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Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

Two men are playing a round of golf when they get stuck behind two women.

Eventually one of the men walks over to ask if they can play through. He scuttles back and says, "When I got closer, I realized it was my wife and mistress; You go and ask them instead."
The other one walks over to the women but hurries back and says, "Small world."

Two men are playing a round of golf.

The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a funeral cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.

‘Wow’ says his friend, ‘That was very respectful.’

...

A young couple are enjoying a round of golf when the wife slices a shot off the tee

The ball smashes through a window of a house at the edge of the course.

The husband says "we'd better go and apologise"

As they approach the house, the front door is open so they call out. A voice responds "hello" from upstairs.

They head upstairs where they find a man sitting o...

There was a couple celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary by having a round of golf together as was their weekly custom since they had met.

The husband was set to tee off as his wife was waiting for her turn in the cart.

"You know honey?" the husband said. "I have a confessions to make. Years ago, after we were first married, i had an affair. It did not last long but i never told you and i wanted to tell you now."

His wif...

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A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

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A Round Of Golf

While On A Business Trip, A Man Arrives At His Hotel Early And Decides To Take In A Round Of Golf...
While On The Front 9, An Attractive Woman Approaches Him Asking If He Knows What Hole She Is On???
He Say's Well I Am On The 8TH You Must Be On The 9TH
The Woman Thanks Him And Moves On......

A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf

A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf. They're on the fifth green, the old guy is lining up a putt, when they notice a funeral procession passing by the course.

The man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself...

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A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

Of course his friend doesn't believe...

Bill and Tom went to the country club for a round of golf

Bill takes his practice swings and checks the wind then takes his swings again. After about 10 minutes of taking practice swings and checking the wind Tom starts getting aggravated and yells.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BILL TAKE YOUR DAMN SWING ALREADY!”.

Bill turns to look at Tom and says....

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Jesus was playing a round of golf with John the baptist

They were teeing up on the 9th hole and Jesus drives the ball right onto a patch of grass in the middle of a lake.


"Out of bounds, 2 shots!" John the baptist laughs



"I can play from there" Jesus said



"Not even Tiger Woods could get it from there" S...

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It’s Saturday morning. Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon.

So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and calls home.
“Hello?” says a little girl’s voice.
“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is mommy near the phone?”
“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey...

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Four affluent fathers meet for a yearly round of golf.

Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each other. As fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children. The first father brags, "my son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house to one of his friends for free!"

Th...

Lindsey was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.

He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... it was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.

...

A man goes to confession after a round of golf...

Man: Father, I took the Lord's name in vain while out golfing today.
Priest: That's ok, my son, golf is a frustrating sport, and we all slip up from time to time.
Man: No, no, I would really feel better if I could atone for my sin.
Priest: Well then by all means, tell my what happened.
M...

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I was running late after playing a round of golf, so I left my clubs with my friend, stuffed a bunch of the balls in my pants pockets and got on a bus...

I sat down next to a beautiful blonde and she kept looking at me and my bulging pockets.

Finally, after many puzzled glances from her, I said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at me for a very long time, thinking deeply about what I had said.

Finally, unable to co...

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf

at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00 HAMBURGER: $10.00 CHEESEBURGER: $15.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50 hand-jobs: $250.00

Checking hi...

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[NSFW]After a round of golf...

a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together.

He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his m...

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A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day.... [Long]

First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she's very attractive. He's interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together. She agrees an...

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Jesus, moses and a an old man go play a round of golf.

On the first tee Jesus tees of first. He slices the ball badly into the water. He then walks to edge of the pond and "parts the seas", he walks out into the dry pond and smacks his ball up onto the green.

Moses goes next, he too slices his ball into the water. He goes out and walks on water ...

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Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...

...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She yelled, “I...

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A guy gets matched with a couple and a gorgeous blonde for a round of golf...

During the round he flirts with the blonde a bit. On the 16th, he says, "How about after the round, I buy you a drink at the club house?"

"I have a better idea," she replies, "I have a place on the lake not far from here. Why don't we head there for some fun. "

Not believing his l...

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Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

When approaching the tee box Moses reminds Jesus that he never makes the green and he should just lay it up for the easy chip. Jesus replies, "Arnold Palmer drives this green, so can I."

Sure enough, plop in the water goes Jesus's ball. Moses being nice, parts the water and retrieves the bal...

