My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

What do women and noodles have in common

They both wiggle when you eat’em

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wriggle when you eat them.

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

I grabbed the chips out of the pantry

and looked through the fridge for some dip.

It wasn't where I thought it should be.

I glanced in askance towards my wife who was warming up noodles on the stove.

Next to her on the counter, a visibly empty jar.

Aghast, I shouted: "That was NACHO CHEESE!"

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke my Dad told that Im pretty sure I heard a comedian do once

So theres these three guys on a construction crew. Every day at lunch they compare what they get. Everday the italian guy gets pizza and he says " if I get this one more timea Ima jumpa offada buildinga!!!"

The irish guy pops open his metal box, lo and behold hes got mashed potatoes loaded wi...

Last night i had a dream i was eating noodles

But when i woke up i couldnt find my earphones.

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are

I said the pastabilities are endless

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

What did an impatient pot of water say to the noodles?

Udon!?

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

My ex girlfriend used to call me noodles

Because I only lasted 2 minutes.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?

Forgetti


I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

You know your dad is drunk when

He stops turning the lights off in empty rooms


He leaves the front door unlocked past 4pm


The lines where he's mown the lawn look like a bowl of noodles


When his favorite hat falls and touches the ground, he acts like it was no big deal


When you as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

Single, huh?

A woman went to a grocery store and did some shopping. She gave her basket to the check-out clerk, who scanned the following:

1 toothbrush
2 small packages of noodles
1 banana
1 small turkey
1/2 gallon of milk

The clerk looked at the woman and said "single, huh?'
...

Two cannibals are eating dinner

One says, "I hate my mother in law."

The other replies, " Well, just eat your noodles then."

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

What’s the heaviest noodle in the world?

Wanton Noodles.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.