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Porridge Jokes

Eating porridge I just dropped on the floor is fine

It's the 5 Second Gruel

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A man joins an order of Monks.

A man goes to join an order of monks.

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years."

The man says "Ok" and so begins his time with the silent order.

15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the h...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

The Real Three Bears

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes down stairs and sits in his small chair at the table and looks into his small bowl. It’s empty. "Who’s been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in hi...

What do you get when you mix curry and porridge?

Courage.

I always wondered how in Goldilocks, the same serving of porridge could be too hot, too cold and just right at the same time.

Then I remembered Hot Pockets

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Sister Teresa is walking down to breakfast when she meets another nun walking up.

"Good morning, Sister Assumpta!" says Sister Teresa. "Good morning, Sister Teresa!" says the other. "Did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning?"

Puzzled, Sister Teresa continues on her way to the refectory. "Good morning, Sister Pieta!" she says to the nun serving porridge. "Good mor...

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I've had constipation for 3 months

Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.

Doc says "what have you been eating"?

I said well doc I've been eating snooker balls!!

What?? Snooker balls Charlie??

Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porrid...

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Mama Bear Papa Bear and Baby Bear...

Are sitting at the table for breakfast. The Papa Bear says "my porridge is too hot!" And the Mama Bear says "my porridge is too cold!". The baby bear says "bitch bitch bitch, can't you guys ever be happy about anything?"

... As told by an 84 year old Italian man who was a patient of mine at...

An old man sets up three beds in his room...

and lays out three chairs. One day, a friend comes over and the old man serves three bowls of porridge.

The friend asks "Why do you have all this random stuff in your room?"

and the old man replies "Well, it worked for the 3 bears!"

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “but we were probably sitting here stark naked fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?”

So the two stri...

Why did Goldilocks go to jail?

She commited porridge-ry

What do you call an epileptic leper taking a bath?

Porridge.

Old lady says to his hubby...

"My nipples are as hot today as they was 50 years ago" Hubby replies,"Oughtta be. One's in your coffee the other's in your porridge."

The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare.

Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie.

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

the American and the Finn

An american is talking to his firend. He tells his friend that he found out he has Finnic roots, and that he went on holiday to visit his far relative.

the friend: So, was your holiday fun?

The american: Yes, but i was scammed out of a thousand dollars!

the friend: How come? You...

An elderly couple are watching TV

The woman asks the man, "Can you please get me some ice-cream?"

"Sure", he replies.

"Do you want to write it down? Just because you'll forget", she says.

"I can remember a bowl of ice-cream", the man replies.

"I also want some fruit on it. But write it down"

"That...

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