Two men were having a slow round of golf

The two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play throu...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she re...

Stevie Wonder calls Tiger Woods and asks, "How do you fancy a round of golf?" Tiger smiles to himself and responds, "I didn't know you were able to play, Stevie."

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can wear an earpiece which tells him the direction and distance to it.

Tiger says, "You have to understand Stevie, I'm a pro golfer, the best in the world! It will be too much of a mism...

Over a round of golf, two surgeons were talking shop.

"I operated on Mr. Lee the other day," said the surgeon.

"What for?" asked his colleague.

"About $6,000."

"What did he have?"

"About $6,000."

"What did you remove?"

"About $6,000."

Two guys are playing a round of golf

They’re on the green of one hole just over a hill when they hear a crack from the fairway behind them. A ball sails over the ridge and lands near the two golfers. One says to the other,
“Hey I’ve got an idea. Let’s put the ball in the hole and give the guy a hole in one.”
So they take the b...

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A priest, a doctor and an engineer go out for a round of golf..

Within a couple holes, they've caught up to the group in front of them. These guys are missing their shots right and left and overall taking their sweet time. Finally the doctor gets fed up and calls the course management. A representative comes out to figure out what's going on, and quickly explain...

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win?

Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver!


I'll be in hell if you need me.

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Last week I played a round of golf and hit two of my best balls ever...

I stepped on a rake.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were playing a round of golf.

They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole.

The Scotsman lost his patience, "What's going on? We’ve been here at least 20 minutes!"

The Irishman nodded in agreement.

The Englishman saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come t...

Two men are playing teeing off during a round of golf.

Two men are teeing off during a round of golf when one of the men hooks his shot horribly right into a large area of brush.

"Tough luck that ones a goner, my friend."

"Not a problem! Give me just a second and I will find it and be right back."

The golfer trudges off the fairway...

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A priest and a businessman are playing a round of golf...

They go and tee up for the first hole, and on the very first shot the businessman sends it flying off into the woods.

And he says "Crap, I missed"

And the priest says, "Do not curse my son, or the lord's wrath shall be upon you."

The businessman grumbles and agrees and they go t...

A rich old man goes for his regular round of golf

A rich old man goes for his regular round of golf with his friends but this time he brings along a gorgeous young lady.

“Guys, meet my new fiancée” he says, full of pride as he introduces her to his pals.

For the rest of the afternoon his friends can’t take their eyes off the stunning ...

A Catholic Priest, a Jewish Rabbi, and a Baptist Preacher are out for a round of golf...

The Rabbi shanks one into the water hazard and they walk down to retrieve it. As they’re looking for the last ball together, they spot something reflecting the sun from under the water. One of them picks up what appears to be a glass jar, FILLED with gold coins!

Soon they have realized that t...

I kept trying to give my caddy a tip after my last round of golf, but he refused.

Apparently after watching me play, he only wanted money.

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A man had just finished a round of golf....

...and was filling the gas tank of his Mercedes Benz convertible.

A woman at the next pump was admiring his car, and noticed several golf tees on the front seat. She wasn't quite sure what they were, so she asked, "What are those for?"

The man replied, "That's what I put my balls on w...

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So a priest and his friend play a round of golf.

The friend misses a short putt and exclaims, "Oh shit! I missed." The priest then responds, "Watch what you say! God will strike you down!" Later on in the round the friend misses another short putt, once again exclaiming "Oh shit! I missed again." The priest says back "I warned you before! If you s...

A doctor, a philanthropist, and an engineer are playing a round of golf behind a group of blind golfers.

As they wait for the impaired golfers to painstakingly finish the next hole, the doctor says "What a motivating sight. I'm inspired to start a clinic for visually impaired people in order that they might better pursue their dreams."
The philanthropist nods in agreement and says "That's a worthy...

Father John's Worst Round of Golf

Father John woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So ... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room,...

A husband and wife are playing a round of golf..

On the 18th hole the husband slices his ball to the right and lands in front of a barn. The husband asks his wife to open up the barn door so he could hit it through the barn and onto the green. The husband then shanks his shot, which hits his wife in the head and immeidately kills her.

5 y...

A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.

When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.

The farmer is furious and screams: "Goddammit I missed".

The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will p...

