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Noodles Jokes

What do girls and noodles have in common?

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They both wiggle when you eat them.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

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Pubes & Noodles

A man eating noodles in a restaurant calls the waiter and say "There is a pube in my noodles. I am leaving and not paying for this". The restaurant owner is pissed and asks the waiter to chase the client.

The waiter follows the man who is heading to a brothel. He eventually finds him nose dee...

What do noodles say when they finish praying?

Ramen

How do noodles say hello in Germany?

Gluten tag

How much does 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh?

Won Ton

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

I boiled some noodles in water

It was Pho Nominal

What do you call the Dark Knight and a bowl of noodles?

Batman and Ramen

A boy went on a date with a girl.

He was a little nervous, but he remembered some advice from his father, that three never-fail subjects for small talk are food, family, and philosophy.

"So," he asks, "do you like noodles?"

"Nah."

"Ah."

Try again. "Do you have any brothers?"

"Nope."

"Ah....

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The patient goes to see a doctor: “I am pooping like noodles!”

“Like literally, my poop is shaped like noodles,” the patient says as he sits down in the consulting room.

Doc is dumbfounded. In all his years of training and practice, he hasn’t encountered a symptom like this. He thinks hard and prescribes some antibiotics, hoping they will solve the probl...

What do you call someone who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor?

Ramen Hood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

Did you hear about the priest who gave his congregation noodles instead of wafers for communion?

He was a Ramen Catholic.

My ex who cheated on me with 5 guys without condom used to love instant noodles.

Guess you could say she liked Raw'men

Why are Chinese noodles so easy to love?

Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance'!

Why are uncooked noodles a cannibal's favorite food?

Because they love rawmen.

Last night I had a dream I was eating noodles

But when I woke up I couldn't find my earphones

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

I just found out it’s considered rude in Vietnam to eat noodles with a fork, since it’s how American GIs ate their food.

It’s a pho pas.

I always recommend that couples rent their Chinese noodles.

People like you more when you're lo-mein tenants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

What do you call it when you accidentally put Vietnamese noodles in a coffee mug instead of a bowl?

A pho cup.

Where do poor noodles live?

The spaghetto



( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

What do you call it when the chicken overpowers the noodles?

Soup d'etat.

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

Why did the noodle hide from the other noodles?

Because he was Alfredo pasta!

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

My ex girlfriend used to call me noodles

Because I only lasted 2 minutes.

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are

I said the pastabilities are endless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

Two cannibals are talking...

One says "I don't like my mother-in-law." The other one says "just eat the noodles."

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba...

I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

Are instant noodles male or female?

Male. Cause they get ready in a couple of minutes.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

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