One afternoon, A Viking called Rudolph was looking out his window when he suddenly said , “ It’s going to rain in seven minutes.” His wife asked, “How do you know?”

His response:” Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

We all know why six was afraid of seven. Why was ten afraid?

He was in the middle of 9/11.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

Why is six not scared of thirty-five?

because Five-sevens aren’t six-shooters.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words.

He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

SEVEN times!?

Barry came back from his honeymoon and was talking to his mates. "Well Barry, how many times did you do it on your wedding night mate?" Barry thinks for a minute and says, "Seven times".

"SEVEN times Barry?! You're a legend! How did you manage that?"

Barry says, "It was easy. In, ...

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bus trip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples.

When Sarah asked why he said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

A Polish joke translated to english

Two guys were living in the same apartment building in identical flats. The first guy visits the second one and sees that he just painted his flat and it looks great.
"This looks amazing" the first guy says and asks how many cans of paint he bought. The second guy says he bought seven.
The nex...

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine?

Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day.

I’ve never been able to count any higher than seven in French...

It turns out I’ve got a huit allergy

They say one out of every seven friends has a gambling addiction.

My money is on Jimmy.

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven men and one woman survived a plane crash...

The plane crashed in the middle of the pacific but they managed to swim to safety on a deserted island.
They explored the island for a bit and found fresh water and plenty of food sources, so they decided to make the best of it and just settle there until they were rescued.

A few mon...

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

SCHOOL JOKES,Teacher and student

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differentl...

My son: What's a seven letter word for ending yourself?

Me: Suicide.

My son: No. Suicide's never the answer.

What pickup line do the seven dwarves use?

Hi Hoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if the seven dwarfs all get boners?

7Up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the Seven Dwarfs say when they meet a pair of prostitutes?

Hi Ho, Hi Ho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

I don't know about you man, but that movie was the shit...scared the bajeezus outta me too

The number seven went camping one day.

He packed his things and he was sept for life.

whats the best part about sleeping with twenty-seven year olds?

There are twenty of them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man and his wife are in bed. After lying silently for a few minutes, the old man farts and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the heck are you talking about?”



The old man answers, “I’m playing fart football!”



A few minutes later the wife farts and says, “Touchdown! Tie score.”



After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican

While six stayed back a few yards Doc went up and knocked on the front door.

"Your Excellency," he said. "I wonder if you could tell me if there are any 3 ft tall nuns in Rome?"

"No, my son, there aren't," the Pope replied.

So Doc went back and told the others. Pretty soon Ba...

What is pink and has seven small dents in it?

Snow White’s hymen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six just hasn't been the same since he returned from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces...

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you get seven sexy clowns to stop watching TV at your house?

Respond quickly please. My parents will be home any minute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to go to the same doctor SEVEN times to get my penis reattached

Every time I saw him I yelled, "Remember me!"

What's an Irish seven course meal?

A six pack and a potato.

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not having sex for the next seven days.

Period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While on holiday, the Seven Dwarfs visit the local convent to buy some souvenirs...

They meet up with the Mother Superior and Dopey stops to talk to her.

“Excuse me, your holy one, do you have any short nuns here?” Mother Superior is quite puzzled by the question but replies,

“Not very short, some around 5 foot.”

“Are you sure there aren’t any nuns about 3 fo...

Why was the six afraid of the seven?

Approximately 0.3583.

Or cos(789)

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

Only SEVEN people die as temperatures as low as -42F wreak havoc across the American Midwest.

Apparently guns don't work in those temperatures.

One large woodland creature that can’t feel pain, four large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, three large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, seven large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain.

I know there is a joke here somewhere, but it seems like just a bunch of random numb bears to me.

What's red and has seven dents in it?

Snow White's cherry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my brother masturbating in his room when I was seven

I asked him what he’s doing. He didn’t want mum to know about this and told me he’s practising Chinese kungfu. I shall never forget the day when I volunteered to demonstrate Chinese kungfu in front of everyone in class.

I've already heard like seven cancer jokes today...

If I hear tumor, it's gonna benign.

Seven piano keys walked into a bar.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we cannot serve alcohol to A Minor."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

"What's your name," asked the teacher. "Mohammad," he replied. "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.” Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad," his mother asked? "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a Mother Superior was attending to some matters just outside the main doors of her convent. She noticed that the Seven Dwarves had huddled some distance from her...

... and, as they argued amongst themselves, they kept throwing looks her way. After some time, one of them separated from the group to approach her. It was Doc.

“Good morning, Mother Sister. I mean Mother Superior. Really sorry to bother you, but could you help us settle an argument?”

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Snow White, while living among the dwarves, had come to puberty. This did not go unnoticed by the dwarves. Being the little perverts they are, they decided to climb on each other's shoulders outside her window to peep on her changing. The one on top would then whisper the one below what he sees, who...

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men.

There is a three year waiting list.

Why can't the seven dwarfs walk into a bar?

Because the bar is raised to high.

I wonder why whoever invented the week decided to make it seven days long

It's such an odd number

Tool number seven

\- Quick! I need tool number seven, I've only got a minute to fix this!
\- Here, take it.
After a minute of trying
\- What the hell? This is the wrong number!
\- Sorry, tool eight.

Seven days on honeymoon

Makes one hole weak.

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools?

Cause he was tool eight.

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father...

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby...

Seven construction men are all workings​ at the roadside...

That's the joke...

A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?

Schizophrenia.

Why did House Stark shut down the northernmost cereal factory in the Seven Kingdoms?

Cuz they were bad at Raisin’ Bran

A forty-seven year old woman see an ad for face cream that makes you instantly look ten years younger.

So she buys the cream, uses it and want to test it and see if people think she is her age or not. So she goes out and get food at McDonald's and says to the young cashier.

"Excuse me sir, how old do you think I am?"

Surprised by the abrupt question the young man smiles and thinks then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A seven-year-old tells his four-year-old brother that they should start swearing.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The four-year-old happily agrees.

At breakfast, the seven-year-old says, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some toast."

The surprised mother quickly smacks him. The boy runs upstairs crying. The mother turns to the y...

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.

The man thinks "hmm...

A seven-year old boy challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.


The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt...

Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...

Is happy?

If you commit one of the seven deadly sins you should be punished.

If you commit all of them you should be a politician.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar one morning and orders seven shots of whiskey

“What are you celebrating?” The bartender asks
“ my first blowjob” the man replies
“Well, that is a cause for celebration. How about a shot of the good stuff on the house?”
“No thanks. If these seven doesn’t wash the taste away, nothing will”

My girlfriend told me she'd slept with seven people before we met.

I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Seven Dwarfs are in The Vatican

The Seven Dwarfs, of Snow White fame, are in Vatican City, where they've managed to get an audience with the pope. Dopey asks the pope, "Papa, are there any dwarf nuns here in the Vatican?" The old man ponders this unusual question for a moment, and responds no, there are no dwarf nuns here in the V...

Seven years of medical training wasted!

After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion.

He slept with a client and can now no longer work in the profession.What a waste.

He'd a genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.

How do you make seven pounds of fat look attractive?

Put a nipple in the middle of it

If Bill Cosby was one of the seven dwarfs which one would he be?

Dopey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have seven chocolate bars, and my friend takes two. What does he have?

A fucking death wish.

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven times a day and still had a beard at the end of the day

He was a Barber.

I had an Irish seven-course meal for St. Patrick’s Day

A six-pack of beer and a potato.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

&nbsp;

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

The Seven Dwarves are in bed feeling Happy

Happy got out, so they started feeling Grumpy

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.