Jesus and Moses and another guy go for a round of golf

So they all line up and Moses hits the ball first. It flies up and lands straight in the pond. Moses then walks to the pond and splits the water in half, chips his ball onto the green and pots it in for par.
Jesus then steps up, again hits it into the pond. He walks on the pond finds the ball chi...

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A guy is going home after a round of golf.

He's a bit late and is met at the door by his wife.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" she screams.

"Well, I was out playing golf and I met up with Fred from the office. We decided to finish the game together, but wouldn't you know, he has a heart attack on the 10th hole!"

"That m...

A man was playing a round of golf.

When he came to his favorite par 3, he hit the most glorious shot, and it rolled right in, getting a hole in one. When he picked up the ball, a genie appeared.

"Behold, I am the magic hole in one genie! I will grant you one wish. "
" Wow, well can you make my Johnson longer?"
"Your wis...

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Two guys were having a round of golf

On the 13th hole the jack sliced the ball off into the brush way off to the left.
Jimmy was laughing as he placed his ball for his swing and did the same thing way off to the right.

They tell each other how much they suck and move on to find there balls.
Jack was first to find his in a ...

Jesus and Saint Peter are playing a round of golf...

They approach a par four that bends left around a small pond then straight to the green. Saint Peter decides to play it safe and hit to the turn then layup to the green.
Jesus then tees up and looks left over the pond toward the green.
JC:"What do you think Peter? Think I can make it to the...

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Dave and John are playing a round of golf...

Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."

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Let's go to Hooters!

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At **age 32** they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where do you wanna go?"
...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer play golf.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are out playing a round of golf. Partway through their game, they realize that the group in front is taking forever to move through the course. Frustrated, they ask the groundskeeper what's going on. The groundskeeper, visibly emotional, says:

"Well, I'm af...

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An American businessman goes to Japan for the meeting of his career.

He arrives a day early to prepare for the meeting, he tries some sushi and sake at a local restaurant. Feeling tempted to try more "local cuisine" he hires an escort for the evening. Night falls and he takes his escort up to his hotel room for some fun, he gives her all he's got and he knows she's l...

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Another Dad joke

Four old guys are playing their almost daily round of golf one day. They get to the teebox on a par 3 which is within sight of a nearby road. The first three guys hit their shots and miss the green. The last old guy tees up his ball. Just then, a funeral procession drives by in the distance. The old...

An HR manager dies...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seem...

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The hitman on the golf course (Slightly NSFW)

Three friends (whom we'll call Bill, Fred and Joe) are playing a round of golf when a stranger walks up to them and asks if he can join them.

They agree and discover that the man is a friendly type and they all get chatting. Eventually they all get talking about their jobs and the man reveals...

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[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip

The night before he meets a very important executive he's extremely nervous. So he hires a prostitute to help him relieve some stress. As they're having sex in his room, she moving around a lot and keeps yelling "machigata ana!" The man doesn't know what this means, but he figures that she's enjoyin...

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God and Jesus go golfing

God and Jesus go out to play a round of golf. Their first hole is a par 3 and Jesus tees off first. He hits a great shot and the ball lands just a few feet shy of the hole. God goes next and hits a shot that goes 15 feet. All of a sudden a squirrel runs out and grabs the ball and starts running away...

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Doctor Visit

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a diffi...

A man takes the day off to play golf

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears,

'Ribbit, 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove t...

Walter and Agnes have been married for 50 years.

They’ve had a beautiful life together, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become more forgetful. Walter even went to play a round of golf the other day and forgot his clubs!

Agnes decided it was time to go to the doctor and see if anything could be done about their memory problems. The doct...

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Golf joke

Golfer decides to have a drink after a solo round of golf and heads in to the clubhouse.

Golfer [panting]: “I'm spent. I just played 18 holes.”

Gay bartender: “Amateur.”

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A golfer and a priest

A golfer and a priest go out for a round of golf. On the first hole the golfer hits it into the sand and says, "Crap I missed!!"
The Priest says, "dont say that or God will punish you."
The golfer thinks nothing of it and moves on. They come to the next hole and the golfer sinks his shot into...

While walking down the street a politician was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem. Just let me in," says ...

"Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine...

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Trump goes to Japan...

One day Donald Trump goes to Japan for a diplomatic meeting. On the night of his arrival, he decides to hire a young Japanese prostitute and take her back to his hotel. The girl does not speak any English, but that doesn't stop things from getting hot 'n heavy in the Presidential Suite. Their pas...

