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Soup Kitchen Jokes

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

I wanted to tell a joke about soup kitchens.

But it was in poor taste.

I ordered wonton soup at a local Chinese restaurant, but they misunderstood my order.

In unrelated news, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

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What do you call a sexy soup kitchen?

A brothel

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering at a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a...

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I was volunteering at a soup kitchen buttering the rolls, but they threw me out for having a dry cough

I’m a bit confused why they asked me to leave - they said I was a super spreader?

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

I was doing well before I started volunteering at the soup kitchen;

now I'm doing good.

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

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What's the difference between a guy that can't drink milk and a bunch of Nazi soup kitchens that ran out of bread?

The guy's lactose intolerant. The others lack toast and tolerance.

...god damn, that was painful. I'll show myself out.

*edit* for slightly better delivery

Imagine the greatest blues saxophonist and the best jazz guitarist go for dinner, who pays?

Neither. You don't have to pay at the soup kitchen.

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I wrote this one a few years ago

A priest, Father John Mclanahan is walking down the street when he bumps into an old friend, Rabbi John Goldman. They haven’t seen each other since college. They happen to be heading to the same part of town, so they decide to walk together and catch up on old times. They reminisce about their frien...

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A priest was walking through the worst part of town..........

A priest was walking through the worst part of town on his way to the soup kitchen. He passed by a young woman wearing more makeup than clothing.
"Hey mister, want a blowjob? Only $20" she asked.
"Uh, er, no thank you," said the priest.
What's a blowjob? he wondered. Later that night, on th...

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A lawyer arrives at the gates of heaven...

St Peter stops him and says "What did you do with your life?"

The man replies "I was a lawyer".

"Whoah" says St Peter, " We don't let lawyers in here."

"But I was a good man." he replies. "I read to orphans, worked in a soup kitchen and donated $2,000,000 to charity."

"OK...

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So this guy is a model human being, right?

He works hard for his family, doesn't drink or do drugs, donates to charity and volunteers at the soup kitchen every week. He's honest, friendly, patient and kind. And every night, before he goes to sleep, he looks up at the stars and prays to God that he will win the lottery.

The man grows o...

So there's this barber in a small town...

So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"
"Well," says th...

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