyers in here."

"But I was a good man." he replies. "I read to orphans, worked in a soup kitchen and donated $2,000,000 to charity."


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So this guy is a model human being, right?

He works hard for his family, doesn't drink or do drugs, donates to charity and volunteers at the soup kitchen every week. He's honest, friendly, patient and kind. And every night, before he goes to sleep, he looks up at the stars and prays to God that he will win the lottery.

The man grows o...

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