“Get me a beer before it starts.”

A man comes home after a terrible round of golf, his worst ever. He plops down on the couch in front of the television and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She l...

Two old men playing golf

Two old men are out on the golf course one morning playing their usual round of golf when a funeral procession comes down the street next to the green on which they are putting. One of the old men notices the procession and immediately stops in the middle of his putt. He calmly steps away from his b...

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Four friends meet for their morning tee time,

they step onto the first tee box and rip their drives down the middle. As they are walking towards their balls the 1st Golfer says, "You guys don't realize how much this round of golf is costing me! I've had to let my mother-in-law stay over for a month!"
The 2nd Golfer says, "I've had to buy my...

A man in is a golf course locker room when...

He hears a cell phone ringing and picks it up

"Hi Honey how was golfing?"

"Good. How is your day going?"

"Good. I was wondering if I could buy this necklace for $250 is that okay?"

"Of course! Put it on my card."

"Since you're in such a good mood, can we get the ne...

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What's a Freudian slip?

Two old men are playing a round of golf. One says, "in my old age, I find myself making more Freudian slips." The other says "what's a Freudian slip"?

The first man says, "is when you intend to say one thing, but actually say what you were really thinking. Like the other day, I had a new secr...

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An american man goes on a business trip to Japan...

He is really stressed out, so his Japanese business partner offers to hook him up with one of his favorite prostitutes. He agrees but is a little embarrassed. So, she meets him in his darkened hotel room. They get down to the dirty and she is incredible. She starts screaming "bushada!!, bushada!...

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Golfing buddies

After a big reception at the Vatican, the Pope invites Dave to a round of golf and Dave agrees. On the first hole, Dave misses a relatively easy putt and exclaims "Fuck! I missed!" The Pope tells him to please watch his language and they continue playing.

A few holes later, Dave misses anothe...

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

A minister awakens to a beautiful Sunday morning

He looks outside and sees not a single cloud in the sky. The temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. He says to himself, "THIS is the perfect day". He pauses for a moment and considers calling in sick to his church, skipping his worship services, and driving several towns over to play a round of golf o...

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A man is rushed into the ER with a golf club wrapped around his neck

He has also been beaten horribly about the head and face. The ER doctor says, "My God man! What happened to you?" Through broken teeth the patient tells his story. "My wife and I and another couple went out for a round of golf. We went to that new course by the dairy farm out on highway 12. Well, we...

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Superstitious Golfer

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactl...

The most popular man in the world

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone ha...

Arthur is 90 years old, and played golf every day since he went into retirement....

So one day Arthur, who is 90 years old, comes home to his 93 year old wife exasperated. "That was the last straw" he says, "I'm stopping with golf because my eyesight is so bad that whenever I hit the ball I have no idea where it lands, and I lose it!".

His wife makes him a cup of coffee. Whi...

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Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

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An American went on a business trip to Japan.

An American went on a business trip to Japan. He arrives with a few free days to spare and so decides to go out for a few drinks. While out he meets a local and although they do not speak the same language they both feel an instant connection and head home to spend the night together. As soon as ...

Men and women have two distinct views about weddings.

The husband-to-be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar.
The wife-to-be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. In her mind ...

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Two men golfing...

Two older male best friends are going golfing and get stuck behind two women playing slower. They start to get frustrated and think about what to do.

The first friend tells the other to go and ask if they can play through, and so the second man heads down the fairway.

He gets halfway t...

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Every Saturday Leon played golf with his best friend Charlie.

It didn't matter if it was sunny, raining, or hailing they played golf like clockwork. When he got home his wife would ask how his day went, and he would say:

"It was wonderful, because I got to play golf."

After 30 years of this Charlie, unfortunately, died. The next Saturday Leon kep...

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A nun goes golfing...

*[I was playing a round of golf the other day with a fellow who asked me if I knew any golf jokes. When I replied that I did not, he said you should always have a golf joke or two in your repertoire. I asked him for a joke then, and he told me this one. I now have one in my repertoire, and so wil...

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The ambidextreous Golfer

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I...

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A man out golfing meets a leprechaun [Long]

One Saturday afternoon in Ireland, a man is playing a round of golf on his local public course. As he approaches the eighth hole, he hits the ball and slices it pretty hard to the right. Grumbling, he walks out, deep past the weeds and into the tall grass of the surrounding forest, where he stumbles...

