Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.

"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t actually cooked in France?

It was cooked in Greece.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

What do they call The Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with cheese.

Who won the 1940 Tour de France?

The 7th Panzer division

I took Microsoft to France.

It became Microissant.

What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?

Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

Did you hear about the explosion at a cheese factory in France?

All that was left was debrie

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name.

Unfortunately Iran was already taken.

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

How is France like francium?

They both burst into flames when coming in contact with anything.

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

A German goes on holiday to France. He gets to passport control and the woman asks "Occupation?"

"No, just visiting." Said the guy.

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man is at passport control in Paris

He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'

'Yes' replied the old man.

Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last t...

I just changed my car engine to France.

Gonna have tons of revolutions now!

TIL in France it's rare for people to have more than one egg for breakfast

It turns out that in France one egg is un oeuf.

I'd like to move to the fifth most populated city in France.

I've heard it's nice.

An Englishman and a Frenchman...

Are walking on a beach when they both spot a genie lamp sticking out of the sand.
The both sprint towards it and five to grab it. One grabs the handle, the other grabs to spout and both rub it at the same time.
A genie pops out and says to them "you both rubbed my lamp at the same time so, bec...

Probably a repost but here goes...

An elderly English gentleman is visiting France.

When he gets to the border, the officer asks him for his passport. Baffled, the Englishman replies that he didn't know he needed to show one to get into France, as he didn't have to show one to anyone the last time he visited.

"Impossibl...

Why isn’t anyone in France suspicious?

The can only raise white flags

Why are there so many trees next to the roads in France

The germans like marching in the shade

A German man is vacationing in France and is speeding down the highway.

He gets pulled over by a French police officer.

"Name?" "Ludwig"

"Age?" "29"

"Occupation?" "No, no. Just visiting."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest.

After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, you’re in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes, But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose ...

What do you call an urban area in France with a low average income and high rates of criminality?

A baghuetto

Why do they eat snail in France?

Because they don’t have fast food.

Someone from /r/Germany wanted a french maid so he visits /r/France...

French users were discussing how hard it is to get a job in France and there was more jobs in Germany. The moderator asks German guy why he was visiting /r/France. The no nonsense German guy says "business". The mod asks "Occupation?" To which German guy responds, "Not today"

What do Portland, Oregon, and the finest restaurants in France have in common?

White whine.

How many French do you need to defend France?

Nobody knows, no one has tried.

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the the Germans attack France by invading through Belgium?

Because they knew the French would Nazi that coming.

France just did something that they couldn't do for a long time

They won something in Russia.

I went sightseeing in france and decided to check out that famous tower.

It sure was an Eiffel

A German man visiting France

He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"

"Hans Muller" replies the German.

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting this time."

They say when you go to France that you never truly come back

Well that was somewhat true for princess Diana

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

There was a man in France who used to drive a train for a living...

There was a man in France who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made i...

There’s a college guy that decides to take a vacation in France.

The guy arrives checks into his hotel and goes to grab a bite to eat. He sees a French guy with all these beautiful women all over him and thinks it’s odd because the guy isn’t very attractive. He just shrugs it off and finishes his meal.

Later that day he heads to the beach and sees the same...

How many men does it take to defend France?

They don't know either , They never tried

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white...

...so now it looks like France landed there.

Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

Where does Hitler keep his armies?

In France.

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Ital...

Amsterdam is like the Tour de France

A bunch of people on drugs riding bicycles.

What do you say when you go on a rollercoaster in France?

Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

What did Hitler say to the driver when he got lost trying to invade France?

"take the third Reich"

I got sick after eating fish while in France.

The doctor said it was ... le poisson.

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The king of france...[NSFW]

...The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis. Eventually they decide to let the people judge.
They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.

The king of France drops his and the French crowd shout "viv...

A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was Osama bin Laden.

Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory.

There once was a famous fighter, anointed by the king in ancient france. After his death, all other knights swore to carry on his battle tactics, named after him in his honor, for all wars to come.

His name was Sir Render.

A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing...

They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"

The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediat...

A Belgian supporter walks into a bar in France.

"Ouch" he says, while rubbing his forehead.

He then proceeds to walk to the nearest pub for a refreshment where he calls over the barman and orders a regular coke with ice.

The barman looks up and replies: "I'm sorry sir, we've run out of regular coke, but if you'd like I have one zer...

A US World War 2 Veteran goes to France

A US WWll vet goes to France with his family for a holiday, as they arrive in France the family all go through border control without a problem. The veteran tries to walk past but is told by a French woman who worked at border control that he can’t as he doesn’t have his passport or papers out.
<...

Lance Armstrong decided to fly to France to fight against the doping allegations against him.

It would have been more convincing if he had taken a plane.

A german visits France...

and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:

- Name?

- Albert Schmidt.

- Nationalite?

- German.

- Occupation? (In a French accent)

- No no, just visiting.

I went to a place in France last week

It was nice.

A German in France

A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German "reason for travel ?"
"For work", replies the German.
Occupation ? Asks the agent.
"Not this time"

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask...

...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is alone in an airport lounge.

A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He leans acros...

You would think that France would be the most athletic country on Earth...

I swear half the guys there are Jacques

During WW2 a German soldier based in France is proceeding home on leave in a fully loaded passenger train

He shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young Frenchman. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.

A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.

'So unlucky' th...

Did you ever hear about that army from north-west France that was made up entirely of people using polearms?

Y'know. The Brittany Spears?

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.

- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess...

so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.