North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media…

But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!

Everyone keeps making fun of me because I don’t know what the word “apocalypse” means

Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend doesn’t think I can break the masturbating world record

I think I could pull it off

There are 3 types of people in this world

Those who understand quantum computing

Those who do not understand quantum computing

And those who both simultaneously do and do not understand quantum computing

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their locat...

A surgeon, an engineer, and a politician are debating over whose profession was the first established on the Earth.

A surgeon, an engineer, and a politician are debating over whose profession was the first established on the Earth.

"According to the Bible," says the surgeon, "God took a rib from Adam to make Eve. That's a surgeon's job, so we were first."

"But before that, the Bible says God create...

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into...

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant. “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly.” Replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records

Until I got kicked out of the library.

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.

All they have to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around them

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

I hate these double standards. When a singer says “touch my body” it’s okay...

...but when I say it I’m “Not allowed back in Disney World”

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Japan has one of the lowest obesity rates in the world?

Because the last time there was a Fat Man in their country, it didn't end well

A man walks into a bar and notices a sign advertising "World famous punch!"

The man thinks, "Awesome! I love punch!"

He approaches the bartender and asks, "Hey barkeep, saw your sign. I'd love some punch!"

The bartender replies, "Sure thing buddy, you just have to wait in the line."

The man looks around and doesn't see anything.

Why are there more slugs in the world than snails?

Because slugs don't wear protection.

Can you imagine a world without women?

It would be a big pain in the ass.

There are many invention in this world, but the shovel is absolutely...

Groundbreaking

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible,

It’s terrible.

We have 10 types of people in this world

-those who know binary numbers
-those who don't know binary numbers

The three things I hate the most in this world...

...are racists, Chinese people, and contradictions.

Why is Ireland the biggest country in the world?

Because it keeps Dublin (courtesy of my dad).

I feel like Reddit is gonna destroy the world.

Karmageddon is approaching.

Why do Americans still think they are in “The Greatest country in the world”?

When your citizens are 37th in the world in education, you can pretty much tell them anything.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was...

There are only three types of people in this world.

Man, Woman and Morgan Freeman

A Miami man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Miami.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then go...

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

I've just got back from competing in the World Erection Championships! I did alright.....

.....I made it through to the semis.

What do you get when you break the world record for “not moving for the longest amount of time”?

A certificate and atrophy.

What is the worlds bounciest city

Springfield

What's the world fastest fruit?

A tomato, nothing else can ketchup :)

What's the most expensive food in the world?

Wedding cake.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7
seconds.

World's Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, "Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?"

The local replies *"No Sir, I have not."*

The man explains how he had "Won the title of the World's Most Gulli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never thought I'd be in the competitive world of long-distance ejaculation

And now look how far I've come.

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during World War II

He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe had.

Never thought Netflix would produce an award-winning series watched by tens of millions around the world. But hey...

Stranger Things have happened.

A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting "the end of the world is nigh!"

I think it was Farmer Geddon.

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the world's sexiest test tube baby?

Danny DeVitro

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who can understand binary

Those who can understand math jokes

Those who judge a joke by its title

Those who can recognize original content

Those who can tolerate repition

Those who can leave a better joke in the comments

Those who read all the way to t...

*Me after travelling 6 out of the 7 continents of the world*

\*Points to the last remaining continent on the globe\*
"Europe next."

Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he’ll rob the world.

The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is appro...

There’s a small community trying to save our world and reduce global warming

Anti-vaxxers

The worst drug in the world

is the one people use incorrectly as past tense form of the verb to drag.

I’m going for the Guinness world record for wasting other people’s time.

Thanks for helping.

A world tongue twister champion just got arrested

I heard they are going to give him a tough sentence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you want to stay strong and it's dark, and you feel blood rushing to your head, and it's getting really hot, and it feels like the world is closing in around you, just remember...

... You're a Penis and this is normal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young sailor about to on his first ever around the world cruise" visits his grandfather, a retired Admiral.

"Gramps, I'm so excited to go on my first cruise," he says.



"Well, son, let me see your pack so I can make sure you're taking everything you need," says the grandfather.



The sailor goes and grabs his suitcase. He opens it for his grandfather to inspect, only to get smac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 little people were gathered around a Guinness World Record book, and they all wanted in.

The first looked at his hands and said "I have small hands! I bet I can get in with these guys!"

The second looked at her feet saying "hey, I have small feet! I bet I can get in for the smallest feet!"

The third looked at (you probably guessed it) his penis, saying "okay... I'm a shoe-...

[Long] Rabbi Goldman, World Traveller, comes to a lovely island in the South Pacific.

It's a beautiful place, lush and vibrant, and it's home to a tribe called the Trids. Goldman makes a good impression on them, and they're a very welcoming people already, so it' s not long before they're having a nice cookout to welcome him.

While they're eating, Rabbi Goldman looks inland, a...

Why would the world have been a better place if Adam And Eve had been Chinese?

Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

If the world were a cube

We'd all be Cubans!

Congrats to Rose Lavelle of Women’s National Soccer team for winning the Bronze Ball, awarded for being the 3rd best player at the World Cup!

Also, huge congrats to the entire Men’s National Soccer team for coming so close but not finishing, winning the Blue Ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old Italian men are sitting on a bench arguing about who is the most desirable woman in the world.

The first says, “For me, it must be the greatest Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Every man who ever saw her movies fantasized about her.”

The second man replies, “That’s what I used to think, but now it must be this woman from the United States, Virginia Pipalini.”

“Who is that!? I’ve n...

I'm sick of all these World War II jokes on here!

Anne Frankly, they're terrible!

The English Women's world cup team visited an orphanage. "They looked helpless. They had a lack of hope in their eyes...."

said Aurora , age 3.

How do you get America to enter a World War?

Tell them it's almost over

I saw an obituary for the owner of the world's biggest stone quarry...

"He left a deep hole."

I have this instinct to murder the most beautiful person in the world and I want to give into it.

But I also don’t want to commit suicide.

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences...

"In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There were a few gasps from the parishioners and several of the children began to giggle.

"I loo...

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.





*They're afraid of change - even if it is to make the world a brighter place.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Viagra and Disney world have in common?

You have to wait an hour for a 3 minute ride.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.