What do women and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them

What do noodles say when they finish praying?

Ramen

What do you call fake noodles?

An Impasta

My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

Last night I had a dream I was eating noodles

But when I woke up I couldn't find my earphones

Why are Chinese noodles so easy to love?

Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance'!

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

What do you call the fear of Vietnamese soup noodles?

pho-bia

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

What do you get when you add pool noodles to a hot tub?

Spa-ghetti

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

Where do poor noodles live?

The spaghetto.

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are

I said the pastabilities are endless

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

What do cannibals on a budget eat?

Raw Men noodles

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?

Forgetti


I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

My ex girlfriend used to call me noodles

Because I only lasted 2 minutes.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...

At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!

I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"

Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

What’s the heaviest noodle in the world?

Wanton Noodles.

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

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