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Lady Golfer NSFW

Jerry asks the clubhouse barman if there is anyone available to join him for a round of golf. The barman says "Only that lady over there, Susan" Jerry is a little reluctant to play with a woman but the barman assures him that she's quite good in fact she plays off the same 9 handicap as him. They pl...

The most cruel punishment

A rabbi is out of town on Yom Kippur. Since nobody knows who he is, he decides to play a round of golf. Up in heaven, God sees him and decides to punish the rabbi for his transgression. However, before God does anything, Moses stops him and says, "Let me take care of this.'' God thinks about it for ...

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So a husband and wife of 12 years goes golfing...

and the man shanks his shot on the 7th hole and it goes behind a barn.

"Damn, now I have to hit around" he said.

His wife says, "No, you can shoot it right through, see?" and she opens the barn door and sure enough there's a perfect line to the green.

He hit the shot, it hits th...

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A golfer goes out for a beer...

After a round of golf, a golfer loads his trunk up with his clubs but puts his extra tees and balls in his pockets. He goes into the clubhouse for a beer.

He sits down next to a blond woman at the bar. She sees the bulging pants of the golfer and barely stops herself from gasping. She cannot ...

Engineering teacher gave us this one.

So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow foursome. They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead.

He explains that the group ahead is made up of four fir...

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A CEO has a business meeting in Japan

He flies in the day before and is going to stay at a hotel when he decides to spice things up and hires a prostitute. That night, in the room, they are fucking when she starts screaming "anachigai, anachigai" which he assumes is just encouragement of some kind as he doesn't speak Japanese. The prost...

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Ni Ka Sai!

An Important rep goes to Japan to meet potential customers.

he takes them out to a local golf course for a round of golf.

when they start off on the first hole, our Rep makes a huge miss and ends up on the 18th hole green. not only that its a Hole in one!

all the japanese custom...

Golf is a dangerous sport

My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she’d been injured. She told me she’d be hit between the first and second holes.

To which I replied: “That doesn’t leave much room for a bandaid!”

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An American businessman..

..was playing a round of golf with an Italian businessman, a French businessman, and a Japanese businessman. His plan was to congratulate them on every shot they made.

The Italian businessman went first and got within 20 yards of the hole.
The American, knowing some Italian, said, "buono t...

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the golf course frog

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

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A business man goes to Japan...

To meet some potential clients and play a round of golf with them. The night before his meeting the man decides to pick up a Japanese hooker. He brings her back to his hotel and they start going at it. While they were doing their thing the hooker, being able to speak only Japanese, starts moaning, "...

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A man is getting married in a week.

He decides he wants to have his stag party while playing a round of golf. After a couple of holes, the man gets his in the genitalia by a rogue golf ball. Wanting to make sure everything is OK, he goes to a doctor. He asks the doctor, "I'm getting married in a week and my fiance is a virgin. Wil...

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Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf...

Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing a round of golf and the score was dead even between the three players.

First up to try and break the tie was Jesus.

He wound up and followed through. The ball took a wicked dog leg to the right and fell into the water. Jesus walked over the wat...

Tally-whacker

Bill Clinton after playing a round of golf with Supporters, notices
Donald trump standing in an adjacent urinal.

Suddenly Bill looks down and notices that Donald was quite well endowed.

"Damn, Donald," Bill said, "How did that thing ever get so big?"

"It's like this, Eve...

Deadly eight iron.

Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the l...

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A man gets a hole in one...

A man was playing a round of golf when he hits a hole in one on a par 3. A genie appears from the hole and says "I am the hole-in-one genie, you have one wish, what would you like?" The man thinks for a little bit and responds "I would like a big dick." "Granted" responds the genie. The man continue...

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Man goes on a work trip to Japan.

A man travels to Japan for work. After a few weeks he gets lonely and hires a prostitute. They get down to business, but right away she starts yelling "machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

Not speaking a word of Japanese he thinks she must be really enjoying it. He finishes up and she collects h...

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We're doing married golfer jokes now?

One day a man and his wife are golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, doglegs right around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it wi...

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A Scot and a priest playing golf (Long)

A Scot and a priest are playing a round of golf. The Scotsman narrowly misses his shot to take the lead.
"God dammit, Missed the wee bugger!"
The priest turns to the Scotsman shocked and says "You'd better not use the lords name in vain or else he will strike you down where you stand"
A ...

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