A German tourist goes to France. The French immigration officer asks him

"Occupation"?

The German says "No, just visiting".

Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.

"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?...

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

The exchange rate in France is terrible.

$100 U.S. is only a cent in France

Why can't you have two eggs in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf!

God created the earth, he wanted one perfect place, so he made France.

Then, seeing what he had done, he decided he had gone too far, so he made Frenchmen.

I was a magician in Europe who specialised in doing magic with pens. In England, Germany, France, Hungary, Portugal and many other places I was adored by the people. But when I got to Spain no-one liked me.

I guess nobody expects the Spanish ink wizard shun.

I was so shocked to find out Lance Armstrong won all his Tour de France titles while he was on drugs

Last time I took drugs I couldn’t even find my bike

How many men do you need to defend France?

I don't know, they never tried it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

Do you know why they eat snails in France?

It's just that they don't like fast food there

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t actually cooked in France?

It was cooked in Greece.

How did people react to the latest happenings in france internationally?

"Notre Damn"

What do you call 18 wheat fields in france?

Dix-huit fields.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Nothing better than sex in France.

I mean, where else are you gonna get some oui oui?

Did you hear about the explosion at a cheese factory in France?

There's nothing left but de Brie

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name.

Unfortunately Iran was already taken.

Who won the 1940 Tour de France?

The 7th Panzer division

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

What did God do about France’s most famous cathedral?

Notre Dame thing!

What do they call the hunger games in France?

Battle royale with cheese.

What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?

Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.

I recently booked a vacation to the South of France on credit but I need to win the lottery to pay it back

I can't afford Tolouse

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man is at passport control in Paris

He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'

'Yes' replied the old man.

Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last t...

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

How is France like francium?

They both burst into flames when coming in contact with anything.

An Englishman and a Frenchman...

Are walking on a beach when they both spot a genie lamp sticking out of the sand.
The both sprint towards it and five to grab it. One grabs the handle, the other grabs to spout and both rub it at the same time.
A genie pops out and says to them "you both rubbed my lamp at the same time so, bec...

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

A German goes on holiday to France. He gets to passport control and the woman asks "Occupation?"

"No, just visiting." Said the guy.

I'd like to move to the fifth most populated city in France.

I've heard it's nice.

Why are there so many trees next to the roads in France

The germans like marching in the shade

I just changed my car engine to France.

Gonna have tons of revolutions now!

What do you call an urban area in France with a low average income and high rates of criminality?

A baghuetto

Why isn’t anyone in France suspicious?

The can only raise white flags

Probably a repost but here goes...

An elderly English gentleman is visiting France.

When he gets to the border, the officer asks him for his passport. Baffled, the Englishman replies that he didn't know he needed to show one to get into France, as he didn't have to show one to anyone the last time he visited.

"Impossibl...

A new deckhand on a British ship during the naval war against France (1779)

-Captain! They just raised a white flag! What does that mean?
-It means they're french. Fire at will.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest.

After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, you’re in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes, But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose ...

A German man visiting France

He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"

"Hans Muller" replies the German.

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting this time."

A German man is vacationing in France and is speeding down the highway.

He gets pulled over by a French police officer.

"Name?" "Ludwig"

"Age?" "29"

"Occupation?" "No, no. Just visiting."

France just did something that they couldn't do for a long time

They won something in Russia.

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white...

...so now it looks like France landed there.

There was a man in France who used to drive a train for a living...

There was a man in France who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made i...

Someone from /r/Germany wanted a french maid so he visits /r/France...

French users were discussing how hard it is to get a job in France and there was more jobs in Germany. The moderator asks German guy why he was visiting /r/France. The no nonsense German guy says "business". The mod asks "Occupation?" To which German guy responds, "Not today"

What do Portland, Oregon, and the finest restaurants in France have in common?

White whine.

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

They say when you go to France that you never truly come back

Well that was somewhat true for princess Diana

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Ital...

Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

Where does Hitler keep his armies?

In France.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the the Germans attack France by invading through Belgium?

Because they knew the French would Nazi that coming.

There’s a college guy that decides to take a vacation in France.

The guy arrives checks into his hotel and goes to grab a bite to eat. He sees a French guy with all these beautiful women all over him and thinks it’s odd because the guy isn’t very attractive. He just shrugs it off and finishes his meal.

Later that day he heads to the beach and sees the same...

A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was Osama bin Laden.

Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory.

I went sightseeing in france and decided to check out that famous tower.

It sure was an Eiffel

What did Hitler say to the driver when he got lost trying to invade France?

"take the third Reich"

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

30 people in France are found dead all with bullet holes in their heads. The police apprehend the shooter and ask him why he did it.

The shooter says “Well I heard that it’s tourist season in France so I grabbed my gun and flew to France to hunt some tourists.”

(I know this joke is terrible but I just thought of it and didn’t want to loose this thought so I decided to post it here)

Amsterdam is like the Tour de France

A bunch of people on drugs riding bicycles.

What do you say when you go on a rollercoaster in France?

Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I got sick after eating fish while in France.

The doctor said it was ... le poisson.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The king of france...[NSFW]

...The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis. Eventually they decide to let the people judge.
They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.

The king of France drops his and the French crowd shout "viv...

A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing...

They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"

The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediat...

There once was a famous fighter, anointed by the king in ancient france. After his death, all other knights swore to carry on his battle tactics, named after him in his honor, for all wars to come.

His name was Sir Render.

A Belgian supporter walks into a bar in France.

"Ouch" he says, while rubbing his forehead.

He then proceeds to walk to the nearest pub for a refreshment where he calls over the barman and orders a regular coke with ice.

The barman looks up and replies: "I'm sorry sir, we've run out of regular coke, but if you'd like I have one zer...

I went to a place in France last week

It was nice.

A US World War 2 Veteran goes to France

A US WWll vet goes to France with his family for a holiday, as they arrive in France the family all go through border control without a problem. The veteran tries to walk past but is told by a French woman who worked at border control that he can’t as he doesn’t have his passport or papers out.
<...

France's secret to winning the World Cup

They used anti-itch cream

A german visits France...

and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:

- Name?

- Albert Schmidt.

- Nationalite?

- German.

- Occupation? (In a French accent)

- No no, just visiting.

Lance Armstrong decided to fly to France to fight against the doping allegations against him.

It would have been more convincing if he had taken a plane.

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask...

...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

A German in France

A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German "reason for travel ?"
"For work", replies the German.
Occupation ? Asks the agent.
"Not this time"